### Author:  [@shijinn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shijinn)
#### Post date: [November 20, 2003, 8:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rank-the-animals-game/214279/1 "2003-11-20T08:29:20Z")
let’s see how this goes…
poster 1 - elephant
poster 2 - elephant\>dog
poster 3 - elephant\>lion\>dog
poster 4 - elephant\>lion\>tiger\>dog
poster 5 - protest! tiger\>lion. cite.
poster 6 to 9 - not true! opionions/cite.
poster 10 (skips tiger) - elephant\>lion\>dog\>rat
etc etc
the key is to introduce an animal in a position most people will agree with, and to see how long this chain can grow.
rules: rank the animals by a 1 on 1 fight in an enclosed soccer stadium with no access beyond the field.
elephant\>lion\>dog\>rat
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### Author:  [@SkyBum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SkyBum)
#### Post date: [November 20, 2003, 8:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rank-the-animals-game/214279/2 "2003-11-20T08:35:50Z")
Badger\>Badger\>Badger\>\
### Author:  [@shijinn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shijinn)
#### Post date: [November 20, 2003, 8:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rank-the-animals-game/214279/3 "2003-11-20T08:40:26Z")
snake! oh snake!!
elephant\>lion\>dog\>snake\>rat
more rules: whoever dies first, lose.
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### Author:  [@cankerist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cankerist)
#### Post date: [November 20, 2003, 8:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rank-the-animals-game/214279/4 "2003-11-20T08:43:52Z")
mongoose (I recently saw a cobra vs mongoose fight)
elephant\>lion\>dog\>mongoose\>snake\>rat
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### Author:  [@Gmork](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gmork)
#### Post date: [November 20, 2003, 10:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rank-the-animals-game/214279/5 "2003-11-20T10:41:55Z")
> [@](#):
>
> snake\>rat
Well, I’ve seen a rat kill a snake. But I think it’s a pretty rare occurance.
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### Author:  [@Odinoneeye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odinoneeye)
#### Post date: [November 20, 2003, 11:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rank-the-animals-game/214279/6 "2003-11-20T11:22:58Z")
elephant\>lion\>dog\>mongoose\>snake\>rat\>mackeral
The rat would sit there evilly watching the mackeral flop around until it died.
Easy victory.
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### Author:  [@shijinn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shijinn)
#### Post date: [November 20, 2003, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rank-the-animals-game/214279/7 "2003-11-20T17:01:49Z")
what kind of rat can kill a snake? 😕 it must be huge.
i think we need more rules: 🙂
[ul][li]rank the animals by a 1 on 1 fight in an enclosed soccer stadium with no access beyond the field. [/li][li]whoever dies first, lose. [/li][li]assume both sides to be healthy adults in their prime. [/li][li]contestants may request to be in a large pool of the same size if both agree.[/li][li]suggest a rule![/ul][/li]shark
elephant\>lion\>dog\>mongoose\>snake\>rat\>shark\>mackerel
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### Author:  [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)
#### Post date: [November 20, 2003, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rank-the-animals-game/214279/8 "2003-11-20T18:50:19Z")
“Man” should be first on the list. We kill everything.
* * *
She told me she loved me like a brother. She was from Arkansas, hence the Joy!
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### Author:  [@Jimmy\_Quasar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jimmy_Quasar)
#### Post date: [November 20, 2003, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rank-the-animals-game/214279/9 "2003-11-20T18:54:45Z")
Fish \> \*
Cite? Unnecessary! It’s obvious! FISH ÜBER ALLES!!!
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### Author:  [@dorkusmalorkusmafia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dorkusmalorkusmafia)
#### Post date: [November 20, 2003, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rank-the-animals-game/214279/10 "2003-11-20T19:15:56Z")
man\>elephant\>lion\>dog\>mongoose\>rat\>crickets (I don’t agree with adding non-terrestrial animals into this as it doesn’t seem to be in the spirit of the game.)
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### Author:  [@dorkusmalorkusmafia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dorkusmalorkusmafia)
#### Post date: [November 20, 2003, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rank-the-animals-game/214279/11 "2003-11-20T19:28:31Z")
man\>elephant\>lion\>dog\>mongoose\>rat\>crickets (I don’t agree with adding non-terrestrial animals into this as it doesn’t seem to be in the spirit of the game.)
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### Author:  [@Jimmy\_Quasar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jimmy_Quasar)
#### Post date: [November 20, 2003, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rank-the-animals-game/214279/12 "2003-11-20T19:31:31Z")
\>\<\> 😉
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### Author:  [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)
#### Post date: [November 20, 2003, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rank-the-animals-game/214279/13 "2003-11-20T21:22:32Z")
(\>\<) \< ;j
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### Author:  [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)
#### Post date: [November 20, 2003, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rank-the-animals-game/214279/14 "2003-11-20T23:51:07Z")
man\>elephant\>lion\>\*\*hyena\>cheetah\>\*\*dog\>mongoose\> **cat** \>rat\>crickets
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### Author:  [@InquisitiveIdiot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/InquisitiveIdiot)
#### Post date: [November 21, 2003, 12:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rank-the-animals-game/214279/15 "2003-11-21T00:23:08Z")
man \> elephant \> lion \> hyena \> cheetah \> dog \> mongoose \> snake \> cat \> rat \> cricket \> mayfly
The cricket would watch the mayfly watch the cricket, but the mayfly would die of old age first.
Question: how are we to handle rock-paper-scissors relationships, as well as exceptions. For example:
RPS - dog \> mongoose, mongoose \> cobra, cobra \> dog
Exception - dog \> mongoose, except when dog = toy poodle, in which case mongoose \>\> toy poodle
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### Author:  [@shijinn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shijinn)
#### Post date: [November 21, 2003, 12:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rank-the-animals-game/214279/16 "2003-11-21T00:28:38Z")
i don’t agree with man being first on the list. there is a merry [debate](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?postid=4254989#post4254989) going on right now about where exactly we stand. so man is degraded for the moment; the animals don’t get to bring weapons or clothes, neither do we.
amended rules (no water, no weapons)
[ul][li]rank the animals by a 1 on 1 fight in an enclosed soccer stadium with no access beyond the field. [/li][li]whoever dies first, lose. [/li][li]assume both sides to be healthy adults in their prime. [/li][li]all contestants naked and hungry. [/li][li]terrestrial animals only.[/li][li]suggest a rule![/ul][/li]as evidenced on this boards, a hamster will never be able to catch that cricket on a football sized field.
cricket\>cute furry hamster
waitaminute, on a field that big, crickets rule!
cricket\>snake\>rat\>hamster
elephant\>lion\>hyena\>cheetah\>man\>dog\>mongoose\>cat\>cricket\>snake\>rat\>hamster
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### Author:  [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)
#### Post date: [November 21, 2003, 12:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rank-the-animals-game/214279/17 "2003-11-21T00:35:16Z")
giraffe \> all
That’s right. Who’s your daddy, bitches? 😉
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### Author:  [@shijinn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shijinn)
#### Post date: [November 21, 2003, 12:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rank-the-animals-game/214279/18 "2003-11-21T00:47:51Z")
**InquisitiveIdiot** do you have another example? in your example a dog would still beat a cobra since it dies first?
as for exceptions maybe we can start defining types if we want to e.g. alsatian\>mongoose\>cobra\>toy poodle?
amended rules:
[ul][li]rank the animals by a 1 on 1 fight in an enclosed soccer stadium with no access beyond the field. [/li][li]whoever dies first, lose. [/li][li] **time limit is 24 hours, whereupon they must stand and fight.** [/li][li]assume both sides to be healthy adults in their prime. [/li][li]all contestants naked and hungry. [/li][li]terrestrial animals only.[/li][li]suggest a rule![/ul][/li]prehensile nose \> prehensile tongue 😛
elephant \> giraffe \> lion \> hyena \> cheetah \> man \> dog \> mongoose \> cat \> snake \> rat \> hamster \> cricket \> mayfly
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### Author:  [@shijinn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shijinn)
#### Post date: [November 22, 2003, 4:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rank-the-animals-game/214279/19 "2003-11-22T04:32:37Z")
wolf howls at dog
elephant \> giraffe \> lion \> hyena \> cheetah \> man \> wolf \> dog \> mongoose \> cat \> snake \> rat \> hamster \> cricket \> mayfly
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### Author:  [@Odinoneeye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odinoneeye)
#### Post date: [November 22, 2003, 7:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rank-the-animals-game/214279/20 "2003-11-22T07:29:25Z")
If I can’t include mackeral, I don’t want to play.
:mad:
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