# Rants of the miniature variety **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [November 25, 2007, 11:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rants-of-the-miniature-variety/427748 "2007-11-25T23:40:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 17
**Author:** ![Creaky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e68b1a/32.png) [@Creaky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Creaky)\ **Post date:** [December 20, 2007, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rants-of-the-miniature-variety/427748/321 "2007-12-20T23:24:49Z")
I have wanted a life-sized guillotine for years but it will not fit in my apartment. Unless I want to have it dominate the living room and that would be so NOT feng-shui. :mad: Yarr, why did I open this thread? ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2007, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rants-of-the-miniature-variety/427748/322 "2007-12-21T01:49:35Z")
[QUOTE=Creaky] I have wanted a life-sized guillotine for years but it will not fit in my apartment. [/QUOTE] Maybe you could keep it in the kitchen. I for one always need more counter space, and you could slice sandwich meat with it. ---
**Author:** ![Creaky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e68b1a/32.png) [@Creaky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Creaky)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2007, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rants-of-the-miniature-variety/427748/323 "2007-12-21T01:58:49Z")
[QUOTE=carnivorousplant] Maybe you could keep it in the kitchen… you could slice sandwich meat with it. [/QUOTE] And slice and dice other stuff too. It’d sure as hell beat the food processor I never use! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2007, 2:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rants-of-the-miniature-variety/427748/324 "2007-12-21T02:01:36Z")
[QUOTE=Creaky] And slice and dice other stuff too. [/QUOTE] Yeah, I was thinking about left over beef roasts and those machines they have at the deli. Not to mention intimidating obnoxious neighbors and guests. ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2007, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rants-of-the-miniature-variety/427748/325 "2007-12-21T14:02:45Z")
Great. No child support check this month. Why? Who the fuck knows, maybe he lost his job again. I just deleted a lot of very nasty words, I wanted you guys to know that. I’m shielding you from the true ugliness of my soul, because I love you. ---
**Author:** ![eenerms](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/cdc98d/32.png) [@eenerms](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eenerms)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2007, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rants-of-the-miniature-variety/427748/326 "2007-12-21T18:27:54Z")
Again with the hot flashes!! In the middle of the night? WTF! :mad: The only way I can sleep is to turn the AC to cold and sleep right under it. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2007, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rants-of-the-miniature-variety/427748/327 "2007-12-21T22:04:56Z")
Fuck Halo 2 and the makers thereof. You pricks want to get in bed with Microsoft and make your games only usable with Vista? And you want me to spend how much to upgrade to that bug-fest? Master Chief can kiss my whatsis! ---
**Author:** ![Creaky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e68b1a/32.png) [@Creaky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Creaky)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2007, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rants-of-the-miniature-variety/427748/328 "2007-12-21T22:24:49Z")
[QUOTE=carnivorousplant] Yeah, I was thinking about left over beef roasts …and intimidating obnoxious neighbors and guests. [/QUOTE] Intimidating? Bah! I say chop 'em up and serve 'em to the next batch of obnoxious neighbors and guests. Having said that, I can’t wait to see Sweeney Todd ! Mmm, beef roasts. With horseradish. And onion. I’m hungry. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2007, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rants-of-the-miniature-variety/427748/329 "2007-12-22T00:13:28Z")
[QUOTE=Creaky] I’m hungry. [/QUOTE] 'Taters. Don’t forget 'taters and carrots, you uncilvized lout. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2007, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rants-of-the-miniature-variety/427748/330 "2007-12-22T01:21:48Z")
Goddamn my upstairs across-the-hall neighbor. Her son is around the same age as my youngest- 9- and she has taken to, every Friday night, sending him, and now his slightly older sister as well, down here when I get home from work. They’ll say, “My mom wants to know if we can stay here for a while”, and come on in. She’s a very nice person, but this is bullshit. Look, lady, I fucking WORK. I got up at 6 this morning and worked my ass off until 5. The last motherfucking thing I want to do when I get home on a Friday night after having busted my ass all week is to have your crotchfruit come down here and tear up my house while playing their harmonicas. It’s not my fault you had 5 kids in succession while being unmarried and poor- why the hell do you think you can pawn 'em off on _me_? I’m taking my Friday nights back. Tongue it. ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2007, 1:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rants-of-the-miniature-variety/427748/331 "2007-12-22T01:37:54Z")
Simple rule for indoor traffic: Walk on the right, pass on the left. Thank you. ---
**Author:** ![LurkMeister](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3da27b/32.png) [@LurkMeister](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LurkMeister)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2007, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rants-of-the-miniature-variety/427748/332 "2007-12-22T16:46:12Z")
You’d think by know I’d have known better, but while I was in Las Vegas recently I filled out a card to enter a raffle for a new Hummer (although, since I don’t drive, I would have taken the “cash equivalent” that they offered instead. Now I keep getting calls from Ramada Empire Cruises (or something like that) telling me that I am a finalist for the drawing that will be held in mid-January, and that I have also won a free vacation cruise for two to the Bahamas. Of course, if I take the cruise, while I’m there I’ll be required to sit through a time-share presentation. I also strongly suspect that actually scheduling/taking the “free” cruise will cost me something. I told someone two days ago that I wasn’t interested in the cruise, but since then they’ve called and left a message on my answering machine, and just now (when I picked up the phone without thinking to check the caller i.d.) and the operator started going into his spiel, he _continued_ trying to tell me about it after I explained that I had already told someone I wasn’t interested. What part of **I’m not fucking interested** do you people not understand? ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2007, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rants-of-the-miniature-variety/427748/333 "2007-12-22T18:33:32Z")
[QUOTE=LurkMeister] \What part of **I’m not fucking interested** do you people not understand? [/QUOTE] Have you told them that, in those exact words? I find that escalating into “You people need to take my name off your call list RIGHT NOW!” in an angry voice is usually effective (I don’t swear at them, though, because that might dilute the message). Then three more telemarketers pop up to take their place. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Della](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/c68b51/32.png) [@Della](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Della)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2007, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rants-of-the-miniature-variety/427748/334 "2007-12-22T19:43:06Z")
Mattress shopping! We just moved across country and desperately need a new mattress. We looked around and found a mattress we liked, with a pillowtop and everything. We went home to think it over, and I started looking at reviews online. Everyone either loved it (5 stars) or despised it with the heat of a thousand suns (1 star), resulting in an average review of 2 stars. So I reluctantly decide that we may need to expand our mattress search. _Every single mattress_ has the same final rating, and the same distribution of ratings. Now, I know that mattress rating is highly subjective, and that other peoples’ experiences will not necessarily reflect my experiences, but surely there must be at least one good, comfortable, solidly-build mattress out there that everyone could at least reluctantly agree is good. Of course, given mattress naming conventions, there’s no way of knowing what that model might be. Honestly, at this point I’m almost reduced to going into a showroom, closing my eyes and pointing. At least then I’ll have made a decision. Finally, let me say that mattress shopping has been more stressful than car shopping. Damn, I hate shopping. ---
**Author:** ![SnakesCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4af34b/32.png) [@SnakesCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SnakesCatLady)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2007, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rants-of-the-miniature-variety/427748/335 "2007-12-22T20:06:35Z")
[QUOTE=Della] Mattress shopping! We just moved across country and desperately need a new mattress. We looked around and found a mattress we liked, with a pillowtop and everything. We went home to think it over, and I started looking at reviews online. Everyone either loved it (5 stars) or despised it with the heat of a thousand suns (1 star), resulting in an average review of 2 stars. So I reluctantly decide that we may need to expand our mattress search. _Every single mattress_ has the same final rating, and the same distribution of ratings. Now, I know that mattress rating is highly subjective, and that other peoples’ experiences will not necessarily reflect my experiences, but surely there must be at least one good, comfortable, solidly-build mattress out there that everyone could at least reluctantly agree is good. Of course, given mattress naming conventions, there’s no way of knowing what that model might be. Honestly, at this point I’m almost reduced to going into a showroom, closing my eyes and pointing. At least then I’ll have made a decision. Finally, let me say that mattress shopping has been more stressful than car shopping. Damn, I hate shopping. [/QUOTE] For something as personal as a mattress, why are you worried about if other people like it? Did the reviews include durability? Go lie down on it. Roll around on it. If you want to go to sleep on it, buy it! I hate shopping, too. ---
**Author:** ![Della](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/c68b51/32.png) [@Della](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Della)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2007, 11:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rants-of-the-miniature-variety/427748/336 "2007-12-22T23:03:01Z")
[QUOTE=SnakesCatLady] For something as personal as a mattress, why are you worried about if other people like it? Did the reviews include durability? Go lie down on it. Roll around on it. If you want to go to sleep on it, buy it! I hate shopping, too. [/QUOTE] The lack of durability was the biggest complaint in all the reviews. It was kind of funny, actually, all the positive reviews were from people who recently bought the mattress, while all the negative reviews were from people who had owned the mattress for 2-3 years. Without exception, the negative reviews all said that the mattress began to sag after 2 years or so. Not what you want from a $1200 purchase. Anyway, the search has finally come to an end. We went to a local mattress store, harassed the salesman for a while and finally decided on a firm, non-pillowtop model that, based on the materials used, should last for a while. Long enough, at least, for me to forget how horrible mattress shopping is in the first place. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2007, 12:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rants-of-the-miniature-variety/427748/337 "2007-12-23T00:34:38Z")
[QUOTE=Della] Not what you want from a $1200 purchase. [/QUOTE] Say what? How much are futons? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Della](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/c68b51/32.png) [@Della](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Della)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2007, 3:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rants-of-the-miniature-variety/427748/338 "2007-12-23T03:01:24Z")
[QUOTE=carnivorousplant] Say what? How much are futons? 🙂 [/QUOTE] I just finished grad school, and am trying to update our decor from “found on the side of the road” to “cheap but durable.” We decided to splurge on the mattress because I’ve had the same mattress for the past 20 years. That beast didn’t make the cut to come cross-country with us. Since we moved, we’ve been sleeping on an air mattress. We’re very ready for a little night time luxury. Besides, a girl’s gotta celebrate a PhD somehow 🙂 I really do wonder about the profit margins in the mattress business, though. The salesman we dealt with ended up taking $400 off the price of the set we bought, and he did it without even wincing. I mean, damn, what’s the markup on those things? ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2007, 4:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rants-of-the-miniature-variety/427748/339 "2007-12-23T04:02:13Z")
[QUOTE=Della] \ I mean, damn, what’s the markup on those things? [/QUOTE] 5000%. (I don’t actually know.) I do know that a good mattress has been one of our best purchases so far. We come home from trips looking forward to our four year old, yet still extremely comfortable mattress. ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2007, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rants-of-the-miniature-variety/427748/340 "2007-12-23T16:41:46Z")
I don’t hate Christmas. I love Christmas. Or, more specifically, I am hanging onto the warm feelings that holiday engendered in me, prior to my having to spend with people I don’t like, doing things I don’t do, eating stuff I don’t care for. If I could have the Christmas I want to have, I wouldn’t be ranting about it in here. What’s the downside to divorce, again? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rants-of-the-miniature-variety/427748.md?page=16) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rants-of-the-miniature-variety/427748.md?page=18)