# Really Guys? AKA Sexism on the Board **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [July 6, 2017, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-guys-aka-sexism-on-the-board/790633 "2017-07-06T18:17:01Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![John\_Mace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_mace/32/185_2.png) [@John\_Mace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Mace)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2017, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-guys-aka-sexism-on-the-board/790633/41 "2017-07-06T21:09:27Z")
> [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > It would not have occurred to me that female Dopers would have found that sharing joke offensive. But I am perfectly willing to take **Sunny Daze** ’ word for it. Agreed on both accounts. It was a simple enough request to stop, so not seeing the need to keep at it. I would just add that, in **kayaker’s** defense, his “There’s the little girl” comment really was about his thread [Where’s the little girl](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=829721) from just a few days ago where many of the posters were commenting on how they didn’t get the joke. A joke about cops acting in ridiculously over-the-top stereotypical cop fashion, in which the punch line is “there’s the little girl”. I don’t think he meant to call **Sunny Daze** a “little girl”. If you hadn’t see that thread, I can see where you might have thought otherwise, though. ---
**Author:** ![Inner\_Stickler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inner_stickler/32/318_2.png) [@Inner\_Stickler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inner_Stickler)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2017, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-guys-aka-sexism-on-the-board/790633/42 "2017-07-06T21:14:16Z")
That his comment was a reference to an earlier sexist dig is not a great defense in my mind. ---
**Author:** ![Sunny\_Daze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunny_daze/32/438_2.png) [@Sunny\_Daze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunny_Daze)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2017, 9:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-guys-aka-sexism-on-the-board/790633/43 "2017-07-06T21:15:31Z")
**John Mace** thank you for explaining that. The optics aren’t great, but the history always helps. ---
**Author:** ![Kron](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kron/32/12444_2.png) [@Kron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kron)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2017, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-guys-aka-sexism-on-the-board/790633/44 "2017-07-06T21:17:15Z")
> [@Inner\_Stickler](#): > > That his comment was a reference to an earlier sexist dig is not a great defense in my mind. Not to mention the condescending “mansplanation” about jokes. ---
**Author:** ![John\_Mace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_mace/32/185_2.png) [@John\_Mace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Mace)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2017, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-guys-aka-sexism-on-the-board/790633/45 "2017-07-06T21:17:40Z")
> [@Inner\_Stickler](#): > > That his comment was a reference to an earlier sexist dig is not a great defense in my mind. Yeah, could be meta, but there is more to it than meets the eye if you knew nothing about that other thread. Just filling in the blank spaces since I was one of the folks who saw that other thread but also didn’t “get it”. ---
**Author:** ![RitterSport](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rittersport/32/6326_2.png) [@RitterSport](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RitterSport)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2017, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-guys-aka-sexism-on-the-board/790633/46 "2017-07-06T21:24:45Z")
OK, I’ll be honest and say that it wouldn’t have occurred to me that the original “sharing” joke would be offensive. I could just as easily see women making the same joke, and I understand that’s different since men haven’t traditionally been reduced to object status. So, if I boneheadedly made the same joke and, say **Sunny Daze** posted that it’s a pretty sexist or offensive joke, and I replied with, “Yeah, I could see that. Sorry, I won’t do that again,” would that be OK? I’m really asking earnestly, no snark intended. ---
**Author:** ![Merneith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/57b2e6/32.png) [@Merneith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Merneith)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2017, 9:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-guys-aka-sexism-on-the-board/790633/47 "2017-07-06T21:34:18Z")
> [@Richard\_Parker](#): > > Unfortunately, it’s quite easy perform bigotry while sincerely believing in equality. Depending on your upbringing and background, it often takes conscious work and reflection not to engage in these behaviors by mindless default. If you’re not trying to do that work, you deserve criticism. But I don’t think it’s really an issue of bad intent, IMHO. Sure. I earlier said that these guys are reinforcing the societal attitude that uppity women ought to be smacked down. This is the basic attitude underlying all of western civ for thousands of years. The difference is that I don’t see any reason to assume that they have good intentions while continuing to reinforce it. I mean - why should we? Can you imagine any other subject were you see these jerks acting out - whether it’s racism or antisemitism or whatever - and rush in to defend him of the suspicion of having bad intentions? If kayaker called a black member of this board, “Aunt Jemima”, would you be in a huge hurry to insist that he has “good intentions”. If Morgenstern told a Jewish poster to “keep his big nose to himself” would you shrug and say, “well, it’s just so easy to be bigot but he probably doesn’t have bad intentions”. No. Of course you wouldn’t. It’s ridiculous even to type it out. So when a sexist barges into a thread where a woman is complaining about sexism and calls her a little girl - why are you here whining about how hard it is to avoid sexism, and telling us we should assumes the sexist has good intentions. Richard, sexists do not have good intentions. People who insist that we should give sexists the benefit of the doubt - also, do not have good intentions. The people with good intentions are the ones standing up for the _women_, not the _sexists._ Even when it’s hard. Even when it goes against thousands of years of ingrained tradition that white boys get the benefit of the doubt. If you have actual good intentions - stand up for the victims of sexism, not the sexists. ---
**Author:** ![Sunny\_Daze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunny_daze/32/438_2.png) [@Sunny\_Daze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunny_Daze)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2017, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-guys-aka-sexism-on-the-board/790633/48 "2017-07-06T21:36:58Z")
**Rittersport** Yes, that’s the point. If I’m offended by something you say, I consider if it’s worth mentioning or not. If so, then I tell you. You hear me out, then decide if you’re going to apologize, file the information away, or, as in the case elsewhere on this thread, double down. If you decide you can see my point of view, and you say, “sorry won’t do that again”, then boom, apology accepted. ---
**Author:** ![Rick\_Sanchez](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e19adc/32.png) [@Rick\_Sanchez](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rick_Sanchez)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2017, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-guys-aka-sexism-on-the-board/790633/49 "2017-07-06T21:42:55Z")
> [@Sunny Daze](#): > > Here it is. Sexism alive and well on the Board, not that we wondered. Would it kill you guys to think a minute before you hit that “post” button? Schoolmarmish humourlessness is also alive and well, clearly. ---
**Author:** ![RitterSport](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rittersport/32/6326_2.png) [@RitterSport](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RitterSport)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2017, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-guys-aka-sexism-on-the-board/790633/50 "2017-07-06T21:43:00Z")
> [@Sunny\_Daze](#): > > **Rittersport** Yes, that’s the point. If I’m offended by something you say, I consider if it’s worth mentioning or not. If so, then I tell you. You hear me out, then decide if you’re going to apologize, file the information away, or, as in the case elsewhere on this thread, double down. > > If you decide you can see my point of view, and you say, “sorry won’t do that again”, then boom, apology accepted. OK, thanks. I really don’t understand why someone would double down, like they are here. If you make a joke that falls flat or offends, just apologize and move on. I thought the sexism in the original joke was pretty mild, but I’m not a woman so I’m not about to tell you what to be offended about. I was obviously wrong. ---
**Author:** ![Sunny\_Daze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunny_daze/32/438_2.png) [@Sunny\_Daze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunny_Daze)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2017, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-guys-aka-sexism-on-the-board/790633/51 "2017-07-06T21:45:39Z")
> [@Rick\_Sanchez](#): > > Schoolmarmish humourlessness is also alive and well, clearly. I wasn’t going for funny. **iiandyiiii** was right. This thread is quite illuminating. ---
**Author:** ![JackieLikesVariety](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackielikesvariety/32/296_2.png) [@JackieLikesVariety](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JackieLikesVariety)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2017, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-guys-aka-sexism-on-the-board/790633/52 "2017-07-06T21:48:05Z")
> [@Rick\_Sanchez](#): > > Schoolmarmish humourlessness is also alive and well, clearly. oh, fuckity fuck fuck, I am SO tired of you go jump in the lake, shitstain :mad: ---
**Author:** ![JackieLikesVariety](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackielikesvariety/32/296_2.png) [@JackieLikesVariety](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JackieLikesVariety)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2017, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-guys-aka-sexism-on-the-board/790633/53 "2017-07-06T21:49:08Z")
> [@Sunny\_Daze](#): > > I wasn’t going for funny. **iiandyiiii** was right. This thread is quite illuminating. yes, indeedy - we learn who _we don’t need to read_, just blip right over them ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2017, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-guys-aka-sexism-on-the-board/790633/54 "2017-07-06T21:50:11Z")
> [@iiandyiiii](#): > > This thread is eye opening. It’s really not that hard to not be an asshole – even when you slip up, it’s no big deal if you apologize for it and try to learn from it. It’s a shame that some folks are too stubborn to consider this. And we wonder why there are so few female posters left on the board. ---
**Author:** ![Rick\_Sanchez](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e19adc/32.png) [@Rick\_Sanchez](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rick_Sanchez)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2017, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-guys-aka-sexism-on-the-board/790633/55 "2017-07-06T21:53:58Z")
> [@Sunny\_Daze](#): > > I wasn’t going for funny. **iiandyiiii** was right. This thread is quite illuminating. Yeah, it’s a useful index of which posters do and do not have a sense of perspective. > [@JackieLikesVariety](#): > > oh, fuckity fuck fuck, I am SO tired of you > > go jump in the lake, shitstain Case in point. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2017, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-guys-aka-sexism-on-the-board/790633/56 "2017-07-06T21:54:53Z")
This is hilarious. It’s the classic shipwreck farce where the menfolk start talking about sharing the womenfolk and the womenfolk don’t like the way the menfolk are treating them so they let the menfolk know about it in no uncertain terms and the menfolk shuffle their feet and mumble an apology and then start minding their manners. ---
**Author:** ![steatopygia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/steatopygia/32/3132_2.png) [@steatopygia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/steatopygia)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2017, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-guys-aka-sexism-on-the-board/790633/57 "2017-07-06T22:03:06Z")
> [@TriPolar](#): > > This is hilarious. It’s the classic shipwreck farce where the menfolk start talking about sharing the womenfolk and the womenfolk don’t like the way the menfolk are treating them so they let the menfolk know about it in no uncertain terms and the menfolk shuffle their feet and mumble an apology and then start minding their manners. I’m not seeing many apologies. Some lessons, Doubling down is almost always the wrong way to go. Learn that. If you find yourself using the phrase “snowflake”, you are an asshole. You should stick to “cuck”, it makes your assholery much more apparent, which seems to be your intention. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2017, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-guys-aka-sexism-on-the-board/790633/58 "2017-07-06T22:03:48Z")
> [@TriPolar](#): > > This is hilarious. It’s the classic shipwreck farce where the menfolk start talking about sharing the womenfolk and the womenfolk don’t like the way the menfolk are treating them so they let the menfolk know about it in no uncertain terms and the menfolk shuffle their feet and mumble an apology and then start minding their manners. And just to be sure no one is taking this the wrong way, I’m not calling this thread and its predecessor a farce. I saying I am amused at how readily the menfolk have made this farcical mistake. ETA: I knew that was going to happen. ---
**Author:** ![Sunny\_Daze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunny_daze/32/438_2.png) [@Sunny\_Daze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunny_Daze)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2017, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-guys-aka-sexism-on-the-board/790633/59 "2017-07-06T22:06:04Z")
> [@Rick\_Sanchez](#): > > Yeah, it’s a useful index of which posters do and do not have a sense of perspective. My perspective is that I do not wish to be discussed like a possession and I reserve the right to say so. Saying so does not mean I lack a sense of humor. Grow up. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2017, 10:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-guys-aka-sexism-on-the-board/790633/60 "2017-07-06T22:09:44Z")
> [@steatopygia](#): > > I’m not seeing many apologies. > Some lessons, > > Doubling down is almost always the wrong way to go. Learn that. > If you find yourself using the phrase “snowflake”, you are an asshole. You should stick to “cuck”, it makes your assholery much more apparent, which seems to be your intention. I don’t have anything to apologize for. I didn’t making any sharing jokes in that thread or defend anyone who did in this one. And I made clear what my remarks were about because I felt certain at least one person wouldn’t bother to read them and consider what I said. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-guys-aka-sexism-on-the-board/790633.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-guys-aka-sexism-on-the-board/790633.md?page=4)