# Re: Jehovah's witnesses at the door **URL:** \ **Category:** Cecil's Columns/Staff Reports\ **Created:** [April 22, 2011, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/re-jehovahs-witnesses-at-the-door/579394 "2011-04-22T19:30:03Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Musicat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/musicat/32/20189_2.png) [@Musicat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Musicat)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2011, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/re-jehovahs-witnesses-at-the-door/579394/21 "2011-05-01T16:53:16Z")
> [@Rhodes](#): > > … I decided to research whether Joseph Smith really had a God-given ability to translate ancient Egyptian scripture. He had help from his stones. Not everyone names theirs, but he called them Urim and Thummim. I call mine Bob & Ted. ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2011, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/re-jehovahs-witnesses-at-the-door/579394/22 "2011-05-02T15:05:12Z")
> [@Two\_Many\_Cats](#): > > They may be dead wrong in their beliefs, but they have a courage I’m not sure I would have if I were one of them again. The Westboro Baptist folks have “courage” as well. They tend to be a bit more in-your-face with their beliefs, it is true. ---
**Author:** ![Critical1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/3e96dc/32.png) [@Critical1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Critical1)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2011, 6:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/re-jehovahs-witnesses-at-the-door/579394/23 "2011-05-03T06:40:42Z")
I cant find it but there is a great vid on youtube of an Australian tv show host who gets pissed after being woken up one time to many and flys to Utah to do some Atheist missionary work…hilarity most definitely does ensue (I dont remember any penis though) [http://www.break.com/index/door\_to\_door\_atheists\_bother\_mormons.html](http://www.break.com/index/door_to_door_atheists_bother_mormons.html) and then of course I find it. ---
**Author:** ![dougie\_monty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@dougie\_monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dougie_monty)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2011, 7:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/re-jehovahs-witnesses-at-the-door/579394/24 "2011-05-03T07:47:41Z")
The Witnesses will probably never come back. You have impressed them that you are imsolent clods. If \*\*\*I \*\*\*saw you do that I would probably tell your neighbors. That would impress _them_ that you are sex perverts. ---
**Author:** ![MsRobyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/90ced4/32.png) [@MsRobyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsRobyn)\ **Post date:** [May 3, 2011, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/re-jehovahs-witnesses-at-the-door/579394/25 "2011-05-03T22:13:16Z")
> [@dougie\_monty](#): > > The Witnesses will probably never come back. You have impressed them that you are imsolent clods. If \*\*\*I \*\*\*saw you do that I would probably tell your neighbors. That would impress _them_ that you are sex perverts. Yes, and if you did that, you’d be on the receiving end of a chat from the head of your congregation. Your right to knock on my door has no bearing on my right how I choose to answer the door in my own home. And if it makes me an insolent clod, then so be it. You’d do better to find another way to witness that doesn’t involve direct human contact. ---
**Author:** ![Patch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a183cd/32.png) [@Patch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Patch)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2011, 1:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/re-jehovahs-witnesses-at-the-door/579394/26 "2011-05-04T13:44:13Z")
It seems to me that the situation is ripe for a serial killer. I mean, the victims come to your door and ask to come inside! Someone, somewhere must have written a story about that. “In a major mid-western city, Jehovah’s Witnesses are slowly disappearing. The local churches think the rapture is occurring, albeit slowly, but Detective Joe Martin and his new partner think they’re being called home by a more earthly power.” ---
**Author:** ![Two\_Many\_Cats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8dc957/32.png) [@Two\_Many\_Cats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Two_Many_Cats)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2011, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/re-jehovahs-witnesses-at-the-door/579394/27 "2011-05-04T15:04:16Z")
> [@Patch](#): > > It seems to me that the situation is ripe for a serial killer. I mean, the victims come to your door and ask to come inside! > > Someone, somewhere must have written a story about that. > > “In a major mid-western city, Jehovah’s Witnesses are slowly disappearing. The local churches think the rapture is occurring, albeit slowly, but Detective Joe Martin and his new partner think they’re being called home by a more earthly power.” Cute. But those would be other churches thinking that. Witnesses believe the rapture (and they don’t call it that) is only for the 144,000, many of which have already gone. (Or are waiting for the resurrection, they never were too clear on that point.) Oh, and the word ‘church’ is avoided. ‘Kingdom Hall’ is the preferred term. ---
**Author:** ![Two\_Many\_Cats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8dc957/32.png) [@Two\_Many\_Cats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Two_Many_Cats)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2011, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/re-jehovahs-witnesses-at-the-door/579394/28 "2011-05-04T15:16:08Z")
Missed the edit window. Just a note to say that most Witnesses do not believe that they are part of the 144,000 that go to heaven, although I know one lady who thinks she is. How does she know? I guess God lets her know, and they just take her word for it. She doesn’t get any extra privileges or anything, so it’s not like they get jealous of it. Most Witnesses look forward to paradise on earth. Cripes, I’ve had to correct this paragraph twice, substituting “they” for “we”. AAAAUUUGHHH!!! I’m turning into a Witness again!!! Damn you dopers!!! You see what you’ve done to me!!! You see what you’ve done!!! ---
**Author:** ![Sister\_Vigilante](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9de0a6/32.png) [@Sister\_Vigilante](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sister_Vigilante)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2011, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/re-jehovahs-witnesses-at-the-door/579394/29 "2011-05-04T20:48:24Z")
I don’t think many of the JWs want to be at your door any more than you want them there. It’s required and they get harassed if they don’t do it. Please don’t send attack dogs or do stupid stunts. Just tell them to take you off their visitation list and they’ll stop. They go back and write that stuff down at the Kingdom Hall. Or, hello, don’t answer the door. I haven’t answered the door the 10 years I’ve lived here, if it was someone I didn’t know, except when one guy kept coming every evening and I gave in (it was the homeowner’s association president). My ex JW hubby did answer the door to a couple of Mormons once though. That was a hell of a conversation. ---
**Author:** ![EvilTOJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee59a6/32.png) [@EvilTOJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EvilTOJ)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2011, 6:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/re-jehovahs-witnesses-at-the-door/579394/30 "2011-05-05T06:47:50Z")
> [@dougie\_monty](#): > > The Witnesses will probably never come back. You have impressed them that you are imsolent clods. If \*\*\*I \*\*\*saw you do that I would probably tell your neighbors. That would impress _them_ that you are sex perverts. Go ahead and tell my neighbors. They’ll either 1) Not give a tin shit what you’re talking about or B) think that’s hot and they’ll come over to my place to introduce themselves. Is there really other kind of pervert besides a sex one? ---
**Author:** ![dougie\_monty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@dougie\_monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dougie_monty)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2011, 7:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/re-jehovahs-witnesses-at-the-door/579394/31 "2011-05-05T07:44:02Z")
> [@EvilTOJ](#): > > Go ahead and tell my neighbors. They’ll think that’s hot and they’ll come over to my place to introduce themselves. Sic ad muscam dixit aranea! ---
**Author:** ![AboutAsWeirdAsYouCanGet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@AboutAsWeirdAsYouCanGet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AboutAsWeirdAsYouCanGet)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2011, 8:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/re-jehovahs-witnesses-at-the-door/579394/32 "2011-05-05T08:15:47Z")
I was having some issues with JW who really wanted me in their church, despite the fact that I’m college educated, wear pants, am lesbian and am SUPER libral. Apparently they were looking for deaf people in the area (they like to recruit us …grrrrrrr) and KEPT coming by. They did not get the hint that I was NOT interested. If my almost girlfriend had been around…lol…Actually one time they stopped by. I was in the living room. Suddenly I saw my cat racing upstairs at high speed. I walked up to a room that overlooked the window…and saw them! Smart cat! ---
**Author:** ![Irishman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/b487fb/32.png) [@Irishman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Irishman)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2011, 2:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/re-jehovahs-witnesses-at-the-door/579394/33 "2011-05-05T14:59:40Z")
> [@AboutAsWeirdAsYouCanGet](#): > > …I’m college educated, wear pants, am lesbian and am SUPER libral. Nice post/poster juxtaposition. ---
**Author:** ![Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/regallag_the_axe/32/445_2.png) [@Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Regallag_The_Axe)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2011, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/re-jehovahs-witnesses-at-the-door/579394/34 "2011-05-05T17:28:11Z")
If JWs came to my house regularly, I would print out [this picture](http://img2.moonbuggy.org/imgstore/my-god-has-a-hammer.jpg) and keep it by the door. I would probably also have the darkest, heaviest, most brutal metal I can find ready to blast at all times. ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [May 5, 2011, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/re-jehovahs-witnesses-at-the-door/579394/35 "2011-05-05T22:30:34Z")
> [@Michael\_of\_Lucan](#): > > Can I offer a simpler solution? In “Western” countries, religion touts are trained to handle objections from people of a Christian background or no religion. You cannot stop them by claiming attachment to another Christian religion, or asserting your atheism. You will encourage them to keep trying. The time they came to my house, I politely said “I’m sorry, we’re a devout atheist household,” and they vanished and have never come back. I wish they did come back - I’d try to “convert” them to belief in evolution. (Or acceptance.) They were nicer than the Baptists. I tried the “I’m Jewish” line on them, which resulted in them telling me how I should convert for my own good, which inspired me to turn on my “2,000 years of repression” rant on them. They’ve never been back either. Our house was owned by Mormons before we moved in, so I guess we’re on their do not call list yet. ---
**Author:** ![devilsknew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/4da419/32.png) [@devilsknew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/devilsknew)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2011, 6:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/re-jehovahs-witnesses-at-the-door/579394/36 "2011-05-06T06:14:07Z")
I think most Jehovah’s are cultic, insular, isolated, and generally apocalyptic in their beliefs. I am already depressed, why would I want their False Prophet? I’m hoping to rescue a few of them from their chosen illusion. ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2011, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/re-jehovahs-witnesses-at-the-door/579394/37 "2011-05-06T15:59:09Z")
> [@Michael\_of\_Lucan](#): > > I love Master Wang-Ka’s solution, threatening Jehovah’s Witnesses with a sword. I do too, but I think it would have been just as effective if he had grabbed the dildo, instead. ---
**Author:** ![dougie\_monty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@dougie\_monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dougie_monty)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2011, 8:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/re-jehovahs-witnesses-at-the-door/579394/38 "2011-05-09T08:47:08Z")
> [@devilsknew](#): > > I think most Jehovah’s are cultic, insular, isolated, and generally apocalyptic in their beliefs. I am already depressed, why would I want their False Prophet? I’m hoping to rescue a few of them from their chosen illusion. Obviously you have a False Prophet and a chosen illusion of your _own._ Nothing doing. ---
**Author:** ![devilsknew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/4da419/32.png) [@devilsknew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/devilsknew)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2011, 8:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/re-jehovahs-witnesses-at-the-door/579394/39 "2011-05-10T08:54:06Z")
> [@dougie\_monty](#): > > Obviously you have a False Prophet and a chosen illusion of your _own._ > Nothing doing. I have no prophets, I have no illusions. Killed the Buddha on the path. ---
**Author:** ![New\_Deal\_Democrat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/9d8465/32.png) [@New\_Deal\_Democrat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/New_Deal_Democrat)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2011, 11:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/re-jehovahs-witnesses-at-the-door/579394/40 "2011-05-10T23:33:58Z")
> [@Rhodes](#): > > In my anecdotal experience, you are absolutely correct. My journey out of the LDS church began when I decided to research whether Joseph Smith really had a God-given ability to translate ancient Egyptian scripture. This is an excellent video about The Book of Abraham. [![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/3yDF5EeCr3Y/hqdefault.jpg "The Lost Book of Abraham - Investigating Mormon Claims 1 / 6") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3yDF5EeCr3Y) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/re-jehovahs-witnesses-at-the-door/579394.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/re-jehovahs-witnesses-at-the-door/579394.md?page=3)