# Re-cast Lord of the Rings. Badly. **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [August 23, 2013, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/re-cast-lord-of-the-rings-badly/666974 "2013-08-23T15:35:35Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 15\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Isamu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7c8e57/32.png) [@Isamu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isamu)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2014, 5:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/re-cast-lord-of-the-rings-badly/666974/41 "2014-08-26T05:08:41Z")
Treebeard - Chris Tucker A hobbat!?! Dooo yooo unnastan da wa-ds dattta comin outta maa mouf? ---
**Author:** ![Dioptre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/278dde/32.png) [@Dioptre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dioptre)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2014, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/re-cast-lord-of-the-rings-badly/666974/42 "2014-08-26T16:11:50Z")
How about a Marvel movies version? Each actor channeling their comic book role. Gandalf - Morgan Freeman (Nick Fury) Aragorn - Chris Hemsworth (Thor) Boromir - Clark Gregg (Agent Coulson) Legolas - Robert Downey, Jr (Iron Man) Gimli - Mark Ruffalo (Bruce Banner) Frodo - Andrew Garfield (Peter Parker) Sam - Toby Macguire (Peter Parker) Faramir - Brett Dalton (Grant Ward) Saruman - Tom Hiddleston (Loki) Arwen - Scarlet Johansson (Black Widow) Galadriel - Coby Smulders (Maria Hill) Gollum - Jeremy Renner (Hawkeye) Elrond - Patrick Steward (Professor X) Merry - Ellen Page as Kitty Pryde Pippin - Shawn Ashmore as Iceman ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2014, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/re-cast-lord-of-the-rings-badly/666974/43 "2014-08-26T16:18:57Z")
Hugo Weaving as Elrond, but have him play the part as Agent Smith… “Do you know the problem I have with Mordor? It’s the smell…” ---
**Author:** ![DCnDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dcndc/32/2842_2.png) [@DCnDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DCnDC)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2014, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/re-cast-lord-of-the-rings-badly/666974/44 "2014-08-26T16:22:47Z")
Wow. 43 posts and not one mention of Nicolas Cage. ---
**Author:** ![YogSothoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/8edcca/32.png) [@YogSothoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YogSothoth)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2014, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/re-cast-lord-of-the-rings-badly/666974/45 "2014-08-26T16:33:19Z")
Bilbo - Alec Baldwin “What have I got in my pocket? Fuck you, that’s what I have in my pocket! Here’s riddle for you, who had an invisibility ring and can’t close?” ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2014, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/re-cast-lord-of-the-rings-badly/666974/46 "2014-08-26T17:07:23Z")
> [@Dioptre](#): > > Gandalf - Morgan Freeman (Nick Fury) Morgan Freeman? ---
**Author:** ![Dioptre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/278dde/32.png) [@Dioptre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dioptre)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2014, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/re-cast-lord-of-the-rings-badly/666974/47 "2014-08-26T17:25:40Z")
> [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > Morgan Freeman? Oops. Not the first person to make that awful mistake. I was cycling through IMDB and my fingers typed what I was looking at instead of what I meant. ---
**Author:** ![Quercus\_alba](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quercus_alba/32/4061_2.png) [@Quercus\_alba](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quercus_alba)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2014, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/re-cast-lord-of-the-rings-badly/666974/48 "2014-08-26T19:23:06Z")
> [@Dioptre](#): > > …Gandalf - Morgan Freeman (Nick Fury) > … “Get busy mo----f—ing living, or get busy mo----f—ing dying, you mo----f—ing hobbit.” ---
**Author:** ![Just\_Asking\_Questions](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba9def/32.png) [@Just\_Asking\_Questions](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Just_Asking_Questions)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2014, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/re-cast-lord-of-the-rings-badly/666974/49 "2014-08-26T20:00:15Z")
> [@The Great Sun Jester](#): > > This thread is cracking me up. > > My first thought was Johnny Depp (in any role, although I do greatly admire his abilities) as Aragorn. I agree. Have him play Frodo as Jack Sparrow, or Gollum in the style of Edward Scissorhands, or Samwise like Tonto. \*Any \*role? Heck, have him play _all_ the roles! ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2014, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/re-cast-lord-of-the-rings-badly/666974/50 "2014-08-26T21:47:10Z")
> [@Chimera](#): > > Bilbo - Joe Pesci Nah, Shaquille O’Neal! ---
**Author:** ![Battle\_Pope](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4bbf92/32.png) [@Battle\_Pope](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Battle_Pope)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2014, 10:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/re-cast-lord-of-the-rings-badly/666974/51 "2014-08-26T22:26:55Z")
The [Irwin Allen](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Irwin_Allen)version: Bilbo - Charles Bronson Gandalf - Richard Burton Aragorn - James Coburn Boromir - Clint Eastwood Legolas - Charlton Heston Gimli - James Cagney Frodo - Burt Lancaster Merry - Sean Connery Pippin - Steve McQueen Samwise - Anthony Quinn Arwen - Katherine Hepburn Galadriel - Meryl Streep Denethor - Burt Lancaster Theoden - Kirk Douglas Sauromon - Robert Mitchum Gollum - Edward G. Robinson ---
**Author:** ![Dendarii\_Dame](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bbce88/32.png) [@Dendarii\_Dame](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dendarii_Dame)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2014, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/re-cast-lord-of-the-rings-badly/666974/52 "2014-08-26T22:44:55Z")
Harpo Marx _is_ Galadriel! Seriously–remember when she’s tempted by the Ring? And I’d add Groucho as Gimli, mostly so I can hear him say, “Well, that concludes negotiations.” Which makes Chico Legolas–maybe he can turn a piano string into a bowstring. Since Galadriel’s played by a man in drag, now, I’d have Milton Berle as Arwen. To be fair, I’d cast women as Gandalf (Margaret Dumont) and Aragorn (Martha Raye). Charlie McCarthy (the ventriloquist’s dummy) is Gollum. He can do his back and forths with Smeagol with Edgar Bergen, who’d have to be there moving him anyway. Charlie McCarthy used to feud with W.C. Fields on the former’s radio show, so Fields can be Sam. Oh, and Zeppo can be Frodo. ---
**Author:** ![YogSothoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/8edcca/32.png) [@YogSothoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YogSothoth)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2014, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/re-cast-lord-of-the-rings-badly/666974/53 "2014-08-26T23:48:21Z")
> [@DCnDC](#): > > Wow. 43 posts and not one mention of Nicolas Cage. Boromir - Nic Cage “No no, not the arrows, not the arrows! Aaaarrrggghh!” Mouth of Sauron - Samuel L. Jackson “Y’all motherfuckers really think you can stand up to Mordor?!” Gandalf - Laurence Fishburne “What if I told you that there is a path, and in that path a fork? One way leads to ignorance and doom, and the other, the truth. All you have to do is put on this ring…” ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2014, 8:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/re-cast-lord-of-the-rings-badly/666974/54 "2014-08-27T08:13:33Z")
> [@cormac262](#): > > This could be fun, but I think there needs to be some “ground rules” - certain people cast in ANY role would ruin a film. (these are some of the first people to come to mind, but then I realized they would mess up the cast of any movie) > > So to re-cast LOTR, you may NOT use: > > - Pauly Shore > - Adam Sandler > - Rosie O’Donnell > - Ahhnold > > Even Keanu Reeves and Lindsay Lohan are candidates for this exclusion list. > > Proceed… Ah no, sorry, but Ahnold gets to be an Uruk-hai. ---
**Author:** ![Battle\_Pope](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4bbf92/32.png) [@Battle\_Pope](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Battle_Pope)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2014, 9:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/re-cast-lord-of-the-rings-badly/666974/55 "2014-08-27T09:40:22Z")
> [@Nava](#): > > Ah no, sorry, but Ahnold gets to be an Uruk-hai. With some CGI he could be all the Uruk-hai (sort of a well armed [Deep Roy](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_characters_in_Charlie_and_the_Chocolate_Factory#Oompa-Loompas)) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/re-cast-lord-of-the-rings-badly/666974.md?page=2)