# Recent Staycation with Family....think I realized my sister is a sociopath **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 22, 2014, 1:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recent-staycation-with-family-think-i-realized-my-sister-is-a-sociopath/702144 "2014-10-22T13:07:22Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2014, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recent-staycation-with-family-think-i-realized-my-sister-is-a-sociopath/702144/21 "2014-10-22T15:42:15Z")
Not referencing your holiday time, but all the backstory/history. Sorry I wasn’t clear! ---
**Author:** ![YogSothoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/8edcca/32.png) [@YogSothoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YogSothoth)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2014, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recent-staycation-with-family-think-i-realized-my-sister-is-a-sociopath/702144/22 "2014-10-22T16:37:29Z")
This isn’t a male/female thing: as a sibling, you had every right to punch her in the face, and should have done so. I would have also chucked her phone into the nearest body of water ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2014, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recent-staycation-with-family-think-i-realized-my-sister-is-a-sociopath/702144/23 "2014-10-22T17:35:57Z")
I’m not sure why the OP is getting so much flak. The sister may not be a sociopath, but she sounds like a real twat. If you’re “asocial,” fine. When you get invited to something you don’t want to attend, you have two options: either _don’t fucking go_, or go and make a minimal effort to act like an adult instead of a bratty thirteen-year-old. If your presence is going to make yourself and your hosts miserable, do everyone a favor and stay the hell home, where you can roll your eyes and eat shitty fast food and text until your thumbs bleed. My sister and I aren’t particularly close, and definitely had our issues with each other as we grew up, but we somehow manage to be civil to each other when we do get together. ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2014, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recent-staycation-with-family-think-i-realized-my-sister-is-a-sociopath/702144/24 "2014-10-22T17:40:16Z")
> [@VinylTurnip](#): > > I’m not sure why the OP is getting so much flak. The sister may not be a sociopath, but she sounds like a real twat. If you’re “asocial,” fine. When you get invited to something you don’t want to attend, you have two options: either _don’t fucking go_, or go and make a minimal effort to act like an adult instead of a bratty thirteen-year-old. If your presence is going to make yourself and your hosts miserable, do everyone a favor and stay the hell home, where you can roll your eyes and eat shitty fast food and text until your thumbs bleed. > > My sister and I aren’t particularly close, and definitely had our issues with each other as we grew up, but we somehow manage to be civil to each other when we do get together. This. > [@YogSosoth](#): > > I would have also chucked her phone into the nearest body of water And that. ---
**Author:** ![bup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6bbea6/32.png) [@bup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bup)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2014, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recent-staycation-with-family-think-i-realized-my-sister-is-a-sociopath/702144/25 "2014-10-22T17:48:43Z")
> [@AnthonyElite](#): > > The last night they are here we come over later in the evening and bring dinner […] They are obviously upset that we have arrived and begin texting each-other. Did you tell them you were coming over? Or just show up? Your sister came from 1000 miles away to visit - either you or your older sister or both - and stayed with your older sister. Is that because she gets along better with your sister? She’s pregnant - that came across in your story as nothing but a nuisance to you. Or maybe it was supposed to be evidence that she’s a…whatever you think a sociopath is? Hanging out with you sounds like a lot of effort. Sorry your staycation wasn’t fun, but you put a lot of expectation into her being the life of it, and she thought she was doing a favor by traveling and visiting for a week when she’s probably tired all the time and may be getting nauseated. ---
**Author:** ![Erdosain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/erdosain/32/7284_2.png) [@Erdosain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Erdosain)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2014, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recent-staycation-with-family-think-i-realized-my-sister-is-a-sociopath/702144/26 "2014-10-22T17:51:58Z")
> [@VinylTurnip](#): > > I’m not sure why the OP is getting so much flak. The sister may not be a sociopath, but she sounds like a real twat. If you’re “asocial,” fine. When you get invited to something you don’t want to attend, you have two options: either _don’t fucking go_, or go and make a minimal effort to act like an adult instead of a bratty thirteen-year-old. If your presence is going to make yourself and your hosts miserable, do everyone a favor and stay the hell home, where you can roll your eyes and eat shitty fast food and text until your thumbs bleed. > > My sister and I aren’t particularly close, and definitely had our issues with each other as we grew up, but we somehow manage to be civil to each other when we do get together. I think the OP is getting so much flak because he’s a grown man complaining that his sister (whom he has suspected of being a sociopath _for years_) singlehandedly ruined his only vacation of the year. I’m sure he meant well but inviting a sibling with whom you have a rocky relationship to intrude on your sole week off sounds like setting yourself up for failure. I fully support his plan to spend less time with someone who sounds pretty awful to be around. ---
**Author:** ![AnthonyElite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b487fb/32.png) [@AnthonyElite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AnthonyElite)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2014, 6:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recent-staycation-with-family-think-i-realized-my-sister-is-a-sociopath/702144/27 "2014-10-22T18:04:53Z")
> [@bup](#): > > Did you tell them you were coming over? Or just show up? > > Your sister came from 1000 miles away to visit - either you or your older sister or both - and stayed with your older sister. Is that because she gets along better with your sister? > > She’s pregnant - that came across in your story as nothing but a nuisance to you. Or maybe it was supposed to be evidence that she’s a…whatever you think a sociopath is? > > Hanging out with you sounds like a lot of effort. Sorry your staycation wasn’t fun, but you put a lot of expectation into her being the life of it, and she thought she was doing a favor by traveling and visiting for a week when she’s probably tired all the time and may be getting nauseated. We called ahead but nobody answered, except my older sister who was at work, she was happy to have us over. She stayed with my older sister because she has two spare rooms and I live in a studio apartment. Her pregnancy wasn’t a nuisance. We had a brief conversation weeks before where I suggested she should get married before having a kid, and though there was nothing wrong with having a baby out of wedlock it might not be sensible since the house they are both paying into is entirely in fiance’s name. At the time they decided to have a baby there were not engaged so I feared for my sister’s financial well-being. I was excited by the idea of her having a baby regardless, but we talked about names and she got very touchy and mean about the subject. I could understand her being rather tired, but still her entire lack of enthusiasm was vexing. Why come if you’re not truly interested? Or at least let me know you are pregnant ahead of time so I can cancel the week vacation, let you get rest and take my vacation another time? And even if all we did is sit around the house and play video games, board games, and watch TV I still would have had a good time, but her and fiance did nothing but play with their phones. ---
**Author:** ![race\_to\_the\_bottom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c4cdca/32.png) [@race\_to\_the\_bottom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/race_to_the_bottom)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2014, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recent-staycation-with-family-think-i-realized-my-sister-is-a-sociopath/702144/28 "2014-10-22T18:51:16Z")
> [@OneCentStamp](#): > > This. > > And that. Yes, and Yes. Absolutely!!! You are a saint for putting up with this bullshit. Also, it clarifies things when you mention these people are greeks. We used to call members of fraternities FRAT RATS, for good reason. ---
**Author:** ![missred](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/missred/32/14096_2.png) [@missred](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/missred)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2014, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recent-staycation-with-family-think-i-realized-my-sister-is-a-sociopath/702144/29 "2014-10-22T18:52:44Z")
It sounds like you have some emotional investment in impressing this sister. Perhaps you wish to “prove” that you are hip and fun. I have one sister that is pretty self centered. Most of us sibs tend to actively avoid being in her presence (IOW, we don’t go out of our way to invite her to our home turfs or be at the folks’ when she’s there). A couple of us are civil but aloof when her company is forced upon us. Fortunately, like your sister, the geography is a good [del]excuse[/del] reason to avoid her. Just because you’re related doesn’t mean that you need to go out of your way to entertain her. ---
**Author:** ![Skara\_Brae](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f0a364/32.png) [@Skara\_Brae](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skara_Brae)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2014, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recent-staycation-with-family-think-i-realized-my-sister-is-a-sociopath/702144/30 "2014-10-22T19:03:05Z")
> [@AnthonyElite](#): > > I could understand her being rather tired, but still her entire lack of enthusiasm was vexing. Why come if you’re not truly interested? Or at least let me know you are pregnant ahead of time so I can cancel the week vacation, let you get rest and take my vacation another time? And even if all we did is sit around the house and play video games, board games, and watch TV I still would have had a good time, but her and fiance did nothing but play with their phones. Maybe that week hit her harder than she expected. Pregnancy can be like that, and vary from week to week. I know my morning sickness got worse right about the time most other people’s goes away. But the phone thing does sound really annoying. ---
**Author:** ![Snowboarder\_Bo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snowboarder_bo/32/229_2.png) [@Snowboarder\_Bo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snowboarder_Bo)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2014, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recent-staycation-with-family-think-i-realized-my-sister-is-a-sociopath/702144/31 "2014-10-22T19:15:18Z")
> [@AnthonyElite](#): > > I have decided that I won’t be around her any more. Ever. I don’t need someone that negative in my life. Family or not. Fuck “family”. Assholes are assholes, no matter how much DNA I might share with them, and I do not want to be around assholes. The concept that somehow sharing some DNA makes us partners of some sort, forever, is stupid. Anyway, I’m sorry that your vacation was shitty this year. I hope the next one is much better for you, your GF and everyone else, too. ---
**Author:** ![Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hilarity_n.suze/32/6223_2.png) [@Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hilarity_N.Suze)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2014, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recent-staycation-with-family-think-i-realized-my-sister-is-a-sociopath/702144/32 "2014-10-22T19:16:49Z")
WRT the last conversation, there was probably something in your tone. After a week like that I could see almost anybody harboring some residual snideness. But there are ways to ask “Starting from conception?” etc. and sound interested in hearing about it, and ways to make it sound like the most stupid thing you ever heard. ETA: You either need more vacation time or a personal policy of no relative visits during your vacation. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2014, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recent-staycation-with-family-think-i-realized-my-sister-is-a-sociopath/702144/33 "2014-10-22T19:22:47Z")
I await your next thread – “Why My Sister IS in Fact a Sociopath”. ---
**Author:** ![AnthonyElite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b487fb/32.png) [@AnthonyElite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AnthonyElite)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2014, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recent-staycation-with-family-think-i-realized-my-sister-is-a-sociopath/702144/34 "2014-10-22T19:48:47Z")
> [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > I await your next thread – “Why My Sister IS in Fact a Sociopath”. Bearing in mind that not all sociopaths are killers 😃 She has, to my knowledge, never done anything to anyone else’s benefit. On multiple occasions we had caught her in a web of lies. She consistently lies to cover her tracks. She is the kind of person where if you caught her on voice recorded lying about something she would deny it was her voice rather than to face reality. Of everyone in the family she is the only one who never took care of the family pets. She never let them outside, fed them, watered them, or generally gave them any attention at all. One of our dogs who was normally terrifically behaved was vicious and aggressive around her. A friend of mine who is particularly patient and well grounded - a rock in many people’s storms - was very unnerved by her and at one point asked if we had a chart to keep up with all her lies. She had a pattern in high school of finding a friend, giving the friend’s family a sob story of how rotten we were as a family, and racking up anything she could get from them. Vacations, clothes, outright money. One day a friend’s mother called my mother asking how she could be so callous and my mother was stricken with the extent of the lies. She was so struck by it that she invited the friend’s mother over to the house to show her nothing was wrong. She isn’t violent in any way, though not all sociopaths are. When in college each semester I would move her to and from her dorm or sorority. Each time I would arrive and nothing would be packed despite me explicitly asking her to have things ready so I wouldn’t have to take a whole day. At the time I was juggling two part time jobs, an internship at one point, and a full course load. She would belittle me in front of her room mates or sorority sisters for not helping her more. I really can’t even articulate the behaviors that make me feel she is a sociopath. Can one be a sociopath to a degree. Can you develop sociopathy? And finally, again, I use this phrase with some hyperbole with my frustrations of the trip in mind. ---
**Author:** ![TreacherousCretin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/treacherouscretin/32/476_2.png) [@TreacherousCretin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TreacherousCretin)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2014, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recent-staycation-with-family-think-i-realized-my-sister-is-a-sociopath/702144/35 "2014-10-22T20:32:35Z")
> [@Chefguy](#): > > I don’t either. The sister’s behavior is not at all sociopathic, just garden-variety selfish and asocial. Sounds like she’s found the perfect partner, someone who is just as asocial as she is. To me she sounds more like a “garden variety” narcissistic asshole. > [@VinylTurnip](#): > > I’m not sure why the OP is getting so much flak. The sister may not be a sociopath, but she sounds like a real twat. If you’re “asocial,” fine. When you get invited to something you don’t want to attend, you have two options: either _don’t fucking go_, or go and make a minimal effort to act like an adult instead of a bratty thirteen-year-old. If your presence is going to make yourself and your hosts miserable, do everyone a favor and stay the hell home, where you can roll your eyes and eat shitty fast food and text until your thumbs bleed. > My sister and I aren’t particularly close, and definitely had our issues with each other as we grew up, but we somehow manage to be civil to each other when we do get together. 100% agree. ---
**Author:** ![papergirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/aca169/32.png) [@papergirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/papergirl)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2014, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recent-staycation-with-family-think-i-realized-my-sister-is-a-sociopath/702144/36 "2014-10-22T21:45:19Z")
Sociopath or not, your sister is self-centered and no fun. My own sister is angry at the world for no other reason than that other people seem to be happy and she is not. This ruins every interaction we have had. Like you, I hit the wall and quit seeing her. Life is more peaceful now. I got so tired of her draining the fun from everything, and not being able to talk about anything good in my own life for fear of pissing her off. (And I don’t mean bragging; I mean things like “I’m finally recovering from that uti” or “I got my car fixed finally”. That’s the level of living-it-up that will make her mad.) At any rate, I’m sorry your vacation was ruined…it’s such a bummer to have high hopes and have them dashed. So start planning NOW to have a bang-up good ol’ time NEXT year, far far away from the miserable sister! ---
**Author:** ![Tzigone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/839c29/32.png) [@Tzigone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tzigone)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2014, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recent-staycation-with-family-think-i-realized-my-sister-is-a-sociopath/702144/37 "2014-10-22T22:10:49Z")
> [@elbows](#): > > If you can truly convince yourself that the ONLY reason you mentioned her friend was a slut, was to give your girlfriend context, then you’re not being honest with us, or yourself, in my opinion. > > None of her behaviour seems anything near sociopathic, as you’ve described it. > > Yes, you need to change your attitude, rather than simply cut them out of your life altogether (because they didn’t want to holiday your way, effectively!) You need to stop expecting your sister to be otherwise than she has repeatedly shown herself to be. > > Stop wishing she wasn’t the way she is. Give up all hope of her changing. Abandon any inclination to ‘show’ her another way to be or do, this or that. Accept that this IS who she is. That’s pretty much what I thought. Actually, I’m more sympathetic to the sister than the poster. ---
**Author:** ![Robert163](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/4af34b/32.png) [@Robert163](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robert163)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2014, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recent-staycation-with-family-think-i-realized-my-sister-is-a-sociopath/702144/38 "2014-10-22T22:13:17Z")
i think the problem is you gave up your vacation time you put way more of yourself into this and made a big sacrifice that being said, i agree with most everyone else here i’d try to work things outwith your sister and next time have less expectations and dont make any sacrifices on her behalf ---
**Author:** ![Robert163](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/4af34b/32.png) [@Robert163](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robert163)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2014, 10:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recent-staycation-with-family-think-i-realized-my-sister-is-a-sociopath/702144/39 "2014-10-22T22:15:07Z")
> [@AnthonyElite](#): > > Bearing in mind that not all sociopaths are killers 😃 > > She has, to my knowledge, never done anything to anyone else’s benefit. > > On multiple occasions we had caught her in a web of lies. She consistently lies to cover her tracks. She is the kind of person where if you caught her on voice recorded lying about something she would deny it was her voice rather than to face reality. > > Of everyone in the family she is the only one who never took care of the family pets. She never let them outside, fed them, watered them, or generally gave them any attention at all. One of our dogs who was normally terrifically behaved was vicious and aggressive around her. > > A friend of mine who is particularly patient and well grounded - a rock in many people’s storms - was very unnerved by her and at one point asked if we had a chart to keep up with all her lies. > > She had a pattern in high school of finding a friend, giving the friend’s family a sob story of how rotten we were as a family, and racking up anything she could get from them. Vacations, clothes, outright money. One day a friend’s mother called my mother asking how she could be so callous and my mother was stricken with the extent of the lies. She was so struck by it that she invited the friend’s mother over to the house to show her nothing was wrong. > > She isn’t violent in any way, though not all sociopaths are. > > When in college each semester I would move her to and from her dorm or sorority. Each time I would arrive and nothing would be packed despite me explicitly asking her to have things ready so I wouldn’t have to take a whole day. At the time I was juggling two part time jobs, an internship at one point, and a full course load. She would belittle me in front of her room mates or sorority sisters for not helping her more. > > I really can’t even articulate the behaviors that make me feel she is a sociopath. Can one be a sociopath to a degree. Can you develop sociopathy? > > And finally, again, I use this phrase with some hyperbole with my frustrations of the trip in mind. ok well that sounds kind of bad ---
**Author:** ![Just\_Asking\_Questions](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba9def/32.png) [@Just\_Asking\_Questions](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Just_Asking_Questions)\ **Post date:** [October 22, 2014, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recent-staycation-with-family-think-i-realized-my-sister-is-a-sociopath/702144/40 "2014-10-22T22:36:17Z")
> [@Tzigone](#): > > Actually, I’m more sympathetic to the sister than the poster. Ah, The Straight Dope. There’s always someone to take the other side, no matter how ridiculous that side is. The OP may or may not be a “drama queen”, but from the facts we have, the sister is a twat. There’s no way she’s more sympathetic of the two. You’d have to think the entire story is a lie to make her come across as the put-upon party. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recent-staycation-with-family-think-i-realized-my-sister-is-a-sociopath/702144.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recent-staycation-with-family-think-i-realized-my-sister-is-a-sociopath/702144.md?page=3)