# Real-life Spoonerisms **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 15, 2004, 12:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-life-spoonerisms/240151 "2004-04-15T12:29:59Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Sample\_the\_Dog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8797f3/32.png) [@Sample\_the\_Dog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sample_the_Dog)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2004, 12:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-life-spoonerisms/240151/1 "2004-04-15T12:29:59Z")
I dunno if this goes here, but it’s kindof a poll, so… I assume everyone knows what spoonerisms are… y’know like the old “two pickets to Titsburgh” joke… One time back in college I was up late drinking sarsparilla with some buddies and we ordered a pizza, with a side of “bread crusts” – this was before they got fancy names, just pizza dough cooked w/ garlic butter. But because of the effects of the sarsparilla, I wound up ordering pizza with a side of breast cruds. Thing is, it became a running joke, and for the next 3+ years, we always refered to bread crust as breast crud. To this day, I have to stop, think, and be very careful to enunciate when I try to say “bread crust”. Anyone else ever do anything like that? ---
**Author:** ![Alias](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a88e4f/32.png) [@Alias](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alias)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2004, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-life-spoonerisms/240151/2 "2004-04-15T14:55:16Z")
When I was in high school, I developed a ravenous love for the lemon poppyseed muffins that our school vending machine carried. One night, we were at the school late rehearsing a play, and I asked one of my fellow actors to run down and get my a lemon poppyseed muffin. He didn’t really feel like walking all the way to the vending machine, and neither did I, so I kind of whined at him “But I really want a lemonseed poppy!” If caught on, and everyone working on that play started calling them “lemonseed poppies.” I still catch myself saying it sometimes. ---
**Author:** ![Trunk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/87869e/32.png) [@Trunk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trunk)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2004, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-life-spoonerisms/240151/3 "2004-04-15T16:35:14Z")
I always say “I need to shake a tower” or “shake a tit” but I do it intentionally. ---
**Author:** ![LVgeogeek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/b19c9b/32.png) [@LVgeogeek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LVgeogeek)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2004, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-life-spoonerisms/240151/4 "2004-04-15T17:19:24Z")
I always call Neiman Marcus (dept. store) “Needless Markup”, so much so, I once wrote it on a check and almost handed it to the cashier that way. I caught the ‘mistake’ on the check and then said, “Oh, I wrote the wrong amount, lemme write a new one” 😃 (my then boyfriend, now husband, thought it was pretty darn funny) ---
**Author:** ![yellowval](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/919ad9/32.png) [@yellowval](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yellowval)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2004, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-life-spoonerisms/240151/5 "2004-04-15T18:29:12Z")
Certain people in my office are notorious for our Spoonerisms. I’m one of them. Here are a few of my favorites: “coff of cuppee” (cup of coffee) “friendler usey” (user friendly) “flotting swies” (swatting flies) One night, one of my co-workers was a little drunk and was complaining to her her son about having to make cupcakes for a funeral the next day, or as she called them, “cockin’ fupcakes” (fuckin’ cupcakes). Another co-worker asked for an “oasin ratemeal” (oatmeal raisin) cookie at Subway. This one took the cake though: While talking to a friend about the fishing excursion we planned to go on that evening, my husband told him he hoped we’d have “good fuck lishing” (good luck fishing). Bastard made me fall off the couch. ---
**Author:** ![mrklutz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ebca7d/32.png) [@mrklutz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mrklutz)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2004, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-life-spoonerisms/240151/6 "2004-04-15T18:52:34Z")
My former roomie and I were trying to come up with a name for a beer I had brewed. And no, I hadn’t had anything to drink when we were doing this – which may be part of the problem. Anyway, I intended to suggest “Lone Wolf Oatmeal Stout” – “Lone Wolf” because I had brewed it myself while he was travelling, whereas we normally brewed everything together. But what actually came out of my mouth was “Lone Meal Oatwolf Stout”. Much more interesting name than what I had in mind, so we made up some labels with the mangled name. ---
**Author:** ![nocturnal\_tick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/3d9bf3/32.png) [@nocturnal\_tick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nocturnal_tick)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2004, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-life-spoonerisms/240151/7 "2004-04-15T18:59:59Z")
When I was a little 'un me and my mates used to get “betty swollocks”. Not so much of an accident as a way of avoiding saying it. Got us out of trouble and avoided embarrassing anyone, mostly girls (who’s Betty Swollocks?) I still use it today. ---
**Author:** ![trupa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/aeb1de/32.png) [@trupa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/trupa)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2004, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-life-spoonerisms/240151/8 "2004-04-15T21:45:53Z")
Once, when I was still a very green engineer, I told my VP that the long expected prototypes had arrived and were “shitting in sipping” ready to be picked up. :o ---
**Author:** ![WmBrent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f0a364/32.png) [@WmBrent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WmBrent)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2004, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-life-spoonerisms/240151/9 "2004-04-15T21:54:12Z")
Although I’ve always referred to these as Kermits, not Spoonerisms, a friend of mine woke up the ticket line at the cinema when she requested, “Two for ‘Babette’s Fist.’” ---
**Author:** ![Lobelia\_Overhill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/54ee81/32.png) [@Lobelia\_Overhill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobelia_Overhill)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2004, 11:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-life-spoonerisms/240151/10 "2004-04-15T23:11:26Z")
My friend’s daughter used to ask us if we’d brought any \*cock porn \* home from the cinema. Took me \*years \* to get out of the habit of calling it that. When I was staying in a hotel once I was asked what I wanted for breakfast and after a moment of thought said _coast and toffee_ please Wasn’t there a Weather Person who once said tomorrow there’ll be _frog and fost_? ---
**Author:** ![Sample\_the\_Dog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8797f3/32.png) [@Sample\_the\_Dog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sample_the_Dog)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2004, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-life-spoonerisms/240151/11 "2004-04-16T00:00:03Z")
Oh, Lobelia just reminded me. Years ago a local TV weatherman warned of the approach of “cold Canadian mare asses”. ---
**Author:** ![Synchro1111](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bcef8e/32.png) [@Synchro1111](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Synchro1111)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2004, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-life-spoonerisms/240151/12 "2004-04-16T00:27:12Z")
> [@LVgeogeek](#): > > I always call Neiman Marcus (dept. store) “Needless Markup”, so much so, I once wrote it on a check and almost handed it to the cashier that way. I caught the ‘mistake’ on the check and then said, “Oh, I wrote the wrong amount, lemme write a new one” 😃 (my then boyfriend, now husband, thought it was pretty darn funny) undefined Hi… First post here. I once said to a clerk at Smart and Final before writing a check, “what store is this? Oh, yeah, Fart and Sminal”… :rolleyes: I’d been in 10 stores that day. It’s amazing how nonexistent some people’s senses of humor are. Not even a smile. My dad used to say, intentionally, “You buttered your bread, now lie in it”… Karen ---
**Author:** ![Runs\_With\_Scissors](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/278dde/32.png) [@Runs\_With\_Scissors](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Runs_With_Scissors)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2004, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-life-spoonerisms/240151/13 "2004-04-16T01:21:32Z")
The one I say ALL the time is “wot hotter eater” instead of hot water heater. No, I’m not drinking. ---
**Author:** ![Lazlo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lazlo/32/9678_2.png) [@Lazlo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lazlo)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2004, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-life-spoonerisms/240151/14 "2004-04-16T03:14:51Z")
> [@Trunk](#): > > I always say “I need to shake a tower” or “shake a tit” but I do it intentionally. Okay, which one of my friends from college are you? I said **Chixie Dicks** accidentally one time. I always call them that now. I had a friend named Mary Helen and I spoonerized her name on purpose. I’ll let y’all sound it out for yourselves. ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2004, 3:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-life-spoonerisms/240151/15 "2004-04-16T03:26:31Z")
You know those wacky concave cakes? I have to enunciate very carefully. _Bunt_ cake. Bunt cake. ---
**Author:** ![MentalGuy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/439d5e/32.png) [@MentalGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MentalGuy)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2004, 3:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-life-spoonerisms/240151/16 "2004-04-16T03:51:08Z")
A teacher I know claims that when he was observing another teacher once that she referred to Dickens’ A Tale of Two Cities as A Sale of Two Titties. I have my doubts that it actually happened. ---
**Author:** ![Ms\_Macphisto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b487fb/32.png) [@Ms\_Macphisto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ms_Macphisto)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2004, 5:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-life-spoonerisms/240151/17 "2004-04-16T05:59:28Z")
Years ago, my mother asked for the needle nose pliers by referring to them as nodle neese. She kept on repeating it that way, getting increasingly irate as the rest of the family collapsed on the floor laughing. It’s now become a family thing, and on the rare occasions needle nose pliers come up in conversation with people outside the family I have to be really careful to enunciate properly. My mother is actually the queen of spoonerisms, so I’m sure I’ll come up with more later. ---
**Author:** ![Chimpy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a9adbd/32.png) [@Chimpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimpy)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2004, 11:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-life-spoonerisms/240151/18 "2004-04-16T11:06:17Z")
Well whenever me and my family are refereing to flying kites its flite kying. ---
**Author:** ![VunderBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/839c29/32.png) [@VunderBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VunderBob)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2004, 1:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-life-spoonerisms/240151/19 "2004-04-16T13:03:51Z")
One time long ago, VunderWife wanted me to take her to the flea grounds at the fair market. Another time, she asked me a question about our family friends, Al and Gilice (Gil and Alice). Oh, and with reference to “Betty Swollocks”; I can’t shout ‘Band Name!’, but it would make a wonderful user handle… 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Trunk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/87869e/32.png) [@Trunk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trunk)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2004, 1:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-life-spoonerisms/240151/20 "2004-04-16T13:58:57Z")
> [@Lazlo](#): > > Okay, which one of my friends from college are you? I doubt it’s completely uncommon, although I thought a friend of mine from Maine made it up. Sometimes we called a Grilled Cheese sandwich, “Chilled Grease” [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-life-spoonerisms/240151.md?page=2)