# Randy Quaid is on the phone. . .
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/randy-quaid-is-on-the-phone/554899
**Category:** Cafe Society
**Created:** [September 24, 2010, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/randy-quaid-is-on-the-phone/554899 "2010-09-24T16:48:36Z")
**Posts on this page:** 17
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)
#### Post date: [September 24, 2010, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/randy-quaid-is-on-the-phone/554899/1 "2010-09-24T16:48:36Z")
So, you are shocked/surprised to find that Randy Quaid is calling you. Turns out he and Evi need a place to crash.
Your reply?
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### Author:  [@descamisado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/descamisado)
#### Post date: [September 24, 2010, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/randy-quaid-is-on-the-phone/554899/2 "2010-09-24T17:01:19Z")
“You guys didn’t hear it from me, but my neighbors down the street just moved.”
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### Author:  [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)
#### Post date: [September 24, 2010, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/randy-quaid-is-on-the-phone/554899/3 "2010-09-24T17:14:36Z")
“Randy, I’d sure like to accommodate you, but I lost most of my money when the worm farm went bust, and the rest went to that preacher who was screwing the hockey player. But once Ruby Sue gets cured off the Wild Turkey and Rusty gets promoted from his job barking for the Yak Woman, we should be able to set up a tent for you in the back yard. You could stay in my RV, but the shitter’s full.”
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### Author:  [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)
#### Post date: [September 24, 2010, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/randy-quaid-is-on-the-phone/554899/4 "2010-09-24T17:44:22Z")
“The Government called just before you did. They say you can’t.”
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### Author:  [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)
#### Post date: [September 24, 2010, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/randy-quaid-is-on-the-phone/554899/5 "2010-09-24T18:09:39Z")
> [@descamisado](#):
>
> “You guys didn’t hear it from me, but my neighbors down the street just moved.”
Ouch. You realize that was all a misunderstanding, right?
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### Author:  [@StusBlues](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StusBlues)
#### Post date: [September 24, 2010, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/randy-quaid-is-on-the-phone/554899/6 "2010-09-24T18:25:00Z")
> [@kayaker](#):
>
> So, you are shocked/surprised to find that Randy Quaid is calling you. Turns out he and Evi need a place to crash.
>
> Your reply?
Glad to have you. Make yourself at home.
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### Author:  [@limegreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/limegreen)
#### Post date: [September 24, 2010, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/randy-quaid-is-on-the-phone/554899/7 "2010-09-24T18:33:40Z")
No extra bedrooms, but the chicken shed up on the hill is currently empty.
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### Author:  [@joebuck20](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joebuck20)
#### Post date: [September 24, 2010, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/randy-quaid-is-on-the-phone/554899/8 "2010-09-24T18:41:42Z")
Wow, If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn’t be more surprised than I am now
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### Author:  [@The\_Scrivener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Scrivener)
#### Post date: [September 24, 2010, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/randy-quaid-is-on-the-phone/554899/9 "2010-09-24T23:26:49Z")
Quickly improvise something not-so-friendly sounding in mock Japanese. Scratch that; he might actually know a few words of Japanese; better make it mock Korean.
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### Author:  [@Apocalypso](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Apocalypso)
#### Post date: [September 25, 2010, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/randy-quaid-is-on-the-phone/554899/10 "2010-09-25T02:19:17Z")
“Sure, we’d be happy to have ya!”
\
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### Author:  [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)
#### Post date: [September 25, 2010, 2:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/randy-quaid-is-on-the-phone/554899/11 "2010-09-25T02:41:38Z")
“Okay, but only if you bring ‘the good stuff’, and don’t be stingy with it!” 😃
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### Author:  [@lisacurl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lisacurl)
#### Post date: [September 25, 2010, 2:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/randy-quaid-is-on-the-phone/554899/12 "2010-09-25T02:48:30Z")
“Go sell crazy someplace else, we’re all stocked up here.”
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### Author:  [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)
#### Post date: [September 25, 2010, 12:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/randy-quaid-is-on-the-phone/554899/13 "2010-09-25T12:50:43Z")
Personally, (and seriously) I would welcome the Quaids with open arms, assuming it would be one helluva ride. If I needed to get a loan afterwords to pay for the damages, so be it.
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### Author:  [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)
#### Post date: [September 25, 2010, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/randy-quaid-is-on-the-phone/554899/14 "2010-09-25T23:00:02Z")
“Sure thing. I’m in Apartment (number of the assholes across the hall). The lock is kinda sticky, it might be a bit tough to get in. Sorry about that. I’ll be home later.”
While I hide in my apartment, gun in one hand, cell phone in the other, already having dialled 9-1.
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### Author:  [@Biggirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biggirl)
#### Post date: [September 26, 2010, 12:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/randy-quaid-is-on-the-phone/554899/15 "2010-09-26T00:15:59Z")
“How the fuck did you get my number?”
Most likely I wouldn’t answer it. I screen my calls.
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### Author:  [@Nobody](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nobody)
#### Post date: [September 26, 2010, 4:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/randy-quaid-is-on-the-phone/554899/16 "2010-09-26T04:56:10Z")
One of my all time favorite movie quotes:
Eddie: Every time Catherine revved up the microwave, I’d piss my pants and forget who I was for about half an hour or so.
Anyway, if they wanted to stay at our house I’d politely decline. Or make a joke about how we’re always running the microwave.
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### Author:  [@gaffa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gaffa)
#### Post date: [September 26, 2010, 5:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/randy-quaid-is-on-the-phone/554899/17 "2010-09-26T05:56:22Z")
No problem, but I’m need enough warning to arrange broadcast rights and hide all the cameras.