# Real Porn Titles **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 25, 2000, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-porn-titles/42643 "2000-11-25T14:45:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![CnoteChris](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/278dde/32.png) [@CnoteChris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CnoteChris)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2000, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-porn-titles/42643/1 "2000-11-25T14:45:18Z")
[This](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=47820) thread reminded me that there are some great porn movie titles out there that mostly go unnoticed. Well, how about noticing them and posting them here. For the purpose of this thread, they should be real titles. When and where they were made are not as important as whether or not you found them funny. A few that made me laugh- “Forrest Hump” “On Golden Blonde” “E-Three: The Extra Testicle” ---
**Author:** ![Stentor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d2c977/32.png) [@Stentor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stentor)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2000, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-porn-titles/42643/2 "2000-11-25T14:52:22Z")
Titty Slickers In which the characters rent a movie called The Good, the Bad, and the Horny (rim shot) ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Negative](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/typo_negative/32/484_2.png) [@Typo\_Negative](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Negative)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2000, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-porn-titles/42643/3 "2000-11-25T15:12:42Z")
‘Frankenpenis’ starring John Wayne Bobbit. ‘the Dickheads’ [sub]like ‘Coneheads’[/sub] [Simpsons] “Sperms of Endearment” with “I’ll do Anyone” [/Simpsons] ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2000, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-porn-titles/42643/4 "2000-11-25T17:07:22Z")
“Edward Penishands” - one of the funniest pornos I’ve ever seen. ---
**Author:** ![Revtim](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/revtim/32/1042_2.png) [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2000, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-porn-titles/42643/5 "2000-11-25T17:12:25Z")
Let’s not forget the sequel to 'Titty Slickers": “Titty Slickers II: The Search for Golden Curlys” Part one left so many unanswered questions… ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2000, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-porn-titles/42643/6 "2000-11-25T19:05:42Z")
“Shaving Ryan’s Privates” ---
**Author:** ![Jman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jman/32/4416_2.png) [@Jman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jman)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2000, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-porn-titles/42643/7 "2000-11-25T19:10:10Z")
White men CAN hump! ---
**Author:** ![Sir\_Rhosis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d9b06d/32.png) [@Sir\_Rhosis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sir_Rhosis)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2000, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-porn-titles/42643/8 "2000-11-25T20:33:01Z")
Foreskin Gump The Sperminator A Tale of Two Titties Splendor in the Ass Field of Creams The Joy Suck Club ---
**Author:** ![Goose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Goose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Goose)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2000, 9:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-porn-titles/42643/9 "2000-11-25T21:33:16Z")
Position Impossible ---
**Author:** ![Mockingbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c68b51/32.png) [@Mockingbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mockingbird)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2000, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-porn-titles/42643/10 "2000-11-25T22:30:46Z")
Instead of Regarding Henry: Regarding Heiney. I also saw The Anal Family with a look on the box of the Addams Family. It was _special_. ---
**Author:** ![KJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b2d939/32.png) [@KJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KJ)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2000, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-porn-titles/42643/11 "2000-11-25T22:46:23Z")
I don’t know if it’s true or not, but I once heard of a Disney porn spoof (possibly live-action, possibly animated/hentai) called The Little Spermaid. ---
**Author:** ![Welfy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e56c9b/32.png) [@Welfy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Welfy)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2000, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-porn-titles/42643/12 "2000-11-25T23:22:41Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Mr. Blue Sky \* > \*\*“Edward Penishands” - one of the funniest pornos I’ve ever seen. \*\* That’s real?! NoooooO!!! ---
**Author:** ![Tristan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tristan/32/18058_2.png) [@Tristan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tristan)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2000, 12:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-porn-titles/42643/13 "2000-11-26T00:44:38Z")
I first heard of this one from a Comedians routine, and I thought it was hilarious. Then, not 2 months later, I saw the actual movie at the local shop. **Fuck my Dirty Shit-Hole, the movie** which is scary, as it implies that there is a book or something somewhere… ---
**Author:** ![absoul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/bc8723/32.png) [@absoul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/absoul)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2000, 1:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-porn-titles/42643/14 "2000-11-26T01:33:10Z")
Best Real Porn title of all time - “Blow Dry” ---
**Author:** ![KJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b2d939/32.png) [@KJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KJ)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2000, 2:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-porn-titles/42643/15 "2000-11-26T02:30:46Z")
[hijack] This reminds me of something that Adam Carolla said once on the Loveline radio show. He said, "I’ve got all my porn videos in my astronomically vast collection of porn labeled with regular labels and a felt-tip marker. That’s sort of how I know it’s porn, if it’s labeled like that. The other day I was digging around in my videos and I found one labeled ‘Head Cleaner.’ I thought ‘This is odd, I don’t remember this one.’ And, you know, it sounds like a porn title; head cleaner! So I popped it in, and got all ready to go, and started watching.’ ‘Uhhhhh…’ ‘Nothing’s happening. What’s wrong? Video’s broken.’ It took me a while to figure out what ‘Head Cleaner’ actually meant, but after that, all my porn videos were crystal clear." No [quote]s, because I don’t know the exact words. > [@](#): > > If you would like a transcript of this episode of Loveline… > You should’ve written it down yourself. [/hijack] ---
**Author:** ![Geek\_Mecha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ecae2f/32.png) [@Geek\_Mecha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Geek_Mecha)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2000, 8:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-porn-titles/42643/16 "2000-11-26T08:37:40Z")
“The Bare Wench Project”. Shown immediately following… yep, you guessed it, “The Blair Witch Project”. ---
**Author:** ![CnoteChris](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/278dde/32.png) [@CnoteChris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CnoteChris)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2000, 8:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-porn-titles/42643/17 "2000-11-26T08:53:18Z")
**Audrey** , Please. I held you up to such standards, and you go and say that. Truth is, the women I’ve known have always liked a good porno just as much as the guys. You gals just describe it differently. You gals is _dirty_. But you, my Audicans, I don’t know what to say… I’m taken aback. However, to add to my O.P., I asked some friends their votes and they came up with this, that I’ve yet to see: “Seven brides for seven sailors” ---
**Author:** ![Geek\_Mecha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ecae2f/32.png) [@Geek\_Mecha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Geek_Mecha)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2000, 9:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-porn-titles/42643/18 "2000-11-26T09:42:41Z")
_chuckles_ I disappointed you once before in your pet names thread, and then redeemed myself with my regrets for a fish named Atilla. What are the chances I can pull that off again? Damn, close to zero, I think… The title amused me, as did the fact that it immediately followed TBWP. In my mind, three horny men were pursuing the legend of the Bare Wench, who inhabited a cold, dark forest and… well, I didn’t develop much of a storyline. Few pornos do, anyway. Let’s just say that the camera wasn’t the only thing bouncing around. Oh well. Obviously, I haven’t seen many pornos in my life, and the ones I have seen were terrible. What this world needs is more quality porn. But that’s a whole 'nother thread. ---
**Author:** ![DRY](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a87d85/32.png) [@DRY](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DRY)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2000, 9:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-porn-titles/42643/19 "2000-11-26T09:49:28Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by absoul \* > \*\*Best Real Porn title of all time - > > “Blow Dry” \*\* _Ahem_. Any volunteers? 😃 Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? [sub](Not that I want Ferris Bueller, mind you)[/sub] Never mind. Didn’t truly think I’d find romance (or even tawdry oral sex, to say nothing of GOOD oral sex) in a porn thread. ☹ Anyway, I’ve heard of “Muffy, the Vampire Layer” and “Beyond the Valley of the Ultra Milkmaids” (or something like that). ---
**Author:** ![The\_Asbestos\_Mango](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/edb3f5/32.png) [@The\_Asbestos\_Mango](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Asbestos_Mango)\ **Post date:** [November 26, 2000, 10:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-porn-titles/42643/20 "2000-11-26T10:30:37Z")
I was going through a phase when every single movie I rented absolutely \* had\* to be a vampire flick. My then boyfriend was a porno addict. I personally couldn’t stand them- I think they’re disgusting. He nagged me into watching one with him once, and after I had been thoroughly grossed out by close ups of women performing oral sex on each other, come splattered on faces, etc., he wanted to have sex. I wanted to puke… oops, sorry, didn’t mean to hijack the thread, I’m having flashbacks to a very bad five years of my life. Where was I? Oh, yeah, while I was at the video store I would go into the “adult” section and pick up a porno or two for him to watch while I was at work. There was one there called “Vampirass”. Only porno I actually wanted to see, and he absolutely forbade me to rent it. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-porn-titles/42643.md?page=2)