# Random, hilarious lines from anything… **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [October 3, 2012, 3:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/random-hilarious-lines-from-anything/636547 "2012-10-03T03:11:22Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![standingwave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9de0a6/32.png) [@standingwave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/standingwave)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2012, 1:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/random-hilarious-lines-from-anything/636547/41 "2012-10-05T01:14:03Z")
My mom thinks LOL means lots of love so she texts me, “Your grandma died LOL.” ---
**Author:** ![that\_darn\_cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/59ef9b/32.png) [@that\_darn\_cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/that_darn_cat)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2012, 1:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/random-hilarious-lines-from-anything/636547/42 "2012-10-05T01:17:14Z")
> [@Sitnam](#): > > This quote has been cited many times in ‘funny lines’ threads. Since I’ve never seen WKRP in Cincinnati why is this funny? Youtube video [here.](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lf3mgmEdfwg&feature=related) From WKRP in Cincinnati. ---
**Author:** ![standingwave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9de0a6/32.png) [@standingwave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/standingwave)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2012, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/random-hilarious-lines-from-anything/636547/43 "2012-10-05T01:21:26Z")
Several from Red Foreman… \*When used separately, women and alcohol can be a lot of fun. But if you mix 'em, they can turn you into a dumbass. I can’t afford to feed your friends. I can’t afford to feed you, but the law requires me to. If I were a bird, I’d fly into a ceiling fan. I’m not loving anyone I don’t legally have to. Sorry Kitty, yelling’s the only part of being a father I enjoy. \* ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2012, 1:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/random-hilarious-lines-from-anything/636547/44 "2012-10-05T13:41:53Z")
> [@that\_darn\_cat](#): > > Youtube video [here.](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lf3mgmEdfwg&feature=related) From WKRP in Cincinnati. Never gets old. Thanks for linking to that! ---
**Author:** ![Sparky812](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eb9ed0/32.png) [@Sparky812](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sparky812)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2012, 2:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/random-hilarious-lines-from-anything/636547/45 "2012-10-05T14:01:50Z")
> [@that\_darn\_cat](#): > > Youtube video [here.](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lf3mgmEdfwg&feature=related) From WKRP in Cincinnati. > [@IvoryTowerDenizen](#): > > Never gets old. Thanks for linking to that! “Oh my goodness! Oh the humanity!” “The turkeys are hitting the ground like sacks of wet cement!” Hilarious! I loved that show! **Shooter McGavin** : You’re in big trouble though, pal. I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast! **Happy Gilmore:** You eat pieces of shit for breakfast? **Shooter McGavin** : …no! I am serious, and don’t call me Shirley! ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2012, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/random-hilarious-lines-from-anything/636547/46 "2012-10-05T14:58:45Z")
“I’ve been…marked down? _I’ve been kidnapped by K-mart!_” - _Ruthless People_ ---
**Author:** ![BubbaDog](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bubbadog/32/333_2.png) [@BubbaDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BubbaDog)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2012, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/random-hilarious-lines-from-anything/636547/47 "2012-10-05T15:32:00Z")
Now I don’t know how many of them it would have taken to whip my ass… but I knew how many they were going to use. That’s a handy little piece of information to have right there. ---
**Author:** ![corkboard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e9bcb4/32.png) [@corkboard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/corkboard)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2012, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/random-hilarious-lines-from-anything/636547/48 "2012-10-05T16:03:49Z")
And you want to be my latex salesman. ---
**Author:** ![DMark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@DMark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DMark)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2012, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/random-hilarious-lines-from-anything/636547/49 "2012-10-05T16:06:09Z")
Politically incorrect, tacky, tasteless comment on a recent Fashion Police episode from Joan Rivers (but I laughed anyway): “That dress had more yellow than a Chinese foreskin.” ---
**Author:** ![Small\_Clanger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9fc348/32.png) [@Small\_Clanger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Small_Clanger)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2012, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/random-hilarious-lines-from-anything/636547/50 "2012-10-05T16:16:01Z")
\*\*Bilbo Bagshot: \*\*What about the Ewoks? They were _rubbish!_ You don’t complain aboout them. **Tim Bisley:** But Jar Jar Binks makes the Ewoks look like fucking - _Shaft!_ This will probably make _no sense at all_ out of context, but all Brits will know it: **U-boat Captain:** Your name vill also go on ze list! Vot is it? **Captain Mainwaring:** Don’t tell him, Pike! ---
**Author:** ![Maggie\_the\_Ocelot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df705f/32.png) [@Maggie\_the\_Ocelot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maggie_the_Ocelot)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2012, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/random-hilarious-lines-from-anything/636547/51 "2012-10-05T16:58:27Z")
“I’ve searched for the phrase “I shall walk the Earth and my hunger shall know no bounds”, but I keep getting redirected to Weight Watchers.” ---
**Author:** ![cmyk](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmyk/32/3353_2.png) [@cmyk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmyk)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2012, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/random-hilarious-lines-from-anything/636547/52 "2012-10-05T21:44:37Z")
Thanks for the laughs all. The WKRP one is a true classic, never fails to make me giggle with morbid glee. I had thought of one an hour ago, meant to post it, but now it’s gone! ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2012, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/random-hilarious-lines-from-anything/636547/53 "2012-10-05T21:54:19Z")
“Who makes these things, anyway?!” - Rikku in _Final Fantasy X_, facing some bizarre construct creature “Where’s the early bird when you need him, eh?” - Wakka in _Final Fantasy X_, when facing a giant sandworm Batman to Wonder Woman: “You’re a princess from an island of immortal warriors and I’m a rich kid with issues.” \ “_Lots_ of issues.” Klaw: “Why do you talk like that? Are you being recorded?” Doctor Doom: “But of course! Every utterance of Doom must be recorded for posterity!” ---
**Author:** ![A\_Dodgy\_Dude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a87d85/32.png) [@A\_Dodgy\_Dude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/A_Dodgy_Dude)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2012, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/random-hilarious-lines-from-anything/636547/54 "2012-10-05T22:01:06Z")
“As God is my witness: I thought turkeys could fly.” \* -I assume siting the source is unnecessary.\* ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2012, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/random-hilarious-lines-from-anything/636547/55 "2012-10-05T22:02:50Z")
I barely breathed through Bull Durham in the theaters I was laughing so hard. Here’s on eof my favorite scenes: Larry: [Larry jogs out to the mound to break up a players’ conference] Excuse me, but what the hell’s going on out here? Crash Davis: Well, Nuke’s scared because his eyelids are jammed and his old man’s here. We need a live… is it a live rooster? [Jose nods] Crash Davis: . We need a live rooster to take the curse off Jose’s glove and nobody seems to know what to get Millie or Jimmy for their wedding present. [to the players] Crash Davis: Is that about right? [the players nod] Crash Davis: We’re dealing with a lot of shit. Larry: Okay, well, uh… candlesticks always make a nice gift, and uh, maybe you could find out where she’s registered and maybe a place-setting or maybe a silverware pattern. Okay, let’s get two! Go get 'em. ---
**Author:** ![cmyk](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmyk/32/3353_2.png) [@cmyk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmyk)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2012, 10:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/random-hilarious-lines-from-anything/636547/56 "2012-10-05T22:40:17Z")
> [@A\_Dodgy\_Dude](#): > > “As God is my witness: I thought turkeys could fly.” > \* > -I assume siting the source is unnecessary.\* You’ve already been scooped! 😉 ---
**Author:** ![JoseArcadio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9fc348/32.png) [@JoseArcadio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JoseArcadio)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2012, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/random-hilarious-lines-from-anything/636547/57 "2012-10-05T22:41:49Z")
I have an awful, childish sense of humour and I’m sorry. _Life of Brian_ Mandy: Your father was a Roman. Brian: You mean - you were raped? Mandy: Well… at first, yes. (it’s all in the delivery) ---
**Author:** ![cmyk](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmyk/32/3353_2.png) [@cmyk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmyk)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2012, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/random-hilarious-lines-from-anything/636547/58 "2012-10-05T22:49:41Z")
"I haven’t been myself lately, but I _love_ you. Nothing about that has changed, nothing ever will. So _right now_… What I _need_… Is for you to… _Climb down out of my ass._ … Can you do that? Will you do that for me, Honey? Will you please—just once—_get off my ass!_ Y’know… I’d appreciate that. I really would. [tense smile]" [-Walter White, Breaking Bad](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hsg90D-522o) (:50 in, the funny doesn’t really come through in words) ---
**Author:** ![Icarus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/icarus/32/72_2.png) [@Icarus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Icarus)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2012, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/random-hilarious-lines-from-anything/636547/59 "2012-10-05T23:13:31Z")
[Son, you got a panty on your head.](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CxpyZtzvTJ0) ---
**Author:** ![jackdavinci](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackdavinci/32/3259_2.png) [@jackdavinci](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jackdavinci)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2012, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/random-hilarious-lines-from-anything/636547/60 "2012-10-05T23:15:16Z")
Buffybot: “‘If we want her to be exactly, she’ll never be exactly I know the only really real Buffy is really Buffy and she’s gone’ who?” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/random-hilarious-lines-from-anything/636547.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/random-hilarious-lines-from-anything/636547.md?page=4)