# "REALLY!" The Magazine for Dowagers **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 8, 2004, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-the-magazine-for-dowagers/254126 "2004-07-08T15:51:50Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![plnnr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7ea924/32.png) [@plnnr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/plnnr)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2004, 12:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-the-magazine-for-dowagers/254126/41 "2004-07-09T12:26:06Z")
First Families of Virginia vs. Mayflower Descendants - The Battle of the Insufferables Continues It’s True - You _Can’t_ Get Help These Days: What to do when the help drinks A Conversation with Lucretia Mellonwellon - and a stunning centerfold spread! **Pablo, Marco, Vincenzo** - Who’s the Poolboy For You? Take our quiz and find out! ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Moto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9de0a6/32.png) [@Mr.Moto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Moto)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2004, 12:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-the-magazine-for-dowagers/254126/42 "2004-07-09T12:32:21Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > My WORD! You just don’t talk about Such Things in PUBLIC!!! > > Smelling Salts-a comparison test to find the best! No, **Guinastasia** , you don’t talk about such things in public. You do, however, pore over descriptions of them in private. 😉 Let’s think of it as porn for hypochondriac dowagers. ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2004, 12:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-the-magazine-for-dowagers/254126/43 "2004-07-09T12:59:06Z")
> [@matt\_mcl](#): > > Prissy or Dotty? Or can you be both? I think _I_ am living proof of _that_, young man. ---
**Author:** ![Lamia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Lamia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamia)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2004, 1:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-the-magazine-for-dowagers/254126/44 "2004-07-09T13:04:28Z")
Are you the “right sort” for this magazine? (If you have to ask, the answer is “no”.) ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2004, 1:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-the-magazine-for-dowagers/254126/45 "2004-07-09T13:45:31Z")
…and in the film review column: _ **The Sick Scents** _. Who could forget the classic line, _“I smell old people”._ ---
**Author:** ![cards](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ecd19e/32.png) [@cards](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cards)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2004, 1:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-the-magazine-for-dowagers/254126/46 "2004-07-09T13:53:10Z")
Interview with Lovie Howell: How to Maintain Decorum in a Tropical Locale ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2004, 1:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-the-magazine-for-dowagers/254126/47 "2004-07-09T13:53:53Z")
> [@Eve](#): > > I think _I_ am living proof of _that_, young man. And I’ve mentioned on many occasions that I want to be you when I grow up. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2004, 2:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-the-magazine-for-dowagers/254126/48 "2004-07-09T14:11:50Z")
> [@CandidGamera](#): > > **Cautionary Tales!** - This week, one of our readers writes in about almost being taken in by a confidence man. Learn helpful hints on how to avoid a “Rufus T. Firefly” of your own, inside! “Is your husband dead? Did he leave you any money? Answer the second question first.” ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2004, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-the-magazine-for-dowagers/254126/49 "2004-07-09T14:26:04Z")
> [@jk1245](#): > > “The Male Organ: What it Might Look Like” Think it’s a joke? When my uncle was born, my Great-Great Aunt Jane helped my grandmother bathe him. Afterwards she told my grandmother that she was “sorry about his ‘deformity’”. :eek: Said Dowager Aunt also had three purses. The first was her regular purse, but it didn’t close at the top and therefore filled with water when it rained. So she turned it upside down. Naturally everything fell out of it, so she put it upside-down in another purse. Alas, this purse didn’t close either, and also filled with water, so she would zip the entire catastrophe into a third purse that was waterproof. ---
**Author:** ![Morgyn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/morgyn/32/3041_2.png) [@Morgyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgyn)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2004, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-the-magazine-for-dowagers/254126/50 "2004-07-09T17:43:02Z")
> [@jjimm](#): > > Said Dowager Aunt also had three purses. The first was her regular purse, but it didn’t close at the top and therefore filled with water when it rained. So she turned it upside down. Naturally everything fell out of it, so she put it upside-down in another purse. Alas, this purse didn’t close either, and also filled with water, so she would zip the entire catastrophe into a third purse that was waterproof. How To: [ul] [li]Let Go of that No-longer Perfect Accessory[/li][li]Deliver the Cut Direct[/li][li]Be Perfectly Rude By Being Perfectly Well-mannered[/li][li]and other topics, coming soon![/li][/ul] ---
**Author:** ![voguevixen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b5ac83/32.png) [@voguevixen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/voguevixen)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2004, 11:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-the-magazine-for-dowagers/254126/51 "2004-07-09T23:03:28Z")
White glove road tests: Tea vs. evening length/summer & winter weights Which hold up best to snagging on giant diamonds? Which scoop up the most dust so as to humiliate your lessers? ---
**Author:** ![Mighty\_Girl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7bcc69/32.png) [@Mighty\_Girl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mighty_Girl)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2004, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-the-magazine-for-dowagers/254126/52 "2004-07-10T00:12:39Z")
Marriage after 50: How to analyze his investment portfolio. Taking care of your ailing parents. The criminal lawyer’s advice. ---
**Author:** ![OxyMoron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/e9a140/32.png) [@OxyMoron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OxyMoron)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2004, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-the-magazine-for-dowagers/254126/53 "2004-07-12T22:32:38Z")
**Summertime Photo Special - Private Pleasures!** - We sent the world’s top photographers to the worlds most beautiful private beaches, all to show you the latest, most sensational bathing - machines! Gorgeous models to fit every budget. **Unmentionables**! Victoria keeps hers secret, and so should you! Pages and pages of what not to discuss - even more on what not to acknowledge! **Boston Marriages** Chastity finds its truest expression. **Crinoline** - the virtuous woman’s truest weapon. Are you sure you’re wearing enough? ---
**Author:** ![DocCathode](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doccathode/32/18773_2.png) [@DocCathode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DocCathode)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2004, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-the-magazine-for-dowagers/254126/54 "2004-07-13T00:13:25Z")
Our Thanksgiving Issue What centerpiece best tells your relatives how much they’ve disappointed you? 101 ways to remind them that football matches and parades are entertainments for common folk How to make those visiting nieces and nephews to love you more than their parents, without having to spend time with the little monsters Getting the focus back where it belongs-your ancestors came over on the Mayflower, but their only worthwhile accomplishment was you! ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2004, 1:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-the-magazine-for-dowagers/254126/55 "2004-07-13T13:47:18Z")
Raising scruffy little rag-mop yap dogs for fun and profit. ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2004, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-the-magazine-for-dowagers/254126/56 "2004-07-13T15:04:30Z")
Pearls… Can One Wear Too Many Strands? In Search of… The Perfect Gin Smart New Looks In Surgical Stockings Vericose Veins. The True Mark of Blue Blood? Exercise Ladies! Keep Those Noses and Pinkies Up! Southern Dowagers. When Is It Acceptable To Scream “Law!” In Public? How To Ensure That No One But You Ever Sits In Your Pew How To Open One’s Own Car Door In An Emergency ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2004, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-the-magazine-for-dowagers/254126/57 "2004-07-13T16:03:25Z")
Does your fainting couch need to be restuffed? Take this quiz to find out! ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2004, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-the-magazine-for-dowagers/254126/58 "2004-07-13T16:33:08Z")
> [@swampbear](#): > > Pearls… Can One Wear Too Many Strands? Of course one can. One or three strands are acceptable—five, if you are a Super Dowager. _Never_ wear an even number of strands. ---
**Author:** ![FaerieBeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e95f7d/32.png) [@FaerieBeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FaerieBeth)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2004, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-the-magazine-for-dowagers/254126/59 "2004-07-13T16:48:01Z")
> [@swampbear](#): > > Southern Dowagers. When Is It Acceptable To Scream “Law!” In Public? OMG! **Swampbear** knows my grandmother! ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2004, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-the-magazine-for-dowagers/254126/60 "2004-07-13T16:51:29Z")
> [@Eve](#): > > Of course one can. One or three strands are acceptable—five, if you are a Super Dowager. _Never_ wear an even number of strands. Super Dowager. Now **there’s** a super heroine for you! She wears a fur lined cape emblazoned with a diamond encrusted **D** , five strands of pearls, an evening gown, opera length gloves, sensible shoes, and a lorgnette. Whenever she hears of an ettiquette breach she dodders over to the offending party, raises herself up to full height and exclaims “Well, Really!” Once again civility is restored thanks to **Super Dowager!** Hmm… you know, “Dowager” magazine will need a good fiction section. 😃 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-the-magazine-for-dowagers/254126.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/really-the-magazine-for-dowagers/254126.md?page=4)