# Reasonably petty office situation. How to handle it? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 15, 2012, 12:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/reasonably-petty-office-situation-how-to-handle-it/637767 "2012-10-15T12:49:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![moejoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9de053/32.png) [@moejoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/moejoe)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2012, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/reasonably-petty-office-situation-how-to-handle-it/637767/41 "2012-10-15T19:31:02Z")
> [@perfectparanoia](#): > > This made me laugh. IM and ‘while I am walking to the bathroom’ questions get asked of me all the time. Usually, they are simple one-off things and I answer them on the spot. If they require me to follow up in any way, I NEED the person to send me an email. Not only does it mean that I will remember, it means that it was important enough to the person to actually take the ten seconds to write it down. > > In the OP’s shoes, I would probably start drafting the email I was sending on Monday and include Melanie’s item in the agenda right then and there. That way I can’t forget and she isn’t put out either. This is something that has always irritated me so I can see the IMers point of view. When I see someone at work and give them a piece of information I’ve done my part of the job and I need to move on to other things. When the response to that information is “send me an email” I often think no, I gave you the information, how you go about remembering it is your problem. If you can’t remember what people tell you then please carry a note pad while you’re wandering around the office. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2012, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/reasonably-petty-office-situation-how-to-handle-it/637767/42 "2012-10-15T19:34:49Z")
> [@moejoe](#): > > This is something that has always irritated me so I can see the IMers point of view. When I see someone at work and give them a piece of information I’ve done my part of the job and I need to move on to other things. When the response to that information is “send me an email” I often think no, I gave you the information, how you go about remembering it is your problem. If you can’t remember what people tell you then please carry a note pad while you’re wandering around the office. And it irritates me that people see I am eating my lunch or going pee and I should remember what they have to say? I remember 1 million things! that 1 million and 1 is going to break me. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2012, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/reasonably-petty-office-situation-how-to-handle-it/637767/43 "2012-10-15T19:35:26Z")
Compose the draft outgoing message, including Melanie’s agenda item, save. Breathe. Reopen for editing on Monday, send. Done. ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2012, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/reasonably-petty-office-situation-how-to-handle-it/637767/44 "2012-10-15T19:35:43Z")
Do you not having a catch-all to-do list? If you are in charge of the agenda, you are in charge of the agenda and it’s your job to make sure that agenda information gets kept track of. Making her wait until Monday runs the risk that important information is forgotten, and that would be your fault. If you can’t manage incoming from different locations (I use gCal alerts and a todo list for just about every bit of actionable information that comes my way) then you need to think of a process that serves _your team’s_ needs, not just your own. Having a single late-in-the-game entry point on a shared agenda is not a great plan. I’d consider setting up a shared document, creating an email inbox just for agenda item ideas, or even putting up a whiteboard by my desk where people could write their contributions. You will get much better quality and inclusiveness when people can add to the document as ideas come into their head. Remember, succeeding at work doesn’t mean lightening your load as much as possible. It means creating improved systems that help _everyone_ work better. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2012, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/reasonably-petty-office-situation-how-to-handle-it/637767/45 "2012-10-15T19:37:09Z")
> [@moejoe](#): > > If you can’t remember what people tell you then please carry a note pad while you’re wandering around the office. I’ll carry a notepad to meetings, but I rarely take one to the men’s room or to lunch. And I will forget stuff between there and my office, even though it’s about 20 feet away. These days I have a hard time holding a thou ---
**Author:** ![moejoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9de053/32.png) [@moejoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/moejoe)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2012, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/reasonably-petty-office-situation-how-to-handle-it/637767/46 "2012-10-15T19:37:46Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > And it irritates me that people see I am eating my lunch or going pee and I should remember what they have to say? I remember 1 million things! that 1 million and 1 is going to break me. What if you’re not eating lunch or going pee? What if you’re standing at my desk talking business and I give you a piece of information? This is when I experience the send me an email nonsense and it just doesn’t make sense. Who wants more email? ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2012, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/reasonably-petty-office-situation-how-to-handle-it/637767/47 "2012-10-15T19:41:05Z")
> [@moejoe](#): > > What if you’re not eating lunch or going pee? What if you’re standing at my desk talking business and I give you a piece of information? This is when I experience the send me an email nonsense and it just doesn’t make sense. Who wants more email? See above re the post it note, the IM, the e-mail, etc. I don’t mind doing it once in a while, but honestly, it’s a very busy office, and it’s safer for everyone if there’s an e-mail trail. I want more e-mail. Because then if I forget to do it right away then when I go back to my e-mail there it is! And I can do it. If I am at YOUR desk and you tell me to do something and I forgot, as can happen even if I am great at remembering, then it’s gone. ---
**Author:** ![Cinnamon\_Imp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58956e/32.png) [@Cinnamon\_Imp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cinnamon_Imp)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2012, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/reasonably-petty-office-situation-how-to-handle-it/637767/48 "2012-10-15T19:52:57Z")
> [@Acsenray](#): > > I think the OP is being unreasonable. You’ve been asked to add the change. It’s now your job to remember to do it. It’s not rocket surgery. Melanie has given you the information you need. I don’t think it’s reasonable for you to ask for it in a different format at a different time. I agree with this. If you think you’ll have a problem remembering it, then email yourself (does Outlook still do delayed send?) for Monday. ---
**Author:** ![sugar\_and\_spice](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e8c25b/32.png) [@sugar\_and\_spice](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sugar_and_spice)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2012, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/reasonably-petty-office-situation-how-to-handle-it/637767/49 "2012-10-15T19:58:23Z")
IM and voice mail are different than stopping someone on the way to the bathroom. IM and VM are items that you receive while sitting at your desk with your computer on and notepad handy, and if they arrive when you are in the middle of a conversation or lunch or playing solitaire then you can get back to either when you’re free. So yeah, I agree with Acsenray. Maybe if this involves a team of 100 people or lots of edits then I could see the need to collect via a formal process. But I’m guessing that is not the case, given this is just a weekly meeting, and I assume there are no more items than the group can pretend to try to address in one sitting. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2012, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/reasonably-petty-office-situation-how-to-handle-it/637767/50 "2012-10-15T20:10:59Z")
> [@moejoe](#): > > What if you’re not eating lunch or going pee? What if you’re standing at my desk talking business and I give you a piece of information? This is when I experience the send me an email nonsense and it just doesn’t make sense. Who wants more email? Just but approaching me while I’m taking a piss lets me actually convey how I feel about the information you just gave me.😃 Seriously though, if your objective is to get something done, you need to follow up with people you gave information to and not just assume because you sent them an email or IM or mentioned something in passing that they automatically registered it and gave it an appropriate priority. Or you can be like 99% of office drones and just wash your hands of it as if doing the bare minimum absolves you of responsibility. ---
**Author:** ![moejoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9de053/32.png) [@moejoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/moejoe)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2012, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/reasonably-petty-office-situation-how-to-handle-it/637767/51 "2012-10-15T20:17:45Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > Just but approaching me while I’m taking a piss lets me actually convey how I feel about the information you just gave me.😃 > > Seriously though, if your objective is to get something done, you need to follow up with people you gave information to and not just assume because you sent them an email or IM or mentioned something in passing that they automatically registered it and gave it an appropriate priority. > > Or you can be like 99% of office drones and just wash your hands of it as if doing the bare minimum absolves you of responsibility. Hmm, how about this: Mr. Dude comes to my desk to talk about 73 things he wants me to do and I take notes and agree that I’ll do them. And then, at the end of the conversation I say by the way, Mr. Other Dude needs seven chairs set up for the meeting tomorrow instead of the six he originally requested. Is that really something that needs an email reminder? Honestly I’m not giving him the nuke codes or anything. ---
**Author:** ![Shade](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2bfe46/32.png) [@Shade](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shade)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2012, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/reasonably-petty-office-situation-how-to-handle-it/637767/52 "2012-10-15T21:10:04Z")
1. You absolutely need a way to handle “things that need to be done next week”. If the request came from outside the company or from someone really senior, you probably wouldn’t be able to say “email me”, so you need to have a habit of a way of doing that. 2. If the IM is just once, just add it. If you get that a lot, I think it’s reasonable to say “look, getting IM’d all the time is distracting, please _email_ the updates to me”. ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Strangelove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dr.strangelove/32/6613_2.png) [@Dr.Strangelove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Strangelove)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2012, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/reasonably-petty-office-situation-how-to-handle-it/637767/53 "2012-10-15T21:46:05Z")
> [@iamthewalrus\_3](#): > > I’m not sure why IM is somehow a second-class electronic communication medium in this case. IM programs don’t have the built-in tools for helping this kind of process, like flagging for follow-up or importance, or folders, or categories, or decent searching, or even (often) a proper history. Their purpose is for questions that require a quick, immediate response. Email should be used for anything with permanence or that needs to be followed up at some future date. ---
**Author:** ![zweisamkeit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zweisamkeit/32/4360_2.png) [@zweisamkeit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zweisamkeit)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2012, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/reasonably-petty-office-situation-how-to-handle-it/637767/54 "2012-10-15T22:08:01Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > What’s wrong with saying, politely, “Oh, can you send me an e-mail? Otherwise I’ll forget! You know I’d forget my head if it wasn’t screwed on.” > > I mean, I do it, and I am the low man on the totem pole at work. But if you say it politely they don’t usually get mad. I love ya, **'mika** , but I disagree with how you phrased it. I tend to default to this, too, but it’s just not good. It’s intended to avoid sounding bitchy or aggressive, but all you’re doing is putting yourself down and sabotaging yourself. It’s _never_ a good idea to basically hand “bad employee/sucks at their job” ammo to people. To OP, I get what you mean. It’s something that pisses you off more almost _because_ it’s such a little thing. What I would have done after the last message is just to ask her to paste it into an email and send it now. That way she doesn’t feel annoyed at having to remember an arbitrary-to-her window of time to send it\*, but you then will still have it in the same place and format you prefer. I’d also create a folder for agenda emails and move them (and/or create a rule that puts incoming agenda emails directly in the folder) there. It’s an even more tidy spot than just your inbox. - although I could argue that if Melanie wants something added, it’s a good idea to make that request in the way the agenda person finds easiest; mainly, this is because if someone else is in charge of it, honest mistakes or omissions are less likely to happen if you go with what works for them. ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2012, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/reasonably-petty-office-situation-how-to-handle-it/637767/55 "2012-10-15T22:25:35Z")
> [@Acsenray](#): > > I think the OP is being unreasonable. You’ve been asked to add the change. It’s now your job to remember to do it. It’s not rocket surgery. Melanie has given you the information you need. I don’t think it’s reasonable for you to ask for it in a different format at a different time. Me too. I have moderate ADHD and even I can manage to remember to put a note in my outlook calendar when something like this pops up before I draft the agenda to my weekly meeting. Or, you know, sometimes I even draft the agenda early when there’s something I don’t want to forget. ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2012, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/reasonably-petty-office-situation-how-to-handle-it/637767/56 "2012-10-15T23:01:53Z")
As to the OP, I think you’re being mildly unreasonable. Just copy and paste her email into a calendar reminder and be done with it. FYI, we used to rotate agenda keepers for our bi-weekly meetings. But now we keep track of meetings electronically via MS Sharepoint, which is a collaborative meeting space that all attendees can access via the web. Each meeting has a unique workspace to house agendas and pre-reading. There are empty time slots, and anyone who wants to get time on the agenda simply adds his name and topic. There are a few rules, mainly that the agenda is frozen two days prior, and that when you add a topic, you should put it immediately after the last scheduled topic. It works very well. ---
**Author:** ![Bosstone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/22d042/32.png) [@Bosstone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosstone)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2012, 11:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/reasonably-petty-office-situation-how-to-handle-it/637767/57 "2012-10-15T23:45:35Z")
> [@moejoe](#): > > When the response to that information is “send me an email” I often think no, I gave you the information, how you go about remembering it is your problem. You’re the one who wants me to remember the information, so you can deliver it to me in a way in which I will remember it. I’m not your monkey. I get asked by my boss all the time to send him something in an email that we’re discussing face to face so he’ll remember it, and I ask my subordinates to do the same. There’s nothing unreasonable about it; if it’s that important to you, get it to me in a more permanent method than verbal or IM. I have other duties I need to be seeing to besides your stuff. ---
**Author:** ![KellyCriterion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b3f665/32.png) [@KellyCriterion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KellyCriterion)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2012, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/reasonably-petty-office-situation-how-to-handle-it/637767/58 "2012-10-15T23:47:09Z")
Thanks for all the responses so far, I appreciate it. This suggestion seems to be getting some applause: > [@](#): > > Or, what I would probably do is have a system set up where I create a blank document for the agenda and put it in a folder where I keep the agendas every time it’s my turn. Then paste her info into that document along with any other stuff that comes up between now and the time you need to do the agenda. When it comes time to do the agenda, you open your dummy document, which already has some notes, etc. in it. In other words, a secondary process. I’ll also now need to check in two places for agenda item changes - my email inbox, and this new “document” that I am going to maintain. Ok. As others have pointed out upthread, what about if someone makes an agenda request to me while I am not sitting at my computer? Should I come up with a **third** process to handle that kind of situation? Let’s see.. perhaps in those situations I can ask them to send me an email? Ok.. so now I need to refer to the document I am maintaining, emails I get sent as a response to my Monday email, **and** potentially **any** email I have received all week to get the full list of agenda change requests. Or should I _not_ ask them to send me an email in this instance, but instead handle it some _other_ way? Isn’t this just adding epicircles? Is there really something inherently wrong with a single, simple process: ensure that all changes to the agenda are sent as an email response to my Monday email. Am I really being that unreasonable? Isn’t what I am doing called “being organised”? ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2012, 12:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/reasonably-petty-office-situation-how-to-handle-it/637767/59 "2012-10-16T00:03:53Z")
> [@KellyCriterion](#): > > As others have pointed out upthread, what about if someone makes an agenda request to me while I am not sitting at my computer? You can’t remember something for long enough to make a reminder of it when you return to your desk? If you can’t remember the specifics, can you not remember that someone said something to you at all? Because if you can remember even that, then sure, it’s okay to ask for an e-mail. But you shoot them a quick love note saying you’re working on xyz and since you were unable to jot down the details at the time, ask that they send it to you in writing. Then once they respond, you work out some system of making sure it gets in the agenda from there. You still don’t get to ask them for reminders. You ask for the details the minute you’re at your desk then remind yourself of what to do. And if you can’t remember that someone asked you something at all while you were taking a wee, may god help us all. > [@](#): > > Am I really being that unreasonable? Yes. > [@](#): > > Isn’t what I am doing called “being organised”? No. ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2012, 12:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/reasonably-petty-office-situation-how-to-handle-it/637767/60 "2012-10-16T00:09:29Z")
> [@KellyCriterion](#): > > Am I really being that unreasonable? Isn’t what I am doing called “being organised”? I think so. You can be organized without being inflexible. > [@KellyCriterion](#): > > In other words, a secondary process. I’ll also now need to check in two places for agenda item changes - my email inbox, and this new “document” that I am going to maintain. Create a subfolder to your inbox called “Meeting agenda items.” Drag all emails related to the meeting to this inbox. Quick, efficient, and flexible. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/reasonably-petty-office-situation-how-to-handle-it/637767.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/reasonably-petty-office-situation-how-to-handle-it/637767.md?page=4)