# Reading on the Throne - What's the Big Effing Deal? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 22, 2005, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/reading-on-the-throne-whats-the-big-effing-deal/318116 "2005-08-22T15:20:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Sarah\_Woodruff](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df788c/32.png) [@Sarah\_Woodruff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sarah_Woodruff)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2005, 8:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/reading-on-the-throne-whats-the-big-effing-deal/318116/61 "2005-08-23T08:12:49Z")
> [@Susie Derkins](#): > > I have to have something to read when I am on the john. Hell, if I have to poop in a public toilet, I will read my driver’s license or money if that’s all I’ve got. Same here, and I’ve been like that since I was six years old. The only time I didn’t was when I had food poisoning and thus had my eyes screwed shut and gripped the toilet-roll holder in a vice-like grip the whole time. :eek: It gets boring in there. There’s nothing to look at but the sink. ---
**Author:** ![Sage\_Rat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sage_rat/32/399_2.png) [@Sage\_Rat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sage_Rat)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2005, 8:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/reading-on-the-throne-whats-the-big-effing-deal/318116/62 "2005-08-23T08:29:08Z")
ALL YOU POO READERS ARE JUST LOSING OUT TO THE BATHTUB READERS!!! Much more comfortable I should think. 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![Sarah\_Woodruff](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df788c/32.png) [@Sarah\_Woodruff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sarah_Woodruff)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2005, 8:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/reading-on-the-throne-whats-the-big-effing-deal/318116/63 "2005-08-23T08:40:36Z")
> [@whiterabbit](#): > > Not hard at all. If it’s a paperback that hasn’t been too abused, I just hold it with my left and and brush with my right. If it’s a hardback or a paperback that can be laid flat I use a toothpaste tube to hold it open and read and brush away. Actually, that’s precisely my technique. I had braces for 2 years, so in the ten minutes or so it took me to clean my teeth, I’d get bored. When I’m bored - I read. 😃 Also, I do the toothpaste-tube-hold-open thing when I’m in the shower - I have a clear showerscreen, the sink ledge is right next to it, so I put the book on the sink ledge and read it through the showerscreen. Even though my showers take no more than 5 minutes. Only works for hardcovers, though. ---
**Author:** ![calm\_kiwi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9fc348/32.png) [@calm\_kiwi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/calm_kiwi)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2005, 10:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/reading-on-the-throne-whats-the-big-effing-deal/318116/64 "2005-08-23T10:52:08Z")
I really didn’t know there were so many readers-on-the-loo out there. I maried on and gave birth to one but I thought they were freaks. I don’t feel the loo a comfy place. I also appear to be a speedy shitter. Reading on the loo just doesn’t work for me. It’s a place to pee (very quickly) or poo (pretty damn quickly) not a place to hang about. Yes, I have read soap/loo paper/air freshener ingredients or instructions but jeeeez people POO and LEAVE. Reading on the loo is a sure sign of lack of fibre in the diet 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Siege](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dbc845/32.png) [@Siege](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siege)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2005, 10:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/reading-on-the-throne-whats-the-big-effing-deal/318116/65 "2005-08-23T10:58:51Z")
> [@LaurAnge](#): > > I’m so sorry, but I’m an avowed nitpicker. The Iliad was originally written in Greek. > > Count me in as a shampoo-bottle reader. I often wondered if I was crazy to have that compusion to read something - ANYTHING - but now I feel in good company. Don’t worry about it. I knew I’d be busted if I got it wrong, and Mum reads both Latin and Ancient Greek for fun. At least I’m not the only nerd in my family! 😉 CJ ---
**Author:** ![OtakuLoki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ac8455/32.png) [@OtakuLoki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OtakuLoki)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2005, 11:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/reading-on-the-throne-whats-the-big-effing-deal/318116/66 "2005-08-23T11:19:19Z")
I’m another bathroom reader. Then again, my whole family are bathroom readers - my mother, father, sister, aunt, uncle… I don’t know about my cousins, but I wouldn’t bet anything I couldn’t lose against it. All you people who don’t read on the toilet confuse me. What do you think about while you’re in there? Do you really find excretion all that mentally demanding? Don’t you want to be distracted from the crude biology of it all? ---
**Author:** ![Sage\_Rat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sage_rat/32/399_2.png) [@Sage\_Rat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sage_Rat)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2005, 12:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/reading-on-the-throne-whats-the-big-effing-deal/318116/67 "2005-08-23T12:25:02Z")
> [@OtakuLoki](#): > > What do you think about while you’re in there? What do you think about for the 30 seconds while you are walking from your desk to grab a soda out of the fridge? I like reading and all, but sitting on the john with doodle bits hanging so I can finish a full page is just nowhere near a second choice to spending a leisurely hour in a nice warm tub finishing off a few chapters. Finish the shit and get on with life, I say. I suspect the answer comes down much more to relative purge duration. So: I recommend more fiber and a long bath. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2005, 12:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/reading-on-the-throne-whats-the-big-effing-deal/318116/68 "2005-08-23T12:49:07Z")
> [@Sage Rat](#): > > I suspect the answer comes down much more to relative purge duration. So: I recommend more fiber and a long bath. Did you not read where I said I only take five minutes or less?! It’s not that I have to read while pooping, it;s just a compulsion to read, and may Og ensure it never leaves me. ---
**Author:** ![norinew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/eb9ed0/32.png) [@norinew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/norinew)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2005, 1:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/reading-on-the-throne-whats-the-big-effing-deal/318116/69 "2005-08-23T13:28:28Z")
> [@Whiterabbit](#): > > It’s excellent reading time because nobody and nothing is going to interrupt! Obviously, you don’t have kids! 😃 Okay, I have a cute reading-in-the-john story for you all. Hubby and I are both bathroom readers, always have been. When our oldest was a wee lass of three, she got up late one night to use the potty. She was in there for what seemed like a long time, and I went to check on her because I thought she might have fallen asleep in there. Imagine my surprise to find her sitting on the toilet, hard-cover book of her dad’s open in her lap, turning the pages. She couldn’t read, and had no clue what that book was. But at the age of three, she by-God knew that when you’re sitting on the john, you have a book in your lap! 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Nutty\_Bunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/d07c76/32.png) [@Nutty\_Bunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nutty_Bunny)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2005, 1:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/reading-on-the-throne-whats-the-big-effing-deal/318116/70 "2005-08-23T13:35:12Z")
> [@Diogenes the Cynic](#): > > Why would you throw away reading material just because it’s been in the bathroom? Do you shit on your books? It seems like a waste. > > I’ve managed never to shit on a book but I have to admit I have dropped one or two paperbacks in the bowl. That sucks. Well, in our case, it’s usually not a book, but a tabloid or a day-old newspaper. I don’t throw books away. I hoard them to prove to people that I do more than watch TV. We have one hell of a bookcase in our living room. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Anastasaeon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/73ab20/32.png) [@Anastasaeon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anastasaeon)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2005, 1:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/reading-on-the-throne-whats-the-big-effing-deal/318116/71 "2005-08-23T13:35:56Z")
> [@Sage Rat](#): > > I suspect the answer comes down much more to relative purge duration. So: I recommend more fiber and a long bath. Ugh. More fibre keeps me in the bathroom even longer! I’ve recently changed my diet, and it is fibre-based. Holy cow. I don’t just find it convenient to take a book along now, I _need_ that book! It’s a _life preserver_! I read in the bath, too. I just like to read. Everywhere and anywhere. Shampoo bottle reader, here, too, in the absence of a book. And tampon boxes, medication precautions, etc. In the kitchen it’s cereal boxes and any other boxed goods. ---
**Author:** ![Loopydude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e56c9b/32.png) [@Loopydude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loopydude)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2005, 1:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/reading-on-the-throne-whats-the-big-effing-deal/318116/72 "2005-08-23T13:43:16Z")
> [@yellowval](#): > > By the way, **Loopydude** , if you want to work on your golf game, you might try one of [these](http://www.asontv.com/products/989368166.html).\* > > Warning: Contains picture of guy on potty holding putter, may not be considered work safe for some of you. Open at your own risk. I was sorely tempted. It was the evil side of me threatening to take over. The cost-benefit analysis is ongoing: Will the look on my wife’s face when she sees this be worth the grief it might cause? Difficult to say… ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2005, 1:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/reading-on-the-throne-whats-the-big-effing-deal/318116/73 "2005-08-23T13:47:42Z")
> [@Nutty Bunny](#): > > Well, in our case, it’s usually not a book, but a tabloid or a day-old newspaper. I don’t throw books away. I hoard them to prove to people that I do more than watch TV. We have one hell of a bookcase in our living room. 😃 Oh yeah. And I keep thinking “Wow, I should go through these, and give away the ones I don’t want.” And then I think… Erk! By the way, upon re-reading it seems my reply to\*\* Sage Rat \*\* came off as a little snarky, and I didn’t mean that. Apologies! ---
**Author:** ![Sage\_Rat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sage_rat/32/399_2.png) [@Sage\_Rat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sage_Rat)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2005, 1:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/reading-on-the-throne-whats-the-big-effing-deal/318116/74 "2005-08-23T13:51:30Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > Did you not read where I said I only take five minutes or less?! It’s not that I have to read while pooping, it;s just a compulsion to read, and may Og ensure it never leaves me. 5 minutes = long ---
**Author:** ![Sage\_Rat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sage_rat/32/399_2.png) [@Sage\_Rat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sage_Rat)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2005, 1:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/reading-on-the-throne-whats-the-big-effing-deal/318116/75 "2005-08-23T13:56:06Z")
Ah, plus I’m just being argumentative to put up a good fight for our side. I can’t honestly admit to caring whether people read or not. In truth, if I’m reading a book when the urge comes, I’ll take it in with me. But I also stand up, walk to the bathroom, going back to bed, etc. all without ever stopping reading (cept during the wiping bit of course.) So I’m not sure that this really counts as a toilet-read. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2005, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/reading-on-the-throne-whats-the-big-effing-deal/318116/76 "2005-08-23T14:36:27Z")
> [@Sage Rat](#): > > ALL YOU POO READERS ARE JUST LOSING OUT TO THE BATHTUB READERS!!! Much more comfortable I should think. > > 🆒 You make that sound like you have to choose one or the other. I suspect most of the poo readers are also bathtub readers. ---
**Author:** ![Plynck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3e96dc/32.png) [@Plynck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Plynck)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2005, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/reading-on-the-throne-whats-the-big-effing-deal/318116/77 "2005-08-23T14:38:17Z")
> [@Crotalus](#): > > A minor hijack, but several times I’ve been in the men’s room at work and heard people talking on cell phones while sitting on the shitter. Now that’s wrong. Maybe, but maybe it was for work: “Can you hear me now?”. “Good!” 😃 [David Sedaris addressed this issue (phones in public restrooms/washrooms).](http://207.70.82.73/pages/descriptions/03/241.html) You’ll need RealPlayer. Scroll ahead to minute 29:45 or so. I am answerable to no one about reading in the privacy of my own home, but I \*do \* try to avoid telegraphing my intentions when in the office. That is what crossword puzzles are for; I am never without one in my pocket. As a side note: I was in a law office a few years ago to refinance my mortgage. I was early, the lawyer was running late, and the receptionist offered me a newspaper. “Gee, I knew it was just here…” Just then, a lawyer strolled in the front door from down the hall, and replaced the newspaper on the reception desk. I looked at the receptionist and said “Thanks, but no thanks.” FWIW (slight hijack), occasionally people in our office will bake something to share with the folks at work. So, there are now \*very \* definitive lists of those who wash their hands, and those who do not. ---
**Author:** ![aruvqan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aruvqan/32/2891_2.png) [@aruvqan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aruvqan)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2005, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/reading-on-the-throne-whats-the-big-effing-deal/318116/78 "2005-08-23T17:24:08Z")
> [@Queen Tonya](#): > > They’re surprised we’re reading in the john just as if we’d announced we keep a kareoke machine in there for practice. . should i be embarassed that i have a cd player in the can, as well as books, and will sit and read, and absentmindedly sing along to whatever is playing /blush hell, i will get so caught up in the book i will sit there reading occasionally a fair amount of time after i am done with business… ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Rebo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rebo/32/13005_2.png) [@Rebo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rebo)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2005, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/reading-on-the-throne-whats-the-big-effing-deal/318116/79 "2005-08-23T17:35:08Z")
> [@Plynck](#): > > That is what crossword puzzles are for; I am never without one in my pocket. I am a “poo reader” (band name?) too. I can’t believe I’m confessing this. At work, I sneak a book into the bathroom. I’m a big girl, and my shirts hang outside of my pants. I put a book in my pants. On the side of the waistband. :eek: But people never leave the frickin’ magazines in the bathroom! They take them! What’s a girl to do? I HAVE to have something to read. It’s like the “let-down” thing with lactating women. It _relaxes_ me. I’m one of the freaks 😉 who will read money or the box of ass-gaskets or anything… ---
**Author:** ![whiterabbit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/cab0a1/32.png) [@whiterabbit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/whiterabbit)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2005, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/reading-on-the-throne-whats-the-big-effing-deal/318116/80 "2005-08-23T18:31:21Z")
> [@featherlou](#): > > You make that sound like you have to choose one or the other. I suspect most of the poo readers are also bathtub readers. Not me, actually; I have never managed to take a bath with a book without getting the book wet. I hate getting my books wet. Therefore, I almost never take baths, I just get a book set up so I can start reading when I get out of the shower. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/reading-on-the-throne-whats-the-big-effing-deal/318116.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/reading-on-the-throne-whats-the-big-effing-deal/318116.md?page=5)