# Re: funerals of very crummy people **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 14, 2015, 2:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/re-funerals-of-very-crummy-people/722482 "2015-06-14T02:58:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Dibbs](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/da6949/32.png) [@Dibbs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dibbs)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2015, 4:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/re-funerals-of-very-crummy-people/722482/21 "2015-06-15T04:17:19Z")
> [@Eliahna](#): > > My children’s paternal grandmother’s funeral shall be interesting. Her siblings, her sons, her nieces and nephews… they all talk incessantly about how glad they’ll be when she’s finally gone. In my head, her funeral will be filled with the silence that comes from a dozen people grappling with their embarrassment at feeling so relieved by her death. I’ve already decided that, if I have to speak\*, I’ll talk about how immaculate her house was and what a great housekeeper she was. I can’t honestly think of anything else nice to say. > > - Not that I will. I’m busy that day and will unfortunately be unable to attend. That reminds me of reading my biological dad’s online funeral bio and how I couldn’t think of anything good to say about him except that he loved his cars, his whore and his booze.☹ ---
**Author:** ![The\_Vorlon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/d07c76/32.png) [@The\_Vorlon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Vorlon)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2015, 4:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/re-funerals-of-very-crummy-people/722482/22 "2015-06-15T04:46:04Z")
> [@Dibbs](#): > > It’s always a blessing whenever the devils (or vampires) among us leave this world and go to another plane of existence that’s more suited to their mean nature. She was well known for demanding the staff of the drive in she owned only put 4 clams per gallon sized batch of clam cakes. ---
**Author:** ![flatlined](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/eb9ed0/32.png) [@flatlined](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flatlined)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2015, 4:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/re-funerals-of-very-crummy-people/722482/23 "2015-06-15T04:55:12Z")
I found out about my abusive step father’s death when his wife found me on facebook and wanted money to bury him. Blocked her. Deleted my facebook account which I didn’t really use anyhow. My husband opened a very nice bottle of wine and after we drank it, we went to bed and had good sex. Take THAT you butthead! ---
**Author:** ![Urbanredneck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ea5d25/32.png) [@Urbanredneck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Urbanredneck)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2015, 5:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/re-funerals-of-very-crummy-people/722482/24 "2015-06-15T05:36:59Z")
We had an uncle once that over the years had cut ties with family and in his last days in the hospital had been reluctant to tell the social workers about family. They finally fug it out of him so my mother (his niece) could attend the funeral. He wasnt a bad guy or anything just kind of odd and liked being alone. ---
**Author:** ![MissTake](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misstake/32/3189_2.png) [@MissTake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MissTake)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2015, 1:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/re-funerals-of-very-crummy-people/722482/25 "2015-06-15T13:42:06Z")
When my ex-brother-in-law died, I sat in the back with family friends, where we quietly corrected the minister: “He was a wonderful and loving husband” Yeah, to wife number three. He left wife #1 (my sister) after schtupping and impregnating his secretary (who became #2), who he left to bang his half-sister, who he then left to marry her alcoholic best friend. Whatta guy. “He truly loved all of his children…” If, by loving, you mean beat senseless / ignore / belittle? Sure. _Military flag on casket_ He was booted from the Navy for going AWOL, defying direct orders, and generally being a useless piece of flesh. He spent the vast majority of his service either in the brig or scraping boats in the harbor. “He was a great entrepreneur” Maybe at the end of his life, but my mom and dad bailed him out from poor business set ups at least three times I know of, to the tune of tens of thousands of dollars (found out afterwards, his newest business was a scam - he owed employees thousands of dollars, was up to his scrawny neck in debt, and his widow cashed out any accounts he had within 24 hours of his death, leaving my nephews and his other daughter to cleam up the mess). Yeah, no tears at that funeral. ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2015, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/re-funerals-of-very-crummy-people/722482/26 "2015-06-15T21:07:32Z")
> [@Urbanredneck](#): > > We had an uncle once that over the years had cut ties with family and in his last days in the hospital had been reluctant to tell the social workers about family. They finally fug it out of him so my mother (his niece) could attend the funeral. > > He wasnt a bad guy or anything just kind of odd and liked being alone. My dad has a sister who has basically done that. My own sister was an adult before she knew she had an aunt on our dad’s side of the family. And when my dad’s sperm donor died, he was the only person who showed any interest, mainly in order to handle his estate (he did own some valuable property, which was purchased by a developer) and it was the only time I’ve ever seen him cry. Oh, I had interactions with my grandfather, but I never really knew him, and based on what I heard about him, didn’t want to. He was cremated and there was no service. ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2015, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/re-funerals-of-very-crummy-people/722482/27 "2015-06-15T21:09:51Z")
> [@MissTake](#): > > When my ex-brother-in-law died, I sat in the back with family friends, where we quietly corrected the minister: > “He was a wonderful and loving husband” Yeah, to wife number three. He left wife #1 (my sister) after schtupping and impregnating his secretary (who became #2), who he left to bang his half-sister, who he then left to marry her alcoholic best friend. Whatta guy. > “He truly loved all of his children…” If, by loving, you mean beat senseless / ignore / belittle? Sure. > _Military flag on casket_ He was booted from the Navy for going AWOL, defying direct orders, and generally being a useless piece of flesh. He spent the vast majority of his service either in the brig or scraping boats in the harbor. > “He was a great entrepreneur” Maybe at the end of his life, but my mom and dad bailed him out from poor business set ups at least three times I know of, to the tune of tens of thousands of dollars (found out afterwards, his newest business was a scam - he owed employees thousands of dollars, was up to his scrawny neck in debt, and his widow cashed out any accounts he had within 24 hours of his death, leaving my nephews and his other daughter to cleam up the mess). > > Yeah, no tears at that funeral. I used to live in the St. Louis area, and their newspaper has stock wording for obituaries that says “loving spouse of…”, “devoted parents of…” etc. which had me wondering sometimes how much of that was a bunch of crap. I have seen variations of that with people I knew, or knew of, personally. ---
**Author:** ![MagicEyes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5daacb/32.png) [@MagicEyes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MagicEyes)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2015, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/re-funerals-of-very-crummy-people/722482/28 "2015-06-16T04:12:37Z")
> [@The\_Vorlon](#): > > She was well known for demanding the staff of the drive in she owned only put 4 clams per gallon sized batch of clam cakes. Homeopathic clam cakes!! ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2015, 9:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/re-funerals-of-very-crummy-people/722482/29 "2015-06-16T09:40:41Z")
> [@nearwildheaven](#): > > I used to live in the St. Louis area, and their newspaper has stock wording for obituaries that says “loving spouse of…”, “devoted parents of…” etc. which had me wondering sometimes how much of that was a bunch of crap. I have seen variations of that with people I knew, or knew of, personally. My cousin had a child with a guy who was described as a “staunch family man” Yeah, he kept starting families a _lot_, with three different women. But he was a firefighter who died on duty so he was lauded to the skies. Even though it was a heart attack, not an injury(dude had got way overweight, his own fault.) ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2015, 10:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/re-funerals-of-very-crummy-people/722482/30 "2015-06-16T10:08:03Z")
This is sadly timely. My oldest friend’s father died yesterday. I am 51 years old and I have known the family since preschool. Mel was always an odd man. He was never very pleasent and got weirder and meaner the older he got. He was also a hoarder who, as my friend said, made the people on the show Hoarders look like pussies. In the end he had no friends and no one in his family was really talking to him. His widow, my friend’s mom, was an important person in my life. She was my Cub Scout Den Mother and was very good to me. The funeral is on Wednesday and everyone there will be there for her. The hospice people asked her if she needed support or a social worker and she told them not to bother. We spoke for a while last night and she could vent for a bit because she knows that I knew the situation. My friend is just sad that he isn’t sad about the situation. That he didn’t have a father to be sad about. He is expected to speak at the service and he is at a loss. He planned to say things like “he taught me to be a good father and a good friend” leaving out the subtext that it was as a counter example. His wife wisely nixed that idea. What a sad life to have lived that you die in your early 80s and no one gives a shit. And furthermore, you wouldn’t even care that no one gives a shit. ---
**Author:** ![Dibbs](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/da6949/32.png) [@Dibbs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dibbs)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2015, 11:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/re-funerals-of-very-crummy-people/722482/31 "2015-06-16T11:09:55Z")
> [@MissTake](#): > > When my ex-brother-in-law died, I sat in the back with family friends, where we quietly corrected the minister: > “He was a wonderful and loving husband” Yeah, to wife number three. He left wife #1 (my sister) after schtupping and impregnating his secretary (who became #2), who he left to bang his half-sister, who he then left to marry her alcoholic best friend. Whatta guy. > “He truly loved all of his children…” If, by loving, you mean beat senseless / ignore / belittle? Sure. > _Military flag on casket_ He was booted from the Navy for going AWOL, defying direct orders, and generally being a useless piece of flesh. He spent the vast majority of his service either in the brig or scraping boats in the harbor. > “He was a great entrepreneur” Maybe at the end of his life, but my mom and dad bailed him out from poor business set ups at least three times I know of, to the tune of tens of thousands of dollars (found out afterwards, his newest business was a scam - he owed employees thousands of dollars, was up to his scrawny neck in debt, and his widow cashed out any accounts he had within 24 hours of his death, leaving my nephews and his other daughter to cleam up the mess). > > Yeah, no tears at that funeral. All these amazing anecdotal comments make me wonder if there’s a potentially popular movie of some type to be made with this subject. Hmm I wonder what name would be given to such a movie?😃 Thanks for sharing!🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Dibbs](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/da6949/32.png) [@Dibbs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dibbs)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2015, 11:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/re-funerals-of-very-crummy-people/722482/32 "2015-06-16T11:21:41Z")
> [@hajario](#): > > This is sadly timely. My oldest friend’s father died yesterday. I am 51 years old and I have known the family since preschool. > > Mel was always an odd man. He was never very pleasent and got weirder and meaner the older he got. He was also a hoarder who, as my friend said, made the people on the show Hoarders look like pussies. In the end he had no friends and no one in his family was really talking to him. > > His widow, my friend’s mom, was an important person in my life. She was my Cub Scout Den Mother and was very good to me. The funeral is on Wednesday and everyone there will be there for her. The hospice people asked her if she needed support or a social worker and she told them not to bother. We spoke for a while last night and she could vent for a bit because she knows that I knew the situation. > > My friend is just sad that he isn’t sad about the situation. That he didn’t have a father to be sad about. He is expected to speak at the service and he is at a loss. He planned to say things like “he taught me to be a good father and a good friend” leaving out the subtext that it was as a counter example. His wife wisely nixed that idea. > > What a sad life to have lived that you die in your early 80s and no one gives a shit. And furthermore, you wouldn’t even care that no one gives a shit. Yes, that is pretty sad. For some reason it makes me think of this actual event that I read about many years ago. So, this dude dies and he states in his will that he wanted his will to be read from a balcony on his house. And so while people were gathered about wondering what he might have left them, the posts holding the balcony gave way and they all went tumbling down! Fortunately, as I recall, no one was hurt but they did discover that the dude had cut the support structure so as to weaken it. I guess he was laughing in his grave at getting those folks nearly killed. Btw, to be fair I must state that I don’t recall if he was the bad guy or they were bad people (and had it coming), as it was a while back. But it does show how some people feel about some folks being in their lives. ---
**Author:** ![Dibbs](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/da6949/32.png) [@Dibbs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dibbs)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2015, 2:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/re-funerals-of-very-crummy-people/722482/33 "2015-06-17T02:28:06Z")
> [@Dibbs](#): > > Yes, that is pretty sad. > > For some reason it makes me think of this actual event that I read about many years ago. So, this dude dies and he states in his will that he wanted his will to be read from a balcony on his house. And so while people were gathered about wondering what he might have left them, the posts holding the balcony gave way and they all went tumbling down! > > Fortunately, as I recall, no one was hurt but they did discover that the dude had cut the support structure so as to weaken it. I guess he was laughing in his grave at getting those folks nearly killed. > > Btw, to be fair I must state that I don’t recall if he was the bad guy or they were bad people (and had it coming), as it was a while back. But it does show how some people feel about some folks being in their lives. A small and unfortunate coincidence of sorts … that I should make a reference about a balcony incident and then wake up and learn that one really did go down in Berekely this morning, about 3 hours before I posted my comment. And God bless those folks, too! ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2015, 2:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/re-funerals-of-very-crummy-people/722482/34 "2015-06-17T02:57:37Z")
> [@hajario](#): > > This is sadly timely. My oldest friend’s father died yesterday. I am 51 years old and I have known the family since preschool. > > Mel was always an odd man. He was never very pleasent and got weirder and meaner the older he got. He was also a hoarder who, as my friend said, made the people on the show Hoarders look like pussies. In the end he had no friends and no one in his family was really talking to him. > > His widow, my friend’s mom, was an important person in my life. She was my Cub Scout Den Mother and was very good to me. The funeral is on Wednesday and everyone there will be there for her. The hospice people asked her if she needed support or a social worker and she told them not to bother. We spoke for a while last night and she could vent for a bit because she knows that I knew the situation. > > My friend is just sad that he isn’t sad about the situation. That he didn’t have a father to be sad about. He is expected to speak at the service and he is at a loss. He planned to say things like “he taught me to be a good father and a good friend” leaving out the subtext that it was as a counter example. His wife wisely nixed that idea. > > What a sad life to have lived that you die in your early 80s and no one gives a shit. And furthermore, you wouldn’t even care that no one gives a shit. Do you know why she stayed with him? ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2015, 3:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/re-funerals-of-very-crummy-people/722482/35 "2015-06-17T03:21:20Z")
I remember a previous thread on this topic but guests at the funeral started punching the deceased in his coffin. Several joined in. It kind of got out of hand. ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2015, 3:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/re-funerals-of-very-crummy-people/722482/36 "2015-06-17T03:53:49Z")
> [@nearwildheaven](#): > > Do you know why she stayed with him? Inertia. Fear. A divorce would be too big of a pain in the ass in her mind. I don’t know. She had a reasonably full life on her own and a brief shitty marriage before Mel. Eventually they were old so there was no point in her mind as they were living totally separate lives anyway. ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2015, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/re-funerals-of-very-crummy-people/722482/37 "2015-06-17T16:52:39Z")
Reading these, I’m reminded of the story of P. L. Travers, the author of the Mary Poppins novels. She apparently was a truly nasty woman. The most telling statement was made by her grandchildren after her death: “She died loving no one and with no one loving her.” ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2015, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/re-funerals-of-very-crummy-people/722482/38 "2015-06-17T17:12:49Z")
> [@Zebra](#): > > I remember a previous thread on this topic but guests at the funeral started punching the deceased in his coffin. Several joined in. It kind of got out of hand. That’s an awesome mental image. ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2015, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/re-funerals-of-very-crummy-people/722482/39 "2015-06-17T17:24:10Z")
> [@Zebra](#): > > I remember a previous thread on this topic but guests at the funeral started punching the deceased in his coffin. Several joined in. It kind of got out of hand. That reminds me of a story, which may be apocryphal, about a burial team during the 1918 flu epidemic. They were delivering a load of bodies, in plain wooden caskets, to a cemetery using a horse-drawn cart, and heard knocking from one of them. It was a person nobody liked, abused his family, etc. and they considered opening it and letting him out but decided to go on and bury him anyway. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Turpentine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecd19e/32.png) [@Turpentine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Turpentine)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2015, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/re-funerals-of-very-crummy-people/722482/40 "2015-06-17T17:34:37Z")
Remember when Fred Phelps died? He was pretty crummy. Prior to that, I had this fantasy of taking a trip to Topeka, KS with a bunch of friends once he died, and loudly picketing his funeral. Then it turned out that many, many others had that very same idea. There were Facebook pages trying to assemble these people for that day. When that fuckface finally died, they didn’t hold a funeral for him. Shucks. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/re-funerals-of-very-crummy-people/722482.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/re-funerals-of-very-crummy-people/722482.md?page=3)