# rank the animals game **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 20, 2003, 8:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rank-the-animals-game/214279 "2003-11-20T08:29:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![shijinn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cc9497/32.png) [@shijinn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shijinn)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2003, 7:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rank-the-animals-game/214279/21 "2003-11-22T07:40:49Z")
_poof_ \enter suggestions: \insert mackerel \compile \list amended rules: [ul][li]rank the animals by a 1 on 1 fight in an enclosed soccer stadium with no access beyond the field. [/li][li]whoever dies first, lose. [/li][li]time limit is 24 hours, whereupon they must stand and fight.[/li][li]assume both sides to be healthy adults in their prime. [/li][li]all contestants naked and hungry. [/li][li] **contestants may request to be in a large pool of the same size if both agree.** [/li][li]suggest a rule![/ul][/li]elephant \> giraffe \> lion \> hyena \> cheetah \> man \> dog \> mongoose \> cat \> snake \> rat \> hamster \> cricket \> mayfly \> mackerel ---
**Author:** ![DreadCthulhu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/db5fbb/32.png) [@DreadCthulhu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DreadCthulhu)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2003, 7:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rank-the-animals-game/214279/22 "2003-11-22T07:41:03Z")
Shoggoth eats elephant shoggoth\>elephant \> giraffe \> lion \> hyena \> cheetah \> man \> wolf \> dog \> mongoose \> cat \> snake \> rat \> hamster \> cricket \> mayfly ---
**Author:** ![shijinn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cc9497/32.png) [@shijinn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shijinn)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2003, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rank-the-animals-game/214279/23 "2003-11-22T17:51:15Z")
as the shoggoth whips out its pseudopods at the x-men with the bad hair, he gave a derisive snort as he slices them off. adamantium \> pseudopods Wolverine \> shoggoth \> elephant \> giraffe \> lion \> hyena \> cheetah \> man \> dog \> mongoose \> cat \> snake \> rat \> hamster \> cricket \> mayfly \> mackerel ---
**Author:** ![KidCharlemagne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ed8c4c/32.png) [@KidCharlemagne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KidCharlemagne)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2003, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rank-the-animals-game/214279/24 "2003-11-22T19:38:24Z")
We need the animal equivalent to the scout (9) in Stratego. You know, the one that kills the General (1) so we can complete the circle! ---
**Author:** ![ccwaterback](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/df705f/32.png) [@ccwaterback](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ccwaterback)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2003, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rank-the-animals-game/214279/25 "2003-11-22T22:28:50Z")
Applicable link: [http://www.geocities.com/analysts\_anonymous/analysis/experiments/kingofbeasts.htm](http://www.geocities.com/analysts_anonymous/analysis/experiments/kingofbeasts.htm) ---
**Author:** ![KidCharlemagne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ed8c4c/32.png) [@KidCharlemagne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KidCharlemagne)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2003, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rank-the-animals-game/214279/26 "2003-11-22T23:28:33Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by ccwaterback \* > \*\*Applicable link: > > [http://www.geocities.com/analysts\_anonymous/analysis/experiments/kingofbeasts.htm](http://www.geocities.com/analysts_anonymous/analysis/experiments/kingofbeasts.htm) \*\* Good laughs. “…each equally deserving a combination of fear and awe.” ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2003, 3:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rank-the-animals-game/214279/27 "2003-11-23T03:11:17Z")
Wolverine \> shoggoth \> elephant \> giraffe \> **tiger** \> lion \> hyena \> cheetah \> **warthog** \> man \> dog \> mongoose \> cat \> snake \> rat \> hamster \> cricket \> mayfly \> mackerel ---
**Author:** ![shijinn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cc9497/32.png) [@shijinn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shijinn)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2003, 9:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rank-the-animals-game/214279/28 "2003-11-24T09:30:10Z")
**KidCharlemagne** , sorry i can’t think of anything that might beat wolverine and is afraid of a mackerel at the same time… polar bear drinks coke - tiger dies from perceived thirst Wolverine \> shoggoth \> elephant \> giraffe \> **polar bear** \> tiger \> lion \> hyena \> cheetah \> warthog \> man \> dog \> mongoose \> cat \> snake \> rat \> hamster \> cricket \> mayfly \> **shark** \> mackerel ---
**Author:** ![Mellon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e19adc/32.png) [@Mellon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mellon)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2003, 3:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rank-the-animals-game/214279/29 "2003-11-24T15:07:30Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by shijinn \* > **giraffe \> polar bear** Are you sure about that? Polar bears are huge. From some quick Googling they are about 1/3 to 1/2 the weight of a male giraffe, but they are mean bastards and strong as, well, a bear. The giraffes primary weapon is running away. Also I’m unsure about **cheetah \> warthog**. According to [Wikipedia](http://wikipedia.org/) an adult cheetah [weighs from 39 to 65 kg](http://en2.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cheetah). Warthogs are [50 to 150 kg](http://en2.wikipedia.org/wiki/Warthog) and have some pretty mean tusks. ---
**Author:** ![KidCharlemagne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ed8c4c/32.png) [@KidCharlemagne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KidCharlemagne)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2003, 1:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rank-the-animals-game/214279/30 "2003-11-25T01:05:18Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by shijinn \* > \*\ ***KidCharlemagne** , sorry i can’t think of anything that might beat wolverine and is afraid of a mackerel at the same time… > > \*\* How about a mackerel [Dr. Evil] with a fricking laser attached to its head ![/Dr. Evil] ---
**Author:** ![shijinn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cc9497/32.png) [@shijinn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shijinn)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2003, 5:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rank-the-animals-game/214279/31 "2003-11-25T05:05:25Z")
… that is afraid of a shark? 😉 hmm, this chain will crash when **InquisitiveIdiot** ’s scenario appears (but the point of the game is to introduce an animal that will not incite protest see? sorta like jenga) _thinks_ … how about superman on the top, and some fish that had swallowed kryptonite at the bottom? … ^^’ **Mellon** giraffe \> polar bear i was imagining one kick from the giraffe would hurt the bear real bad, and he would not be able to approach a standing giraffe on the defensive without getting a solid punch in the face. so i’ll leave the ranks unchanged till more evidence/protest comes in. cheetah \> warthog i have no idea, so i’m pulling it out for contest. pig Wolverine \> shoggoth \> elephant \> giraffe \> polar bear \> tiger \> lion \> hyena \> cheetah \> man \> dog \> **pig** \> mongoose \> cat \> snake \> rat \> hamster \> cricket \> mayfly \> shark \> mackerel **Chefguy** - warthog \> cheetah? ---
**Author:** ![shijinn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cc9497/32.png) [@shijinn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shijinn)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2003, 12:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rank-the-animals-game/214279/32 "2003-11-26T12:32:00Z")
tyrannosaurus rex chomps elephant Wolverine \> shoggoth \> **tyrannosaurus rex** \> elephant \> giraffe \> polar bear \> tiger \> lion \> hyena \> cheetah \> man \> dog \> pig \> mongoose \> cat \> snake \> rat \> hamster \> cricket \> mayfly \> shark \> mackerel ---
**Author:** ![phraser](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a88e4f/32.png) [@phraser](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/phraser)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2003, 12:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rank-the-animals-game/214279/33 "2003-11-26T12:50:01Z")
**shijinn** , i don’t know what the pigs are like where you are, but here, wild pigs are _very dangerous_, certainly more than a match for most dogs and humans. They can weigh over a hundred kilos and have big tusks and teeth. ---
**Author:** ![shijinn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cc9497/32.png) [@shijinn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shijinn)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2003, 5:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rank-the-animals-game/214279/34 "2003-11-28T05:26:38Z")
i’m thinking of those cute pink domestic pigs without tusks. heavy as they are, i can’t imagine dying to these swines. ^^’ i’ve already pulled warthogs out till someone can suggest where they rank. earthworm wiggles around and watch as the shark drowns Wolverine \> shoggoth \> tyrannosaurus rex \> elephant \> giraffe \> polar bear \> tiger \> lion \> hyena \> cheetah \> man \> dog \> pig \> mongoose \> cat \> snake \> rat \> hamster \> cricket \> mayfly \> **earthworm** \> shark \> mackerel warthog vs cheetah? ---
**Author:** ![Horseflesh](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/horseflesh/32/7502_2.png) [@Horseflesh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horseflesh)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2003, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rank-the-animals-game/214279/35 "2003-11-28T17:52:07Z")
An ostrich can probably kick a pig to death. Octopus should be able to take on a whole school of mackerel. Hippo takes out long-neck. Wolverine \> shoggoth \> tyrannosaurus rex \> elephant \> **hippo** \> giraffe \> polar bear \> tiger \> lion \> hyena \> cheetah \> man \> dog \> **ostrich** \> pig \> mongoose \> cat \> snake \> rat \> hamster \> cricket \> mayfly \> earthworm \> shark \> **octopus** \> mackerel ---
**Author:** ![js\_africanus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/87869e/32.png) [@js\_africanus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/js_africanus)\ **Post date:** [November 28, 2003, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rank-the-animals-game/214279/36 "2003-11-28T18:16:34Z")
Wolverine \> shoggoth \> **pro-wrestler** \> tyrannosaurus rex \> elephant \> hippo \> giraffe \> polar bear \> tiger \> lion \> **ebola** \> **ape** \> hyena \> cheetah \> man \> dog \> ostrich \> pig \> mongoose \> cat \> snake \> rat \> hamster \> cricket \> mayfly \> earthworm \> shark \> octopus \> mackerel \> **Jabberwocky** ---
**Author:** ![shijinn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cc9497/32.png) [@shijinn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shijinn)\ **Post date:** [November 30, 2003, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rank-the-animals-game/214279/37 "2003-11-30T14:50:51Z")
**Horseflesh** thinking to contest hippo \> giraffe, i found that those things weigh 2700 and 4500 kilos! that’s three times heavier than a giraffe or a polar bear!? **js\_africanus** ah-hem, pro-wrestlers act. they are actors. and because i have been watching the current survivor (osten): cheetah \> pro-wrestlers ebola affects only man and ape, so it’s the first scissors-paper-stone scenario. i can’t think of a good way to resolve this at the moment so we have a new rule - any such entries will have to fight it’s way up from the bottom of the list. since ebola will die without a host, mackerel \> ebola as for ape, it’s too generic a name in this case so i’ll take it to mean gorilla? Jabberwocky - if Woverine is afraid of the Jabberwock we may have found our circle. – pig milks a cow to death Wolverine \> shoggoth \> tyrannosaurus rex \> elephant \> hippo \> giraffe \> polar bear \> tiger \> lion \> **gorilla** \> hyena \> cheetah \> \*\*pro-wrestlers \*\* \> man \> dog \> ostrich \> pig \> **cow** \> mongoose \> cat \> snake \> rat \> hamster \> cricket \> mayfly \> earthworm \> shark \> octopus \> mackerel \> **ebola** \> Jabberwocky warthog vs cheetah? [ul][li]rank the animals by a 1 on 1 fight in an enclosed soccer stadium with no access beyond the field. [/li][li]whoever dies first, lose. [/li][li]time limit is 24 hours, whereupon they must stand and fight.[/li][li]assume both sides to be healthy adults in their prime. [/li][li]all contestants naked and hungry. [/li][li]contestants may request to be in a large pool of the same size if both agree.[/li][li]\*\*contestants on a scissors-paper-stone relationship will have to fight it’s way up from the bottom of the list. \*\*[/li]suggest or amend a rule![/ul] ---
**Author:** ![shijinn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cc9497/32.png) [@shijinn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shijinn)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2003, 11:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rank-the-animals-game/214279/38 "2003-12-03T11:16:59Z")
snake swallows chihuahua rename dog to alsatian Wolverine \> shoggoth \> tyrannosaurus rex \> elephant \> hippo \> giraffe \> polar bear \> tiger \> lion \> gorilla \> hyena \> cheetah \> pro-wrestlers \> man \> **alsatian** \> ostrich \> pig \> cow \> mongoose \> cat \> snake \> **chihuahua** \> rat \> hamster \> cricket \> mayfly \> earthworm \> shark \> octopus \> mackerel \> ebola \> Jabberwocky warthog vs cheetah? ---
**Author:** ![netscape\_6](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/8c91f0/32.png) [@netscape\_6](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/netscape_6)\ **Post date:** [January 7, 2004, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rank-the-animals-game/214279/39 "2004-01-07T15:37:07Z")
Wolverine \> shoggoth \> tyrannosaurus rex \> elephant \> hippo \> giraffe \> polar bear \> **deinonychus** \> tiger \> lion \> **velociraptor** gorilla \> hyena \> cheetah \> pro-wrestlers \> man \> alsatian \> ostrich \> pig \> cow \> mongoose \> cat \> snake \> chihuahua \> rat \> hamster \> cricket \> mayfly \> earthworm \> shark \> octopus \> mackerel \> ebola \> Jabberwocky ---
**Author:** ![Risha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/5fc32e/32.png) [@Risha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Risha)\ **Post date:** [January 8, 2004, 3:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rank-the-animals-game/214279/40 "2004-01-08T03:11:19Z")
Not to be a spoilsport, but I’d like to throw out for consideration the possibility that the cricket might beat the hamster. I have a pet lizard (a bearded dragon - about 18 inches long in total) that requires me to keep live crickets around to feed to him. I’ve learned that they’re dirty, nasty creatures that will eat whatever’s available, including each other. The books and websites that I’ve read about lizard care say to remove any uneaten crickets from the cage after he’s finished eating. Otherwise, once he falls asleep, the crickets will eat his eyes or toes, or even knaw a big enough chunk out of his body to kill him. I’ve even read horror stories about owners waking up to the equivilant of bleached bones. On the other hand, I have no idea what sort of defensive capabilities a hamster may have… [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rank-the-animals-game/214279.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rank-the-animals-game/214279.md?page=3)