# Really, dad, racism is dumb. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [September 27, 2006, 5:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-dad-racism-is-dumb/374323 "2006-09-27T05:50:59Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![D\_Odds](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/d_odds/32/2882_2.png) [@D\_Odds](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/D_Odds)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2006, 1:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-dad-racism-is-dumb/374323/21 "2006-09-27T13:04:27Z")
[QUOTE=Scoundrel Swanswater] I am with SilverPageant on this : everybody carries prejudices and has some racism in their system. That is just the way the human mind works. [/QUOTE] I’m not prejudiced. I hate everyone equally. ---
**Author:** ![JeffB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jeffb/32/188_2.png) [@JeffB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JeffB)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2006, 1:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-dad-racism-is-dumb/374323/22 "2006-09-27T13:18:36Z")
[QUOTE=Omega Glory] You should really follow your friend’s example and let it go. It’s just not a big deal. I once went to a dinner where the host went on and on about the special menu planned with me in mind. The meal had fried chicken with watermelon for dessert. It could have been meant to be nasty, or the host might have just been really out of touch, but either way I thought it was hilarious. It was like something out of a comedy skit. [/QUOTE] Let me guess – you’re Tiger Woods and the host was Fuzzy Zoeller? ---
**Author:** ![The\_Flying\_Dutchman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/9fc348/32.png) [@The\_Flying\_Dutchman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Flying_Dutchman)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2006, 2:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-dad-racism-is-dumb/374323/23 "2006-09-27T14:10:12Z")
[QUOTE=Silver Pageant] You’re not being malicious. Just incredibly stupid. Stop it. [/QUOTE] Feel better now. You are morally superior to your father. You are better educated than he is. Thanks to your gift of introspection you realize that you are a racist and you are doing a better job of hiding it. Good luck with your father. ---
**Author:** ![FriarTed](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/friarted/32/1052_2.png) [@FriarTed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FriarTed)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2006, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-dad-racism-is-dumb/374323/24 "2006-09-27T14:31:31Z")
[QUOTE=GuanoLad] Wait. He puts pens in his hair? What is that all about? [/QUOTE] Does he put pens in his hair like he don’t care? ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2006, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-dad-racism-is-dumb/374323/25 "2006-09-27T14:37:24Z")
My dad is also painfully racist. I mean, he was raised that way and it’s way too late for him to change at this point. I just smile and say, “Dad…” What am I going to do? I’m not going to change his viewpoint that all blacks are robbers and just looking to sleep with his sweet little daughter (really dad, they’re not at all). But I know he’s not entirely a bad guy…so I just let it go. My dad is also quite sexist. He doesn’t have much control over my life, but I know he’d prefer to see me married with 2-3 kids and not working but being a stay-at-home mom - whether I want to or not. He thinks all women should be serving their men. I disagree highly. But he’s still my dad. He did some damn good things for me, too. He’s my adopted dad, and he never let on that he wasn’t my blood but always was there for me as a daddy should be. I can’t ever forget that in a culture where even your own daughter is considered a burden, he took on some other man’s daughter and raised her as his own. So please add me to the posters who think you should cut your dad some slack. He’s just worried about his little girl. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2006, 3:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-dad-racism-is-dumb/374323/26 "2006-09-27T15:00:03Z")
This is racism? Oh boy. Actually, my father did a similar thing once. I had a black friend over from high school and my dad, in an earnest attempt to make conversation, asks him if he knows any good barbecue places here on the South Side. :smack: But there was certainly no ill intent, although my friend was slightly offended by it. Another time, when I was at work at a glass company as a temp, I worked in a mostly black and female environment (I’m white & male). I’m a big foodie, and at the time I was really curious about chitterlings (chitlins) and wanted to make them at home. Now, I bet you can see where I’m going here with this… So eventually I work up the courage to simply ask one of the girls, starting with, “I know this is going to sound a little stupid, but I love to cook, and I was wondering if you knew how to prepare chitlins.” She pauses a second, looks at me and asks, “Now why do you think I would know the answer to that question”? And I simply answered “because my white friends sure as hell don’t know how to make it!” She laughed, started answering, and by the end of the conversation, there were four girls at my cubicle all relating their tips (“always wash them, even if they are pre-washed”) and preparations (“boil and serve with hot sauce”, “I fry them,” etc…) Personally, I don’t think it’s racism. Yes, it’s making an assumption about somebody, but c’mon. If I meet a Hungarian who lives in the city, then I’ll ask them if they know of any good Hungarian delis or restaurants, because I’ve been looking for them. Just like if somebody asks me about some Polish thing, I’ll be happy to answer it. Where’s the good Polish sausage? I’ll tell you. As long as you’re sincere about the question and your intentions, reasonable people won’t take offense. ---
**Author:** ![elfbabe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b782af/32.png) [@elfbabe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfbabe)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2006, 3:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-dad-racism-is-dumb/374323/27 "2006-09-27T15:31:16Z")
**Silver Pageant** , I know the sort of thing you mean. And it’s mortifying, isn’t it? Here he is, the contributor of half of your genetic material, suddenly losing his ability to make normal conversation just because he’s talking to _whisper_ _a black person_. :smack: But really - cut him some slack. The fact that this is happening shows that he’s _trying_. A lot of people don’t… including a lot of well-off, educated, seemingly normal people with kids in high school. (If you don’t know anyone your age with parents who are full-on racists, I could introduce you to plenty…) Your dad’s not behaving like some ill-bred throwback to the 1950s - he’s behaving like, well, a lot of people. And much better than a lot more. I’m willing to bet he’s a lot less racist than HIS parents, for example. Consider how far he must have come! Besides, he’s your dad. It’s a parent’s job to be awkward and goony and embarrassing. If you have kids, someday you will have _no idea_ how to act around their shapeshifting hermaphrodite friends from Mars (or whatever) and you will say something profoundly dumb in an attempt to be nice. And the cycle will continue and all will be right with the universe. ---
**Author:** ![D\_Odds](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/d_odds/32/2882_2.png) [@D\_Odds](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/D_Odds)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2006, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-dad-racism-is-dumb/374323/28 "2006-09-27T16:02:40Z")
[QUOTE=Anaamika] I’m not going to change his viewpoint that all blacks are robbers and just looking to sleep with his sweet little daughter (really dad, they’re not at all). [/QUOTE] Actually, he may be right here, but it’s not about race. It’s about heterosexual men being horndogs. ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2006, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-dad-racism-is-dumb/374323/29 "2006-09-27T16:34:43Z")
The OP is about bothersome racial _assumptions_, people. To hear you guys’ reaction, you’d think the OP was calling his/her dad a card-carrying member of the Black Men Lynching Society. So many people are hung up on whether the complaint constitutes real “racism” or not that they are missing the point, which is that she/he thinks his/her dad is being: > [@](#): > > Just incredibly stupid. Stop it. Not malicious. Not hateful. Just stupid. Which is something that gets pitted 100 times a day. > [@pulykamell](#): > > Personally, I don’t think it’s racism. Yes, it’s making an assumption about somebody, but c’mon. If I meet a Hungarian who lives in the city, then I’ll ask them if they know of any good Hungarian delis or restaurants, because I’ve been looking for them. Just like if somebody asks me about some Polish thing, I’ll be happy to answer it. Where’s the good Polish sausage? I’ll tell you. As long as you’re sincere about the question and your intentions, reasonable people won’t take offense. I don’t see how this relates to the OP. It makes sense that a Hungarian would likely know a lot about Hungarian-oriented things, like Hungarian delis and restaurants. But how is this analogous to basketball and black people? Would it be wrong for me feel offended by the assumption that I know a lot about B-ball, just because I’m of the same race as a lot of basket players? I don’t think it would be unreasonable at all, especially since I could give two bloody goddamns about basketball. IMO, it also wouldn’t be unreasonable for a Korean to be bothered by the assumption that he must be some mathematical wizard just because he’s Asian. And I would sympathize with a gay man who deals with people assuming that he must luuurve interior design and fashion just because he’s gay. I join the OP in calling her dad stupid for giving into stereotypes. Whether or not it’s racism is besides the point. It’s annoying to be the brunt of assumptions like that and it’s not something that should be dismissed just because “everyone does it”. I think the OP should be commended pulling the dad aside and pointing at what he/she was doing, instead of just shrugging it all off like so many other people would have done. ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2006, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-dad-racism-is-dumb/374323/30 "2006-09-27T16:45:19Z")
Gee a lot of young men- no a lot of men- like basketball (I don’t but I am strange), and I assume your dad is also. Many sports fans use their game to relate to other guys where they don’t have much else in common. It’s very common for older men to talk sports to younger male they happen to meet, as it’s one thing they might have in common (it’s got a much better chance than music, politics, and other things). It’s not a racist thing- you self-centered father-hating conclusion jumping egoist- it’s a _guy thing.__You_ are : "_Just incredibly stupid. Stop it."_ ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2006, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-dad-racism-is-dumb/374323/31 "2006-09-27T16:48:03Z")
[QUOTE=you with the face] . It makes sense that a Hungarian would likely know a lot about Hungarian-oriented things, like Hungarian delis and restaurants. But how is this analogous to basketball and black people? . [/QUOTE] It’s not “black people and basketball” it’s “DUDES and basketball”. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2006, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-dad-racism-is-dumb/374323/32 "2006-09-27T16:50:21Z")
[QUOTE=DrDeth] It’s not “black people and basketball” it’s “DUDES and basketball”. :rolleyes: [/QUOTE] Sexist! ---
**Author:** ![Contrapuntal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e274bd/32.png) [@Contrapuntal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contrapuntal)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2006, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-dad-racism-is-dumb/374323/33 "2006-09-27T16:56:48Z")
[QUOTE=you with the face] Whether or not it’s racism is besides the point. [/QUOTE] Perhaps to you, but clearly it is right on point for the OP, as she put it in her title, and later accused her father of it, (as well as, apparently, everyone else in the world.) ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2006, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-dad-racism-is-dumb/374323/34 "2006-09-27T17:01:21Z")
[QUOTE=Giraffe] Sexist! [/QUOTE] Possibly. 😛 Anyway, it’s such a cliche that when two dudes don’t have anything really in common, one will say to the other something along the lines of “So how about them Knicks?” Exactly what to me it appears the OP’s dad was doing. ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2006, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-dad-racism-is-dumb/374323/35 "2006-09-27T17:03:40Z")
[QUOTE=DrDeth] It’s not a racist thing- you self-centered father-hating conclusion jumping egoist- it’s a _guy thing.__You_ are : "_Just incredibly stupid. Stop it."_ [/QUOTE] It takes a whole bunch of irony to accuse someone of jumping to conclusions when they blame something on race, when you’re doing the same thing by blaming it on gender. What makes you more qualified to speak on the father’s behalf than the one poster who (presumably) actually knows more about his conversational habits than anyone else on this board? > [@](#): > > It’s not “black people and basketball” it’s “DUDES and basketball”. And you would be in a position to know this…how, again? Maybe **monstro** will be kind of enough to drop by and regale us with the tale of how one of our undergrad professors made the same black-person-basketball-playing assumption about her that one time, and we can watch you explain how that ties in with the “DUDES and basketball” theory. ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2006, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-dad-racism-is-dumb/374323/36 "2006-09-27T17:22:13Z")
[QUOTE=Contrapuntal] Perhaps to you, but clearly it is right on point for the OP, as she put it in her title, and later accused her father of it, (as well as, apparently, everyone else in the world.) [/QUOTE] And so what? I don’t get why the OP’s decision to ascribe racism to her father’s behavior instead of choosing to call it racial stereotyping, ignorance, or cultural insensitivity justifies ignoring the greater point of the OP and focusing instead on being offended by the idea that everyone is a little bit racist on the inside. ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2006, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-dad-racism-is-dumb/374323/37 "2006-09-27T17:45:41Z")
[QUOTE=you with the face] It takes a whole bunch of irony to accuse someone of jumping to conclusions when they blame something on race, when you’re doing the same thing by blaming it on gender. What makes you more qualified to speak on the father’s behalf than the one poster who (presumably) actually knows more about his conversational habits than anyone else on this board? [/QUOTE] While I think that **DrDeth** may have been unjustifiably confident in his opinion of the OP’s father’s motivations in discussing basketball with the OP’s friend, I also think there’s a good chance he’s right. I’m assuming the OP is in high school or college, the age at which there’s often a tendency to overcompensate for one’s newly discovered social conscience. (I know this, because I was exactly the same way.) If in fact the OP’s dad just likes to talk about basketball, it would be racist of him to deliberately avoid talking about it with her black friends for fear of giving the impression of making assumptions. With the information given, I see no reason not to give the OP’s dad the benefit of the doubt. If the OP’s dad does in fact only ever talk about basketball to black people, that is indeed pretty embarassing, but there’s nothing in the OP that indicates that is the case. It seems just as likely that the OP is hypersensitive and looking for racism where it doesn’t exist. ---
**Author:** ![Yeticus\_Rex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/a698b9/32.png) [@Yeticus\_Rex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yeticus_Rex)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2006, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-dad-racism-is-dumb/374323/38 "2006-09-27T17:58:49Z")
[QUOTE=Silver Pageant] Everyone, and I mean everyone, suffers from internalized racism. So, it’s nothing to be actively ashamed and embarassed about, but it’s something you should actively strive to correct and examine. You’re not being malicious. Just incredibly stupid. Stop it. [/QUOTE] Dad seemed like he meant well, but it seems like he was treating your friend like he would treat his skidding car on the ice…by overcorrecting his steering…yet still managed to crash his car into a tree. Poor guy needs more exposure to the diversity of humanity, and just be himself and not reach for stereotypical conversation to “fit in”. ---
**Author:** ![Contrapuntal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e274bd/32.png) [@Contrapuntal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contrapuntal)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2006, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-dad-racism-is-dumb/374323/39 "2006-09-27T18:33:22Z")
[QUOTE=you with the face] And so what? I don’t get why the OP’s decision to ascribe racism to her father’s behavior instead of choosing to call it racial stereotyping, ignorance, or cultural insensitivity justifies ignoring the greater point of the OP and focusing instead on being offended by the idea that everyone is a little bit racist on the inside. [/QUOTE] I guess what I was trying to say in a polite way is that you really have no business deciding what he greater point is, especially when your version of the greater point is directly contradicted by the OP. As to being offended by the idea that “everyone is a little racist on the inside,” again you seem to have altered the language to fit your own agenda. I never expressed offense, and her statement was “Everyone, and I mean everyone, suffers from internalized racism.” I have asked for clarification on that point. None has been forthcoming. Would you like to take a crack at it? ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2006, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-dad-racism-is-dumb/374323/40 "2006-09-27T18:54:29Z")
You know, when you’re older and your dad is older yet (or gone), you’ll look back and think how sweet this was. You should see my dad trying to talk about baseball with my boyfriend because he doesn’t know what to talk about and he thinks young guys probably like baseball, when in fact _neither_ my dad nor my boyfriend really care for baseball at all. For that matter, you should see his dad trying to talk to me - “So, how about them Cocks?” “… yeah, uh, they’re really excited about the team this year, I hear…” I mean, the guy’s trying to be nice to your friends. I wasn’t there, but maybe it was _your_ internalized prejudices that assumed that him trying to talk about basketball was because this guy is black instead of because often guys try to make small talk about sports? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-dad-racism-is-dumb/374323.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-dad-racism-is-dumb/374323.md?page=3)