# Really bad poetry...please contribute **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 21, 2003, 2:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-bad-poetry-please-contribute/176459 "2003-05-21T02:03:41Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Gundy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b782af/32.png) [@Gundy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gundy)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2003, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-bad-poetry-please-contribute/176459/21 "2003-05-21T16:13:42Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by manwithaplan \* > \*\ ***Gundy** , > > That is an absolute classic - it sounds like it was composed from a roll of word-a-day toilet paper. “Escape from the dreaded agribusiness” is a phrase that shouldn’t be allowed transpire through the big equilateral glass window. \*\* I swear, I blinked hard about fifteen times the first time I read it, thinking I had it wrong. I still have no idea what the girl meant. ---
**Author:** ![Lucki\_Chaarms](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/9de0a6/32.png) [@Lucki\_Chaarms](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lucki_Chaarms)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2003, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-bad-poetry-please-contribute/176459/22 "2003-05-21T17:01:32Z")
Fans of poetry jokes will like this: it’s a streaming file from the Prarie Home Companion website, a sketch with Poet Laureate Billy Collins. Funny stuff. LC P.S.- This is just to say That the file I linked is totally legal And the mods should probably leave it intact For it is so funny and witty and good ---
**Author:** ![Lucki\_Chaarms](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/9de0a6/32.png) [@Lucki\_Chaarms](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lucki_Chaarms)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2003, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-bad-poetry-please-contribute/176459/23 "2003-05-21T17:02:41Z")
This is just to say That I forgot to put the link in my last post And you should forgive me for padding my post count For I am so stupid and forgetful and dumb > **[A Prairie Home Companion Episodes](https://www.prairiehome.org)** > > A Prairie Home Companion with Chris Thile ---
**Author:** ![dwc1970](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a183cd/32.png) [@dwc1970](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dwc1970)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2003, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-bad-poetry-please-contribute/176459/24 "2003-05-21T19:44:39Z")
Those of us who forget To post our links have much regret Perfect beings we are not We make mistakes a lot So no need to fume and fret! ---
**Author:** ![kaycee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/eada6e/32.png) [@kaycee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaycee)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2003, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-bad-poetry-please-contribute/176459/25 "2003-05-21T19:52:25Z")
My first post 🙂 Oregon coast poetry If you’re walking down the path and you see a Slug bend over, pick it up give it a Hug!! Go ahead, do it! It don’t bite or kick Prove that you Love it GIVE IT A LICK!!! ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2003, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-bad-poetry-please-contribute/176459/26 "2003-05-21T19:54:00Z")
I think that in poetry, the line between the sublime and the ridiculous is the thinnest. When I remember, really REMEMBER, a poem with a…ummm, unique turn of phrase, I have to wonder if I remember it because it’s bad, or because it’s so good? Therefore, the absolute worst poetry is poetry that really tries to be good, because you can’t hit rock bottom unless you aim for the stars! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Loneraven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c0e974/32.png) [@Loneraven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loneraven)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2003, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-bad-poetry-please-contribute/176459/27 "2003-05-21T20:06:32Z")
Written on the spot: The room was painted a deep, dark red. No candles, no flowers - romance was dead. Her, and me, and the empty bed. “You know, I love you,” I said. ---
**Author:** ![irishgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/8edcca/32.png) [@irishgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/irishgirl)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2003, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-bad-poetry-please-contribute/176459/28 "2003-05-21T20:15:53Z")
It sits, gently bleeding it’s life blood onto the table. The light reflecting off the blade flashes back its grim rictus. Disembowelled, empty, it waits. It’s innards steaming in the pie dish beside it. The Halloween pumpkin. ---
**Author:** ![White\_Lightning](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@White\_Lightning](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/White_Lightning)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2003, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-bad-poetry-please-contribute/176459/29 "2003-05-21T20:24:20Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by \*\*manwithaplan \*\*\* > That is an absolute classic - it sounds like it was composed from a roll of word-a-day toilet paper. “Escape from the dreaded agribusiness” is a phrase that shouldn’t be allowed transpire through the big equilateral glass window. I thought it sounded like something from PsychoBabble. ---
**Author:** ![JessEnigma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/cdc98d/32.png) [@JessEnigma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JessEnigma)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2003, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-bad-poetry-please-contribute/176459/30 "2003-05-21T20:27:22Z")
(Not mine…a friend wrote it after being inspired by several works of fellow high school students who suffer from multiple persecution complexes) “The Blood Conspiracy” The rabid wolf rips at my calves Falling, bleeding into the sea The shark takes my arm in one lunging bite I sink into the sky, floating in space. The aliens rip out my eyes I am as the government made me… Dead!!! ---
**Author:** ![Tabithina](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f04885/32.png) [@Tabithina](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tabithina)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2003, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-bad-poetry-please-contribute/176459/31 "2003-05-21T20:47:42Z")
Ode to A Day’s Hard Work: When does a flower become a “weed”, and when does a weed become a “flower”? I ponder this as I study the recumbent tracter tire I grew flowers in last year. The lush plant life has since swallowed the tire whole. Are they flowers? Are they weeds? I throw down my trowel in disgust. I sigh. I bend over and reclaim my trowel. I wave it over the entire tire like a royal sceptre: “I dub thee FLOWERS!” Then, hiking up my overalls, I stretch, I scratch, and I go inside for a cold one. ---
**Author:** ![Beadalin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3be4f8/32.png) [@Beadalin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beadalin)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2003, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-bad-poetry-please-contribute/176459/32 "2003-05-21T20:51:50Z")
“A Flea,” by Beadalin, age 8 (circa 1983): My sister cot a flea It’s color black as ink And when my sister cot it She washed it down the sink. Transcribed as originally written. ---
**Author:** ![Cartooniverse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cartooniverse/32/3084_2.png) [@Cartooniverse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cartooniverse)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2003, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-bad-poetry-please-contribute/176459/33 "2003-05-22T00:10:05Z")
" Ode To A Grecian Formula’s Urn " Oh relentless marching Time you Bastard who demands a rhyme. You filter mitochondrial spattered gray Through stealth of night and bright of day I think I can, I think I can, I think I can, I think I can You say you know the Muffin Man? Yes, you know the Muffin Man ! The pumicey glassine deadly ashes plastic fantasic punchy bashes Knowing that we age with grace, Fair of hair and full in face. Devoid of artful craft or skill The living poem I did kill Iambia taps a wicked Pentameter Violating wordsmiths tight parameters. -fin- Cartooniverse 😃 ( _written about three minutes ago._ ) ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2003, 12:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-bad-poetry-please-contribute/176459/34 "2003-05-22T00:24:30Z")
Ode to a Lover I like your body I like it a lot I like your body I think you’re hot I like your boobs They’re like big boulders I like your boobs They’re under your shoulders I like your butt It makes me smile I like your butt Let’s do it doggy style I like your legs They’re long and lean I like your legs And what’s in between I wrote this poem It came out of my head I wrote this poem Now let’s get in bed ---
**Author:** ![SpectBrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a87d85/32.png) [@SpectBrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SpectBrain)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2003, 12:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-bad-poetry-please-contribute/176459/35 "2003-05-22T00:31:23Z")
When I stare hard At you And after a while Your features blur I know I’m drunk. Let’s go. ---
**Author:** ![Super\_Gnat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e274bd/32.png) [@Super\_Gnat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Super_Gnat)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2003, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-bad-poetry-please-contribute/176459/36 "2003-05-22T00:48:34Z")
Nobody’s said it yet, so welcome, **kaycee**! My haikus to moving out of my dorm: I am moving out My clothes are in the suitcase But what of my shoes? Precious ethernet In the dark land of dialup I shall miss you so. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Linty\_Fresh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Linty\_Fresh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Linty_Fresh)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2003, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-bad-poetry-please-contribute/176459/37 "2003-05-22T00:55:06Z")
RAH-RAH-REE Kick 'em in the knee RAH-RAH-RASS Kick 'em in the other knee ---
**Author:** ![Scylla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a5b964/32.png) [@Scylla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scylla)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2003, 12:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-bad-poetry-please-contribute/176459/38 "2003-05-22T00:59:27Z")
The Samurai Pimp I killed my prostitute with a nunchukka stilletto outside her destitute hovel in the Tokyo ghetto. She showed it with elation A whore should not where that dress so far above her station It’s color was ashes of roses I think. ---
**Author:** ![ThreeLeggedBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b4bc9f/32.png) [@ThreeLeggedBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThreeLeggedBob)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2003, 1:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-bad-poetry-please-contribute/176459/39 "2003-05-22T01:03:01Z")
There once was a boy from Kentucky Who was quite exceedingly lucky. When he walked down the street, Each person he’d meet Would hand him a large rubber ducky. ---
**Author:** ![Linty\_Fresh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Linty\_Fresh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Linty_Fresh)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2003, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-bad-poetry-please-contribute/176459/40 "2003-05-22T01:10:33Z")
My passion was tres quick to pop And my heart did quite speedily stop As my newly aquired Object of desire Said, “Hey, by the way, I’m a cop” Well, you asked for _bad_ poetry. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-bad-poetry-please-contribute/176459.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-bad-poetry-please-contribute/176459.md?page=3)