# Recast STAR WARS with the cast of a TV show **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [May 26, 2005, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recast-star-wars-with-the-cast-of-a-tv-show/305660 "2005-05-26T20:38:38Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Don\_Draper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b2d939/32.png) [@Don\_Draper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_Draper)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2005, 10:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recast-star-wars-with-the-cast-of-a-tv-show/305660/41 "2005-05-27T22:55:39Z")
**Gilligan’s Wars** : Luke: Gilligan Leia: Mary Ann Han: the Professor Chewie: Skipper C3P0: Thurston Howell R2D2: Luvie Howell Obi-Wan: anonymous radio announcer Darth Vader: Ginger ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2005, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recast-star-wars-with-the-cast-of-a-tv-show/305660/42 "2005-05-27T23:55:57Z")
> [@Art Vandelay](#): > > **Gilligan’s Wars** Ha! That [would be perfect](http://www.larrymudd.com/images/gilligan_skywalker.jpg)! [Luke already had the hat, and everything.](http://www.fromscripttodvd.com/images/Star%20Wars-A%20Day%20Long%20Remembered/Biggs%20smaller.jpg) 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Feydeau](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/df788c/32.png) [@Feydeau](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Feydeau)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2005, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recast-star-wars-with-the-cast-of-a-tv-show/305660/43 "2005-05-28T01:02:01Z")
_Are You Being Sithed?_ Leia – Mr Humphries Han Solo – Mr Lucas C3PO – Captain Peacock Obi Wan – Mr Rumbolde Darth Vader – Mrs Slocombe Padme – Miss Brahms Chewbacca – Mr Harman R2D2 – Mr Mash Yoda – Young Mr Grace I just don’t know who would be Luke, though. ---
**Author:** ![hammos1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ba8739/32.png) [@hammos1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hammos1)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2005, 1:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recast-star-wars-with-the-cast-of-a-tv-show/305660/44 "2005-05-28T13:48:43Z")
_Fawlty Sabers_ Luke: Manuel Leia: Polly Han: Terry Darth Vader: Basil Emperor Palpatine: Sybil Obi-Wan: Major Gowen C3-P0 and R2-D2: Miss Gatsby and Miss Tibbs R2-D2: Basil the rat “Don’t mention the Clone Wars- I did, a couple of times, but I think I got away with it” “May I ask what you expected to see out of a Death Star detention block window? The Taj Mahal? The Hanging Gardens of Babylon? Herds of womp-rats sweeping majestically…” “This Luke. This Luke’s father. This, slap in face” ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2005, 1:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recast-star-wars-with-the-cast-of-a-tv-show/305660/45 "2005-05-28T13:59:42Z")
**That 70’s Star Wars** Luke–Eric Leia–Jackie Han Solo–Kelso Darth Vader–Red Obi Wan–Hyde C3PO–Donna R2D2–Kitty Yoda–Fez ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2005, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recast-star-wars-with-the-cast-of-a-tv-show/305660/46 "2005-05-28T19:00:45Z")
> [@DeVena](#): > > The Darth Griffith Show (or Mayberry, Tatooine) > > Anakin: Opie/Andy Taylor > Padme: Helen the Teacher > Luke Skywalker: Gomer Pyle > Darth Vader: Andy Taylor > Leia Organa: Aunt Bea > Han Solo: Flyod the Barber > C3PO: Barney Fife > Obi Wan Kenobi: Goober Pyle > Yoda: Otis the Drunk > Grand Moff Tarkin: Howard Sprague Leia: Only you would be crass enough to attack a diplomatic mission! Darth Taylor: Ah awwwwww… Mmmmmmm…mmmmmm…mm…mm…mmm. Now you hadn’t oughtta ah said that and upset my Sith Lord dignity! Darth: Now Luke, you might not believe this, but I am your daddy! Luke: Sha-zam! Yoda: Be-GUN the Clone Wars have… I see spiders… I’m gonna take a nap. Han: Ooh, ooh… she made the Kessel Run in… in… ooh… Twelve Parsecs! Luke: You shouldn’t mock the Force, Han. It’s amazing the powers it can bring. Hey Ben, show him how you can sew up your hand! Obi-Wan: Judy Judy Judy! Tarkin: That shot came out of nowhere! And it wasn’t a laser torpedo… it was solid… Darth: Oh space gods dang it, Ernest T. Hutt is throwin’ asteroids again! ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2005, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recast-star-wars-with-the-cast-of-a-tv-show/305660/47 "2005-05-28T19:02:09Z")
BTW, thanks for the image of Aunt Bea in a gold bikini. It’ll haunt me to my grave. I think, considering her role as a Satanic witch matron in _Rosemary’s Baby_, Clara would be Palpatine. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2005, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recast-star-wars-with-the-cast-of-a-tv-show/305660/48 "2005-05-28T19:20:20Z")
**The Golden Star Wars** Bea Arthur–Darth Vader Betty White–Luke Skywalker Rue MacClanahan–Leia Estelle Jedi–Yoda ---
**Author:** ![Gilligan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Gilligan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gilligan)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2005, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recast-star-wars-with-the-cast-of-a-tv-show/305660/49 "2005-05-28T20:06:34Z")
> [@DeVena](#): > > The Darth Griffith Show (or Mayberry, Tatooine) C3PO: You’ve got to nip this dark side problem in the bud. Nip it! …takes out guitar… Dee too A a ar Dee tooo… ---
**Author:** ![Askia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/96bed5/32.png) [@Askia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askia)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2005, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recast-star-wars-with-the-cast-of-a-tv-show/305660/50 "2005-05-28T23:29:16Z")
**The Lost Wars: Others Strike Back** Episode V Darth Vader - Locke (because he’s obsessed with power) Yoda - I’m torn. It’s either CFL (because she lives in the woods in self-imposed exile and says weird stuff nobody understands) or Walt (The Force Is Strong In This One.) Obi Wan - Sayid (Because he’s the only one who can keep Locke in check) Luke - Jack (Competent hero with daddy issues) Leia - Kate. (Although Kate is no princess) Han - Sawyer. (Because he’d shoot first.) Chewie - Jin (Nobody understands either of ‘em) Lando - Michael. (Just as Cloud City fell, so did the raft) R2D2 - Boone (Plucky, short, takes orders well) Threepio - Shannon (Prissy, whiny and irritating, but golden and shimmery) Jabba the Hutt - Arzt, obviously. Fat, irritatble and unlikeable. Boba Fett - Hugo. (Cuz’ he’s a warrior and he’s spry. Might have to let the armor out, though.) ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2005, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recast-star-wars-with-the-cast-of-a-tv-show/305660/51 "2005-05-29T18:04:40Z")
In honor of the recently translated to the other side of the Force Eddie Albert, **STAR ACRES** Oliver Wendell Skywalker: Tattooine is the place to be, Moisture farming is the life for me, Desert spreading out so far and wide, Keep Coruscant just give me that countryside! Ambassador Eva: No, Coruscant is where I’d rather dwell I get allergic from that Jawa smell I just adore a high-rise tower Darlin’ I love you but give up that Jedi power! Oliver: The sand! Eva: Coruscant! Oliver: Two suns! Eva: Youngling ones! Oliver: You are my wife! Eva: Goodbye, chaste Jedi Life! ## Both: Tattooine we are here! ## Oliver Skywalker: Mr. Haney-watto, _that_ is _NOT_ my mother! It’s an evaporator droid in a bra and a bonnet! Haney-Watto: Why so it is… well, you know, she can be a lot more use to you out on that farm, and she can evaporate things and will still let you call her Mama! Oliver Skywalker: (draws lightsaber) I don’t want an evaporator droid I can call Mama, I WANT my mother! Haney-Watto: Oh, well why didn’t you just say so? I seem to remember now, I sold her to a pig-farmer named Ziffel who set her free and he married her. Oliver: MY mother is married to a pig farmer? Haney: Well, she can be, I’ll even perform the wedding myself for twenty-two credits! And don’t worry, for an extra thirty credits I can backdate the certificate so it looks like you were born after the weddin’ and won’t embarass your daddy and mama! And I’ll throw in a robotic left arm for you for fifty credits. Oliver: I don’t need a robotic left arm, I need a robotic right arm? Haney: Oooooh… well let’s see, there’s a lot fewer of them so that’ll be 400 credits. Oliver: How can there be fewer left arms than right arms! Haney: You’re forgetting the Twelve Right Armed Spooner System women of Ooga Centauri… Oliver: You made that up you lying piece of wombat dung! [high pitched mechanical wail] Haney: Well I hope you’re happy, you’ve upset your Mama! Oliver: I’m sorry Mama, I… SHE’S NOT MY MAMA SHE’S AN EVAPORATER DROID! Obi Wan Kimball: You see the force is a field that’s all around us. Well, it’s not a field really, I mean you can’t plant anything in it. Of course you can’t really plant anything on a field here in Tattooine either. I mean you can’t plant things in it, they just won’t grow. I guess the Force is really more like a shield. Well, it’s more than a shield because you don’t carry it around with you or hold it up in a fight, you kind of let it go through you, so I guess the Force is kind of like beer in that it goes through you. Except it doesn’t leave you like beer… Hell, let’s just say that it’s caused by something we’ll call “midichlorians” and leave it at that. * * * [please add more] ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2005, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recast-star-wars-with-the-cast-of-a-tv-show/305660/52 "2005-05-29T20:24:50Z")
Luke: Archie Andrews Leia: Betty Han: Jughead Chewie: Big Moose (in a wig). Optionally, Jughead’s dog . Hot Dog, but mutated. C3P0: Veronica (Think “Maria Futura” from _Metropolis_ for her look) R2D2: Dilton Doily Obi-Wan: Pop Tate Darth Vader: Reggie Mantle ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2005, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recast-star-wars-with-the-cast-of-a-tv-show/305660/53 "2005-05-29T22:01:39Z")
> [@Bosda Di'Chi of Tricor](#): > > Luke: Archie Andrews > Leia: Betty > Han: Jughead Han: Marching into the detention area isn’t exactly what I had in mind. Luke: But they’re going to kill her! Han: Better her than me. Luke: She’s rich. Han: Yeah? Luke: If you were to rescue her, the reward would be… …well, more hamburgers than you can imagine. Han: I dunno. I can imagine a lot. ---
**Author:** ![middleman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9a140/32.png) [@middleman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/middleman)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2005, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recast-star-wars-with-the-cast-of-a-tv-show/305660/54 "2005-05-29T22:24:27Z")
**Star Park** Luke: Stan Han: Kyle Chewbacca: Kenny Vader: Cartman Leia: Wendy C3PO: Jimmy R2D2: Timmy Lando: Token (Naturally!) Palpatine: Butters as Prof. Chaos Jabba: Mr. Garrison Salacious Crumb: Mr. Hat Dancing Girl In Jabba’s Palace: Mr. Slave (“JEEZUS CHRIST”) Boba Fett: Uncle Jimbo Yoda: Mr. Mackey (“Do or do not. There is no try…M’Kay.”) ---
**Author:** ![Tikster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8edcca/32.png) [@Tikster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tikster)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2005, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recast-star-wars-with-the-cast-of-a-tv-show/305660/55 "2005-05-31T20:21:26Z")
The X-wars: Luke: Mulder Leia: Scully Han: That guy that T-1000 played…I mean Jason Patrick (I stopped watching the show about that time) Chewy: Byers Vader: Bill Mulder Emperor: The cigarette-smoking man C3PO: Frohike R2D2: Langley Yoda: Deep Throat Obi-wan: Skinner ---
**Author:** ![persistent\_stewie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/848f3c/32.png) [@persistent\_stewie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/persistent_stewie)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2005, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recast-star-wars-with-the-cast-of-a-tv-show/305660/56 "2005-05-31T21:14:29Z")
what about family guy. luke-peter leia-lois ---
**Author:** ![persistent\_stewie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/848f3c/32.png) [@persistent\_stewie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/persistent_stewie)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2005, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recast-star-wars-with-the-cast-of-a-tv-show/305660/57 "2005-05-31T21:24:02Z")
hit the wrong button luke-peter leia-lois quagmire as han solo three p-o and r2-chris and meg cleveland as chewie brian as obi-wan stewie as darth adam west as yoda death as the emperor cant think of any clever quotes right now… ---
**Author:** ![wolf\_in\_second\_hand\_clothing](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/9d8465/32.png) [@wolf\_in\_second\_hand\_clothing](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolf_in_second_hand_clothing)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2005, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recast-star-wars-with-the-cast-of-a-tv-show/305660/58 "2005-05-31T22:12:36Z")
**Clone Wars High** Luke - Gandhi Leia - Joan of Arc Han Solo - Abe Lincoln Chewbacca - Genghis Khan R2D2 - Mr. Butlertron C3P0 - George Washington Carver Annakin/Vader - JKF Obi Wan - Toots The Emperor - Principal Cinnamon J. Scuddworth _JFK:_ Luke, I er ah am your ah fathah! _Gandhi:_ Say WHAAAAAAAAAAAT? ---
**Author:** ![ddgryphon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/8c91f0/32.png) [@ddgryphon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ddgryphon)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2005, 4:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recast-star-wars-with-the-cast-of-a-tv-show/305660/59 "2005-06-01T04:01:10Z")
I can’t believe I thought of this first: Happy Wars Luke: Ritchie Cunningham Han: The Fonz C3PO: Potsie R2D2: Ralph Princess Leia: Joanie Cunningham Chewbacca: Al Obi Wan Kenobi: Arnold Darth Vader: Chuck Cunningham ---
**Author:** ![Monstre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e274bd/32.png) [@Monstre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monstre)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2005, 5:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recast-star-wars-with-the-cast-of-a-tv-show/305660/60 "2005-06-01T05:42:07Z")
**24 Wars** Luke: Jack Bauer (but he’d be more of a bad-ass Luke… “Tell me where the Death Star plans are! TELL ME WHERE THE DEATH STAR PLANS ARE!!!”) Han: Tony Almeida Leia: Michelle Dessler Darth Vader: Nina Myers C3PO: Kim Bauer (always stumbling into trouble) R2D2: Edgar Stiles Yoda: Chloe Obi Wan: David Palmer Palpatine: Sherry Palmer Governor Tarkin: Marwan Stormtroopers: the countless expendable members of terror cells run by Marwan [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recast-star-wars-with-the-cast-of-a-tv-show/305660.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recast-star-wars-with-the-cast-of-a-tv-show/305660.md?page=4)