# Re-meeting a trans person **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 15, 2019, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/re-meeting-a-trans-person/841792 "2019-10-15T14:37:15Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 5\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![JRDelirious](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jrdelirious/32/9531_2.png) [@JRDelirious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JRDelirious)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2019, 12:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/re-meeting-a-trans-person/841792/23 "2019-10-17T12:18:54Z")
> [@lorene](#): > > Well, my son can’t speak for all trans people, but if people have to ask, he prefers short and sweet. No self-deprecating remarks or pretending not to remember him, no overly-long preamble like “oh, jeez, I’m so sorry. I don’t mean to call attention to the fact that you’ve transitioned, but I don’t know what you want to be called blah blah…” Just, “what should I call you?” or " what name do you go by? " > > It won’t feel elegant to the speaker, but to my son, it feels the most respectful. In any case, thanks to you and him for giving us at least one data point from someone with the direct experience. It does make sense, I mean, ISTM seeing people squirming to avoid saying the wrong thing must be also uncomfortable for the addressee. ---
**Author:** ![installLSC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/54ee81/32.png) [@installLSC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/installLSC)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2019, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/re-meeting-a-trans-person/841792/24 "2019-10-17T15:20:25Z")
You know, you could have asked a transgender person… I’m one, and there’s plenty of times I’ve met someone in female mode and then met them again in male mode. Mostly the person offers their own preferred name, but if they don’t you ask them nicely “so what’s your preferred name” or “what would you like to be called”. Saying “I’m sorry” in front of such a request works wonders. I’m always amused about people who assume TGs are searching for reasons to be angry at people. Yes asking us our “new” name is awkward but transitioning or even being out in public the first time is much, more awkward. As long as you act respectfully and don’t treat us like freaks, the overwhelming majority of transgendered people will not be upset. ---
**Author:** ![installLSC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/54ee81/32.png) [@installLSC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/installLSC)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2019, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/re-meeting-a-trans-person/841792/25 "2019-10-17T15:37:59Z")
Here is [a fascinating blog post about re-introducing yourself in a different gender](http://www.femulate.org/2016/05/when-did-you-make-gender-switch.html), from one of my favorite blogs. ---
**Author:** ![ZipperJJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zipperjj/32/211_2.png) [@ZipperJJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZipperJJ)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2019, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/re-meeting-a-trans-person/841792/26 "2019-10-17T17:08:15Z")
Thanks **installLSC** , good article! I’m not trying to make anything awkward for anyone, or make anyone feel bad. I asked here because I know there are trans people on this board and people who have loved ones who are trans and I was just seeking educated opinions. As I said in the OP it worked out without me having to ask so really it’s just a thought experiment/learning opportunity for me. Or anyone else who might be reading. ---
**Author:** ![lorene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/65b543/32.png) [@lorene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lorene)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2019, 3:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/re-meeting-a-trans-person/841792/27 "2019-10-18T03:13:19Z")
> [@ZipperJJ](#): > > As I said in the OP it worked out without me having to ask so really it’s just a thought experiment/learning opportunity for me. Or anyone else who might be reading. And a really good one at that! I’ve never been in that situation myself. Either I’m meeting someone for the first time, someone else has told me about the transition, or the person themselves had said, “I’m going by Ray and my preferred pronouns are he/him.” It’s good to think about these things ahead of time, because I’m frequently awkward in surprising situations (or else I’m not 100% awkward but I still agonize for days about whether I _was_ awkward). [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/re-meeting-a-trans-person/841792.md?page=1)