# Random, hilarious lines from anything… **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [October 3, 2012, 3:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/random-hilarious-lines-from-anything/636547 "2012-10-03T03:11:22Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2012, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/random-hilarious-lines-from-anything/636547/61 "2012-10-05T23:21:53Z")
“Somewhere, there is a VolksWagen with missing seatcovers.” ---
**Author:** ![Peanuthead](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/peanuthead/32/360_2.png) [@Peanuthead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peanuthead)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2012, 3:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/random-hilarious-lines-from-anything/636547/62 "2012-10-06T03:50:40Z")
From My Name Is Earl. Joy to Earl: “I’m the queen bee. You’re just a worker. You gotta feed me do me and die.” ---
**Author:** ![BrassyPhrase](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ea666f/32.png) [@BrassyPhrase](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrassyPhrase)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2012, 6:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/random-hilarious-lines-from-anything/636547/63 "2012-10-06T06:18:31Z")
> [@kenobi\_65](#): > > John: “Mother! He has a knife!” > > Eleanor: “Of course Richard has a knife! He always has a knife! We all have knives! It’s 1183, and we’re barbarians!” > > (_The Lion in Winter_) “What shall we hang? The holly? Or each other?” --Henry II ---
**Author:** ![ThisSpaceForRent](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thisspaceforrent/32/345_2.png) [@ThisSpaceForRent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThisSpaceForRent)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2012, 6:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/random-hilarious-lines-from-anything/636547/64 "2012-10-06T06:41:18Z")
I’ve got a Monkey on my foot! ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2012, 7:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/random-hilarious-lines-from-anything/636547/65 "2012-10-06T07:12:05Z")
“Puny god.” Brought the house down where I was, for sure. ---
**Author:** ![cmyk](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmyk/32/3353_2.png) [@cmyk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmyk)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2012, 10:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/random-hilarious-lines-from-anything/636547/66 "2012-10-06T10:58:45Z")
“Squirrel!” -Up ---
**Author:** ![skdo23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@skdo23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/skdo23)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2012, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/random-hilarious-lines-from-anything/636547/67 "2012-11-03T17:53:26Z")
> [@cmyk](#): > > No worries. We’re all old. I’m almost 40. > > Except the younger ones. But who cares about them. What’s really scary is that I remember getting 12 cassettes for only a penny. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2012, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/random-hilarious-lines-from-anything/636547/68 "2012-11-03T20:58:45Z")
[Carol Burnett: I saw it in a window and just couldn’t resist.](http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/a10152ad78/went-with-the-wind-from-the-carol-burnett-show-part-of-2-from-greatest-comedy-sketches) ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2012, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/random-hilarious-lines-from-anything/636547/69 "2012-11-03T21:07:44Z")
Bringing Up Baby: Mrs. Random: But why are you wearing _these_ clothes? David Huxley: Because I just went gay all of a sudden! ---
**Author:** ![Lust4Life](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ecc23a/32.png) [@Lust4Life](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lust4Life)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2012, 10:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/random-hilarious-lines-from-anything/636547/70 "2012-11-03T22:09:55Z")
> [@Small\_Clanger](#): > > \*\*Bilbo Bagshot: \*\*What about the Ewoks? They were _rubbish!_ You don’t complain aboout them. > > **Tim Bisley:** But Jar Jar Binks makes the Ewoks look like fucking - _Shaft!_ > > This will probably make _no sense at all_ out of context, but all Brits will know it: > **U-boat Captain:** Your name vill also go on ze list! Vot is it? > > **Captain Mainwaring:** Don’t tell him, Pike! Classic ! Black Adder 2-Is that a canoe in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me ? ---
**Author:** ![jnglmassiv](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f07891/32.png) [@jnglmassiv](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jnglmassiv)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2012, 4:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/random-hilarious-lines-from-anything/636547/71 "2012-11-04T04:56:07Z")
Simpsons helicopter pilot flying to Nothing could possiblie go wrong…er, _Possibly_ go wrong. That was the first thing to ever go wrong. Lrrr, ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8: Mmm, this jerked chicken is good. I think I’ll have Fry’s lower horn jerked. Bender, off camera: It’s used to it. Woowooo! [Ghostbusters](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9S4cldkdCjE&feature=related) Egon: Everything was fine with our system until the power grid was shut off by DICKLESS here. Peck: They caused an explosion. Mayor: Is this true? Venkman: Yes, it’s true…This man has no dick. _Peck lunges swinging, gets dragged off_ Venkman: Well, that’s what I heard! ---
**Author:** ![davidm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/davidm/32/225_2.png) [@davidm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/davidm)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2012, 6:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/random-hilarious-lines-from-anything/636547/72 "2012-11-04T06:12:11Z")
Vincent: Oh man, I shot Marvin in the face. Jules: Why the fuck did you do that! Vincent: Well, I didn’t mean to do it, it was an accident! Jules: Oh man, I’ve seen some crazy ass shit in my time but this… Vincent: Chill out, man. I told you it was an accident. You probably…you went over a bump or something. Jules: Hey, the car didn’t hit no motherfucking bump. Vincent: Hey, look man, I didn’t…I didn’t mean to shoot the son of a bitch. The gun went off. I don’t know why. Jules: Well look at this fucking mess, man. We’re on a city street in broad daylight here! Vincent: I don’t believe it. Jules: Well believe it now, motherfucker! We gotta get this car off the road! You know cops tend to notice shit like you’re driving a car drenched in fucking blood. Vincent: Just take it to a friendly place, that’s all. Jules: This in the Valley, Vincent. Marsellus ain’t got no friendly places in the Valley. Vincent: Well Jules this ain’t my fucking town, man! Jules: Shit! ---
**Author:** ![davidm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/davidm/32/225_2.png) [@davidm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/davidm)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2012, 6:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/random-hilarious-lines-from-anything/636547/73 "2012-11-04T06:15:09Z")
Jesse Pinkman: You got something for me? Skinny Pete: Yeah, I found ‘em. Jesse Pinkman: Is this a five or an S? Skinny Pete: Five, yo. No wait… S. No, no… yeah, five. Jesse Pinkman: Yeah? Jesus, how the hell do you spell “street” wrong? S-T-R-E-A-T? Skinny Pete: Hey, man, I’m slingin’ mad volume and fat stackin’ benjis, you know what I’m sayin’? I can’t be all about, like, spelling and shit. Jesse Pinkman: Okay. So they got names? Skinny Pete: Hers is like, I dunno, she’s just this woman is all. Him, they call Spooge. Jesse Pinkman: Spooge? Not Mad Dog? Not Diesel? So lemme get this straight, you got jacked by a man named Spooge? ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2012, 6:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/random-hilarious-lines-from-anything/636547/74 "2012-11-04T06:22:21Z")
Character: “Why should we do what _you_ say?” Dragon: “Because I am the dragon and you…are _not_ the dragon. Any questions?” ---
**Author:** ![Bohomite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/aeb1de/32.png) [@Bohomite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bohomite)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2012, 9:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/random-hilarious-lines-from-anything/636547/75 "2012-11-04T09:06:02Z")
From Blackadder Goes Forth Blackadder: ‘The British front is travelling slower than an athsmatic ant with some heavy shopping.’ And, Clanger, also from Dad’s Army: ‘They don’t like it up’ em, you know!’ ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2012, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/random-hilarious-lines-from-anything/636547/76 "2012-11-05T14:35:42Z")
> [@Ethilrist](#): > > Bringing Up Baby: > > Mrs. Random: But why are you wearing _these_ clothes? > David Huxley: Because I just went gay all of a sudden! Actually quite poignant as Huxley was played by Cary Grant. I often wonder what he must have felt saying that on camera. Steve Martin as Freddy Benson, playing Ruprecht the monkey Boy: “This is the happiest day of my life! I think my testicles are dropping!” ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2012, 2:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/random-hilarious-lines-from-anything/636547/77 "2012-11-05T14:59:45Z")
“It was a bloodless coup! They were all smothered with pillows.” - Simpsons “I will not grovel.” “Ah, hell. I haven’t had a good grovel in weeks!” - _Nine Princes in Amber_ ---
**Author:** ![ThelmaLou](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thelmalou/32/390_2.png) [@ThelmaLou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThelmaLou)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2012, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/random-hilarious-lines-from-anything/636547/78 "2012-11-05T15:04:13Z")
From M_A_S_H_ Hawkeye: “An edible complex is when a guy likes his mom’s cooking better than eating out.” ---
**Author:** ![ducati](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/cc9497/32.png) [@ducati](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ducati)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2012, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/random-hilarious-lines-from-anything/636547/79 "2012-11-05T16:21:15Z")
“He’s taking the knife out of the cheese! You think he wants some cheese?” “A real woman could stop you from drinking.” “She’d have to be a real big woman.” “Where’s the rest of this moose?” “I’m going to take a bath.” “I’ll alert the media.” All from “[Arthur](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1334512/)”. A true classic. ---
**Author:** ![phouka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c5a1d2/32.png) [@phouka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phouka)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2012, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/random-hilarious-lines-from-anything/636547/80 "2012-11-05T16:23:56Z")
Tasmanian Devil: “Whyfor you bury me in the cold, cold ground?” _The Lion in Winter_: Geoffrey: “I know. He knows I know. You know he knows I know. I know you know he knows I know. We’re a knowledgeable family.” John: “I could be on fire, and no one would piss on me.” Richard: “Let’s strike a flint and find out.” _A League of Their Own_: “Are you crying? ARE YOU CRYING? THERE’S NO CRYING IN BASEBALL!” _Black Adder_: “Jane Pentalygen? Jane “bury me in a Y shaped coffin” Pentalygen?” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/random-hilarious-lines-from-anything/636547.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/random-hilarious-lines-from-anything/636547.md?page=5)