# Real headlines related to trump and his enablers that sound like made-up 'The Onion'-style joke headlines **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Tags:** trump\ **Created:** [October 16, 2023, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-headlines-related-to-trump-and-his-enablers-that-sound-like-made-up-the-onion-style-joke-headlines/991652 "2023-10-16T15:31:05Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![wguy123](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wguy123/32/3161_2.png) [@wguy123](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wguy123)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2023, 3:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-headlines-related-to-trump-and-his-enablers-that-sound-like-made-up-the-onion-style-joke-headlines/991652/101 "2023-10-25T03:56:41Z")
> [@DesertDog](#): > > “Stollen” – 'nuf said. Brand new Truth. Stollen is now in the official lexicon. “I had just finished with my cup of covfefe when I noticed my hamberder had been stollen”. [![](https://i.imgur.com/ezKNAgP.png) ](https://i.imgur.com/ezKNAgP.png) ---
**Author:** ![Euphonious\_Polemic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/euphonious_polemic/32/3002_2.png) [@Euphonious\_Polemic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Euphonious_Polemic)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2023, 4:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-headlines-related-to-trump-and-his-enablers-that-sound-like-made-up-the-onion-style-joke-headlines/991652/102 "2023-10-25T04:37:17Z")
He has blathered “stollen” since 2019. He’s a moron. ---
**Author:** ![Mollie\_Magill](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mollie_magill/32/20882_2.png) [@Mollie\_Magill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mollie_Magill)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2023, 1:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-headlines-related-to-trump-and-his-enablers-that-sound-like-made-up-the-onion-style-joke-headlines/991652/103 "2023-10-25T13:41:59Z")
“Moran,” shirley? ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2023, 1:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-headlines-related-to-trump-and-his-enablers-that-sound-like-made-up-the-onion-style-joke-headlines/991652/104 "2023-10-25T13:44:08Z")
If trump actually threatened to punch Biden, perhaps he needs a visit from some secret service agents to explain the error of his ways. After a week in the slammer. ---
**Author:** ![JKellyMap](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jkellymap/32/15880_2.png) [@JKellyMap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JKellyMap)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2023, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-headlines-related-to-trump-and-his-enablers-that-sound-like-made-up-the-onion-style-joke-headlines/991652/105 "2023-10-25T14:53:48Z")
[![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/7mqVlkHSOJg/hqdefault.jpg "What A Maroon!") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7mqVlkHSOJg) ---
**Author:** ![Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spectre_of_pithecanthropus/32/12343_2.png) [@Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spectre_of_Pithecanthropus)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2023, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-headlines-related-to-trump-and-his-enablers-that-sound-like-made-up-the-onion-style-joke-headlines/991652/106 "2023-12-16T20:19:08Z")
If this isn’t the most Onion-y fake Onion headline ever. I may have mentioned it in another thread. [Rep. Louie Gohmert asks if Forest Service can shift Earth’s or moon’s orbit to fight climate change](https://www.dallasnews.com/news/politics/2021/06/09/rep-louie-gohmert-wants-forest-service-to-shift-earth-or-moons-orbit-to-fight-climate-change/) I have to admit, I love this one. It recalls happy times in childhood spent watching Superman cartoons on TV. There was one where Superman had to do exactly this, and thinking back on how it was depicted in the cartoon has always amused me. The Supes is shown landing upside down, on his hands, and then looking like he’s doing a handstand. Then they cut away to a view of the entire planet being moved back into place. Also, until just now I missed the fact that Gohmert was asking the **Forestry Service** if they could do this! ---
**Author:** ![scudsucker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scudsucker/32/14101_2.png) [@scudsucker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scudsucker)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2023, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-headlines-related-to-trump-and-his-enablers-that-sound-like-made-up-the-onion-style-joke-headlines/991652/107 "2023-12-16T20:26:48Z")
You have no idea how many superheroes there are in the Texas Forestry Service, hidden as regular employees until we need to move the moon! ---
**Author:** ![Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spectre_of_pithecanthropus/32/12343_2.png) [@Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spectre_of_Pithecanthropus)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2023, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-headlines-related-to-trump-and-his-enablers-that-sound-like-made-up-the-onion-style-joke-headlines/991652/108 "2023-12-16T21:48:08Z")
They walk among us, so the public won’t discover ther power of flight. ---
**Author:** ![Atamasama](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/atamasama/32/12961_2.png) [@Atamasama](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atamasama)\ **Post date:** [December 16, 2023, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-headlines-related-to-trump-and-his-enablers-that-sound-like-made-up-the-onion-style-joke-headlines/991652/109 "2023-12-16T22:17:41Z")
Does Smokey count? Being able to talk should count as a superpower for a bear I’d think. ---
**Author:** ![Mollie\_Magill](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mollie_magill/32/20882_2.png) [@Mollie\_Magill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mollie_Magill)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2023, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-headlines-related-to-trump-and-his-enablers-that-sound-like-made-up-the-onion-style-joke-headlines/991652/110 "2023-12-17T00:58:52Z")
Does he think the Forestry Sevice is run by [Killface](https://friskydingo.fandom.com/wiki/Killface#:~:text=A%20muscular%2C%20maniacal%20super%2Dvillain,despite%20having%20a%20son%2C%20Simon.)? ---
**Author:** ![DWMarch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dwmarch/32/1010_2.png) [@DWMarch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DWMarch)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2024, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-headlines-related-to-trump-and-his-enablers-that-sound-like-made-up-the-onion-style-joke-headlines/991652/111 "2024-01-13T21:40:47Z")
A fresh one from today: [Trump Touts Ex-Mobster ‘Sammy The Bull’ As Moral Character Witness](https://news.yahoo.com/trump-touts-ex-mobster-sammy-203052578.html) Guess what Trump? That’s not the win you think it is. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2024, 4:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-headlines-related-to-trump-and-his-enablers-that-sound-like-made-up-the-onion-style-joke-headlines/991652/112 "2024-01-14T04:02:09Z")
Here’s another Onion-worthy headline: > [@Omnibus Stupid MFers in the news thread (Part 2)](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/omnibus-stupid-mfers-in-the-news-thread-part-2/995657/45): > > [Book-banning champion Bill O’Reilly is furious after his own books get banned in Florida](https://www.yahoo.com/news/bill-o-reilly-furious-own-181240858.html). Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. ---
**Author:** ![enipla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/54ee81/32.png) [@enipla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/enipla)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2024, 12:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-headlines-related-to-trump-and-his-enablers-that-sound-like-made-up-the-onion-style-joke-headlines/991652/113 "2024-01-14T12:44:39Z")
Trump probably didn’t like the cut of the profits Sammy was offering. ---
**Author:** ![Riemann](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/riemann/32/3133_2.png) [@Riemann](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Riemann)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2024, 1:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-headlines-related-to-trump-and-his-enablers-that-sound-like-made-up-the-onion-style-joke-headlines/991652/114 "2024-01-14T13:50:42Z")
> [@DWMarch](#): > > A fresh one from today: [Trump Touts Ex-Mobster ‘Sammy The Bull’ As Moral Character Witness](https://news.yahoo.com/trump-touts-ex-mobster-sammy-203052578.html) > "I couldn’t get to him. He wouldn’t bite,” Gravano said The severed horse head woke up next to Donald Trump and ran from the room screaming. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2024, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-headlines-related-to-trump-and-his-enablers-that-sound-like-made-up-the-onion-style-joke-headlines/991652/115 "2024-01-14T14:02:25Z")
Head? Trump is usually associated with the other end of the horse. ---
**Author:** ![Si\_Amigo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/si_amigo/32/2877_2.png) [@Si\_Amigo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Si_Amigo)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2024, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-headlines-related-to-trump-and-his-enablers-that-sound-like-made-up-the-onion-style-joke-headlines/991652/116 "2024-01-14T14:09:28Z")
The ass remained in bed. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2024, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-headlines-related-to-trump-and-his-enablers-that-sound-like-made-up-the-onion-style-joke-headlines/991652/117 "2024-01-14T15:16:40Z")
> [@DWMarch](#): > > Guess what Trump? That’s not the win you think it is. Everyone touts the best character witness they can find. ---
**Author:** ![not\_what\_you\_d\_expect](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/not_what_you_d_expect/32/3246_2.png) [@not\_what\_you\_d\_expect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/not_what_you_d_expect)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2024, 3:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-headlines-related-to-trump-and-his-enablers-that-sound-like-made-up-the-onion-style-joke-headlines/991652/118 "2024-01-14T15:21:06Z")
What, Satan wasn’t available? ---
**Author:** ![OttoDaFe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ottodafe/32/356_2.png) [@OttoDaFe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OttoDaFe)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2024, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-headlines-related-to-trump-and-his-enablers-that-sound-like-made-up-the-onion-style-joke-headlines/991652/119 "2024-01-14T15:46:36Z")
He pretends Trump doesn’t exist (He’s concerned about His job security). ---
**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\ **Post date:** [January 14, 2024, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-headlines-related-to-trump-and-his-enablers-that-sound-like-made-up-the-onion-style-joke-headlines/991652/120 "2024-01-14T16:32:23Z")
Makes you wonder whether the ethereal Powers That Be are preparing a special section of eternal Limbo for his personal afterlife. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-headlines-related-to-trump-and-his-enablers-that-sound-like-made-up-the-onion-style-joke-headlines/991652.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-headlines-related-to-trump-and-his-enablers-that-sound-like-made-up-the-onion-style-joke-headlines/991652.md?page=7)