# Really bad "romantic" statements **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 24, 2003, 2:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-bad-romantic-statements/170858 "2003-04-24T14:47:37Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Mr.Excellent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f19dbf/32.png) [@Mr.Excellent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Excellent)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2003, 2:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-bad-romantic-statements/170858/1 "2003-04-24T14:47:37Z")
Have you ever (deliberately or otherwise) made an _enormously_ cheesy “romantic” statement. Not necessarily a pickup line, just something in the general category of “romance” that is cringeworthy. Example: While trying to convince a girl on AIM that segways are cool, I asserted that “Verily, a Segway has the heart of a woman - ever-changing but worthy of all the trust in the world, elegant, and above all else obviously miraculous that such a thing of beautifully balanced contradictions can exist.” Top that, if you dare! ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2003, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-bad-romantic-statements/170858/2 "2003-04-24T14:51:39Z")
I once had a boy tell me I was cuter than two speckled puppies. Not nearly as poetic as yours, but I think he was sincere. ---
**Author:** ![auntie\_em](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5e9695/32.png) [@auntie\_em](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/auntie_em)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2003, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-bad-romantic-statements/170858/3 "2003-04-24T15:02:55Z")
Hey, where is **SkipMagic** when you need him? He is, like, the KING of this game. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![brainfizz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/da6949/32.png) [@brainfizz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brainfizz)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2003, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-bad-romantic-statements/170858/4 "2003-04-24T15:12:30Z")
I was falling down drunk one night and told my girlfriend for the night, who had asked me to write a love poem for her, that it would take a few seconds to find the words,then paused for a second, looked her right in the eye and threw up all over her! Eep! Ok not very cheesy, but still a “bad” romantic statement! ---
**Author:** ![welby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/d78d45/32.png) [@welby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/welby)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2003, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-bad-romantic-statements/170858/5 "2003-04-24T16:36:12Z")
One day after a heated argument **Welbywife** came to apologize because it was most definitely her fault. After apologizing she looked at me and said “I don’t know how you can put up with me sometimes.” “Because I love you.” was my reply. She still says this is the sweetest thing I’ve ever said to her. ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2003, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-bad-romantic-statements/170858/6 "2003-04-24T16:37:58Z")
“Your eyes are like angry marbles.” —William Powell to Myrna Loy, _Libeled Lady_ ---
**Author:** ![SkipMagic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skipmagic/32/20706_2.png) [@SkipMagic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SkipMagic)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2003, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-bad-romantic-statements/170858/7 "2003-04-24T17:06:16Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by auntie em \* > \*\*Hey, where is **SkipMagic** when you need him? He is, like, the KING of this game. 😉 \*\* True, so true. I once assailed **em** with Byron. Neither she nor the dead poet were properly impressed, I’m afraid. I think **auntie em** has a romantic stick wedged firmly up her cute ass, butt (ahem) that’s just me. 🙂 I mean, damn!, she doesn’t even _like_ Air Supply. Where’s the love? ---
**Author:** ![IDemandBeer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/a88e57/32.png) [@IDemandBeer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IDemandBeer)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2003, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-bad-romantic-statements/170858/8 "2003-04-24T17:22:54Z")
I’m drunk. She’s drunk. She says “compliment me.” I respond: “You’re hotter than 2 squirrels fuckin’ in a wool sock.” She laughed, so it wasn’t a complete bust, but damn was that lame. –IDB ---
**Author:** ![Lizochka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/bc79bd/32.png) [@Lizochka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lizochka)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2003, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-bad-romantic-statements/170858/9 "2003-04-24T17:53:29Z")
I had just started dating this guy who was being pursued by several women. He was unaware that these others were even interested in him, and when I mentioned the fact, he responded, “You’re the grand prize.” Kind of cute, kind of lame. He meant well, the poor dear. ---
**Author:** ![juji\_mojo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7ea924/32.png) [@juji\_mojo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/juji_mojo)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2003, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-bad-romantic-statements/170858/10 "2003-04-24T18:03:39Z")
“godo” mojo (yes I always have to wait for him) and I were staying at his friend’s cabin last spring. He actually kind of hemmed and hawed and proposed out there. In a canoe, which was romantic. But the next day we were walking through Sam’s garden, and he was pointing to various plants. I think that is zuccini… Um, no those are POTATO plants. And they arent ready until they flower and the flowers die back. so dont pick them. He sort of adds a tune to his words… “that is why I want to marry you… because you know about potatoes” Very very lame, but his heart was in the right place. ---
**Author:** ![juji\_mojo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7ea924/32.png) [@juji\_mojo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/juji_mojo)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2003, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-bad-romantic-statements/170858/11 "2003-04-24T18:20:20Z")
In the spirit of the OP though, I once wrote a note to a fellow I fancied in university…(We had been hanging out, having lunch, talking on the phone for hours… all semi-date like stuff… but nothing quite breaking into the boyfriend/girlfriend barrier) So I left him a note in his studio before Christmas holidays something to the effect of "My thoughts have been writhing, my muses seducing, my creative self has been yearning for the chance to be fully laid out to express all the internal surges which dance the sinewy dance in my soul. Now, the holidays upon us, I have the time and space to allow my creativity of thoughts which have been building up, under tension, to find release by pouring out my pen and exploding in ogasmic frenzy oto the paper that is my poetry journal. " It went on for a few pages sompi like that. And of course the fine fellow got the message. Yes he got it hand delivered (already read… who knew the sanctity of a bulliten board could be breached?) by his GIRLFRIEND. (Somehow he had never mentioned her existence to me) (She was in three of my five classes that year. all year.) He actually liked the letter, although kind of missed the point. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Excellent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f19dbf/32.png) [@Mr.Excellent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Excellent)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2003, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-bad-romantic-statements/170858/12 "2003-04-24T18:50:02Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by IDemandBeer \* > \*\*I’m drunk. She’s drunk. She says “compliment me.” I respond: > > “You’re hotter than 2 squirrels fuckin’ in a wool sock.” > > She laughed, so it wasn’t a complete bust, but damn was that lame. > > –IDB \*\* I probably would have kept on in that vein for a minute or so more, explaining how if there was a thermometer in the sock, we could establish the precise hotness of the squirrels, and thus the girl’s own hotness. I might then have added that for maximum accuracy, we’d need to take the pre-sock temperatures of the individual squirrels, and repeat this entire experiment a hundred or so times to get a statistically valid (or less invalid, at least) response. And then all that would be left to do is work out a reasonable system to measure sexual attractiveness in degrees Centigrade, perhaps by measuring temperature changes in men viewing pictures of women of varying attractiveness. See, this is why I don’t get laid. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![dwc1970](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a183cd/32.png) [@dwc1970](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dwc1970)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2003, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-bad-romantic-statements/170858/13 "2003-04-24T19:03:59Z")
“If you were a tree trunk I’d like to be your bark.” “If you were an operating system the only command I would type is ILOVEU.” “I’d go to the ends of the earth for you, even if Columbus turned out to be wrong.” “If you were a train I’d be your caboose.” “I’d like to occupy every sector of your hard drive.” ---
**Author:** ![Beadalin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3be4f8/32.png) [@Beadalin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beadalin)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2003, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-bad-romantic-statements/170858/14 "2003-04-24T19:13:36Z")
Laying in bed, my husband kissed his own shoulder and didn’t even notice. I still snicker about that one. ---
**Author:** ![Iteki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/eada6e/32.png) [@Iteki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Iteki)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2003, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-bad-romantic-statements/170858/15 "2003-04-24T19:44:15Z")
Popular song here a while back, went along the lines of “I will love you for a thousand and one nights”. em… that’s like 3 and a half years. Some commitment :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Stonebow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Stonebow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stonebow)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2003, 9:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-bad-romantic-statements/170858/16 "2003-04-24T21:06:13Z")
when my wife and I first began our foray into speaking on the phone instead of just chatting online, she told me ‘i’m halfway in love you.’ no, that’s not the cheesy part. my response? ‘well…i’m at least 3/4 in love with you.’ doh! sometimes i succeed in spite of myself. ---
**Author:** ![NajaNivea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/22d042/32.png) [@NajaNivea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NajaNivea)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2003, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-bad-romantic-statements/170858/17 "2003-04-24T22:46:38Z")
Heh, Mr. Armadillo is the _master_ of the backwards romantic statement. One of the best so far was this, said in an earnest, sincere voice: “I never did get sick of you” I was delighted. Peace, ~mixie ---
**Author:** ![SkipMagic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skipmagic/32/20706_2.png) [@SkipMagic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SkipMagic)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2003, 11:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-bad-romantic-statements/170858/18 "2003-04-24T23:16:27Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Mr. Excellent \* > \*\*See, this is why I don’t get laid. 🙂 \*\* Nah. The lack of lay is because you go to school in Rhode Island. There’s what, maybe twenty people on that rock? Maybe thirty? 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Excellent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f19dbf/32.png) [@Mr.Excellent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Excellent)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2003, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-bad-romantic-statements/170858/19 "2003-04-24T23:36:29Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by SkipMagic \* > \*\*Nah. The lack of lay is because you go to school in Rhode Island. There’s what, maybe twenty people on that rock? Maybe thirty? 😛 \*\* I actually have that number around here somewhere - let me see. digs through desk Ah, yes, 31.5 people. There used to be 32, but Jeb down the street had an unfortunate accident with an irate cow. ---
**Author:** ![SkipMagic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skipmagic/32/20706_2.png) [@SkipMagic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SkipMagic)\ **Post date:** [April 24, 2003, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-bad-romantic-statements/170858/20 "2003-04-24T23:58:09Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Mr. Excellent \* > \*\*Ah, yes, 31.5 people. There used to be 32, but Jeb down the street had an unfortunate accident with an irate cow. \*\* :Nods knowingly: We have goats of the same temperament here in Missouri. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-bad-romantic-statements/170858.md?page=2)