# Real headlines related to trump and his enablers that sound like made-up 'The Onion'-style joke headlines **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Tags:** trump\ **Created:** [October 16, 2023, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-headlines-related-to-trump-and-his-enablers-that-sound-like-made-up-the-onion-style-joke-headlines/991652 "2023-10-16T15:31:05Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![aurora\_maire](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aurora_maire/32/328_2.png) [@aurora\_maire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aurora_maire)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2023, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-headlines-related-to-trump-and-his-enablers-that-sound-like-made-up-the-onion-style-joke-headlines/991652/41 "2023-10-16T21:10:32Z")
[Trump Slaps DeSantis as ‘Injured Falling Bird’ to Iowa Crowd: ‘He’s a Bad Seed’ - The Messenger](https://themessenger.com/politics/trump-slaps-desantis-as-injured-falling-bird-to-iowa-crowd-hes-a-bad-seed) ---
**Author:** ![Walken\_After\_Midnight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/b487fb/32.png) [@Walken\_After\_Midnight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Walken_After_Midnight)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2023, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-headlines-related-to-trump-and-his-enablers-that-sound-like-made-up-the-onion-style-joke-headlines/991652/42 "2023-10-16T21:28:22Z")
**[Donald Trump: I consult myself on foreign policy, ‘because I have a very good brain’](https://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2016/mar/17/donald-trump-i-consult-myself-on-foreign-policy-be/)** ---
**Author:** ![dougrb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/76d3ee/32.png) [@dougrb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dougrb)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2023, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-headlines-related-to-trump-and-his-enablers-that-sound-like-made-up-the-onion-style-joke-headlines/991652/43 "2023-10-16T21:51:04Z")
There’s always the classic “I just grab em by the pussy” ---
**Author:** ![Railer13](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/railer13/32/9742_2.png) [@Railer13](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Railer13)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2023, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-headlines-related-to-trump-and-his-enablers-that-sound-like-made-up-the-onion-style-joke-headlines/991652/44 "2023-10-16T22:08:51Z")
> **[Trump: ‘Nobody knew that health care could be so complicated’](https://www.politico.com/story/2017/02/trump-nobody-knew-that-health-care-could-be-so-complicated-235436)** > > Trump has repeatedly promised to quickly repeal and replace Obamacare, the healthcare law formally known as the Affordable Care Act. ---
**Author:** ![Retzbu\_Tox](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/retzbu_tox/32/11829_2.png) [@Retzbu\_Tox](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Retzbu_Tox)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2023, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-headlines-related-to-trump-and-his-enablers-that-sound-like-made-up-the-onion-style-joke-headlines/991652/45 "2023-10-16T22:59:04Z")
> **[Lauren Boebert faces pressure over reported drag bar campaign spending](https://www.newsweek.com/lauren-boebert-faces-pressure-reported-drag-bar-campaign-spending-1834862)** > > Boebert spent over $300 at Gallagher's bar for "event catering," according to a new report. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2023, 12:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-headlines-related-to-trump-and-his-enablers-that-sound-like-made-up-the-onion-style-joke-headlines/991652/46 "2023-10-17T00:03:06Z")
Let’s not forget this classic: [Trump: I could ‘shoot somebody and I wouldn’t lose voters’](https://www.cnn.com/2016/01/23/politics/donald-trump-shoot-somebody-support/index.html) Or on a more light-hearted note, Trump’s Lincoln trilogy: [Trump Says He Would Likely Beat George Washington And Abraham Lincoln In An Election](https://www.forbes.com/sites/jackbrewster/2021/07/19/trump-says-he-would-likely-beat-george-washington-and-abraham-lincoln-in-an-election/?sh=38ad1a00427e) [Trump: Abraham Lincoln Had It Easy Compared to Me](https://www.vanityfair.com/news/2020/05/donald-trump-abraham-lincoln-debate) [President Trump Thinks America Doesn’t Know Abraham Lincoln Was a Republican](https://time.com/4708749/donald-trump-abraham-lincoln-republican/) ---
**Author:** ![Borborygmi](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/borborygmi/32/217_2.png) [@Borborygmi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Borborygmi)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2023, 12:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-headlines-related-to-trump-and-his-enablers-that-sound-like-made-up-the-onion-style-joke-headlines/991652/47 "2023-10-17T00:24:28Z")
[Donald Trump Declares Hurricane Florence ‘One Of The Wettest We’ve Seen From The Standpoint Of Water’](https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/amp/entry/donald-trump-hurricane-florence-video-twitter_uk_5ba1fe95e4b04d32ebfdfac0/) ---
**Author:** ![glowacks](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/glowacks/32/5548_2.png) [@glowacks](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/glowacks)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2023, 1:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-headlines-related-to-trump-and-his-enablers-that-sound-like-made-up-the-onion-style-joke-headlines/991652/48 "2023-10-17T01:14:26Z")
At this point, there are not headlines I’d expect from the Onion at all. If they were to have headlines about Trump, it would be like “Trump engages in thoughtful debate with Democrats”. ---
**Author:** ![DWMarch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dwmarch/32/1010_2.png) [@DWMarch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DWMarch)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2023, 4:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-headlines-related-to-trump-and-his-enablers-that-sound-like-made-up-the-onion-style-joke-headlines/991652/49 "2023-10-17T04:34:42Z")
> **[Donald Trump Blames Mutants For His Misfortunes](https://bleedingcool.com/comics/donald-trump-blames-mutants-for-his-misfortunes/)** > > Donald Trump posted to his Truth Social network about his recent legal woes after being indicted, blaming amongst other things, mutants. (I think “mutants” are Trump-speak for trans people) ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2023, 7:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-headlines-related-to-trump-and-his-enablers-that-sound-like-made-up-the-onion-style-joke-headlines/991652/50 "2023-10-17T07:42:34Z")
**[Donald Trump says Puerto Rico is ‘an island surrounded by big water’](https://www.the-independent.com/news/world/americas/us-politics/donald-trump-puerto-rico-hurricane-maria-comments-island-big-water-a7975011.html)** ---
**Author:** ![Monty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/monty/32/47_2.png) [@Monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monty)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2023, 8:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-headlines-related-to-trump-and-his-enablers-that-sound-like-made-up-the-onion-style-joke-headlines/991652/51 "2023-10-17T08:18:04Z")
It’s almost like the most advanced reading he’s done is _Run, Spot, Run_. ---
**Author:** ![Horatius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/horatius/32/3572_2.png) [@Horatius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horatius)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2023, 11:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-headlines-related-to-trump-and-his-enablers-that-sound-like-made-up-the-onion-style-joke-headlines/991652/52 "2023-10-17T11:36:17Z")
> [@Monty](#): > > _Run, Spot, Run_. And then he complained about the plot. “Why so much running? What are you running for? Don’t you know you only have so much energy? This “Spot” is one of the dumbest people I’ve ever met!” ---
**Author:** ![Smapti](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smapti/32/17938_2.png) [@Smapti](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smapti)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2023, 11:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-headlines-related-to-trump-and-his-enablers-that-sound-like-made-up-the-onion-style-joke-headlines/991652/53 "2023-10-17T11:41:28Z")
> **[Donald Trump’s war on soup](https://www.politico.eu/article/declassified-war-on-soup-donald-trump-rant-us/)** > > US president enlightens us on why a ‘big bag of soup’ is a more effective weapon than a brick. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2023, 11:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-headlines-related-to-trump-and-his-enablers-that-sound-like-made-up-the-onion-style-joke-headlines/991652/54 "2023-10-17T11:52:37Z")
> [@Horatius](#): > > Okay, I know I’m going to regret it if it comes to pass, but can we insist on a swimsuit portion for the next Presidential Debate? Mad suggested that back in the late 1960s (and included a shot of Hubert Humphrey in a bathing suit) ---
**Author:** ![Horatius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/horatius/32/3572_2.png) [@Horatius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horatius)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2023, 12:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-headlines-related-to-trump-and-his-enablers-that-sound-like-made-up-the-onion-style-joke-headlines/991652/55 "2023-10-17T12:08:47Z")
Does this one count? **[Biden Joins Trump’s Truth Social Site ‘Because We Thought It Would Be Very Funny’](https://www.huffpost.com/entry/biden-joins-truth-social-trump_n_652d8f03e4b00565b6211516)** ---
**Author:** ![solost](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/solost/32/11776_2.png) [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2023, 12:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-headlines-related-to-trump-and-his-enablers-that-sound-like-made-up-the-onion-style-joke-headlines/991652/56 "2023-10-17T12:34:06Z")
This is really turning into a walk down bad memory lane, being reminded of all the batshit crazy things trump has said since he began his 2016 run. So…much…insanity. I think it’s good to remind ourselves of it though. This man is straight-up, freakin’ nuts. This is the guy who cowardly Repub politicians _ **who know better** _ are pretending, oh, it’s just great that he’s running for President again, after having experienced 4 years of this blazing buffoonery. Let’s not forget this one! trump does not appear to have quite the understanding of history one would expect from a toddler, let alone a President: [**President Trump Said Revolutionary War Troops ‘Took Over the Airports’ in His Fourth of July Speech**](https://time.com/5620936/donald-trump-revolutionary-war-airports/) > [@Horatius](#): > > Does this one count? Sure! It _ **is** _ funny, the way the Biden admin is trolling trump on his own platform. Wonder how long before Toothless Social shuts down Biden’s account? ---
**Author:** ![Horatius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/horatius/32/3572_2.png) [@Horatius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horatius)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2023, 12:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-headlines-related-to-trump-and-his-enablers-that-sound-like-made-up-the-onion-style-joke-headlines/991652/57 "2023-10-17T12:51:34Z")
> [@solost](#): > > This is really turning into a walk down bad memory lane, being reminded of all the batshit crazy things trump has said since he began his 2016 run. So…much…insanity. Might it be even harder to find a Trump headline that _doesn’t_ sound like the Onion? ---
**Author:** ![Walken\_After\_Midnight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/b487fb/32.png) [@Walken\_After\_Midnight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Walken_After_Midnight)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2023, 12:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-headlines-related-to-trump-and-his-enablers-that-sound-like-made-up-the-onion-style-joke-headlines/991652/58 "2023-10-17T12:55:45Z")
> [@Horatius](#): > > Might it be even harder to find a Trump headline that _doesn’t_ sound like the Onion? > **[Sharpie-gate Proves We Are Living in a Real-Life 'Onion' Article - The Bulwark](https://www.thebulwark.com/sharpie-gate-proves-we-are-living-in-a-real-life-onion-article/)** > > The Trump presidency has presented a broad array of unique challenges but it’s arguable that the fine art of comedy has been hardest hit (at least, after the farmers). Most political comedy is parody, which is rooted in exaggeration. What on earth... ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2023, 1:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-headlines-related-to-trump-and-his-enablers-that-sound-like-made-up-the-onion-style-joke-headlines/991652/59 "2023-10-17T13:12:31Z")
> [@glowacks](#): > > At this point, there are not headlines I’d expect from the Onion at all. If they were to have headlines about Trump, it would be like “Trump engages in thoughtful debate with Democrats”. I believe the point is that if one substitutes any non-MAGA name, they read like a headline from the _Onion._ ---
**Author:** ![bobsmom101](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bobsmom101/32/2867_2.png) [@bobsmom101](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bobsmom101)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2023, 1:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-headlines-related-to-trump-and-his-enablers-that-sound-like-made-up-the-onion-style-joke-headlines/991652/60 "2023-10-17T13:43:20Z")
The hits just keep coming: > **[Donald Trump: Forest Fires Can Be Stopped By Dampening Floors With Water](https://www.thebiglead.com/posts/donald-trump-forest-fires-dampen-floors-water-01hbhpm8sayn)** > > Donald Trump is talking again, and usually when that happens something fascinating happens. Friday was no exception as the former president had opinions about f [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-headlines-related-to-trump-and-his-enablers-that-sound-like-made-up-the-onion-style-joke-headlines/991652.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-headlines-related-to-trump-and-his-enablers-that-sound-like-made-up-the-onion-style-joke-headlines/991652.md?page=4)