# Real headlines related to trump and his enablers that sound like made-up 'The Onion'-style joke headlines **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Tags:** trump\ **Created:** [October 16, 2023, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-headlines-related-to-trump-and-his-enablers-that-sound-like-made-up-the-onion-style-joke-headlines/991652 "2023-10-16T15:31:05Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![solost](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/solost/32/11776_2.png) [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2023, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-headlines-related-to-trump-and-his-enablers-that-sound-like-made-up-the-onion-style-joke-headlines/991652/61 "2023-10-17T13:46:39Z")
> [@bobsmom101](#): > > The hits just keep coming: > > ### [Donald Trump: Forest Fires Can Be Stopped By Dampening Floors With Water](https://www.thebiglead.com/posts/donald-trump-forest-fires-dampen-floors-water-01hbhpm8sayn) I’m confused. Is that done before or after the forest floors are raked?!? **[Trump suggests raking forest floors may help prevent fires](https://www.seattletimes.com/nation-world/trump-suggests-raking-forest-floors-may-help-prevent-fires/)** ---
**Author:** ![Horatius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/horatius/32/3572_2.png) [@Horatius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horatius)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2023, 1:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-headlines-related-to-trump-and-his-enablers-that-sound-like-made-up-the-onion-style-joke-headlines/991652/62 "2023-10-17T13:48:53Z")
First you get the raking, then you get the dampening, and then you get the women! ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2023, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-headlines-related-to-trump-and-his-enablers-that-sound-like-made-up-the-onion-style-joke-headlines/991652/63 "2023-10-17T15:16:37Z")
Is that sorta like grabbing them by the bush? ---
**Author:** ![Monty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/monty/32/47_2.png) [@Monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monty)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2023, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-headlines-related-to-trump-and-his-enablers-that-sound-like-made-up-the-onion-style-joke-headlines/991652/64 "2023-10-17T17:46:55Z")
What’s that dummy’s plan for those trees that need a fire (some kind of pine?) To propagate? ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2023, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-headlines-related-to-trump-and-his-enablers-that-sound-like-made-up-the-onion-style-joke-headlines/991652/65 "2023-10-17T18:08:04Z")
**[Donald Trump Jr. Issues Gun Plea to Stop Paragliders Invading US Homes](https://www.newsweek.com/donald-trump-jr-guns-paragliders-hamas-israel-1835318)** Originally posted by @Darren_Garrison in the “Stupid MFers” thread, reposting here because > [@Omnibus Stupid MFers in the news thread](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-stupid-mfers-in-the-news-thread/931945/9112): > > It almost sounds like the Onion. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2023, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-headlines-related-to-trump-and-his-enablers-that-sound-like-made-up-the-onion-style-joke-headlines/991652/66 "2023-10-17T18:19:16Z")
> [@Horatius](#): > > Does this one count? > > **[Biden Joins Trump’s Truth Social Site ‘Because We Thought It Would Be Very Funny’](https://www.huffpost.com/entry/biden-joins-truth-social-trump_n_652d8f03e4b00565b6211516)** HAH! That’s Dark Brandon-level stuff, there. ---
**Author:** ![DesertDog](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/desertdog/32/11503_2.png) [@DesertDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DesertDog)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2023, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-headlines-related-to-trump-and-his-enablers-that-sound-like-made-up-the-onion-style-joke-headlines/991652/67 "2023-10-17T18:23:52Z")
We’ve managed to overlook the one that sort of started it all, [**Donald Trump Cinches The Presidency In Major Upset**](https://www.npr.org/2016/11/09/500716650/donald-trump-clinches-the-presidency-in-major-upset) I mean I was in disbelief when I woke up that morning. I can see the Onion staff now. “We’ve _had_ a former movie actor as President a generation back. How can we top that?” … “Ooh! Ooh! _I_ know – a former reality-TV star!” “Murphy, you’re a genius!” ---
**Author:** ![Euphonious\_Polemic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/euphonious_polemic/32/3002_2.png) [@Euphonious\_Polemic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Euphonious_Polemic)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2023, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-headlines-related-to-trump-and-his-enablers-that-sound-like-made-up-the-onion-style-joke-headlines/991652/68 "2023-10-17T19:06:17Z")
Brain damaged Trump Jr.: > I can guarantee 99.999 percent of you are going to have an awesome time having a new hobby while also being able to defend yourself. So that leaves only 3,300 people who did not have an awesome time because they were shot to death. A small price to pay for keeping motorized paragliders out of your home. ---
**Author:** ![Buck\_Godot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/buck_godot/32/6573_2.png) [@Buck\_Godot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Buck_Godot)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2023, 11:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-headlines-related-to-trump-and-his-enablers-that-sound-like-made-up-the-onion-style-joke-headlines/991652/69 "2023-10-17T23:12:11Z")
Exchange from the P&E speakership thread > [@The Great Ongoing Revolving Speakership of the 118th Congress {Mike Johnson is new speaker as of 2023-10-25}](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-great-ongoing-revolving-speakership-of-the-118th-congress-mike-johnson-is-new-speaker-as-of-2023-10-25/991432/393): > > [Matt Gaetz pouts he's 'tired' of not having a speaker after ousting McCarthy](https://www.rawstory.com/matt-gaetz-speaker-vote/) > [@The Great Ongoing Revolving Speakership of the 118th Congress {Mike Johnson is new speaker as of 2023-10-25}](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/the-great-ongoing-revolving-speakership-of-the-118th-congress-mike-johnson-is-new-speaker-as-of-2023-10-25/991432/395): > > Tha’s gotta be from the Onion, right? I agree and so am posting it here. ---
**Author:** ![Walken\_After\_Midnight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/b487fb/32.png) [@Walken\_After\_Midnight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Walken_After_Midnight)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2023, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-headlines-related-to-trump-and-his-enablers-that-sound-like-made-up-the-onion-style-joke-headlines/991652/70 "2023-10-18T00:19:18Z")
**[Trump cancels Denmark trip after PM says Greenland is not for sale](https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2019/aug/20/trump-greenland-denmark-mette-frederiksen)** **[Trump allegedly wanted to swap Puerto Rico for Greenland](https://euobserver.com/world/149264)** ---
**Author:** ![wguy123](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wguy123/32/3161_2.png) [@wguy123](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wguy123)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2023, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-headlines-related-to-trump-and-his-enablers-that-sound-like-made-up-the-onion-style-joke-headlines/991652/71 "2023-10-18T00:55:13Z")
> **[Trump defends throwing paper towels to Hurricane survivors in Puerto Rico](https://www.nbcnews.com/politics/politics-news/trump-defends-throwing-paper-towels-hurricane-survivors-puerto-rico-n808861)** > > Trump defended throwing paper towels into a crowd of Puerto Ricans at a relief center in the hurricane-ravaged territory earlier this week. > **[Washington Post: Trump was the one who altered Dorian trajectory map with...](https://www.cnn.com/2019/09/06/politics/trump-sharpie-hurricane-dorian-alabama/index.html)** > > President Donald Trump was the one who used a black Sharpie marker to alter an official National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration map to include Alabama in Hurricane Dorian’s trajectory during an Oval Office presentation earlier this week, The... ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2023, 1:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-headlines-related-to-trump-and-his-enablers-that-sound-like-made-up-the-onion-style-joke-headlines/991652/72 "2023-10-19T01:03:36Z")
I can’t take credit for this find, so I’ll link to the Dope post which cites it: > [@What about Trump's new social network? I hear crickets](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/what-about-trumps-new-social-network-i-hear-crickets/960024/559): > > You can’t make this stuff up (you can Google for the same story on many other sites): Full title: The Biden-Harris Campaign Already Has More Followers On Truth Social Than The Trump Campaign From the article above: The Biden-Harris campaign has already surpassed the Trump campaign in followers on Truth Social, the Donald Trump-owned social media start-up, only days after joining—though Trump’s account has exponentially more followers than both. ---
**Author:** ![Al128](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/al128/32/16541_2.png) [@Al128](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Al128)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2023, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-headlines-related-to-trump-and-his-enablers-that-sound-like-made-up-the-onion-style-joke-headlines/991652/73 "2023-10-20T01:24:25Z")
> [@LSLGuy](#): > > Is that sorta like grabbing them by the bush? are you insinuating foreplay here? … … i mean before going all in for the feline > [@Euphonious\_Polemic](#): > > So that leaves only 3,300 people who did not have an awesome time because they were shot to death. A small price to pay for keeping motorized paragliders out of your home. s about half of them will be children … so basically just “small people who do not vote” … see, the price to pay, just got smaller!!! /s ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2023, 8:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-headlines-related-to-trump-and-his-enablers-that-sound-like-made-up-the-onion-style-joke-headlines/991652/74 "2023-10-24T08:31:08Z")
> **[Trump just realized The Apprentice was about apprenticeships: 'I never...](https://www.rawstory.com/2018/07/trump-just-realized-apprentice-apprenticeships-never-actually-put-together-just-now/)** > > President Donald Trump seemed to have a moment of realization when he said the word "apprenticeships" today during a signing ceremony for skills training. "Today 23 companies and associations are pledging to expand apprenticeships. That's an... ---
**Author:** ![solost](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/solost/32/11776_2.png) [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2023, 12:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-headlines-related-to-trump-and-his-enablers-that-sound-like-made-up-the-onion-style-joke-headlines/991652/75 "2023-10-24T12:10:12Z")
What?!? trump never put together that his show The Apprentice was about business apprenticeships until recently? Wow. That boggles. I guess it makes sense though- he never put together that being the President was about the office of the Presidency, not himself. ---
**Author:** ![enipla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/54ee81/32.png) [@enipla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/enipla)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2023, 12:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-headlines-related-to-trump-and-his-enablers-that-sound-like-made-up-the-onion-style-joke-headlines/991652/76 "2023-10-24T12:19:33Z")
> [@solost](#): > > I guess it makes sense though- he never put together that being the President was about the office of the Presidency, not himself. Nor did he figure out that the president works for the people, not the other way around. ---
**Author:** ![solost](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/solost/32/11776_2.png) [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2023, 1:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-headlines-related-to-trump-and-his-enablers-that-sound-like-made-up-the-onion-style-joke-headlines/991652/77 "2023-10-24T13:04:26Z")
True that. What really boggles my mind about the fact of that article is not just that trump was so clueless that he didn’t realize that his show ‘The Apprentice’ was about apprenticeships until just then, but that he would admit it to the world like that. If I was giving a speech, and something that should have been glaringly obvious to me suddenly occurred, I would keep it to myself. trump has absolutely, positively no shame about his ignorance or many, many other personal failings. This is part of what’s gotten him this far-- he can say or do the most stupid, awful, cringe-inducing things, and move forward onto he next stupid, awful thing with no hint of embarrassment. It’s also part of what makes him so dangerous-- he has no ability to learn from his mistakes, or just does not care to, and doesn’t give a shit who knows it. ---
**Author:** ![enipla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/54ee81/32.png) [@enipla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/enipla)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2023, 1:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-headlines-related-to-trump-and-his-enablers-that-sound-like-made-up-the-onion-style-joke-headlines/991652/78 "2023-10-24T13:22:04Z")
> [@solost](#): > > he has no ability to learn from his mistakes That’s because he’s a stable genius and does not make mistakes. ---
**Author:** ![Mollie\_Magill](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mollie_magill/32/20882_2.png) [@Mollie\_Magill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mollie_Magill)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2023, 1:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-headlines-related-to-trump-and-his-enablers-that-sound-like-made-up-the-onion-style-joke-headlines/991652/79 "2023-10-24T13:30:20Z")
He also assumes (after decades of exposure to yes-men) that he’s the smartest man in the room, and if he’s just thought of something, he’s the first person to have thought of it. He’s not so much showing off his ignorance, but rather deigning to share these pearls of great wisdom with the rest of us. “You’re right, sir. _Nobody_ has ever connected apprenticeships with The Apprentice.” (Wipes tears from eyes.) ---
**Author:** ![solost](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/solost/32/11776_2.png) [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2023, 1:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-headlines-related-to-trump-and-his-enablers-that-sound-like-made-up-the-onion-style-joke-headlines/991652/80 "2023-10-24T13:43:46Z")
> [@Mollie\_Magill](#): > > He also assumes (after decades of exposure to yes-men) that he’s the smartest man in the room, and if he’s just thought of something, he’s the first person to have thought of it. True-- he’s so collosally ignorant that he has absolutely no conception just how ignorant he is. He’s an Uber example of the Dunning-Kruger effect. An Uber-Kruger. David Dunning and Justin Kruger must shake their heads and say ‘is this guy even for real?’ When they came up with their thesis, they probably had no idea there would rise up such a perfect, ‘Platonic Ideal’ of it. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-headlines-related-to-trump-and-his-enablers-that-sound-like-made-up-the-onion-style-joke-headlines/991652.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-headlines-related-to-trump-and-his-enablers-that-sound-like-made-up-the-onion-style-joke-headlines/991652.md?page=5)