# Recast a classic movie to make it terrible **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [November 20, 2009, 7:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recast-a-classic-movie-to-make-it-terrible/518266 "2009-11-20T07:46:15Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Knorf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/58956e/32.png) [@Knorf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knorf)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2009, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recast-a-classic-movie-to-make-it-terrible/518266/41 "2009-11-21T00:30:35Z")
> [@EvilTOJ](#): > > **Predator** , starring… > > Jon Heder as Dutch > Steve Buscemi as Dillon > Robert Downey Jr. as Blain > Billy Dee Williams as Mac > Bob Saget as Hawkins > Richard Dreyfuss as Ramirez > Marisa Tomei as Anna > The Crying Indian as Billy > Danny DeVito as The Predator I would totally watch this. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2009, 12:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recast-a-classic-movie-to-make-it-terrible/518266/42 "2009-11-21T00:37:07Z")
Vincent Price as Johnny in The Wild One ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2009, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recast-a-classic-movie-to-make-it-terrible/518266/43 "2009-11-21T01:11:22Z")
> [@TreacherousCretin](#): > > Oh my gawd. That is priceless. > > One of my five favorite movies, and one of the most overrated actors, of all time. > > Would you please be so kind as to fill in the rest of the cast?? Harvey can (and should, IMO) remain invisible, but I trust you to do the right thing. > > Edit- or maybe Pacino as Elwood wouldn’t leave room for any other cast members. > > . Veta Louise Simmons: Jennifer Tilly Orderly Wilson: Pauly Shore Nurse Kelly: Robin Williams (in drag) Dr. Sanderson: Arnold Schwartzenegger Dr. Chumley: Jean Claude Van Damme Myrtle Mae: Shelly Duvall ---
**Author:** ![Trepa\_Mayfield](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/edb3f5/32.png) [@Trepa\_Mayfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trepa_Mayfield)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2009, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recast-a-classic-movie-to-make-it-terrible/518266/44 "2009-11-21T01:11:42Z")
The Lion King, with Nicholas Cage as Simba Halle Berry as Nala Tom Hanks as Scar Elijah Wood as Puumba Denzel Washington as Timon Arnold Schwarzenegger as the Three Hyenas Will Ferrell as both Mufasa and Rafiki (the scriptwriters cut a few corners) And yes, this would all be live action. Or puppets! ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2009, 2:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recast-a-classic-movie-to-make-it-terrible/518266/45 "2009-11-21T02:17:29Z")
Casablanca: David Soul as Rick Blaine Hector Elizondo as Captain Louis Renault Reuven Bar-Yotam as Ferrari Ray Liotta as Sacha Scatman Crothers as Sam Patrick Horgan as Major Heinrick Strasser Ooops. [Too late.](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0084994/fullcredits#cast)☹ And the ways [Casino](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0310853/) [Royale](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0061452/) can be screwed up are [legion.](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0086006/) ---
**Author:** ![Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/13edae/32.png) [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stranger_On_A_Train)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2009, 2:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recast-a-classic-movie-to-make-it-terrible/518266/46 "2009-11-21T02:40:27Z")
> [@dropzone](#): > > And the ways [Casino](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0310853/) [Royale](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0061452/) can be screwed up are [legion.](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0086006/) Nitpick: _Never Say Never Again_ is actually a remake of _Thunderball_. Stranger ---
**Author:** ![Cuckoorex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ad7895/32.png) [@Cuckoorex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cuckoorex)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2009, 2:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recast-a-classic-movie-to-make-it-terrible/518266/47 "2009-11-21T02:56:39Z")
LOTR trilogy featuring; Nicolas Cage as Aragon Jerry Stiller as Gandalf Christopher Walken as Saruman Gilbert Godfried as Gimli Fabio as Legolas Paris Hilton as Eowyn Fran Drescher as Arwen French Stewart as Frodo James Van der Beek as Merry Justin Timberlake as Pippin Reese Witherspoon as Galadriel Jack Black as Samwise David Duchovny as Boramir Steven Seagal as Faramir Abe Vigoda as Theoden ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2009, 3:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recast-a-classic-movie-to-make-it-terrible/518266/48 "2009-11-21T03:01:41Z")
> [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](#): > > Nitpick: _Never Say Never Again_ is actually a remake of _Thunderball_. > > Stranger Really? I thought only CR had fallen through the cracks of Cubby Broccoli’s grasp. Never saw it, though. I prefer believing James Bond was killed by Jill St John’s ass cleavage shortly after “Diamonds Are Forever.” ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2009, 3:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recast-a-classic-movie-to-make-it-terrible/518266/49 "2009-11-21T03:08:15Z")
> [@dropzone](#): > > Casablanca: > > Scatman Crothers as Sam Hey, do not blame the Scatman for that. It’s not his fault. In fact, with Peter Falk and Louise Fletcher in the lead roles, it could totally work. ---
**Author:** ![Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/13edae/32.png) [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stranger_On_A_Train)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2009, 3:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recast-a-classic-movie-to-make-it-terrible/518266/50 "2009-11-21T03:13:16Z")
> [@dropzone](#): > > Really? I thought only CR had fallen through the cracks of Cubby Broccoli’s grasp. Never saw it, though. I prefer believing James Bond was killed by Jill St John’s ass cleavage shortly after “Diamonds Are Forever.” There is actually a very interesting story behind the rights to _Thunderball_, only it is actually tragically uninteresting to everybody except me. Stranger ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2009, 3:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recast-a-classic-movie-to-make-it-terrible/518266/51 "2009-11-21T03:25:42Z")
> [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](#): > > There is actually a very interesting story behind the rights to _Thunderball_, only it is actually tragically uninteresting to everybody except me. > > Stranger If it is anywhere that geekish my ADD will tune it out, but others will have the staying power I lack. IOW, dish! ETA: And note that I’m pissed a carbon cell battery leaked on my James Bond collector cards and Rayovac only warranted leakage on a $2 flashlight, not a card collection that would be worth hundreds sometime in the future. ---
**Author:** ![koufax](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/7ea924/32.png) [@koufax](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/koufax)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2009, 4:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recast-a-classic-movie-to-make-it-terrible/518266/52 "2009-11-21T04:59:54Z")
> [@blondebear](#): > > A Hard Day’s Night > > **Ozzy Osbourne** as John Lennon > **Kayne West** as Paul McCartney > **Kid Rock** as George Harrison > **Tommy Lee** as Ringo Star this is possibly the funniest post …ever ---
**Author:** ![TreacherousCretin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/treacherouscretin/32/476_2.png) [@TreacherousCretin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TreacherousCretin)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2009, 7:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recast-a-classic-movie-to-make-it-terrible/518266/53 "2009-11-21T07:11:40Z")
> [@Chefguy](#): > > Veta Louise Simmons: Jennifer Tilly > Orderly Wilson: Pauly Shore > Nurse Kelly: Robin Williams (in drag) > Dr. Sanderson: Arnold Schwartzenegger > Dr. Chumley: Jean Claude Van Damme > Myrtle Mae: Shelly Duvall Ha! If you make it, they will come. Or at least I would. 10-Q veddy much. . ---
**Author:** ![Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/13edae/32.png) [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stranger_On_A_Train)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2009, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recast-a-classic-movie-to-make-it-terrible/518266/54 "2009-11-21T16:15:23Z")
> [@dropzone](#): > > If it is anywhere that geekish my ADD will tune it out, but others will have the staying power I lack. IOW, dish! Near the end of his writing career, Fleming was offered the opportunity to develop a feature picture using the James Bond character. To this end, he collaborated with Jack Whittingham and Kevin McClory to develop a new story treatment and screenplay involving James Bond, Agent 007 in Her Majesty’s Secret [Intelligence] Service. This screenplay introduced new characters and the international crime/terrorist organization known as SPECTRE. However, as with many Hollywood development projects, this got jammed up on a number of fronts, including casting, budgeting, and story rights. Fleming went ahead and adapted the screenplay directly into a novel, technically making _Thunderball_ the first novel adaptation of a Bond movie. As a result, the first Bond film made was an adaptation of _Dr. No_, which was cheaper to film (even by the standards of the day) and didn’t involve any proprietary interests. The adaptation modified the story somewhat, changing the organization that Dr. Julian No worked for from the KGB to SPECTRE (many later films did the same) but retaining many of the original story aspects (whereas later adaptations often diverged wildly from the source material, often merely taking the title, names, and a locale or two). However, Whittinham and McClory claimed rights to the character of Blofeld, the SPECTRE organization, and the basic storyline of _Thunderball_ as element that he developed. In 1976, after a protracted court battle, McClory was granted an injunction against EON Productions and Danjaq (the producers of the Bond film franchise) against future use of these elements without license, and the rights to remake the story of _Thunderball_, which he did (disappointingly) in the 1983 film _Never Say Never Again_. He also persuaded the clearly aging Sean Connery to reprise his role, demonstrating that his weak performance as Bond in _Diamonds Are Forever_ was not an anomaly. The outcome of the injunction can be seen in _The Spy Who Loved Me_, which was essentially a remake of _You Only Live Twice_ with shipping tycoon Stromberg in place of Ernst Stravo Blofeld. (Rumor has it that an early draft of the screenplay has “Blofeld” scratched out and “Stromberg” penciled in.) The last gasp of this conflict can be seen in the cold open teaser of _For Your Eyes Only_, where Bond, visiting his wife’s graveside (she was killed by Blodfeld and a henchman at the end of _On Her Majesty’s Secret Service_) is tricked into climbing aboard a remotely-controlled helicopter piloted by a handicapped bald man in a tan Mandarin collar suit and a long-haired white cat on his lap–clearly intimated to be Blofeld, though not credited as such. Bond dispatches the villain before the opening credits, indicating to those who knew the backstory that for EON, “Blofeld is dead to us.” The current reimaging of the Bond franchise has clearly retooled SPECTRE in all but name in their Quantum organization (implied in _Casino Royale_, called out explicitly in _Quantum of Solace_) as a secretive conspiracy which seeks to materially profit by sowing discord and supporting terror and unrest. Rumor has it that the as-yet unnamed next film will have Bond systematically dismantling the Quantum organization, coming into conflict with the tendrils that reach to the halls of power. Can you tell I’m a bit of a Bond nerd? Stranger ---
**Author:** ![koufax](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/7ea924/32.png) [@koufax](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/koufax)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2009, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recast-a-classic-movie-to-make-it-terrible/518266/55 "2009-11-21T16:38:09Z")
> [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](#): > > Near the end of his writing career, Fleming was offered the opportunity to develop a feature picture using the James Bond character. To this end, he collaborated with Jack Whittingham and Kevin McClory to develop a new story treatment and screenplay involving James Bond, Agent 007 in Her Majesty’s Secret [Intelligence] Service. This screenplay introduced new characters and the international crime/terrorist organization known as SPECTRE. However, as with many Hollywood development projects, this got jammed up on a number of fronts, including casting, budgeting, and story rights. Fleming went ahead and adapted the screenplay directly into a novel, technically making _Thunderball_ the first novel adaptation of a Bond movie. As a result, the first Bond film made was an adaptation of _Dr. No_, which was cheaper to film (even by the standards of the day) and didn’t involve any proprietary interests. The adaptation modified the story somewhat, changing the organization that Dr. Julian No worked for from the KGB to SPECTRE (many later films did the same) but retaining many of the original story aspects (whereas later adaptations often diverged wildly from the source material, often merely taking the title, names, and a locale or two). > > However, Whittinham and McClory claimed rights to the character of Blofeld, the SPECTRE organization, and the basic storyline of _Thunderball_ as element that he developed. In 1976, after a protracted court battle, McClory was granted an injunction against EON Productions and Danjaq (the producers of the Bond film franchise) against future use of these elements without license, and the rights to remake the story of _Thunderball_, which he did (disappointingly) in the 1983 film _Never Say Never Again_. He also persuaded the clearly aging Sean Connery to reprise his role, demonstrating that his weak performance as Bond in _Diamonds Are Forever_ was not an anomaly. > > The outcome of the injunction can be seen in _The Spy Who Loved Me_, which was essentially a remake of _You Only Live Twice_ with shipping tycoon Stromberg in place of Ernst Stravo Blofeld. (Rumor has it that an early draft of the screenplay has “Blofeld” scratched out and “Stromberg” penciled in.) The last gasp of this conflict can be seen in the cold open teaser of _For Your Eyes Only_, where Bond, visiting his wife’s graveside (she was killed by Blodfeld and a henchman at the end of _On Her Majesty’s Secret Service_) is tricked into climbing aboard a remotely-controlled helicopter piloted by a handicapped bald man in a tan Mandarin collar suit and a long-haired white cat on his lap–clearly intimated to be Blofeld, though not credited as such. Bond dispatches the villain before the opening credits, indicating to those who knew the backstory that for EON, “Blofeld is dead to us.” > > The current reimaging of the Bond franchise has clearly retooled SPECTRE in all but name in their Quantum organization (implied in _Casino Royale_, called out explicitly in _Quantum of Solace_) as a secretive conspiracy which seeks to materially profit by sowing discord and supporting terror and unrest. Rumor has it that the as-yet unnamed next film will have Bond systematically dismantling the Quantum organization, coming into conflict with the tendrils that reach to the halls of power. > > Can you tell I’m a bit of a Bond nerd? > > Stranger Yes, and you are ruining one of the funniest threads of all time. Koufax ---
**Author:** ![Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/13edae/32.png) [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stranger_On_A_Train)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2009, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recast-a-classic-movie-to-make-it-terrible/518266/56 "2009-11-21T16:44:06Z")
> [@koufax](#): > > Yes, and you are ruining one of the funniest threads of all time. > > Koufax Go piss up a rope. Stranger ---
**Author:** ![Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tapioca_Dextrin)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2009, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recast-a-classic-movie-to-make-it-terrible/518266/57 "2009-11-21T17:44:19Z")
Although SPECTRE were the bad guys in the first movie, SMERSH were the bad guys in the first novel, Casino Royale. SMERSH’s treasurer and main bad guy was Auric Goldfinger, possibly the only supervillain to have been based on a [real life architect](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ern%C5%91_Goldfinger). Talking of Architects, I’d give **The Draughtman’s Contract** a do over (music by Britney Spears) ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2009, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recast-a-classic-movie-to-make-it-terrible/518266/58 "2009-11-21T17:52:54Z")
**Dr. Zhivago** Dr. Z: Jerry Lewis (“nice ladyyyyy!”) Lara: Jennifer Tilly (babytalk voice intact) ---
**Author:** ![koufax](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/7ea924/32.png) [@koufax](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/koufax)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2009, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recast-a-classic-movie-to-make-it-terrible/518266/59 "2009-11-21T20:27:51Z")
9 1/2 WEEKS Drew Carey Shelly Duvall ---
**Author:** ![Superhal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Superhal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superhal)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2009, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recast-a-classic-movie-to-make-it-terrible/518266/60 "2009-11-21T20:34:18Z")
Lord of the rings, the Lorne Michaels version, featuring 20 years of SNL alumni. _shudder_ [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recast-a-classic-movie-to-make-it-terrible/518266.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recast-a-classic-movie-to-make-it-terrible/518266.md?page=4)