# Real Offensive Jokes: College Football Edition **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [October 20, 2014, 4:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-offensive-jokes-college-football-edition/701895 "2014-10-20T04:09:47Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2014, 4:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-offensive-jokes-college-football-edition/701895/1 "2014-10-20T04:09:47Z")
These are awful. But, like a nasty fart, I claim them. **No. 1** Big win for Florida St over Notre Dame! Ya know, Winston’s real name is _Jamison_, but he goes by Jameis because he doesn’t acknowledge the letters “N” and “O”. **No. 2** Kent St. beat Army on Saturday. Too bad they can’t even the series with the National Guard. :smack: I’m ashamed of myself. ---
**Author:** ![elucidator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8edcca/32.png) [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2014, 4:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-offensive-jokes-college-football-edition/701895/2 "2014-10-20T04:20:34Z")
Not sufficiently, no. ---
**Author:** ![elucidator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8edcca/32.png) [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2014, 4:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-offensive-jokes-college-football-edition/701895/3 "2014-10-20T04:29:50Z")
What’s an Aggie’s greatest disappointment in life? When he finds out what they really mean by “animal husbandry”. What’s an Aggie seven course dinner? Six pack of Pearl Beer and a possum. What do you call the dumbest Aggie ever born? “Governor”. ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2014, 4:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-offensive-jokes-college-football-edition/701895/4 "2014-10-20T04:47:17Z")
> [@elucidator](#): > > Not sufficiently, no. I’d like to sell these two to Norm McDonald. He could add, “He’s a RAPIST!” for the first, and “They KILLED PEOPLE!” for the second. Believe me, you would _love_ the laughter in my head. I usually do. ---
**Author:** ![excavating\_for\_a\_mind](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e8c25b/32.png) [@excavating\_for\_a\_mind](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/excavating_for_a_mind)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2014, 5:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-offensive-jokes-college-football-edition/701895/5 "2014-10-20T05:02:28Z")
> [@elucidator](#): > > What’s an Aggie’s greatest disappointment in life? When he finds out what they really mean by “animal husbandry”. > > What’s an Aggie seven course dinner? Six pack of Pearl Beer and a possum. > > What do you call the dumbest Aggie ever born? “Governor”. Best Aggie quote, ever? “Let’s move to the SEC, where we can get some RESPECT” ---
**Author:** ![TonySinclair](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/49beb7/32.png) [@TonySinclair](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TonySinclair)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2014, 10:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-offensive-jokes-college-football-edition/701895/6 "2014-10-31T10:21:53Z")
> [@excavating\_for\_a\_mind](#): > > Best Aggie quote, ever? > “Let’s move to the SEC, where we can get some RESPECT” I heard some Aggies singing that song at a karaoke bar. “R-E-S-P-E-C-K” ---
**Author:** ![Stana\_Claus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stana_claus/32/13874_2.png) [@Stana\_Claus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stana_Claus)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2014, 1:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-offensive-jokes-college-football-edition/701895/7 "2014-10-31T13:49:01Z")
Q: How do you get an Alabama cheerleader into your dorm room? A: Grease her hips and push! Q: Why did they install artificial turf at Hollingsworth Field (Ole Miss)? A: To keep the cheerleaders from grazing on the sidelines. Q: Why do Aggies wear button-fly trousers? A: Sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2014, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-offensive-jokes-college-football-edition/701895/8 "2014-10-31T16:54:28Z")
Two college presidents walk into a bar. Both defund classroom education at the expense of vanity programs like Division I football and marble-faced administrative buildings. ---
**Author:** ![andros](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e480ec/32.png) [@andros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andros)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2014, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-offensive-jokes-college-football-edition/701895/9 "2014-10-31T16:56:26Z")
HAHAHAHAhahahahahahasob . ---
**Author:** ![Enginerd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/bcef8e/32.png) [@Enginerd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enginerd)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2014, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-offensive-jokes-college-football-edition/701895/10 "2014-10-31T16:58:56Z")
**dalej42** is the most offensive college football joke on this board. ---
**Author:** ![andros](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e480ec/32.png) [@andros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andros)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2014, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-offensive-jokes-college-football-edition/701895/11 "2014-10-31T17:05:41Z")
Well, that escalated quickly. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2014, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-offensive-jokes-college-football-edition/701895/12 "2014-10-31T17:12:45Z")
Why don’t they teach Driver’s Ed and Sex Ed on that same day at Texas A&M? ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2014, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-offensive-jokes-college-football-edition/701895/13 "2014-10-31T17:19:51Z")
How can you tell when you’re getting close to Bryan / College Station? All the sheep are backed up to the fence. ---
**Author:** ![elucidator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8edcca/32.png) [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2014, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-offensive-jokes-college-football-edition/701895/14 "2014-10-31T17:22:32Z")
Aggie jokes! God, how I miss them… ---
**Author:** ![Superdude](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/superdude/32/13450_2.png) [@Superdude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superdude)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2014, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-offensive-jokes-college-football-edition/701895/15 "2014-10-31T19:32:06Z")
> [@TriPolar](#): > > Why don’t they teach Driver’s Ed and Sex Ed on that same day at Texas A&M? They have to let the sheep rest. ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2014, 12:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-offensive-jokes-college-football-edition/701895/16 "2014-11-01T00:59:38Z")
I just wrote one that is _too_ offensive. I won’t post it. First time a thread I started ever resurfaced I think. ---
**Author:** ![wedgehed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8edcca/32.png) [@wedgehed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wedgehed)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2014, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-offensive-jokes-college-football-edition/701895/17 "2014-11-01T04:15:52Z")
Ricky Joe & Bubba attend their first Georgia Bulldogs football game. Ricky Joe spots Uga, the Bulldog’s mascot, on the sideline licking his nuts. Ricky Joe elbows Bubba, points at Uga & says, “I sho do wish I could do that!”. Bubba replies, “You better not, that dog will bite you!”. ---
**Author:** ![Ionizer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/5daacb/32.png) [@Ionizer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ionizer)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2014, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-offensive-jokes-college-football-edition/701895/18 "2014-11-01T19:05:56Z")
> [@elucidator](#): > > Aggie jokes! God, how I miss them… ## One of my favoritew from long ago (grew up ~30 miles east of College Station, Tx, fwiw)… After NASA’s last moon landing, NASA was giving away moon-rock samples to universities, etc for study/research purposes. When NASA came to the Tx A & M request for samples, they were all out of samples to give to Universities - so they sent some some local cow patties (ie cow-crap) to them thinking “how would they even know the difference”?! ## A few days later, local newspapers carried the headline announcement from the University that TX A&M had positive and irrefutable proof that the cow REALLY did jump over the moon 🙂 ## Yet another (both are literally 35-40 yrs of age, sad to say…) : Why did the Aggie pharmacist-student flunk out of pharmacy school? He could not figure out how to put the Rx-bottles into the typewriter to put the directions of what Doc ordered on label. The bottles just would not go into the typewriter! Sorry, but the Tx Aggie references brought back a flood of old Aggie jokes, especially since I was in heart of Aggie-land and heard 'em all the time. Then I moved to Austin (Univ of TX, per se) and it only got worse, LOL. Not really football rlated, but funny none the less, IMHO. ---
**Author:** ![excavating\_for\_a\_mind](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e8c25b/32.png) [@excavating\_for\_a\_mind](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/excavating_for_a_mind)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2014, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-offensive-jokes-college-football-edition/701895/19 "2014-11-01T21:29:02Z")
I heard the Aggies blamed the loss to Alabama in Tuscaloosa this year ( **0-59** ) on a drug problem. They was drug up one side of the field and down the other. ---
**Author:** ![Ranger\_Jeff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranger_jeff/32/2065_2.png) [@Ranger\_Jeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranger_Jeff)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2014, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-offensive-jokes-college-football-edition/701895/20 "2014-11-01T21:41:49Z")
What’s the difference between an alligator and a University of Michigan cheerleader? If you were really horny, you might want to fuck an alligator.