# Really Bad Sex, whatdya do? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 11, 2003, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-bad-sex-whatdya-do/181215 "2003-06-11T22:08:17Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Davebear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bcef8e/32.png) [@Davebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Davebear)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2003, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-bad-sex-whatdya-do/181215/21 "2003-06-12T19:47:45Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Muffin \* > \*\*I saw this happen to a fellow. He was sleeping in the floor when a Chihuahua nailed him in a couple of seconds. > > He was a virginal Christian, so he was very upset when, while he was frantically cleaning the spooge out of his ear, we insisted that not only was he no longer a virgin, but he was a bestialist as well. \*\* LOL! It’s a good thing he hadn’t been sleeping with his head turned to the side, or he might have gotten it up the nose. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Yersinia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/6bbea6/32.png) [@Yersinia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yersinia)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2003, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-bad-sex-whatdya-do/181215/22 "2003-06-12T20:24:28Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Lizard \* > **Yeek! Sorry it was so bad for you. Hope it got better since.** Yes, it did. It most CERTAINLY did. 😃 I way too young that first time (15), so it was not only physically painful, but with the wrong guy for the wrong reasons. When I was 17 I slept with a guy I really liked, and while it hurt a little when he first went in the first time, it was much better and soon enough, I developed a MORE than healthy, er, appetite which persists to this day. Leaving out my miserable first sexual experience: I can say that some of my lovers have been “better” (both in terms of sexual skill and concern for my pleasure) than others, but I can’t say that any of them were actually bad. And I’m so happy to note that the man I’m with now is the absolutely most fantastic one I’ve ever had in all respects, both in and out of bed. ---
**Author:** ![Omorka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/50afbb/32.png) [@Omorka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omorka)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2003, 7:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-bad-sex-whatdya-do/181215/23 "2003-06-13T07:47:12Z")
Most of the guys I’ve actually had sex with were fairly inexperienced at the time. Only one of them was “instinctively” good, and he turned out to be a jerk in other ways. But the others (including the Spouse) were all willing to learn, and did - some more slowly than others, but they learned from experience. I don’t think I could stay with someone who wasn’t at least willing to try to improve. In fact, I think that would be the case no matter how good they started out - you can always get even better with a little creativity. I care as much about change over time as I do initial position on the scale - someone who starts out mediocre but is willing to improve and keep working at it will eventually get better than the person who starts out pretty good but doesn’t improve at all. And it requires that they actually care, both about me and about their own pleasure. And yes, I strive to continually improve for them (and myself), too. ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2003, 7:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-bad-sex-whatdya-do/181215/24 "2003-06-13T07:52:47Z")
I agree **Muffin’s** story was hilarious!!! ---
**Author:** ![mr.splitfoot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8e8cbc/32.png) [@mr.splitfoot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mr.splitfoot)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2003, 10:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-bad-sex-whatdya-do/181215/25 "2003-06-13T10:31:36Z")
I had a girl I was seeing once that was just TERRIBLE at everything! She was sweet, fun to be with and absolutely gorgeous. But Og the sex was horrible. I kept trying, but finally, after about the 30th time we had done it and I had managed to get off about 3 of them, I gave up. She was getting off every time, but after a while I started saying things like “You know, couldn’t we just watch a movie tonight?” ---
**Author:** ![Lizard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@Lizard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lizard)\ **Post date:** [June 13, 2003, 11:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-bad-sex-whatdya-do/181215/26 "2003-06-13T11:00:44Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by mr. splitfoot \* > \*\*I kept trying, but finally, after about the 30th time we had done it and I had managed to get off about 3 of them, I gave up. She was getting off every time, but after a while I started saying things like “You know, couldn’t we just watch a movie tonight?” \*\* Didn’t she ever _notice_, or was she just an inconsiderate bitch who didn’t care? ---
**Author:** ![mr.splitfoot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8e8cbc/32.png) [@mr.splitfoot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mr.splitfoot)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2003, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-bad-sex-whatdya-do/181215/27 "2003-06-14T17:42:24Z")
You know, Lizard, now that I think about it, she only seemed concerned once, and that was on of the 3 times that I actually did get off. I’m not sure if she was just completely oblivious to the fact that I wasn’t having any fun, or whether she didn’t care. Hmmmmm… ---
**Author:** ![\_ceQueen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/_/b9bd4f/32.png) [@\_ceQueen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/_ceQueen)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2003, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-bad-sex-whatdya-do/181215/28 "2003-06-14T18:21:19Z")
> [@](#): > > My first serious girlfriend was like this. We dated through college, to my deep and abiding shame. Luckily, she made up for being utterly inept and disinterested sexually by being really mean the rest of the time. Hmmm… whom did I date in college? ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2003, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-bad-sex-whatdya-do/181215/29 "2003-06-14T20:21:22Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Govindha \* > \*\*20 orgasms in an hour? I simply cannot believe it. Why would anyone want that many in one hour? Your so must be the man. I would be so sore after 2 or 3 I’d wanna stop…sheesh… \*\* Why would you be sore? My bf usually gives me at least a dozen ( I think, I usually lose count) within an hour BEFORE any intercourse takes place. No soreness at all. ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2003, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-bad-sex-whatdya-do/181215/30 "2003-06-14T20:22:49Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by mr. splitfoot \* > \*\*I had a girl I was seeing once that was just TERRIBLE at everything! She was sweet, fun to be with and absolutely gorgeous. > > But Og the sex was horrible. I kept trying, but finally, after about the 30th time we had done it and I had managed to get off about 3 of them, I gave up. She was getting off every time, but after a while I started saying things like “You know, couldn’t we just watch a movie tonight?” \*\* How was she “horrible”? What would cause a man to not be able to get off? (sorry, real questions, we girls are taught that all men have to do is the old “in-out” and orgasm is inevitable). ---
**Author:** ![kambuckta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/53a042/32.png) [@kambuckta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kambuckta)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2003, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-bad-sex-whatdya-do/181215/31 "2003-06-14T22:01:34Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Muffin \* > \*\*I saw this happen to a fellow. He was sleeping in the floor when a Chihuahua nailed him in a couple of seconds. > > He was a virginal Christian, so he was very upset when, while he was frantically cleaning the spooge out of his ear, we insisted that not only was he no longer a virgin, but he was a bestialist as well. \*\* How do we nominate something for ThreadSpotting? 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Fish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bc8723/32.png) [@Fish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fish)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2003, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-bad-sex-whatdya-do/181215/32 "2003-06-14T22:57:18Z")
Huh. When I first looked at the topic, I thought it was for asking advice on how to provide bad sex. Shame on me for thinking about it, I guess. 🙂 FISH ---
**Author:** ![Lizard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@Lizard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lizard)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2003, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-bad-sex-whatdya-do/181215/33 "2003-06-15T19:20:57Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by CanvasShoes \* > \*\*How was she “horrible”? What would cause a man to not be able to get off? (sorry, real questions, we girls are taught that all men have to do is the old “in-out” and orgasm is inevitable). \*\* Well, **CS** , who exactly taught you that about men? Has any man ever actually told you this? I have concluded that most women (in the U.S., that is) think that not only is it the man’s job to get _her_ off, but she really bears no responsibility to get _him_ off either(This thread I started covers some of the same territory.) Or, if she does have to do something, she’s achieved it simply by spreading her legs. Your statement that I quoted above is a classic example of this kind iof thinking. The rank hypocrisy of this just makes me gag. I don’t blame women (although it sometimes sounds like it on this Board), I blame “women’s media.” Those magazines like Cosmopolitan, Vogue, etc., where articles with titles like “How to train him to please YOU!” outnumber articles like “How to please HIM!” by something like 10 to 1. I know this because I read those magazines. The end result is that most women now feel a sense of sexual entitlement, but not responsibility. So to answer your basic question, what would cause a man to not be able to get off is a woman who acts as if she doesn’t give a damn if he gets off or not, as long as she does. I’m going to hazard a guess and say this describes about 50% of the women in America today. The real problem is selfishness, and in the sexual realm, women today have got to be the most selfish in history. ---
**Author:** ![mr.splitfoot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8e8cbc/32.png) [@mr.splitfoot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mr.splitfoot)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2003, 10:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-bad-sex-whatdya-do/181215/34 "2003-06-15T22:07:43Z")
PGRx?i]Originally posted by CanvasShoes \* \*\*How was she “horrible”? What would cause a man to not be able to get off? (sorry, real questions, we girls are taught that all men have to do is the old “in-out” and orgasm is inevitable). \*\* [/QUOTE] Lizard has a lot of it covered above. Without getting too much TMI i’ll do the best I can. Interaction is good, and by that I mean more than just saying, ummm, “F Me.” Although verbal interaction is good, it just doesn’t help if you lay there like a bump on a log. Also, after she got off, it was straight to missionary position. Perhaps she was too tired to do anything else, but she never said anything. If she would have said something, I could have taken a small break, or tried to tease her back into the mood. But just laying there, no leg movement what so ever, doesn’t do anything for me. So yes, I did get the impression that she thought all she had to do was “spread 'em” to get me off. Something I have definately confirmed from a lot of other guys: If it doesn’t seem that you are enjoying yourself, chances are we are not either. That’s what hands and blow-up dolls are for. ---
**Author:** ![Lizard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@Lizard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lizard)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2003, 3:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-bad-sex-whatdya-do/181215/35 "2003-06-16T03:45:30Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by mr. splitfoot \* > \*\*You know, Lizard, now that I think about it, she only seemed concerned once, and that was on of the 3 times that I actually did get off. > > I’m not sure if she was just completely oblivious to the fact that I wasn’t having any fun, or whether she didn’t care. > \*\* Sorry, I missed this post before. I’m betting she may not have been oblivious, but probably was relatively inexperienced and didn’t really know what to do. And if you weren’t saying anything (not that her delicate feminine ego could have withstood any real criticism, anyway) she probably just figured “oh well.” Personally, I’d like to think that women who are sweet and fun to be around are generally good people who do care about satisfying those they are involved with. But it has been generally noted that there is rarely a correlation between looks and sexual skill, for women _or_ men. Your situation sounds like a bit of a communication problem on both your parts though. ---
**Author:** ![Lizard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@Lizard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lizard)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2003, 3:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-bad-sex-whatdya-do/181215/36 "2003-06-16T03:52:20Z")
On a side note, how did the realtionship end? Did you ever let on what a lousy lay she was (hopefully not using that term)? ---
**Author:** ![Urban\_Ranger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/e9c0ed/32.png) [@Urban\_Ranger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Urban_Ranger)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2003, 5:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-bad-sex-whatdya-do/181215/37 "2003-06-16T05:02:59Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by CanvasShoes \* > So, you love your SO, but he/she is really, really lame in the bedroom department, and doesn’t make any efforts to get better, in fact he/she instead refuses to even try. > > So what do you do? Just not have sex at all? Keep naggin’? Learn to love your “toys”? What? I will first try to find out why. Such disinterest are psychological in origin, most likely the SO was a victim of some sort of nasty trauma, perhaps sexual assault or abuses when she/he was younger. Understanding and communication are essential for overcoming this obstacle. ---
**Author:** ![HBby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/977dab/32.png) [@HBby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HBby)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2003, 5:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-bad-sex-whatdya-do/181215/38 "2003-06-16T05:11:50Z")
In the past, I’ve done exactly what you did, **CanvasShoes** –stopped having sex with him. With me, the interest in him just went away. For those who might care: right now, I’m in a bit of a quandary because I’m in a brand new relationship with an old, dear friend and… (Please bear with me, 'cause I’m going to use an analogy I heard once, so I won’t get graphic. I remember **Coldfire** once said, we should be able to read this to a 12 yo.) …he had “driven to **O** hio” thrice and I haven’t. I think the first time we took the “roadtrip” together, he thought I went to Ohio with him and I’m not sure why he thought that. He’s a quiet driver, so I couldn’t exactly coincide the timing of our arrival to Ohio. Second time, same thing. Third time, well… I drove the stickshift because we didn’t have any “rubber on the tires.” But he didn’t take turns at the wheel as thanks. So, now I’m left a bit frustrated, thinking: 1. I shouldn’t tell him and just stop this altogether before we get too serious and just leave it as one of those experimental things that can happen or 2. try to explain things to him, which may leave things awkward between us and it’s bye-bye friendship or it may lead to better things–I don’t know! Arrgh. ---
**Author:** ![Lizard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@Lizard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lizard)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2003, 7:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-bad-sex-whatdya-do/181215/39 "2003-06-16T07:23:02Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by HBby \* > \*\* > …he had “driven to **O** hio” thrice and I haven’t. I think the first time we took the “roadtrip” together, he thought I went to Ohio with him and I’m not sure why he thought that. He’s a quiet driver, so I couldn’t exactly coincide the timing of our arrival to Ohio. Second time, same thing. Third time, well… I drove the stickshift because we didn’t have any “rubber on the tires.” But he didn’t take turns at the wheel as thanks. > > So, now I’m left a bit frustrated, thinking: > > 1. I shouldn’t tell him and just stop this altogether before we get too serious and just leave it as one of those experimental things that can happen or > 2. try to explain things to him, which may leave things awkward between us and it’s bye-bye friendship or it may lead to better things–I don’t know! > \*\* I gotta admit, I cracked up at your terminology. 😛 You are definitely in a pickle. At least you are thinking seriously about what to do. I wouldn’t give it all up just yet (option #1) without at least trying to discuss it. I think how much energy any person, male or female, puts into working out problems like this depends on how they feel about the realationship as a whole. But still, refusing to eat the pink taco (or at least tickle it until she’s satisfied) after the woman has driven the stick shift to Ohio is bad form. The guy is a bit clueless. So enlighten him! Just be nice about it. Maybe, when you’re talking and being friendly, say you want to ask him a personal question. Then bluntly ask him if he has a problem with oral sex. Beyond this I dare not tread. . . . p.s. - Stopping this now, after you’ve had sex three times, without telling him why, would make things far more awkward than anything else you could do. If you think you can just go back to being “friends” _now_, you are dead wrong. I think option #2 is the only way to make things better. ---
**Author:** ![HBby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/977dab/32.png) [@HBby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HBby)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2003, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-bad-sex-whatdya-do/181215/40 "2003-06-16T17:16:01Z")
**Lizard** , thanks for the advice. I’m going to definitely mention something to him and see if a little side comment works. Or should I have a talk with him? Hmmm… don’t know. I guess it would depend on the situation. Right now, I’m a bit frustrated because he’s turned the engine on and I’m rearing to go to Ohio with any roadtrip partner! But realistically, there’s no way I’m going to pick up just any hitch hiker. So, I guess I’ll give him another chance–maybe. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-bad-sex-whatdya-do/181215.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-bad-sex-whatdya-do/181215.md?page=3)