# Recast: Who would you put in Star Wars today? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 6, 2001, 1:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recast-who-would-you-put-in-star-wars-today/61054 "2001-04-06T13:32:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Torgo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@Torgo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Torgo)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2001, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recast-who-would-you-put-in-star-wars-today/61054/21 "2001-04-07T22:11:37Z")
It’s the 21st century; isn’t it high time we have a Star Wars installment cast entirely with gay porn stars? ---
**Author:** ![beergeek279](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7ea924/32.png) [@beergeek279](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beergeek279)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2001, 6:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recast-who-would-you-put-in-star-wars-today/61054/22 "2001-04-08T06:26:28Z")
Hmm…I know!! We can have Will Smith as Luke Skywalker…just think of the hideously bad movie tie-in rap video he could create with that!! _shudder_ ---
**Author:** ![seriousart](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ebca7d/32.png) [@seriousart](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/seriousart)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2001, 7:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recast-who-would-you-put-in-star-wars-today/61054/23 "2001-04-08T07:06:06Z")
John Cusack ala Han Solo, or even better, Bruce Campell! (minus about 10 years) I second the Matt Damon for Luke nomination. Ian Mc Kellan would make a good Ben Mini Me as r2d2 And if your gonna have a gay robot, why not go Harvey Fierstein or Rip Taylor as c3po? ---
**Author:** ![Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tapioca_Dextrin)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2001, 1:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recast-who-would-you-put-in-star-wars-today/61054/24 "2001-04-08T13:52:40Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Torgo \* > \*\*It’s the 21st century; isn’t it high time we have a Star Wars installment cast entirely with gay porn stars? \*\* Are you implying that original \*\*wasn’t[/]? ---
**Author:** ![Rich\_G7subs](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/85e7bf/32.png) [@Rich\_G7subs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rich_G7subs)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2001, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recast-who-would-you-put-in-star-wars-today/61054/25 "2001-04-08T21:32:18Z")
I have the PERFECT Yoda! Andy Rooney from 60 Minutes! ---
**Author:** ![Spoke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e57/32.png) [@Spoke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoke)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2001, 1:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recast-who-would-you-put-in-star-wars-today/61054/26 "2001-04-09T01:27:21Z")
**bordelond** wrote: > [@](#): > > **Darth Vader** - Shaquille O’Neal. > > [and] > > **Luke** - Ewan McGregor Let me get this straight. Shaquille O’Neal is supposed to be Ewan McGregor’s father??? C’mon people, let’s get adventurous with this. How about **Jackie Chan** as **Lando Calrissian**? Or maybe **Yun-Fat Chow** as **Princess Leia**. No wait…Maybe a little too adventurous. ---
**Author:** ![Monster104](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c6cbf5/32.png) [@Monster104](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monster104)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2001, 2:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recast-who-would-you-put-in-star-wars-today/61054/27 "2001-04-09T02:31:26Z")
> [@](#): > > **Luke-Matt Damon, I think he could pull off the innocent enthusiasm thing.** Thank you. I think I would make a rather charming Luke myself! 😉 (Come on, **dpr** knows what I’m talking about!) Let’s see, my particular cast would be… Luke: Tom Green Obi Wan - Drew Carrey Han - Ryan Stiles Vader - Kane (WWF Dude) Chewie - Gary Coleman Grand Moff Tarkin - Jay Leno Princess Leia - Jenna Jameson What? What?!? What do you mean I’m fired as casting director??? Whatever for? ---
**Author:** ![CrankyAsAnOldMan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crankyasanoldman/32/11670_2.png) [@CrankyAsAnOldMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrankyAsAnOldMan)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2001, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recast-who-would-you-put-in-star-wars-today/61054/28 "2001-04-09T14:52:42Z")
Good lord, I can’t believe how OFF some of these Luke Skywalker castings are, to me! Topher Grace is actually a very good choice. All these other people aren’t innocent enough! Aren’t dorky enough! Aren’t vaguely annoying in that special Mark Hamillesque way! I was gonna suggest Tobey Maguire. But Topher Grace I’d go with. ---
**Author:** ![bordelond](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bordelond/32/150_2.png) [@bordelond](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bordelond)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2001, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recast-who-would-you-put-in-star-wars-today/61054/29 "2001-04-09T15:35:36Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by spoke- \* > **Let me get this straight. Shaquille O’Neal is supposed to be Ewan McGregor’s father???** Sure, why not? Of course, in _Jedi_, some other actor should play Anakin once Darth’s mask is pulled off. I’m thinking Shaq as Darth only IN COSTUME. He would be neither the voice of Darth nor the face of Anakin. ---
**Author:** ![Spoke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e57/32.png) [@Spoke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoke)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2001, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recast-who-would-you-put-in-star-wars-today/61054/30 "2001-04-09T17:42:01Z")
I still don’t think y’all are being nearly creative enough in re-imagining this movie. For example, let’s try aging tough-guy **Clint Eastwood** in the role of **Obi Wan Kenobi**. I mean, let’s face it: isn’t he a more believable old warrior than Alec Guinness? Of course, you’d have to re-work the script a bit to make him more of a tough-love avuncular figure. “Use the FORCE, dammit!” [Smacks Luke on the side of the head.] Plus Clint could use his trademark serape in place of the Jedi robes! I think **Han Solo** ought to be a wild-eyed good old boy with a Southern accent. (Come on, isn’t it about time we allowed rednecks in outer space?) I liked **GuanoLad** ’s suggestion of **Matthew McConnaughey** in that role. Of course, at some point he’ll need to pull a bottle of Jack Daniels out of the glove compartment of the Millenium Falcon… **Jack Palance** seems a natural as the Emperor. ---
**Author:** ![Kat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b19c9b/32.png) [@Kat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kat)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2001, 12:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recast-who-would-you-put-in-star-wars-today/61054/31 "2001-04-10T00:37:20Z")
No, no, make Jack Palance Obi Wan, in a Curly from _City Slickers_ interpretation. Mel Gibson could pull off Han, I think, even today. Or how about Val Kilmer? Maybe… As for Luke Skywalker, I know he’s too old, but Dennis Quaid comes to mind. I can’t think of a young actor today who could pull off innocent, heroic, whiny, annoying Luke. I’m considering Heath Ledger as a long shot. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2001, 3:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recast-who-would-you-put-in-star-wars-today/61054/32 "2001-04-10T03:01:29Z")
bordelond - Charisma Carpenter? David Boreanaz? What are you casting, Buffy the Dark Jedi Slayer? Just kidding. If I were George Lucas for a day, I would cast Star Wars as a metaphor for the Black mans struggle against white oppression: Luke - A young Cuba Gooding Jr Han Solo - Ice-T Chewbacca - Ving Rhames Obi Wan - Recast Samuel Jackson as Obi instead of Mace. “Pass me my lightsaber. It’s the one that says ‘Bad Mother Fucker’.” or “These ain’t the mutha fuckin droids yo looking for!” C3P0 - Chris Tucker “R2! Can YOU understand the words comin outta my MOUTH?!!” R2D2 - Ice Cube “Yo bitch! We be headin to Degobah” Leia - Halle Berry Lando Calarisian - Keep Billy Dee Yoda - Eddie Murphy Luke’s Uncle Owen - That black guy from the Snoop Dogg video, Friday, and House Party who always plays the pissed off dad. “Academy? You need to go get yo’self a job-emy!” Darth Vadar - Anthony Hopkins (He makes a great evil white man) Stormtroopers - Make their armor even whiter. Make the helmets pointed on top. They would speak with Southern accents. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2001, 3:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recast-who-would-you-put-in-star-wars-today/61054/33 "2001-04-10T03:06:24Z")
Almost forgot Jabba the Hut - Dr. Dre That Stupid Rat-thing on His Shoulder - Snoop Doggie Dogg Boba Fett - Wesley Snipes ---
**Author:** ![Menocchio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9de053/32.png) [@Menocchio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Menocchio)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2001, 4:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recast-who-would-you-put-in-star-wars-today/61054/34 "2001-04-10T04:55:52Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by spoke- \* > \*_For example, let’s try aging tough-guy **Clint Eastwood** in the role of **Obi Wan Kenobi**. \*_ “I know what you’re thinking. Can this tired old Jedi beat me? To tell you the turth, in all this excitement, I’m not certain myself. But being that I’m a Jedi, and I’f you strike me down now I’ll become more powerful than you can possibly imagine, and help Luke blow this Death Star up, you have to ask yourself one question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do you, punk?” My Picks:[List] [_]Luke: Umm, can I get back to you in a few years when Billy Crudup (Almost Famous) matures a little? Thanks.[_]Leia: Obvious, I know, but Natalie Portman. Or Christina Ricci.[_]Han: Ben Affleck.[_]Obi Wan/Ben: I like Anthony Hopkins for this one. He can play the wounded nature of a man who’s seen his best friend turn to absolute evil.[_]Grand Moff Tarkin: Kevin Spacey. Regal and threatening, yet bored by the whole affair.[_]C3PO: Eric Idle[_]Darth Vader (if not James Earl Jones): Samuel L Jackson, Patric Stewart, or Keith David.[_]Lando Carlassian: Samuel L. Jackson or Antonio Banderas[_]Emperor Palpatine: Gary Oldman[_]When I Get to Episode One: Young Anakin: Jonathan Lipniki[_]Shmi Skywlaker: Francis McDormand[_]Jar Jar Binks: Alter the speech pattern (or make him a mute!) and use Jackie Chan. ---
**Author:** ![SPOOFE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2001, 9:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recast-who-would-you-put-in-star-wars-today/61054/35 "2001-04-10T09:54:43Z")
I would like to point out that it just occurred to me that Edward Norton (Fight Club, Keeping The Faith) would make an excellent Luke. He can play “angsty, innocent” type really well, and I have no doubt that he can be whiney enough. Luke: Edward Norton, for reasons I said above. Han: Hugh Jackman (Wolverine in _X-Men_). He carries enough maturity to be a strong character, but enough of a rebellious streak in order to be a proper swashbuckling smuggler. Leia: My first instinct is to say Angelina Jolie, but she’s too “tough-girl” and not enough “political-girl” (Leia was, of course, a diplomat). Obi-Wan: Michael Caine… a brilliant father-figure in _The Cider House Rules_, and I think that would carry over to Obi-Wan. Darth Vader: This one doesn’t matter if you can’t get James Earl Jones for the voice. If he dies, we spend $500,000,000 to develop a JEJ voice synthesizer. Chewbacca: The guy who played the Predator in - duh - _Predator_… what’s his name? It eludes me at the moment. Anyway, he’s big and tall and menacing. If he’s not available, get Kane (from the WWF), who would also be an excellent Wookiee (if covered with hair). Grand Moff Tarkin: Anthony Hopkins (do I even need to mention the movies he’s been in?). He just can play a massive-intellectual, moralless, evil bastard easily. Remember, Tarkin is sort of the Hitler of Star Wars (more so than the Emperor, who is more of an evil Pope). Emperor Palpatine: Geoffrey Rush (The Marquis de Sade in _Quills_). He’s just absolutely amazing as a cruel (yet slightly lovable) genius and powerful madman. Wedge Antilles: I can’t believe you bastards forgot Wedge! He’d be played quite well by Joaquin Pheonix (he’s also in _Quills_… notice that I have a thing for _Quills_?) ---
**Author:** ![GuanoLad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guanolad/32/42_2.png) [@GuanoLad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GuanoLad)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2001, 12:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recast-who-would-you-put-in-star-wars-today/61054/36 "2001-04-10T12:31:30Z")
> [@](#): > > Chewbacca: The guy who played the Predator in - duh - Predator… what’s his name? It eludes me at the moment. Anyway, he’s big and tall and menacing. If he’s not available, get Kane (from the WWF), who would also be an excellent Wookiee (if covered with hair). That was Kevin Peter Hall. Though when the Predator was leaping about a bit, it was Jean Claude Van Damme in the suit. However, just to point out the awkwardness of it all, Kevin Peter Hall died about ten years ago. ---
**Author:** ![Spoke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e57/32.png) [@Spoke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoke)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2001, 1:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recast-who-would-you-put-in-star-wars-today/61054/37 "2001-04-10T13:50:14Z")
Ooooh! Oooooh! How about **Gene Hackman** as **the Emperor**? He’s good at playing evil, plus he would be much more credible in his attempts to win Luke over to the Dark Side. ---
**Author:** ![Wolverine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/ba9def/32.png) [@Wolverine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wolverine)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2001, 4:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recast-who-would-you-put-in-star-wars-today/61054/38 "2001-04-11T04:14:22Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by wolfseyn \* > \*\*uhhh > Let’s see: > Luke Skywalker: Bill Pullman > Darth Vader: Rick Moranis > C3P0: Joan Rivers > R2D2: Kenny Baker \*\* Just let you know that somebody caught it. If you tried to cast it, you’d probably only find their stunt doubles anyways. My cast for Episode Four.(some stolen from earlier but couldn’t get them out of my mind) Luke: James Van Der Beek Leia: Kirsten Dunst Han Solo: Ben Affleck Obi Wan: Morgan Freeman Darth Vader (voice): James Earl Jones or Patrick Stewart Emperor: Burgess Meredith (bring him back from the dead, travel back in time, whatever it takes) otherwise Paul Newman (think about it for a couple of seconds, it works) Wedge: James Marsden Lando: Cuba Gooding Jr. (I know he’s not in Episode Four but I’m throwing him in anyways) Boba Fett: Wesley Snipes Jabba: Marlon Brando ---
**Author:** ![Wolverine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/ba9def/32.png) [@Wolverine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wolverine)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2001, 4:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recast-who-would-you-put-in-star-wars-today/61054/39 "2001-04-11T04:18:47Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Evnglion \* > hahaha…lets bring back Lord Helmet, and get the original Artoo while we’re at it \*\* Of course I see this after I post. ::Wolverine goes sulking in a corner, reminding himself to read ALL the posts before posting.:: ---
**Author:** ![SPOOFE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2001, 7:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recast-who-would-you-put-in-star-wars-today/61054/40 "2001-04-11T07:25:16Z")
> [@](#): > > However, just to point out the awkwardness of it all, Kevin Peter Hall died about ten years ago. I coulda sworn that someone said they had a different guy in _Predator 2_, but that may just be the sleep deprivation talking. Anyway… it really doesn’t matter who’s under the suit, as long as he’s BIG. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recast-who-would-you-put-in-star-wars-today/61054.md?page=1)