# Realizing that You Are at Risk of Becoming like Your Partner's Psycho Ex **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 3, 2022, 1:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/realizing-that-you-are-at-risk-of-becoming-like-your-partners-psycho-ex/969025 "2022-08-03T13:56:22Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 11\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Two\_Many\_Cats2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/779978/32.png) [@Two\_Many\_Cats2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Two_Many_Cats2)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2022, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/realizing-that-you-are-at-risk-of-becoming-like-your-partners-psycho-ex/969025/41 "2022-08-22T16:18:32Z")
Yeah, the length of your posts suggests you’re putting way too much thought into this. ---
**Author:** ![Moonrise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/moonrise/32/14764_2.png) [@Moonrise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moonrise)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2022, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/realizing-that-you-are-at-risk-of-becoming-like-your-partners-psycho-ex/969025/42 "2022-08-22T19:31:36Z")
Probably. But it’s difficult not to do so after two and a half years of her blowing hot and cold, keeping me guessing constantly about her intentions. And she’s not giving me the chance to think about something else. She was back in my office this morning, for the third workday in a row with a legitimate, work-related question. It took 1 minute to answer it. She stayed for half an hour. I’m 99.99% certain that she doesn’t want us to be together again. So, either she’s trying to tease me into hoping that we can get back together, or she wants to make sure I’m willing to keep her as a friend. The former won’t work because, although she’s as gorgeous as ever, the charm is broken. As for the latter, I’m OK with that. ---
**Author:** ![SuntanLotion](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/suntanlotion/32/16165_2.png) [@SuntanLotion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SuntanLotion)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2022, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/realizing-that-you-are-at-risk-of-becoming-like-your-partners-psycho-ex/969025/43 "2022-08-22T20:06:18Z")
After answering the question, you may have said, I’ve got something to do. Excuse me. Your allowing her to take too much of your time. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2022, 11:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/realizing-that-you-are-at-risk-of-becoming-like-your-partners-psycho-ex/969025/44 "2022-08-22T23:17:04Z")
Yes. Cut her off. Hard. Business is business, and personal is personal. Depending on how the wiring diagram at work is, you might need to tell your boss to tell her boss to GTFO of your space. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2022, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/realizing-that-you-are-at-risk-of-becoming-like-your-partners-psycho-ex/969025/45 "2022-08-23T00:51:42Z")
> [@Moonrise](#): > > When we first met, she initiated everything. She’s the one who started popping in my office daily, the one who sent me the first email and the first text, the one who invited me back to her place after work, the one who asked me to make love to her, the one who first opened up about her feelings (“I’m in love with you”). But once we were together, she quickly turned off and I spent the next two and a half years trying to make our relationship move forward only to get silence, false promises and dubious excuses in return. And now that we’ve broken up, she’s texting me and coming to my office again, like over two and a half years ago. > > What a weird woman. Intelligent. Beautiful. Fascinating. But so, so weird. Doesn’t sound fascinating. She sounds controlling and you sound very passive in this whole situation. And I agree with @Two_Many_Cats2 that you have put way too much thought in this woman for way too long. [Here’s what you tell her next time she drops by your office.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tfn8GT-9008) ---
**Author:** ![tullsterx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e9bcb4/32.png) [@tullsterx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tullsterx)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2022, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/realizing-that-you-are-at-risk-of-becoming-like-your-partners-psycho-ex/969025/46 "2022-08-23T17:06:13Z")
I think you need to forget about Mickey. I think the only thing Moonrise should be worried about is the state of his current relationship with Gini. I mean, you can’t really ever know the truth about their relationship, but you’re living through the truth of your relationship with Gini. It doesn’t sound like you’re happy to me. I was in an emotionally abusive relationship and it took me a while to see it and get angry enough to call it off. But, when I did it felt SOOO good. I still celebrate that moment. ---
**Author:** ![Moonrise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/moonrise/32/14764_2.png) [@Moonrise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moonrise)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2022, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/realizing-that-you-are-at-risk-of-becoming-like-your-partners-psycho-ex/969025/47 "2022-08-23T19:34:03Z")
I don’t know what the “truth” of our relationship was. She said and promised many things, none of which she acted on. I’m not happy that we broke up, but the uncertainty is over and I don’t miss her. That’s good. All that I’m sure of boils down to : - we lived together from February 2020 to July 2022 - we made love dozens of times These are the only objective certainties that I have about us. > [@msmith537](#): > > She sounds controlling and you sound very passive in this whole situation. I wasn’t so much “passive” as “careful”. First, we met at work. I wanted to avoid a misunderstanding leading to nasty situation. Then, although she showed me from the start clear signs of romantic interest, her body language was closed, so I considered it prudent to attribute them to other reasons. I initially suspected that she just wanted to practice her English. When she quickly disclosed very intimate information about herself, I assumed she just needed someone to talk to. Only when she invited me back to her place and asked me to hug her did I think “Now, it’s clear”. ---
**Author:** ![SuntanLotion](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/suntanlotion/32/16165_2.png) [@SuntanLotion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SuntanLotion)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2022, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/realizing-that-you-are-at-risk-of-becoming-like-your-partners-psycho-ex/969025/48 "2022-08-23T19:46:27Z")
Hm. 2 years, and sex dozens of times. That doesn’t sound like very often. ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2022, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/realizing-that-you-are-at-risk-of-becoming-like-your-partners-psycho-ex/969025/49 "2022-08-23T22:05:37Z")
> [@SuntanLotion](#): > > Hm. 2 years, and sex dozens of times. That doesn’t sound like very often. But it was _incredible_. > [@Moonrise](#): > > But as I’ve said, I’m moving on. It doesn’t sound like you’re quite there. Is it the 0.01% chance that she’s not done with you yet? ---
**Author:** ![mordecaiB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mordecaib/32/7725_2.png) [@mordecaiB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mordecaiB)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2022, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/realizing-that-you-are-at-risk-of-becoming-like-your-partners-psycho-ex/969025/50 "2022-08-23T22:57:27Z")
> [@Moonrise](#): > > But as I’ve said, I’m moving on. You are not moving on at all. Frankly, it doesn’t sound much like you want to move on. While your breakup isn’t the worst one I ever heard of, it was pretty harsh. You really should keep your distance for a bit. No reason you can’t have a quick chat at work with her, but extended conversations about personal stuff should be off limits. The time for that was before you broke up. ---
**Author:** ![Moonrise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/moonrise/32/14764_2.png) [@Moonrise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moonrise)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2022, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/realizing-that-you-are-at-risk-of-becoming-like-your-partners-psycho-ex/969025/51 "2022-08-24T19:07:21Z")
The break-up doesn’t trouble me. Our relationship had lots of great aspects, but I realized early on that it was not headed in the right direction. Actually, I was about to leave her, and had been thinking how I was going to tell her, when we broke up. What is difficult is the questions that will forever be unaswered. So many inconsistencies, contradictions, lies, half-truths and secrets about her past, about the nature of our relationship and of her feelings for me. After two and a half years living together, I have no idea who she really was, and what she really wanted. All I know for sure are the 2 lines I wrote above. > [@SuntanLotion](#): > > Hm. 2 years, and sex dozens of times. That doesn’t sound like very often. I use “dozens” for any unspecified number over 23 but below 200. Perhaps I should have said 16 dozens ? I guess that would have been in the ballpark. But oddly specific. And technically, it would still be “dozens” anyway. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/realizing-that-you-are-at-risk-of-becoming-like-your-partners-psycho-ex/969025.md?page=2)