Okay, I’m not going to do Masterchef after all, not because it’s a bad show (I think it’s one of the most consistently good Gordon Ramsey properties), but because I don’t have any interest in recapping the finale. The best chefs do their best work, despite some tiny stumbles they produce great dishes, two of them don’t win. Not much more to say about it.
I would like to say some more about The Challenge: USA. It was a totally fresh experience that I went into it with an open mind, and as is usually the case with these, I ran facefirst into all kinds of heavy-handed crap that ended up spoiling the experience. (Case in point, my experiences with this notorious game). I knew that the rules would be screwy by design and eliminations would be mostly a matter of luck. I knew that there would be at least one major injustice in the final leg, and lo and behold, it literally happened right away when Enzo bombed the swim (and he wouldn’t have even been here at all if he hadn’t nailed two brute-force eliminations) and took a helpless partner down with him. But the sheer level of finagling in the final was astonishing. It was, to put it bluntly, a total mess.
And then I read some of the responses to the finale. Hoo boy.
Do you know what my response to the final climb was? I was stunned that they had to do all these painful tasks. I was gobsmacked when the last task on the day involved exhausting labor and sleep deprivation. If this happened outside of reality TV it’d be considered a human rights violation. And then two very tricky puzzles, which not all of them were familiar with, in the freezing cold, for goddess knows how long. I was genuinely afraid that someone would suffer permanent harm from this. Now, if an incredibly tough (or lucky!) contestant was up to this, fine. Your body; your right to wreck it however you like. But I’d think that anyone with a brain would be going “This was not what I signed up for!” by around the raw onion and garlic, and definitely no later than the big pile of dirt. Yes, there are shows that push the players to their limits. But there’s a big difference between Sean Bryan fighting for that last lache or Justina Machado completing an exhausting freestyle than miserable, sleep-deprived wretches killing themselves for a shot at some cash.
So what was the overwhelming response? “Quitters! He quit! She quit! Everyone quit! They’re scum! They’re not worthy of that MTV show! Wimps! Weaklings! Quitty quit quit quitta quittoo quittai quit!” No compassion. No appreciation of how difficult the contest was. Hell, no one’s even interesting in picking out the deceptive edits, something which used to be automatic. It’s all preachy self-righteousness from a bunch of useless blathering entitled couch potatoes who couldn’t handle fifteen minutes of Hawaii humidity without screaming for mercy. (The other main factions appear to be the sadists, whom I am confident require no explanation, and the CBS reality superfans who actually follow the whole lineup, Survivor and The Amazing Race and Big Brother and Love Island. Not exactly sure how going on dates in a lavish Vegas resort prepares one for shovelling fifty pounds of dirt in the dead of night or nearly fricking dying on a frozen mountainside, but that’s just one of those quirks, I guess.)
Here’s a useful phrase: “Seeing the elephant”. The rule for any brutal, miserable, or painful experience is that unless you’ve seen the elephant, you don’t get to say ANYTHING about ANYONE who’s actually done it. You are nothing. Your opinion is worthless. That I’m seeing all these blathering sheep go “Quit! Quit! Quit!” isn’t just irritating, it’s morally repugnant.
And on top of that, I just flat out don’t care. Jeannie Mai had to leave Dancing With The Stars due to health problems. I kept watching. I saw a contestant on Hell’s Kitchen tell Gordon Ramsey “I don’t wanna do this no more,” he responded “Fine, goodbye,” and that was that. I kept watching. At some level, I think everyone has the right to say “I can’t go on” or “I can’t take anymore” or even “This isn’t fun for me anymore”. It’s a reality show. It’s not important. No one should keep competing who doesn’t want it. “But, but, it’s a great privelege, and someone else didn’t get this great privelege, and it’s totally unfair to that…” It. Is. Meaningless. Entertainment. Nothing. More. If my enjoyment of The Challenge: USA is dependent on getting hugely emotionally invested in these contestants and turning into an erupting volcano of outrage and indignation every time someone says enough, well, it’s not happening. Plain and simple.
Seriously, though, forced overnight labor. That is just messed up. 
(Wonder if The Real Love Boat is going to be any good? Ah, only one way to find out…)