# Real life situations when you delivered the punchline? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 13, 2013, 7:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-life-situations-when-you-delivered-the-punchline/650162 "2013-02-13T07:12:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2013, 2:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-life-situations-when-you-delivered-the-punchline/650162/61 "2013-02-15T02:59:59Z")
I didn’t come up with this. Someone I worked with did, but I thought it was pretty funny. Back in about 1983, we had the radio playing and “Mr. Roboto” by Styx came on. At the end of the tune Dennis DeYoung shouts “I’M KILROY! KILROY! KILROY! KILROY!” My coworker says, “Well, someone kill him already and make him shut up.” ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Mondegreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/91b2a8/32.png) [@Lord\_Mondegreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Mondegreen)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2013, 10:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-life-situations-when-you-delivered-the-punchline/650162/62 "2013-02-15T10:31:28Z")
> [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](#): > > I think I’ve posted this before, but what the hell. > > At work we had some “carnival days” promotion going on. Circus stuff. Balloons. We are in a meeting. Someone pokes her head in the door and says, “the clowns are here”. Me: “Send them in”. > > Cue crickets chirping. > mmm Well, maybe next year. ---
**Author:** ![DivineComedienne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/c67d28/32.png) [@DivineComedienne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DivineComedienne)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2013, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-life-situations-when-you-delivered-the-punchline/650162/63 "2013-02-15T20:54:23Z")
This was not me but my sister. She was about 17 and walking past a shop, when two young guys came out of the shop. One said to her, “Hey, you just won a date with the two best-looking guys in town!” My sister threw over her shoulder, “Oh, do you know them?” and kept walking. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2013, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-life-situations-when-you-delivered-the-punchline/650162/64 "2013-02-15T21:26:49Z")
I was walking along Broadway and W 57th when a woman approach and asked how to get to Carnegie Hall. I told her “Practice.” (Then I told her it was about a block east.) ---
**Author:** ![gaffa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e68b1a/32.png) [@gaffa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gaffa)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2013, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-life-situations-when-you-delivered-the-punchline/650162/65 "2013-02-16T21:20:18Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > I was walking along Broadway and W 57th when a woman approach and asked how to get to Carnegie Hall. > > I told her “Practice.” > > (Then I told her it was about a block east.) _Spy_ magazine memorably stationed someone by the Lincoln Center fountain assigned to ask 50 random people that question. [The results are illuminating.](http://books.google.com/books?id=iEcCF1ICLt8C&lpg=PA34&dq=Carnegie%20Hall%20practice&pg=PA34#v=onepage&q=Carnegie%20Hall%20practice&f=false) As I get older, Google provides a larger and larger portion of my memory. ---
**Author:** ![gaffa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e68b1a/32.png) [@gaffa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gaffa)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2013, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-life-situations-when-you-delivered-the-punchline/650162/66 "2013-02-16T21:24:42Z")
> [@hrhomer](#): > > Did you seal the deal? No, I’m married. Besides, you’re thinking of plumbers. ---
**Author:** ![Maastricht](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e57/32.png) [@Maastricht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maastricht)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2013, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-life-situations-when-you-delivered-the-punchline/650162/67 "2013-02-16T21:29:22Z")
I was passing a friend/coworker in the corridor at work. We both were sort of occupied, but in passing she made that gesture at me, you know the one, where you raise your index finger and point it half up and half at the other person while looking at him or her questioningly. That gesture that says: “_hold on, I wanted to ask you something…wait, what was it again that I wanted to ask you ?_” I smiled at her encouragingly in passing and said: “That’s right, my name was _Maastricht_. Maastricht”. She almost choked laughing. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2013, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-life-situations-when-you-delivered-the-punchline/650162/68 "2013-02-16T21:46:05Z")
In college, a cute girl (who, admittedly, I was attracted to) was bummed one day because she had just broken up with her boyfriend. Me: So, you’re available? Working at Target, my job was to call up stores all across the country and ask the Team Relations Lead to reboot a computer which had connectivity issues. Me: Hi, there. Could I speak with your TRL? This is me, from Headquarters. Red shirt: Headquarters? What is it? Me: It’s a big brown building with a lot of computers, but that’s not important right now. And one from my dad… We were all camping at this resort with some other families, trying to figure out what to cook for dinner. Mrs. B: I have chicken breasts. My dad: We can’t all be perfect. ---
**Author:** ![maggenpye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ecc23a/32.png) [@maggenpye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/maggenpye)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2013, 11:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-life-situations-when-you-delivered-the-punchline/650162/69 "2013-02-16T23:14:30Z")
In a small factory, having beers after finishing a big project. One of the guys was telling everyone what a great cassanova he was, how he’d slept with so many women, no one could resist him when he turned on the charm. One of the other guys, a shy and rather conservative lad, leans over and asks me if Cassanova was really all that attractive. I said no, with all that boasting, I reckon he’d be finished before I got started. Just then, Cassanova knocked over his bottle of beer and it spurted out foamy liquid rather suggestively. “See?” I said. He not only lost it, he was too embarrassed to tell anyone what was so funny. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2013, 3:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-life-situations-when-you-delivered-the-punchline/650162/70 "2013-02-17T03:44:12Z")
At some point in my youth, I was in a car with a couple of my friends seeking women. Eventually, Jerry the driver realized three dumb ass guys driving around were not attracting women in droves. “Well, screw a duck and fuck a guinea!” he exclaimed. I responded, “That’s because you ain’t getting any.” ---
**Author:** ![owlfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ac8455/32.png) [@owlfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/owlfan)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2013, 3:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-life-situations-when-you-delivered-the-punchline/650162/71 "2013-02-18T03:55:52Z")
We were sitting around chatting at work and my co-worker said, “You know what has always confused me?” I replied, “I don’t think we have that much time, Bob.” ---
**Author:** ![owlfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ac8455/32.png) [@owlfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/owlfan)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2013, 4:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-life-situations-when-you-delivered-the-punchline/650162/72 "2013-02-18T04:03:37Z")
Another one from work. I am a nurse in an ICU. One night a patient was found down in a stairwell and we.were unable to save his life. Later, I said, " He must have thought this was the stairway to heaven." Nurses are the worst with the gallows humor. ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2013, 5:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-life-situations-when-you-delivered-the-punchline/650162/73 "2013-02-18T05:53:42Z")
I’m sure I’ve posted this before…Daughter asked whether a baseball game could end in a tie score. I replied, “There’s no tying in baseball!” ---
**Author:** ![maggenpye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ecc23a/32.png) [@maggenpye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/maggenpye)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2013, 7:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-life-situations-when-you-delivered-the-punchline/650162/74 "2013-02-18T07:23:56Z")
I wa reviewing some overdue accounts; “The Alzheimers group have forgotten to pay.” ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2013, 11:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-life-situations-when-you-delivered-the-punchline/650162/75 "2013-02-18T11:32:30Z")
> [@needscoffee](#): > > I’m sure I’ve posted this before…Daughter asked whether a baseball game could end in a tie score. I replied, “There’s no tying in baseball!” Nice! ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2013, 11:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-life-situations-when-you-delivered-the-punchline/650162/76 "2013-02-18T11:48:52Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > I was walking along Broadway and W 57th when a woman approach and asked how to get to Carnegie Hall. > > I told her “Practice.” > > (Then I told her it was about a block east.) A mate of mine was asked the same question about London’s Royal Festival Hall and, to his eternal shame, forgot the deliver the zinger. :smack: ---
**Author:** ![owlfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ac8455/32.png) [@owlfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/owlfan)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2013, 12:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-life-situations-when-you-delivered-the-punchline/650162/77 "2013-02-18T12:57:08Z")
We were in a parent meeting with the new swim coach. He was telling us that the girls should not drink diet pop because it breaks down to formaldehyde in your body. I exclaimed, " So that’s why I am so well preserved!" it seemed better than telling him he was full of crap. ---
**Author:** ![StuffLikeThatThere](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc8723/32.png) [@StuffLikeThatThere](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StuffLikeThatThere)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2013, 1:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-life-situations-when-you-delivered-the-punchline/650162/78 "2013-02-18T13:56:17Z")
One of my favorites, which I did not deliver but will steal at the first opportunity, came after a longish session of joke and story telling. One person who’d been mostly quiet said, “Oh, can I tell a joke?” And one guy came back with, “We’ll soon see.” ---
**Author:** ![BobArrgh](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bobarrgh/32/2881_2.png) [@BobArrgh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BobArrgh)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2013, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-life-situations-when-you-delivered-the-punchline/650162/79 "2013-02-18T15:31:23Z")
Our church used to do a huge Easter pageant every year, which opened with a marketplace scene, complete with live animals. The highlight of the opening was when Jesus rode into the sanctuary on a donkey. One year, as we started rehearsing in early January, the director was giving some opening remarks, and then said that she had an unusual prayer request. It seems that the donkey that we had used for the previous 9 or 10 years had passed away during the winter, and they were having trouble locating another one to use for the big scene. I turned to the guy next to me and asked, “Does that mean Jesus doesn’t have an ass to sit on?” If looks could excommunicate … ---
**Author:** ![Zyada](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zyada/32/3028_2.png) [@Zyada](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zyada)\ **Post date:** [February 18, 2013, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-life-situations-when-you-delivered-the-punchline/650162/80 "2013-02-18T16:02:39Z")
I was suffering through a case of mono, and for supper one day Bob made the smoked turkey we had in the freezer. So we had a great big wish bone. I suggested that I would wish that I get better, and he would wish that I get better. Then we pulled the wishbone apart. It split into three pieces, and the center part flew straight up. :eek: After a stunned moment, I said (in the most piteous voice I could muster) “I’m gonna die” At the grocery store we made the mistake of reading a label for chorizo. One of the first ingredients was salivary glands. Bob: “Makes your mouth water, doesn’t it?” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-life-situations-when-you-delivered-the-punchline/650162.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-life-situations-when-you-delivered-the-punchline/650162.md?page=5)