# Really bad poetry...please contribute **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 21, 2003, 2:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-bad-poetry-please-contribute/176459 "2003-05-21T02:03:41Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![SpectBrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a87d85/32.png) [@SpectBrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SpectBrain)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2003, 2:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-bad-poetry-please-contribute/176459/1 "2003-05-21T02:03:41Z")
Scylla ,Fenris and others of y’all pen some really good stuff. I thought I’d try for the other extreme. Please don’t leave me here all alone. 😃 Sunken in my depression Quietly reflecting Glued to my spot In the middle of the freeway […Bott’s dot](http://www.snopes.com/business/origins/bottsdot.htm) ---
**Author:** ![Gundy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b782af/32.png) [@Gundy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gundy)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2003, 2:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-bad-poetry-please-contribute/176459/2 "2003-05-21T02:15:09Z")
Oh MAN have I got some bad poetry for you. Straight from the sparkly pens of 13-year-olds, no less. A selection: “The Forest” ## Air is heaven, trees are ornaments. The nature is honey, so sweet. The paradise is so heavenly. Nothing like thee. “Getting Away” ## As I look down at the world below I see people staring back up at me Thinking I am demented Because I try to transpire through a big equilateral glass window To take the initiative to escape from the dreaded agribusiness I start with dreams I end with sorrow When I come home I say, “Where have my dreams gone?” Her hair is a rainbow Her smile is great But then I ask myself “When will I meet her?” I’ve saved this poetry newsletter for over a year now, because it is so very, very bad. ---
**Author:** ![Scylla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@Scylla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scylla)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2003, 2:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-bad-poetry-please-contribute/176459/3 "2003-05-21T02:15:45Z")
Oh moist toejam of love From between the the fungiesqe corns of big toe, and to next to big toe caught in that web between those toes as I am caught by your affections My darling. (once I recite that one to 'em it’s all over but for the moaning.) ---
**Author:** ![SpectBrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a87d85/32.png) [@SpectBrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SpectBrain)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2003, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-bad-poetry-please-contribute/176459/4 "2003-05-21T02:50:40Z")
Scylla, I’m honored by your contribution. Thank You! The wind whistles through the tree. It’s whistling dixie in the key of C. And while it blows so strong, so sweet. It won’t dispell the smell of Scylla’s feet. ---
**Author:** ![Mr\_Adam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9a140/32.png) [@Mr\_Adam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr_Adam)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2003, 5:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-bad-poetry-please-contribute/176459/5 "2003-05-21T05:50:40Z")
Whats your name a song a whisper on the air a tune for those far off the sun is bright people are kind and fare Where is this place The place in your mind Is it real or illusion How can people be so kind ---
**Author:** ![RawkStah](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/46a35a/32.png) [@RawkStah](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RawkStah)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2003, 6:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-bad-poetry-please-contribute/176459/6 "2003-05-21T06:10:31Z")
Oh, MAN! You want some crap poetry? I’ll freakin’ GIVE you some CRAP POETRY!.. Sorry… just busy at homestar runner… Poetry by RawkStah, 1993. **17th** - The 17th Commandment–thou shalt not give of thine rat’s ass. Do not give a rat’s ass. Have you no compassion, heathen? Do not give a rat’s ass. Think–the rat’s ass you give may be the last. Think–the rat needs the ass you have given Think–the rat has a place in the ecosystem The rat keeps our population down. We, the people of the United States Do not give a rat’s ass. We, the people of the United States are politically correct. Yet, some people do give a rat’s ass. This does not mean they care. Au contraire! They are killing the world! They are raping the earth! They are mashing the trees! Stop giving rat’s asses and save the world please!\* ---
**Author:** ![dwc1970](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a183cd/32.png) [@dwc1970](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dwc1970)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2003, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-bad-poetry-please-contribute/176459/7 "2003-05-21T14:50:36Z")
The December landscape is serene The winter paints a relaxing scene All of nature is now asleep As the trees stand in the snow so deep The needles of the pines are dusted with flakes Frozen solid are the surfaces of the lakes All the fauna is in hibernation The birds have gone south for their vacation The fresh-fallen snow is glistening The bare-branched trees, they are listening To the silence of the winter season Everything is quiet for a reason The air is filled with a frigid chill And all of life seems to stand still Not until the arrival of spring Shall the birds once again sing ---
**Author:** ![Kyla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/eada6e/32.png) [@Kyla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kyla)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2003, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-bad-poetry-please-contribute/176459/8 "2003-05-21T15:02:55Z")
For truly bad poetry, you must check out [this wonderful LiveJournal.](http://www.livejournal.com/userinfo.bml?user=reallybadpoetry) ---
**Author:** ![Super\_Gnat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e274bd/32.png) [@Super\_Gnat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Super_Gnat)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2003, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-bad-poetry-please-contribute/176459/9 "2003-05-21T15:08:45Z")
smiling and swirling across the tree’s to me u are the bees knee’s i knew u once a long time ago only then u had to go. i mis u so much cause u were such a reely good friend and crush too i used to be happy but, now i’m blue. please come back!!! i reely miss u all the time we new each other i wanted to kiss u but i never did so, oh well For writing this I’ll probably go to hell. [The funny thing is, I had to write this in correct English and then insert typos.] ---
**Author:** ![KRC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/45deac/32.png) [@KRC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KRC)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2003, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-bad-poetry-please-contribute/176459/10 "2003-05-21T15:26:52Z")
Here’s one I wrote several years ago about a cowboy and an electric fence: My mother said “Life is uncertain. You never know when you may be jerked hence. But here’s some advice that will help you. Never pee on the electric fence!” My uncle had lots of money But he never had much good sense. I found myself very rich that day He peed on the electric fence. So, do I win first prize in the bad poetry contest? If not I’ve got several more verses of that particular poem, plus a couple other bad poems. ---
**Author:** ![Gotterfunken](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/58956e/32.png) [@Gotterfunken](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gotterfunken)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2003, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-bad-poetry-please-contribute/176459/11 "2003-05-21T15:28:10Z")
_Ahem_ A Vogon poem, courtesy of [http://www.bbc.co.uk/cult/hitchhikers/vogonpoetry/lettergen.shtml](http://www.bbc.co.uk/cult/hitchhikers/vogonpoetry/lettergen.shtml). > [@](#): > > See, see the kind sky > Marvel at its big fuschia depths. > Tell me, Brad do you > Wonder why the elephant seal ignores you? > Why its foobly stare > makes you feel exhausted. > I can tell you, it is > Worried by your dalla\*\*\*ga facial growth > That looks like > A cheese. > What’s more, it knows > Your Norfolk potting shed > Smells of caterpillar. > Everything under the big kind sky > Asks why, why do you even bother? > You only charm sour milk. If that’s not good enough, i can always go back through my old diaries from high school and find some “real” poetry… ---
**Author:** ![Jabba](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/b5e925/32.png) [@Jabba](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jabba)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2003, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-bad-poetry-please-contribute/176459/12 "2003-05-21T15:31:16Z")
I can offer no verse of my own, but no discussion of bad poetry is complete without [William McGonagal](http://www.dundee22.freeserve.co.uk/default.htm). His acknowledged masterpiece is [“The Tay Bridge Disaster”](http://www.dundee22.freeserve.co.uk/disaster.htm), but the first link gives links to many of his verses. ---
**Author:** ![brainfizz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/da6949/32.png) [@brainfizz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brainfizz)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2003, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-bad-poetry-please-contribute/176459/13 "2003-05-21T15:34:39Z")
Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom “The German Guns”, by Private S. Baldrick ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2003, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-bad-poetry-please-contribute/176459/14 "2003-05-21T15:37:41Z")
url=“[http://www.poetry.com/](http://www.poetry.com/)”]The mother lode. My contribution is [here](http://www.poetry.com/Publications/display.asp?ID=P3971954&BN=999&PN=1). ---
**Author:** ![belladonna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/9fc29f/32.png) [@belladonna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/belladonna)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2003, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-bad-poetry-please-contribute/176459/15 "2003-05-21T15:38:52Z")
I saw a little rainbow, way up in the sky And as I watched and wondered, It seemed to be saying “Hi!” And so I took that little rainbow and locked it in my heart, And in my mind I put the key so we shall never part… ---
**Author:** ![Linty\_Fresh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Linty\_Fresh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Linty_Fresh)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2003, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-bad-poetry-please-contribute/176459/16 "2003-05-21T15:44:53Z")
Oh, love lorn lost to crushing disappointment From the bittersweet lessons of wind-torn youth Would I but never hath learned the meaning of the words “Female Impersonator” ---
**Author:** ![Qazzz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/aeb1de/32.png) [@Qazzz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qazzz)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2003, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-bad-poetry-please-contribute/176459/17 "2003-05-21T15:46:41Z")
“Honkity honk” said the little gray goose “Quackity quack” said the smallish brown duck “Oh why must we die, when life is so grand?” Said the goose to the duck, as they swam to the sand. “So that more birds may live, and to them joys can God give!” “For now it is clear, And now I shan’t fear When someday I hear Death’s sigh on my ear.” Said the goosity mcgoose. “Let us now go As we quack and we honk To talk to the crow So that he might now know To fly and chirp freely While she can Before she dies And rots in the brown ground.” ---
**Author:** ![manwithaplan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f1d935/32.png) [@manwithaplan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/manwithaplan)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2003, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-bad-poetry-please-contribute/176459/18 "2003-05-21T15:50:45Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Gundy \* > \*\*“Getting Away” > > As I look down at the world below I see people staring back up at me > Thinking I am demented > Because I try to transpire through a big equilateral glass window > To take the initiative to escape from the dreaded agribusiness > \*\* **Gundy** , That is an absolute classic - it sounds like it was composed from a roll of word-a-day toilet paper. “Escape from the dreaded agribusiness” is a phrase that shouldn’t be allowed transpire through the big equilateral glass window. ---
**Author:** ![Tabithina](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f04885/32.png) [@Tabithina](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tabithina)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2003, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-bad-poetry-please-contribute/176459/19 "2003-05-21T16:09:31Z")
Time to unpack the summer clothing once more; though the garments are tight and too short. Shake out the wrinkles and hurriedly dress, it’s time to frolic, gambol and cavort! Let’s dance in the verdant green meadow underneath clear cerulean skies with nary a fluffy cloud stopping the sun from burning our winter-white thighs. ---
**Author:** ![Rico](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rico/32/3582_2.png) [@Rico](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rico)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2003, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-bad-poetry-please-contribute/176459/20 "2003-05-21T16:13:17Z")
**Roses are red Violets are blue Some poems rhyme And this one doesn’t** [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-bad-poetry-please-contribute/176459.md?page=2)