# Real-life uses for Simpsons quotes **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [October 5, 2004, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-life-uses-for-simpsons-quotes/267656 "2004-10-05T15:55:15Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2004, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-life-uses-for-simpsons-quotes/267656/41 "2004-10-05T22:14:50Z")
[Grandpa]“I’m cold…and frightened!”[/Grandpa] in any ambiguous situation. ---
**Author:** ![xenonymous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/9de0a6/32.png) [@xenonymous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xenonymous)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2004, 10:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-life-uses-for-simpsons-quotes/267656/42 "2004-10-05T22:18:09Z")
Years ago when I was at Uni. I was sitting on the steps of the local Quickymart with my housemate and some jerk drove by and shouted “Get a job you lazy bums” to which I replied “Thank-you, come again” in my best Apu voice. ---
**Author:** ![Treviathan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/838e76/32.png) [@Treviathan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Treviathan)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2004, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-life-uses-for-simpsons-quotes/267656/43 "2004-10-05T22:21:50Z")
When eating, I’ve been known to throw in either “Tastes like grandma!” or “Needs more dog.” The last one works well when someone tries to get me to try a beer I’ve never had before. ---
**Author:** ![Antigen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/848f3c/32.png) [@Antigen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antigen)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2004, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-life-uses-for-simpsons-quotes/267656/44 "2004-10-05T22:49:28Z")
I use the following almost daily: When confused: “Shot who in the what now?” When completely screwed: “Help me, Jeebus!” When I or someone makes a mistake: “Ooh, he/you/I card read good!” “I’m not NOT (whatever)”, from Homer’s “I’m not NOT licking toads!” If I start coughing while I’m eating, I thump my chest and tell people I’m “Just workin” the turkey through." And probably tons more that I use so often that I completely forget that they come from the Simpsons. ---
**Author:** ![AngelicGemma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/439d5e/32.png) [@AngelicGemma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AngelicGemma)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2004, 10:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-life-uses-for-simpsons-quotes/267656/45 "2004-10-05T22:50:45Z")
I’ve used “I didn’t think it was possible, but this both sucks AND blows” a few times. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2004, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-life-uses-for-simpsons-quotes/267656/46 "2004-10-05T23:13:05Z")
I use, “uhhhhh…nooo” sometimes. ---
**Author:** ![Elvez](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8491ac/32.png) [@Elvez](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elvez)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2004, 11:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-life-uses-for-simpsons-quotes/267656/47 "2004-10-05T23:20:54Z")
When someone says “Ellis, I’ve got something to tell you.” I’ll ask, “Is it about pie?” I’m looking for the opportunity to say “You butter that bacon, boy!” (“But dad, my heart hurts.” ---
**Author:** ![Ghanima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Ghanima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ghanima)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2004, 12:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-life-uses-for-simpsons-quotes/267656/48 "2004-10-06T00:15:33Z")
“Huh. You’re right, son, this does taste like grandma.” 😃 Another one: “I don’t know” said in the special Homer inflection. (From when he posed as Mr. Burns to get his mail and the clerk asked him what his first name was.) This thread could go for miles… ---
**Author:** ![bouv](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bc8723/32.png) [@bouv](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bouv)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2004, 12:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-life-uses-for-simpsons-quotes/267656/49 "2004-10-06T00:31:43Z")
Whenever someone deny’s me beer for some reason, I always say: “Bouv no function beer well without.” I also use yoink all the time. ---
**Author:** ![BrotherCadfael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@BrotherCadfael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrotherCadfael)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2004, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-life-uses-for-simpsons-quotes/267656/50 "2004-10-06T01:46:04Z")
“To alcohol: the cause of, and the solution to, all of life’s problems!” ---
**Author:** ![Agrippina](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/8797f3/32.png) [@Agrippina](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Agrippina)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2004, 1:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-life-uses-for-simpsons-quotes/267656/51 "2004-10-06T01:52:14Z")
Whenever someone says, “I knew…” I say, “Then why didn’t you tell the rest of us? Why’d you keep it to yourself?” ---
**Author:** ![JimSox5](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/b5a626/32.png) [@JimSox5](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JimSox5)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2004, 1:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-life-uses-for-simpsons-quotes/267656/52 "2004-10-06T01:55:42Z")
I don’t remember which episode it’s from, but I’ve always found Homer’s “You’ll have to speak up. I’m wearing a towel.” comes in useful in a variety of telephone conversations. ---
**Author:** ![Phelan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a183cd/32.png) [@Phelan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Phelan)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2004, 2:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-life-uses-for-simpsons-quotes/267656/53 "2004-10-06T02:25:05Z")
That’s from the “I Didn’t Do It” episode when Bart goes missing at the box factory and you first see Marge running to answer the phone from the shower wearing only a towel, but she’s too late; then you see Homer at work running to get the phone in just a towel, and that’s when he says that hilarious line. I love using that one too. ---
**Author:** ![interface2x](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c0e974/32.png) [@interface2x](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/interface2x)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2004, 2:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-life-uses-for-simpsons-quotes/267656/54 "2004-10-06T02:34:27Z")
> [@Agrippina](#): > > I’ve used “Your ideas intrigue me, and I’d like to subscribe to your newsletter” a few times. Be careful what you say, though. One time I said this to someone who claims to be a big Simpsons fan. Said person misunderstood the statement and started a newsletter. No foolin’. Here we are two years later and it’s still going. ---
**Author:** ![Odinoneeye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/97f17d/32.png) [@Odinoneeye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odinoneeye)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2004, 2:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-life-uses-for-simpsons-quotes/267656/55 "2004-10-06T02:40:31Z")
A couple of times when my wife has turned the TV on to something I didn’t want to watch, I would give her a nasty look and say, “If you need me, I’ll be in my room” with the Lisa inflection. and if I find food enjoyable… “Mmm, that’s good squishy” ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2004, 2:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-life-uses-for-simpsons-quotes/267656/56 "2004-10-06T02:54:38Z")
> [@Odinoneeye](#): > > …and if I find food enjoyable… “Mmm, that’s good squishy” Funny. I use that same quote…only not about food! 😃 Yes, yes…I know. Make all the appropriate jokes. ---
**Author:** ![bouv](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bc8723/32.png) [@bouv](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bouv)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2004, 2:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-life-uses-for-simpsons-quotes/267656/57 "2004-10-06T02:54:47Z")
> [@Odinoneeye](#): > > A couple of times when my wife has turned the TV on to something I didn’t want to watch, I would give her a nasty look and say, “If you need me, I’ll be in my room” with the Lisa inflection. What kind of a catch phrase is that? ---
**Author:** ![Call\_me\_Frank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/90ced4/32.png) [@Call\_me\_Frank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Call_me_Frank)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2004, 3:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-life-uses-for-simpsons-quotes/267656/58 "2004-10-06T03:59:48Z")
Whenever someone cites a statistic I counter with Homer’s “Ahh, people can come up with statistics to prove anything, Kent. fourteen percent of all people know that.” When someone brags about their or someone else’s accomplishments I employ “If he’s so smart, how come he’s dead?” And this following, venerable quote has been used on countless occasions for countless reasons. > [@](#): > > We can’t bust heads like we used to, but we have our ways. One trick is to tell ‘em stories that don’t go anywhere - like the time I caught the ferry over to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for my shoe, so, I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on ‘em. ‘Give me five bees for a quarter,’ you’d say.Now where were we? Oh yeah - the important thing was I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. They didn’t have white onions because of the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones… Not to mention the nearly obligatory “If I’m not back in [X minutes], avenge my death.” ---
**Author:** ![Antigen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/848f3c/32.png) [@Antigen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antigen)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2004, 4:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-life-uses-for-simpsons-quotes/267656/59 "2004-10-06T04:00:52Z")
I have misplaced my pants. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2004, 4:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-life-uses-for-simpsons-quotes/267656/60 "2004-10-06T04:57:43Z")
The other day I spilled a drink up at my local pub. After I did so I said **"Oh, man… This is everbodies fault except mine…"** (quoting Homer) Everbody at the bar got a good laugh out of it. And the best thing is I don’t think they know I stole it off of the Simpsons. Which leads to the ethical question: Am I obligated to tell them? Also my boss is always telling me TRY to get this done today. To which I always repond with: **" I don’t know boss, _trying_ sounds like the fist step towards failure…"** Boss thought it was funny the first time. Not so much so anymore…(tee hee) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-life-uses-for-simpsons-quotes/267656.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-life-uses-for-simpsons-quotes/267656.md?page=4)