# Recent Staycation with Family....think I realized my sister is a sociopath **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 22, 2014, 1:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recent-staycation-with-family-think-i-realized-my-sister-is-a-sociopath/702144 "2014-10-22T13:07:22Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![ZipperJJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zipperjj/32/211_2.png) [@ZipperJJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZipperJJ)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2014, 3:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recent-staycation-with-family-think-i-realized-my-sister-is-a-sociopath/702144/41 "2014-10-23T03:29:03Z")
> [@elbows](#): > > Stop wishing she wasn’t the way she is. Give up all hope of her changing. Abandon any inclination to ‘show’ her another way to be or do, this or that. Accept that this IS who she is. > > You’ve no doubt tolerated a bad boss or prof in your life. Maturity is, in part, recognizing that which we cannot change, and making our peace with it. Find a way to tolerate and brush off their shit. Don’t let it get to you, etc. > > It sounds pretty awful for your single holiday week of the year, you have my sympathy. I wish you Good Luck with all of it! Your sister sounds pretty exasperating but like…you knew she was a snake when you invited her in. Are you frustrated more with yourself for falling for her shit again? I’d be pissed if I took off work for that shit too, but I wouldn’t be online complaining about it. I’d be all “Argh, can’t believe I let her get over on me again!!” My brother, while I love him dearly and we are very close, has this “way” about him that he very much coasts through some aspects of life and has things handed to him that I really have to struggle for. Sometimes I get really fed up with all the stuff he gets, especially when he’s once again walked out my door having somehow gotten something off me. But by now - we’re in our mid-30s - I’m just better off realizing that this is how it’s gonna be. He’s always going to be my brother. I can only control my own actions and I will. I don’t have to LOVE the way he is but I also can’t change it. Sounds like you are about to - hopefully - come to that realization too. Sorry it took your only vacation week to do so ☹ ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2014, 6:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recent-staycation-with-family-think-i-realized-my-sister-is-a-sociopath/702144/42 "2014-10-23T06:19:54Z")
Perhaps I didn’t read the OP as carefully as I should have. **AnthonyElite** , I seem to have missed the part where you explained why you invited your sister. Could you go over that bit again, please? ---
**Author:** ![Cinnamon\_Imp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58956e/32.png) [@Cinnamon\_Imp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cinnamon_Imp)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2014, 11:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recent-staycation-with-family-think-i-realized-my-sister-is-a-sociopath/702144/43 "2014-10-23T11:24:26Z")
When it was clear your sister wasn’t enjoying the activities and tours you were taking her on, did you ask her what she wanted to do on her vacation? ---
**Author:** ![browncoat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/f08c70/32.png) [@browncoat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/browncoat)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2014, 11:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recent-staycation-with-family-think-i-realized-my-sister-is-a-sociopath/702144/44 "2014-10-23T11:54:16Z")
> [@AnthonyElite](#): > > My sister has a habit of lying about things so regularly that you start to feel a little nutty around her. My mother had announced on facebook how happy she was for my sister and her fiance to be having a baby. Sister called her screaming that she shouldn’t have posted that until she was ready. My mother then called me and tearfully explained that sister said she could be the one to announce it after my other sister and I found out. She did NOT understand why my sister was upset and was generally confused and hurt. This is a pattern with her. > > _I’d tell your mother to just not post anything about her and the baby online, less ammunition to set your sister off with, she’s looking for drama by the sounds of it._ > > I get what you are saying Omar but I find that I always end up clashing with her whenever I see her. I just can’t think of one event in my life that she has been pleasant. > > _If you know your sister is unpleasant, really that was your first mistake in inviting her along, having dealt with a sibling very similar to your sister, I make a point not go on ‘family’ holidays and avoid that sibling as much as possible!_ > > Sattua: you’ve got that right. Hopefully I’ve learned my lesson! > > Thudlow: It wasn’t that she didn’t participate how I wanted - I should have prefaced this story with the conversations we had about all we wanted to do while she was here. On the phone she was enthusiastic about these things. In person she did half of them, and only begrudgingly. If I had known it would be like that I would not have taken off work and saved my vacation time for something besides playing dead on a couch. I felt incredibly duped. > > She has been a pathological liar her whole life. My father on the phone the other day said you think it is hard keeping her lies straight for a week try 18 years. I understand he will not cut her out because that is his daughter, but it must be difficult. > > _Wow your poor Father ☹ obviously her behaviour is well known in the family then?_ > > TriPolar it is funny you say that as I had honestly sat down after this and thought long and hard about my own issues with the whole experience. I try to reflect on things like this and see what I did wrong as I know in the end I can only change myself to be happy. I don’t think I was wrong to feel hurt about them not wanting to do anything. Why come 1000 miles to sit at home and your cellphone? And when did a family gathering involve sitting on the couch perusing your cellphone? It isn’t a generational thing either - we are only two years apart. I care a lot about my family and it really hurt me to make the decision to cut her out of my life, but I have tried for many years to make things right with her and she only uses these opportunities to cause me regret. A lot of reflection has led me to understand that I don’t have to punish myself with her company. I have good friends I can have a good time with. Family is NOT obligatory. _I can only hope they spend less time glued to their phones when the baby arrives! :dubious:_ ---
**Author:** ![clairobscur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/839c29/32.png) [@clairobscur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clairobscur)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2014, 12:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recent-staycation-with-family-think-i-realized-my-sister-is-a-sociopath/702144/45 "2014-10-23T12:09:33Z")
> [@AnthonyElite](#): > > I keep thinking we can all be happy under one roof but I am trying to let that go. How can you think such a thing when your memories are that she behaved like a sociopath? Apparently, you’ve never been “all happy under one roof”. You wanted to build now a cozy family relationship that never existed? I’m thinking your unreasonable expectations might have been perceptible and that it might have made your sister be even more distant than she would naturally be? Maybe she found you were pushy? ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2014, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recent-staycation-with-family-think-i-realized-my-sister-is-a-sociopath/702144/46 "2014-10-23T14:36:51Z")
> [@Just\_Asking\_Questions](#): > > Ah, The Straight Dope. There’s always someone to take the other side, no matter how ridiculous that side is. You really can’t blame **Tzigone** ; it’s an institutional problem. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2014, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recent-staycation-with-family-think-i-realized-my-sister-is-a-sociopath/702144/47 "2014-10-23T16:28:42Z")
In these types of situations, I find it’s usually best to adjust one’s expectations. But not until I have the sort of experience the OP describes which serves to remind me that, it’s usually best to adjust one’s expectations. ---
**Author:** ![Drunky\_Smurf](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drunky_smurf/32/449_2.png) [@Drunky\_Smurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drunky_Smurf)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2014, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recent-staycation-with-family-think-i-realized-my-sister-is-a-sociopath/702144/48 "2014-10-23T17:59:11Z")
> [@YogSosoth](#): > > This isn’t a male/female thing: as a sibling, you had every right to punch her in the face, and should have done so. I would have also chucked her phone into the nearest body of water This. He should have punched the fiance in the dick and thrown his phone is the water too. And just for good measure he should have punched his sister in the stomach because you know that baby is going to grow up to be a twat just like the sister and it deserves it. ---
**Author:** ![GrumpyBunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/bc8723/32.png) [@GrumpyBunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GrumpyBunny)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2014, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recent-staycation-with-family-think-i-realized-my-sister-is-a-sociopath/702144/49 "2014-10-23T18:46:16Z")
Dude, My Idiot Brother and I had a hell of a fight last time I went home. We don’t get along. We never has. He has some views that I think are incredibly stupid. I think he takes advantage of my parents. But I just call him an asshole. Your sister sounds cut from the same cloth. Not a sociopath, but not very pleasant either. ---
**Author:** ![Lorene89095](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a8b319/32.png) [@Lorene89095](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lorene89095)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2014, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recent-staycation-with-family-think-i-realized-my-sister-is-a-sociopath/702144/50 "2014-10-24T01:16:55Z")
Oh that poor baby ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Cymbeline](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_cymbeline/32/9244_2.png) [@Green\_Cymbeline](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Cymbeline)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2014, 2:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recent-staycation-with-family-think-i-realized-my-sister-is-a-sociopath/702144/51 "2014-10-24T02:44:22Z")
How old is your sister? Who paid for their trip? ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2014, 12:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recent-staycation-with-family-think-i-realized-my-sister-is-a-sociopath/702144/52 "2014-10-24T12:03:39Z")
Your sister and her fiance, by their repeated rude indifference, were telling you, without using actual words, that they weren’t interested in you. At some point, you should have cut your losses and moved on. So while I’m going to blame day 1-3 on your sister, you’re responsible for days 4-7 because you kept trying to force an intimacy that obviously wasn’t there. Fool me once, and all that. As Sattua so succintly put, “Don’t go to such efforts to entertain her again.” ---
**Author:** ![Lorene89095](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a8b319/32.png) [@Lorene89095](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lorene89095)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2014, 12:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recent-staycation-with-family-think-i-realized-my-sister-is-a-sociopath/702144/53 "2014-10-24T12:25:24Z")
I’m sorry you were hurt by their actions. I’d take the “hint” and not try again. Save up your money,'cause that baby is going to be needing a favorite auntie. ---
**Author:** ![AnthonyElite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b487fb/32.png) [@AnthonyElite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AnthonyElite)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2014, 12:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recent-staycation-with-family-think-i-realized-my-sister-is-a-sociopath/702144/54 "2014-10-24T12:33:11Z")
> [@Green\_Cymbeline](#): > > How old is your sister? Who paid for their trip? > [@PunditLisa](#): > > Your sister and her fiance, by their repeated rude indifference, were telling you, without using actual words, that they weren’t interested in you. At some point, you should have cut your losses and moved on. > > So while I’m going to blame day 1-3 on your sister, you’re responsible for days 4-7 because you kept trying to force an intimacy that obviously wasn’t there. Fool me once, and all that. > > As Sattua so succintly put, “Don’t go to such efforts to entertain her again.” My sister is 25, and they paid their way to us, but we put them up and drove them around. That is usually how it’s done in my family. I completetly agree PunditLisa, that some of this is for my blame. That was partly why I wrote this up and I guess I wanted to express my final realization that family is just another group of people that you don’t owe anything to. I was bending over backwards trying to keep her in my life and she was acting as thought it were a big favor for her to know me. I’m finally understanding, at 27 years old, that I shouldn’t spend one moment thinking about people that want nothing to do with me. I know that’s silly but I guess that is life. We can be so intelligent in some areas and so stupid and stubborn in others. ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2014, 12:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recent-staycation-with-family-think-i-realized-my-sister-is-a-sociopath/702144/55 "2014-10-24T12:43:15Z")
> [@Lorene89095](#): > > Save up your money,'cause that baby is going to be needing a favorite auntie. Good ol’ Aunt…Anthony? 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Fuzzy\_Dunlop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/848f3c/32.png) [@Fuzzy\_Dunlop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fuzzy_Dunlop)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2014, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recent-staycation-with-family-think-i-realized-my-sister-is-a-sociopath/702144/56 "2014-10-25T19:09:31Z")
If I had a chance to go on vacation with you or your sister, I’d pick your sister by a landslide. At least with her, I could ignore her right back and still enjoy my vacation. That sounds a lot better than having my friends insulted, my pregnancy ideas mocked, and forced to spend FIVE hours in the car driving around during my vacation, play some kind of video game, and listen to you explain how to make pizzas. > [@AnthonyElite](#): > > When did it become socially acceptable to drop everything and be playing with your phone every few minutes? I’d feel so god damned rude if I did that… Sometime between 2008 and 2009. It’s still really rude, but everybody does it now. Be a better person and don’t do it to others. If you’re interviewing someone for a job or on a date with someone and they rudely play with their phone, feel free to dump them. Otherwise, it’s been 6 years. Time to quit getting angry. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2014, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recent-staycation-with-family-think-i-realized-my-sister-is-a-sociopath/702144/57 "2014-10-26T21:23:21Z")
Had you made all those plans without telling them? And, how long had your sister known she was pregnant? If she found out just a few days before flying down, perhaps she simply hadn’t wanted to change everybody’s plans. It is possible that she also hasn’t still learned that you make plans she is expected to participate in, without asking for her input. ---
**Author:** ![Bozuit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/edb3f5/32.png) [@Bozuit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bozuit)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2014, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recent-staycation-with-family-think-i-realized-my-sister-is-a-sociopath/702144/58 "2014-10-27T18:41:20Z")
I sympathize with you **AnthonyElite** - I especially hate people constantly playing with their phones while (I thought) we were supposed to be doing something together. And I know the disappointment (including in yourself) of hoping to have fun with people and feeling like they’re dragging their feet again. On the other hand, I feel quite resentful when other family members make plans for me with the intention of having some perfect family get-together without asking my opinion. Especially with a lot of people around in a small space, someone always trying to push everyone into having their idea of fun is kind of like being constantly poked in the ribs until you just want to punch the poker in the face. I don’t know if that’s a fair description of your actions, but it might be from your sister’s perspective. ---
**Author:** ![AnthonyElite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b487fb/32.png) [@AnthonyElite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AnthonyElite)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2014, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recent-staycation-with-family-think-i-realized-my-sister-is-a-sociopath/702144/59 "2014-10-27T20:33:29Z")
> [@Nava](#): > > Had you made all those plans without telling them? And, how long had your sister known she was pregnant? If she found out just a few days before flying down, perhaps she simply hadn’t wanted to change everybody’s plans. It is possible that she also hasn’t still learned that you make plans she is expected to participate in, without asking for her input. > [@Bozuit](#): > > I sympathize with you **AnthonyElite** - I especially hate people constantly playing with their phones while (I thought) we were supposed to be doing something together. And I know the disappointment (including in yourself) of hoping to have fun with people and feeling like they’re dragging their feet again. > > On the other hand, I feel quite resentful when other family members make plans for me with the intention of having some perfect family get-together without asking my opinion. Especially with a lot of people around in a small space, someone always trying to push everyone into having their idea of fun is kind of like being constantly poked in the ribs until you just want to punch the poker in the face. I don’t know if that’s a fair description of your actions, but it might be from your sister’s perspective. That is what I’ve been trying to get across - I called her initially to get together after she had expressed a few times that she’d like to see me, but didn’t have the funds for a hotel. My older sister wanted me to let her know she could stay at her place, so I told her as much while helping her with student loan paperwork. We talked about things we’d like to do and all in all she seemed to be on the same page. I can see if we wanted to travel and they didn’t. Okay - that’s tough to push her all around. But she didn’t even want to do anything staying home. I get it if you just want a vacation to sit around and recuperate, but if that is all you wanted why would you fly 1000 miles for that? We could have chatted through text a few times in our own homes with about as much interaction as we had. ---
**Author:** ![Fallen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e99b99/32.png) [@Fallen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fallen)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2014, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recent-staycation-with-family-think-i-realized-my-sister-is-a-sociopath/702144/60 "2014-10-27T20:41:44Z")
Sounds like you need to talk with someone, 'cause I’m not sure how one can claim to be “duped” by a pre-vacation discussion about all the things to be done on the vacation, and then talk about sister being a pathological liar. Surely you’d know before the vacation that your sister’s moods and behavior change with the weather, and that she may feel a compulsion to manipulate people, be a drama queen, make everything about her, etc. = narcissist = and what the chances are that your buttons will be pushed to engage in what may be seen by others as odd or mean behavior to get back at her. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recent-staycation-with-family-think-i-realized-my-sister-is-a-sociopath/702144.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recent-staycation-with-family-think-i-realized-my-sister-is-a-sociopath/702144.md?page=4)