# Rat in coffee. Woe is me. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 7, 2005, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rat-in-coffee-woe-is-me/288830 "2005-02-07T17:00:12Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Amazon\_Floozy\_Goddess](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/779978/32.png) [@Amazon\_Floozy\_Goddess](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amazon_Floozy_Goddess)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2005, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rat-in-coffee-woe-is-me/288830/1 "2005-02-07T17:00:12Z")
I briefly considered putting this in the Pit, but I realized this is a very small issue, and my rattie is far too sweet to pit. So I’ll just write a nice, open letter to her. Dear Bettina, You are the sweetest little ratface. Always so well behaved and clean and nice. Even people who don’t like rats love you and say how pretty you are. You’ve carved a notch in the right side of the collar of every one of my shirts. This I forgave. You love sitting just inside the neck of my shirt while I walk around. Sometimes your little claws scratch me a bit. This is also forgiven. Sometimes you advertise to the world that I am yours by letting just a drop of pee out onto me. I understand that this is because you love me. But you are no longer allowed to explore my computer desk. Why? Probably because of how you dunked your entire body into my cup of coffee last night and then dragged your soggy self all over my desk. Hubby found this very funny, but probably only because it was not his desk. Or his coffee. Coincidentally, this is also why you didn’t get a treat this morning. I love you, but…no more going on the desk. Sorry. Love your “mama”, AFG ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2005, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rat-in-coffee-woe-is-me/288830/2 "2005-02-07T17:41:34Z")
> [@](#): > > Rat in coffee. > Woe is me. So…not a haiku thread? 😉😃 ---
**Author:** ![Amazon\_Floozy\_Goddess](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/779978/32.png) [@Amazon\_Floozy\_Goddess](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amazon_Floozy_Goddess)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2005, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rat-in-coffee-woe-is-me/288830/3 "2005-02-07T17:57:19Z")
If you can come up with a rat-in-coffee haiku, by all means…😃 ---
**Author:** ![Rufus\_Xavier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eada6e/32.png) [@Rufus\_Xavier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rufus_Xavier)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2005, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rat-in-coffee-woe-is-me/288830/4 "2005-02-07T18:09:20Z")
Rat in my coffee Oh why did I order it Cheese Macchiatto ---
**Author:** ![KP](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/a9adbd/32.png) [@KP](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KP)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2005, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rat-in-coffee-woe-is-me/288830/5 "2005-02-07T18:14:17Z")
Rat in my coffee Bedraggled messy desktop Worse still: left two “lumps” Coffee rats? Should’ve Realized they wouldn’t stay Behind Starbucks bar. _[unshaven coffee baristas are sometimes called “coffee rats” around here]_ Choc’late mous[s]e? Divine in the blossoming of spring. Coffee Rat? Less so. I love The Thinker crafted by Rodin, but The Sinker, by rodent? No. They say this stuff will put hair on your chest, but what’s this hair on my lips? Amazon Godess Not distressed by coffee’d rat Could’ve been tapir ---
**Author:** ![Amazon\_Floozy\_Goddess](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/779978/32.png) [@Amazon\_Floozy\_Goddess](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amazon_Floozy_Goddess)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2005, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rat-in-coffee-woe-is-me/288830/6 "2005-02-07T18:24:18Z")
😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃 I’m dyin’ over here! Those are great!! ---
**Author:** ![Terrorcotta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/dbc845/32.png) [@Terrorcotta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Terrorcotta)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2005, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rat-in-coffee-woe-is-me/288830/7 "2005-02-07T18:40:34Z")
Love to drink them coffiees Coffees what I love to eat! Nibble on the foamy top Fall in with my slippy feet. (Apologies to B. Kliban!) ---
**Author:** ![Jenaroph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e8c25b/32.png) [@Jenaroph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jenaroph)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2005, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rat-in-coffee-woe-is-me/288830/8 "2005-02-07T19:12:58Z")
Plop plop, squeak squeak, oh! Not a relief, is it now. Rattaccino sucks. Dye job for Rat works! Coffee stains white rat deep brown. Miss Clairol stock dives. ---
**Author:** ![JohnBckWLD](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/d6d6ee/32.png) [@JohnBckWLD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnBckWLD)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2005, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rat-in-coffee-woe-is-me/288830/9 "2005-02-07T19:27:04Z")
> [@Rufus Xavier](#): > > Rat in my coffee > Oh why did I order it > Cheese Macchiatto [There’s a rat in my](http://sg1.allmusic.com/cg/smp.dll?link=rezhj9repcmfhihvrswzwyv&r=20.asx) _coffee_ What am I gonna do? UB40 ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2005, 7:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rat-in-coffee-woe-is-me/288830/10 "2005-02-07T19:57:35Z")
At least ze kaffee was nicht mit [ratt schidt](http://www.contra.org/~dwatts/humor/shitty_coffee.txt) gemixt. ---
**Author:** ![LeeshaJoy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e8cbc/32.png) [@LeeshaJoy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LeeshaJoy)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2005, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rat-in-coffee-woe-is-me/288830/11 "2005-02-07T20:03:34Z")
Rat in my coffee, what’ll I do? Rat in my coffee, what’ll I do? Rat in my coffee, what’ll I do? Skip to my Lou, my dar-ling. ---
**Author:** ![KP](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/a9adbd/32.png) [@KP](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KP)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2005, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rat-in-coffee-woe-is-me/288830/12 "2005-02-07T22:08:36Z")
Rat in my coffee? Let me count the ways My coffee lacks the depth and breadth and height it used to reach; It’s feeling a bit light. To the ends of the desk and monitor my coffee’s spread in drops and muddy trails. My coffee’s smelly, like bedraggled pup. My coffee’s furry, how could I miss that? My coffee has the flavor of a kiss from my kitty when she’s left a door prize. 'Tis coffee that I really wouldn’t choose to bring my boss. 'Tis Cafe du _Willard_ “Rats,” say I, “I smell a rat,” and that explains Bettina’s manic prancing. That or crack. ---
**Author:** ![cher3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/da6949/32.png) [@cher3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cher3)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2005, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rat-in-coffee-woe-is-me/288830/13 "2005-02-07T23:57:50Z")
Would you like something to go with your coffee? We have rat cake, rat sorbet, rat pudding or strawberry tart. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2005, 12:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rat-in-coffee-woe-is-me/288830/14 "2005-02-08T00:06:59Z")
Can I have some of the tart without much rat in it? ---
**Author:** ![cher3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/da6949/32.png) [@cher3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cher3)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2005, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rat-in-coffee-woe-is-me/288830/15 "2005-02-08T00:10:19Z")
Well there’s three, you know. Rather a lot, really. ---
**Author:** ![KRC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/45deac/32.png) [@KRC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KRC)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2005, 12:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rat-in-coffee-woe-is-me/288830/16 "2005-02-08T00:14:22Z")
I once had a cockatiel in my Malt O’ Meal. A couple years later it tried to get into my Frosted Flakes, but since cockatiel doesn’t rhyme with Frosted Flakes I didn’t allow it. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2005, 12:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rat-in-coffee-woe-is-me/288830/17 "2005-02-08T00:15:19Z")
Appalling. ---
**Author:** ![Scribble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scribble/32/3317_2.png) [@Scribble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scribble)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2005, 1:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rat-in-coffee-woe-is-me/288830/18 "2005-02-08T01:42:48Z")
Rat in coffee, Woe is me, doo dah, doo dah. ---
**Author:** ![Wile\_E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c37758/32.png) [@Wile\_E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wile_E)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2005, 2:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rat-in-coffee-woe-is-me/288830/19 "2005-02-08T02:58:06Z")
I was thinking more along the lines of _Rat’s in the coffee and the silver spoon Little Boy Blue and the Man in the Moon_ I am in awe of KP right now. ---
**Author:** ![Amazon\_Floozy\_Goddess](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/779978/32.png) [@Amazon\_Floozy\_Goddess](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amazon_Floozy_Goddess)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2005, 3:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rat-in-coffee-woe-is-me/288830/20 "2005-02-08T03:42:24Z")
I did not expect to get so much entertainment out of this thread. I’m having a great time reading these. 😃 On a side note, my other two rats were _more_ than happy to give Bettina a thorough grooming. Bettina’s black-and-white. The white parts of her fur are still a teensy bit yellow but she’s getting back to her regular colour now. And in case anyone’s wondering…I made myself a new cup of coffee. 😃 [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rat-in-coffee-woe-is-me/288830.md?page=2)