# Re-cast a classic movie **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [July 3, 2003, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/re-cast-a-classic-movie/186114 "2003-07-03T21:12:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Zeldar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b77776/32.png) [@Zeldar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeldar)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2003, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/re-cast-a-classic-movie/186114/1 "2003-07-03T21:12:45Z")
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to select an older movie (preferably one with few of its actors still available) and to provide a new cast from living working actors for the starring roles and as many of the support roles as you can recall. Unlimited budget – no problems with availability – no haggling. Only problem is: you have zero taste and little evidence of the skills any of these newer actors have beyond seeing a few of their films (not necessarily good ones) and their photos in checkout lanes. What’s the worst you can do in turning a classic movie into a long string of ukulele picks? Example: High Noon Cooper role: Adam Sandler Kelly role: Jennifer Lopez Van Cleef role: Giovanni Ribisi Bridges role: Paul Shaffer (who says he’s not an actor?) Jurado role: Halle Berry Mitchell role: Danny Glover Setting: Las Vegas ---
**Author:** ![ddgryphon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/8c91f0/32.png) [@ddgryphon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ddgryphon)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2003, 4:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/re-cast-a-classic-movie/186114/2 "2003-07-07T04:35:05Z")
This is WAY TOO MUCH FUN!!! The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance Tom Doniphon – (John Wayne) Bruce Willis Ransom Stoddard – (James Stewart) Ashton Kutcher Hallie Stoddard – (Vera Miles) Tara Reid (or possibly Pamela Anderson) Liberty Valance – (Lee Marvin) Ben Affleck Dutton Peabody (editor of the Shinbone Star) (Edmond O’Brien) Kelsey Grammer Marshal Link Appleyard – (Andy Devine) Jason Alexander Maj. Cassius Starbuckle – (John Carradine) Christopher Lloyd Pompey – (Woody Strode) Chris Rock (or Chris Tucker) What I’m going for is not deliberately miscasting people, but trying to think like Hollywood and use people who might actually be chosen for the role–regardless of unsuitability. I think this casting, which would probably get a green light if you could assemble them, would result in a horrifically bad movie. ---
**Author:** ![ddgryphon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/8c91f0/32.png) [@ddgryphon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ddgryphon)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2003, 4:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/re-cast-a-classic-movie/186114/3 "2003-07-07T04:55:16Z")
Casablanca Rick Blaine (Humphrey Bogart) - Brad Pitt Ilsa lund Laszlo (Ingrid Bergman) - Cameron Diaz Victor Laszlo (Paul Henreid) - Matt LeBlanc Capt. Louis Renault (Claude Rains) - David Schwimmer Maj. Heinrich Strasser (Conrad Veidt) - John Travolta Signor Ferrari (Sidney Greenstreet) - David Ogden Stiers Guillermo Ugarte (Peter Lorre) - Paul Reiser Sam (Dooley Wilson) - Eddie Murphy ---
**Author:** ![green\_bladder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/73ab20/32.png) [@green\_bladder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/green_bladder)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2003, 5:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/re-cast-a-classic-movie/186114/4 "2003-07-07T05:28:34Z")
**The Godfather** Don Vito Corleone - **Robin Williams** Michael Corleone - **Arnold Schwarzenegger** Sonny - **Matthew Perry** Clemenza - **Woody Allen** Tom Hagen - **Eddie Murphy** Fredo Corleone - **Ben Stiller** Kay Adams - **Pamela Anderson** (she’ll be in high demand) I can’t stop giggling 😃 ---
**Author:** ![ddgryphon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/8c91f0/32.png) [@ddgryphon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ddgryphon)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2003, 5:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/re-cast-a-classic-movie/186114/5 "2003-07-07T05:44:09Z")
It’s A Wonderful Life George Bailey (James Stewart) - Jim Carrey Mary Hatch Bailey (Donna Reed) - Elisabeth Rohm Mr. Potter (Lionel Barrymore) - William Shatner Uncle Billy (Thomas Mitchell) - Jerry Stiller Clarence Oddbody (Henry Travers) - John Ratzenberger Ernie (Taxi Driver) (Frank Faylen) - Tim Allen Officer Bert (Ward Bond) - Patrick Swayze Violet Bick (Gloria Grahme) - Drew Barrymore Mr. Gower (The Druggist) (H.B. Warner) - Elliott Gould ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2003, 5:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/re-cast-a-classic-movie/186114/6 "2003-07-07T05:52:16Z")
**Double Indemnity** Walter Neff (Fred MacMurray) - **Chris Kattan** Phyllis Dietrichson (Barbara Stanwyck) - **Drew Barrymore** Barton Keyes (Edward G. Robinson) - **John Lithgow** (And I really hate to put Lithgow in there. I’ve liked him in everything I’ve ever seen him in, including a reading of one of his children’s books, but I just can’t see him as Barton Keyes.) ---
**Author:** ![leechbabe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7cd45c/32.png) [@leechbabe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/leechbabe)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2003, 7:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/re-cast-a-classic-movie/186114/7 "2003-07-07T07:47:39Z")
Two “Citizen Kane” Packages **Number one** Eddie Murphy as Kane Owen Wilson … Jedediah Leland Lil’ Kim … Susan Alexander Kane Eddie Murphy … Kane’s Mother Eddie Murphy … Kane’s Father Janet Jackson … Emily Monroe Norton Kane Busta Rhymes … Mr. Bernstein, Kane’s General Manager Cedric The Entertainer … Jerry Thompson Eugene Levy … Walter Parks Thatcher P. Diddy … Signor Matiste, Susan’s Opera Coach Directed By John Singleton **Number Two** (The “sure to get an oscar version”) Tom Hanks … Kane Gary Sinese … Jedediah Leland Gwyneth Paltrow … Susan Alexander Kane Judi Dench … Kane’s Mother Jim Broadbent … Kane’s Father Julie Moore … Emily Monroe Norton Kane Geoffrey Rush … Mr. Bernstein, Kane’s General Manager Edward Norton … Jerry Thompson Paul Newman … Walter Parks Thatcher Roberto Begnini … Signor Matiste, Susan’s Opera Coach Directed by Lasse Halstom ---
**Author:** ![SolGrundy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bbce88/32.png) [@SolGrundy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SolGrundy)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2003, 9:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/re-cast-a-classic-movie/186114/8 "2003-07-07T09:37:01Z")
**Yojimbo** Starring Stephen Segal as Sanjuro ---
**Author:** ![Leechboy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/9fc348/32.png) [@Leechboy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leechboy)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2003, 10:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/re-cast-a-classic-movie/186114/9 "2003-07-07T10:26:07Z")
Hey I’m enjoying this PULP FICTION (in the Golden years) Farley Granger … Pumkin (Ringo) Cathy O’Donnell … Honey Bunny (Yolanda) Robert Mitchum … Vincent Vega (A natural for the role) Kirk Douglas … Jules Winifield (Difficult, but I couldn’t think of a great angry actor. But I thought of Douglas in Ace In The Hole…) Mickey Rooney … Brett Elisha Cook Jr. … Marvin Robert Ryan … Butch Coolidge Orson Welles … Marsellus ‘Big Man’ Wallace Veronica Lake … Mia Wallace Burt Lancaster … Capt. Koons Ava Gardner … Esmarelda Villalobos Judy Garland … Fabienne Peter Lorre… Maynard Sydney Greenstreet … Zed Lon Chaney … The Gimp George Raft … Winston ‘The Wolf’ Wolfe ---
**Author:** ![Leechboy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/9fc348/32.png) [@Leechboy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leechboy)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2003, 10:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/re-cast-a-classic-movie/186114/10 "2003-07-07T10:29:22Z")
Damn, didn’t look at the mission properly. Let me just say this then - Michael Jackson is Othello. ---
**Author:** ![Zeldar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b77776/32.png) [@Zeldar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeldar)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2003, 11:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/re-cast-a-classic-movie/186114/11 "2003-07-07T11:22:28Z")
Hey **Leechboy** I love your twist on the mission. Works at least as well as the OP. Others feel free to adapt to variations of your choice. Z ---
**Author:** ![Evil\_Captor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f17d59/32.png) [@Evil\_Captor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Captor)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2003, 11:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/re-cast-a-classic-movie/186114/12 "2003-07-07T11:28:59Z")
Jim Carrey IS Charles Foster Kane! In McG’s production of: Raising Kane with Andy Dick as Jedediah Leland Britney Spears as Susan Kane and Adam Sandler as Boss Jim Gettes See it before it rots! ---
**Author:** ![HelenGawn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a88e4f/32.png) [@HelenGawn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HelenGawn)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2003, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/re-cast-a-classic-movie/186114/13 "2003-07-07T14:16:01Z")
**ddgryphon** : You’re a casting agent IRL, aren’t you? Your proposals are oddly compelling, just plausible enough that I’m praying no studio types are lurking. I mean, Kelsey Grammer as Dutton Peabody is inspired! ---
**Author:** ![ddgryphon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/8c91f0/32.png) [@ddgryphon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ddgryphon)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2003, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/re-cast-a-classic-movie/186114/14 "2003-07-07T16:54:57Z")
Nope: Out of work computer consultant and writer. My take on it is that it’s too easy to just badly cast a movie. I think what makes a truly horrible film is what may seem like a good idea on the surface (and the Hollywood producers are all about surface impressions) but if you really think about it, just would result in on-screen horrors the like of Hammer Films never dreamed possible. Thanks for the compliment. ---
**Author:** ![ddgryphon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/8c91f0/32.png) [@ddgryphon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ddgryphon)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2003, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/re-cast-a-classic-movie/186114/15 "2003-07-07T20:58:50Z")
Okay, on to Modern Movies Recast with Classic Actors. The basic assumption will be they are at the proper age to perform the role listed: Die Hard John McClane (Bruce Willis) - Errol Flynn Hans Gruber (Alan Rickman) - Basil Rathbone Holly Gennaro McClane (Bonnie Bedelia) - Vivien Leigh Sgt. Al Powell (Reginald VelJohnson) - Paul Robeson Dwayne T. Robinson (Paul Gleason) - Bob Hope ---
**Author:** ![ddgryphon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/8c91f0/32.png) [@ddgryphon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ddgryphon)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2003, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/re-cast-a-classic-movie/186114/16 "2003-07-07T21:12:53Z")
The Terminator (50’s) The Terminator (Ahnold) - Steve Reeves Kyle Reese (Michael Biehn) - Paul Newman Sarah Connor (Linda Hamilton) - Natalie Wood Lieutenant Ed Traxler (Paul Winfield) - Sidney Poitier Detective Vukovich (Lance Henriksen) - Rod Steiger ---
**Author:** ![ddgryphon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/8c91f0/32.png) [@ddgryphon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ddgryphon)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2003, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/re-cast-a-classic-movie/186114/17 "2003-07-07T21:17:38Z")
Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope (50’s) Luke Skywalker (Mark Hamill) - Anthony Perkins Han Solo (Harrison Ford) - Marlon Brando Princess Leia Organna (Carrie Fisher) - Elizabeth Taylor Grand Moff Tarkin (Peter Cushing) - Lionel Barrymore Obi Wan Kenobi (Alec Guinness) - Burl Ives Darth Vader (David prowse-body/James Earl Jones-voice) - Johnny Weismuller-body/Paul Robeson - voice ---
**Author:** ![Zeldar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b77776/32.png) [@Zeldar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeldar)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2003, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/re-cast-a-classic-movie/186114/18 "2003-07-07T21:39:48Z")
You guys are casting movies I might even watch! ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2003, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/re-cast-a-classic-movie/186114/19 "2003-07-07T22:59:31Z")
QUENTIN TARANTINO’S WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE’S ROMEO & JULIET Romeo- John Travolta Juliet- Uma Thurman Mercutio- Samuel L. Jackson (“Shee-it, man, a pox and a whole mess of crab lice on both yo f\*cking houses!”) Tybalt= Steve Buscemi Paris- Harvey Keitel Father Lawrence- Ron Jeremy THE LION IN WINTER II Henry II- Robert Blake Eleanor of Aquitaine- Marsha Warfield Richard the Lionheart- Richard Simmons Geoffrey- Samuel Jackson John- Gilbert Gottfried THE COLOR PURPLE Mister (Danny Glover)- Emmanuel Lewis Harpo- Gary Coleman Miss Celie- Bea Arthur Ophelia- Betty White Shug- Rue McLanahan DISNEY’S GREATEST STORY EVER TOLD Jesus- Ricky Martin The Virgin Mary- Anna Nicole (“I shall call his name Emmanuel… or maybe Denny or Luke or something… heh heh he’s my little Godchild- Hey, do I have to buy him both a Christmas Present and a Birthday Present?”) Gabriel- Robin Williams (“Just tell your mom and dad 'gee, I’m 12 and unmarried and with child, but it’s God’s”, they’ll understand) Pontius Pilate- Roberto Benigni St. Peter- Eminem Satan- Jackie Mason Judas- Jeremy Irons John the Baptist- Jesse Ventura ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2003, 11:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/re-cast-a-classic-movie/186114/20 "2003-07-07T23:07:56Z")
If we can travel the past, then my choices for STAR WARS would include DARTH VADER- Wally Cox (I find your lack of faith quite disturbing…) OBI WAN KENOBI- Redd Foxx as Fred Sanford (“Luke, your daddy left his light saber for you… but I sold it… see, I had a chance to see Blind Melon Jelly in concert and… well, what with the Sandpeople and all who knew if you’d live to get it?”) PRINCESS LEIA- Judy Garland (“Help us Obi Wan… you’re our only…” [collapses stoned]) TITANIC Jack (DiCaprio’s character): Elvis Rose: Ann Margret Cal: Frank Sinatra (“Cheez it you bimbo! You’re shacked up with me, now, not some trailer park honky-tonk!”) Old Rose: Dame Edna Everage Ship’s Band: The Monkees [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/re-cast-a-classic-movie/186114.md?page=2)