# Really, Newsweek? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [November 17, 2008, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-newsweek/473181 "2008-11-17T21:27:37Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2008, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-newsweek/473181/81 "2008-11-19T00:16:30Z")
> [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > _sounds out loud_ Enn… arr.. ay… tee… bee… > > Hmm. > > **National Rifle Association Tuberculosis**? 😃 Oops–I put the “not” in your name in the wrong place. NotReallyAllThatBright. It could be a nickname. 😛 And as can be seen from my posts here, I am very impatient with fundamentalist and evangelical beliefs. But I am not making fun of/denigrating any one poster. Believe that God is Marilyn Monroe crossed with Marilyn Manson if you so choose, just don’t ask me to play along–and don’t tell me you’re right and I’m wrong! Ok, I feel better now. I’m off to try new and improved AntiChrist Crackers! Made from ground up loaves and motzah. Served with fish, one per person. Careful, it leaves a heat in your mouth long after you’ve swallowed it. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2008, 1:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-newsweek/473181/82 "2008-11-19T01:37:03Z")
Mine eyes have seen the coming of the Dark Lord Antichrist He is humorous and handsome, and he isn’t very nice We’ll get along just fine if you don’t make him tell you twice Apocalypse today! CHORUS: Gory, gory Armageddon! Gory, gory Armageddon! Gory, gory Armageddon! Apocalypse today! It’s really most annoying, with the rains of flaming pitch And the things that bite, and things that burn, and things that sting and itch But, oh, that Whore of Babylon’s a lusty, royal bitch! Apocalypse today! (CHORUS) It’s really most confusing, with the Horsemen in the skies And the seven seals, and seven plagues, and lambs with seven eyes But we get no fun from Jesus, so bring on the Prince of Lies! Apocalypse today! (CHORUS) ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Carrot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f0a364/32.png) [@Captain\_Carrot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Carrot)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2008, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-newsweek/473181/83 "2008-11-19T01:48:02Z")
:claps: ---
**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2008, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-newsweek/473181/84 "2008-11-19T01:54:24Z")
:: standing O :: ---
**Author:** ![ShibbOleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2008, 2:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-newsweek/473181/85 "2008-11-19T02:16:35Z")
> [@Sampiro](#): > > An _agent_ of the anti-Christ perhaps (meaning he gets 10-15% of the souls the anti-Christ collects in exchange for managing certain of his affairs), but not the anti-Christ himself. What’s the health plan like? Do you get a discount in the gift shop and cafeteria? This sounds like a pretty nice career option. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2008, 2:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-newsweek/473181/86 "2008-11-19T02:45:13Z")
> [@ShibbOleth](#): > > What’s the health plan like? Blue Anti-Cross/Blue Shield. ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2008, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-newsweek/473181/87 "2008-11-19T02:52:10Z")
> [@Sampiro](#): > > Blue Anti-Cross/Blue Shield. I think the shield is upside down as well. Is the pension portable? ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2008, 2:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-newsweek/473181/88 "2008-11-19T02:53:24Z")
> [@GuanoLad](#): > > It seems to me, with my thankfully very limited exposure to Christians, that they all individually think they know who is the Antichrist, and it’s always somebody who is currently in power. That’s because they ALL are right ! You see, socialism is Satanic, right ? And what could be more socialist than a group mind ! “We are Legion”, and all that. Obviously, ALL of those people accused of being the Antichrist are guilty ( people enlightened by God couldn’t be wrong, after all ). It’s just that they are all different aspects of the great Antichrist hive mind. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2008, 2:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-newsweek/473181/89 "2008-11-19T02:55:22Z")
> [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > It’s just that they are all different aspects of the great Antichrist hive mind. I wanna be the hive mind’s amygdala. ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2008, 3:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-newsweek/473181/90 "2008-11-19T03:13:53Z")
> [@Bayard](#): > > I haven’t seen his show in several years, but Jack Van Impe always seemed just tickled pink that the end of the world was coming. One day in 1990, my best friend and I watched Jack Van Impe quote a Bible verse in parallel with a current news item to imply that the End Times were upon us because the Anti-Christ had appeared in the form of Saddam Hussein as fortold in the bible. A couple hours later, we dropped some acid and watched a PBS documentary, “Understanding the Sixties,” which began with some exposition on the mindset of the late fifties, typified by a clip of Jack Van Impe quoting the exact same verse to suggest that the contempory prime minister of Russia was the antichrist. Good times. ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Carrot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f0a364/32.png) [@Captain\_Carrot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Carrot)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2008, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-newsweek/473181/91 "2008-11-19T03:17:25Z")
> [@eleanorigby](#): > > I think the shield is upside down as well. Is the pension portable? At first I read ‘pension’ as ‘penis’, and I was kind of confused. ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2008, 3:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-newsweek/473181/92 "2008-11-19T03:31:23Z")
> [@Captain\_Carrot](#): > > At first I read ‘pension’ as ‘penis’, and I was kind of confused. Well, IMS, his penis is pointed and he suffers from priapism, so Satan’s wang is definitely portable. Isn’t everyone’s? They’re not exactly detachable. (insert Bobbitt joke here). ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2008, 3:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-newsweek/473181/93 "2008-11-19T03:40:07Z")
Please note that Hillary Clinton has only one R in her name, and she is being considered for Secretary of State! Which has 2 Rs, which means,once she assumes that role she will be an Antichrist Trinity. Which was the name of that chick in The Matrix, if you take away the Antichrist part. And we all know what THAT means! ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2008, 4:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-newsweek/473181/94 "2008-11-19T04:54:36Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > I wanna be the hive mind’s amygdala. I am the hive mind’s complete lack of surprise. ---
**Author:** ![Dissonance](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/85f322/32.png) [@Dissonance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dissonance)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2008, 7:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-newsweek/473181/95 "2008-11-19T07:18:03Z")
> [@BrainGlutton](#): > > Mine eyes have seen the coming of the Dark Lord Antichrist > He is humorous and handsome, and he isn’t very nice > We’ll get along just fine if you don’t make him tell you twice > Apocalypse today!(CHORUS) You’re going to hell for misquoting her. The proper song from her website is: People look we’ve got a problem Half ( well, 53% ) of us have ignor-ance Maybe we can nudge them gently Truth can make a differ-ance Truth is all we’ve got to stand on Seek it, find it, wear it well If we all believe the liars We could all end up in hell-o People look we’ve got a problem… (repeat chorus) ---
**Author:** ![FriarTed](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/friarted/32/1052_2.png) [@FriarTed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FriarTed)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2008, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-newsweek/473181/96 "2008-11-19T14:54:55Z")
> [@BrainGlutton](#): > > Mine eyes have seen the coming of the Dark Lord Antichrist > He is humorous and handsome, and he isn’t very nice > We’ll get along just fine if you don’t make him tell you twice > Apocalypse today! You HAVE posted that before, haven’t you? ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2008, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-newsweek/473181/97 "2008-11-19T15:10:39Z")
> [@FriarTed](#): > > You HAVE posted that before, haven’t you? Yes. ---
**Author:** ![Xan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/ac8455/32.png) [@Xan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Xan)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2008, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-newsweek/473181/98 "2008-11-19T15:20:50Z")
> [@eleanorigby](#): > > **Friar Ted** –that is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever seen here. “To be fair”? How disingenuous of you. Obama escapes that moniker solely because he doesn’t fit the ethnic profile? He doesn’t look much like Santa Claus, either. What mumbo jumbo nonsense IS this? I knew fundamentalists and evangelicals were bent, but truly, this sets a new standard for hilarity. You believe this with a straight face? This is because FriarTed, like all fundies and evangelicals, is fucking nuts. ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2008, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-newsweek/473181/99 "2008-11-19T15:33:43Z")
> [@GuanoLad](#): > > It seems to me, with my thankfully very limited exposure to Christians, that they all individually think they know who is the Antichrist, and it’s always somebody who is currently in power. Well, that’s understandable. Their paranoia would lack a certain urgency if the Antichrist were the graveyard clerk at the local NightOwl. ---
**Author:** ![Death\_of\_Rats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a6a055/32.png) [@Death\_of\_Rats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Death_of_Rats)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2008, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-newsweek/473181/100 "2008-11-19T16:23:24Z")
> [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > Please note that Hillary Clinton has only one R in her name, and she is being considered for Secretary of State! Which has 2 Rs, which means,once she assumes that role she will be an Antichrist Trinity. Which was the name of that chick in The Matrix, if you take away the Antichrist part. And we all know what THAT means! You got the advance script for Matrix 4? Well, it makes as much sense as this Anti-Christ garbage. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-newsweek/473181.md?page=4)