# Reading too quickly, or, who put cheese on my goiter? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 19, 2009, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/reading-too-quickly-or-who-put-cheese-on-my-goiter/486567 "2009-02-19T17:14:22Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 11\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Fish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bc8723/32.png) [@Fish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fish)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2009, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/reading-too-quickly-or-who-put-cheese-on-my-goiter/486567/1 "2009-02-19T17:14:22Z")
We’ve all done it: read a passage too quickly, skim over a word and see something _completely other._ Today, I read a diagnosis on my computer screen: TOXIC DIFFUSE GOITER. But what I read was TOXIC CHEESE GOITER. What are your favorite mis-readings? ---
**Author:** ![Ellef](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8dc957/32.png) [@Ellef](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ellef)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2009, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/reading-too-quickly-or-who-put-cheese-on-my-goiter/486567/2 "2009-02-19T17:22:14Z")
I once almost took a book called “Filthy Stories” out of my local library. I changed my mind when I discovered it was just “Fifty Stories”. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![cjepson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a9adbd/32.png) [@cjepson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cjepson)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2009, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/reading-too-quickly-or-who-put-cheese-on-my-goiter/486567/3 "2009-02-19T17:44:04Z")
Happens all the time. One particularly amusing one that comes to mind was from a calendar: Spring Bank Holiday --\> Sperm Bank Holiday (I sometimes think that this was one source of John Lennon’s humor as revealed in his books… his vision was bad and he probably saw a lot of things this way when he read.) ---
**Author:** ![freckafree](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/freckafree/32/3050_2.png) [@freckafree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/freckafree)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2009, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/reading-too-quickly-or-who-put-cheese-on-my-goiter/486567/4 "2009-02-19T19:29:03Z")
Trained mechanic on duty at all times --\> Trained maniac on duty at all times ---
**Author:** ![Butterscotch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/dc4da7/32.png) [@Butterscotch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Butterscotch)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2009, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/reading-too-quickly-or-who-put-cheese-on-my-goiter/486567/5 "2009-02-19T19:32:59Z")
Shopfitters --\> Shoplifters ---
**Author:** ![Litoris](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/9f8e36/32.png) [@Litoris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Litoris)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2009, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/reading-too-quickly-or-who-put-cheese-on-my-goiter/486567/6 "2009-02-19T19:44:02Z")
I keep seeing this thread title as “Reading too quickly, or, who put cheese on my guitar” – but I have dyslexia, so my mind often inserts wrong words just to annoy me. ---
**Author:** ![Katriona](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/katriona/32/113_2.png) [@Katriona](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Katriona)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2009, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/reading-too-quickly-or-who-put-cheese-on-my-goiter/486567/7 "2009-02-19T20:06:32Z")
On a road trip, our GPS truncated some words, and somehow “Flaming Gorge” looked like “Flaming Corpse” to me. ---
**Author:** ![gwendee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/35a633/32.png) [@gwendee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gwendee)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2009, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/reading-too-quickly-or-who-put-cheese-on-my-goiter/486567/8 "2009-02-19T21:25:33Z")
On a recent drive I was disappointed to realize that **Julia’s Bridal & Tattoo** was, in fact,\*\* Julia’s Bridal & Tuxedo.\*\* It’s been mentioned in Top Chef threads, but they put graphics of the cheftestants’ names and restaurants on the screen for close-ups. Jeff works at the **Dilido Beach Club**. Every single time I read it as _Dildo Beach Club_ ---
**Author:** ![Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malleus_incus_stapes/32/3293_2.png) [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2009, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/reading-too-quickly-or-who-put-cheese-on-my-goiter/486567/9 "2009-02-19T22:42:12Z")
I once read “seedless grapes” as “lesbian grapes”. Don’t know how that one happened. (Although, if they can have virgin olive oil…) ---
**Author:** ![Ro\_Carter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/7feea3/32.png) [@Ro\_Carter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ro_Carter)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2009, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/reading-too-quickly-or-who-put-cheese-on-my-goiter/486567/10 "2009-02-20T00:10:51Z")
I was scrolling through the list of funding requests the state has assembled for the stimulus money (all 1208 pages of it…), and about halfway down one of the pages, I came to a screeching halt. “Wet bar?! Some moron asked for stimulus money for a wet bar!?” I reread the request, and found out that I had smashed the word “wet” from the request above (for a pumping system overhaul) and the word “bar” from the current request (overhaul on the structural support bars for a building) together. I was both pleased and disappointed… You’d have to appreciate the nerve it would take an institution to submit a request for a wet bar and hope that no one would notice it in among all the road repaving, fiber cable extensions, and wind turbine requests. ---
**Author:** ![Dazzling\_White\_Diamonds](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/41988e/32.png) [@Dazzling\_White\_Diamonds](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dazzling_White_Diamonds)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2009, 12:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/reading-too-quickly-or-who-put-cheese-on-my-goiter/486567/11 "2009-02-20T00:39:37Z")
> [@cjepson](#): > > Spring Bank Holiday –\> Sperm Bank Holiday I read this as **Spring Spank Holiday** , and got all excited.