# Recently divorced friend being scammed **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [August 25, 2017, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recently-divorced-friend-being-scammed/794651 "2017-08-25T14:33:10Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![guizot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guizot/32/3636_2.png) [@guizot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/guizot)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2017, 5:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recently-divorced-friend-being-scammed/794651/41 "2017-08-26T05:40:03Z")
**HoneyBadgerDC** , what exactly is your friend’s plan with all of this? Does he think these women are just going to hop on a plane one day and come to visit him? Because it’s not like most people in Central or South American can just do that. You can’t just buy a tourist visa if you live in Latin America. Or is he planning on going to visit them? Is he ready to do that? Are they all in the same place? Where does he see this going? Even if all these supermodels really were in love with him, he would still have to have some kind of plan (delusional or not) for meeting them. What is that plan? ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2017, 8:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recently-divorced-friend-being-scammed/794651/42 "2017-08-26T08:03:11Z")
Is this a paid site? Then it could be not that much money if they are simply using fake profiles to get more people to continuing being a member. ---
**Author:** ![Francis\_Vaughan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/francis_vaughan/32/3093_2.png) [@Francis\_Vaughan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Francis_Vaughan)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2017, 11:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recently-divorced-friend-being-scammed/794651/43 "2017-08-26T11:15:45Z")
You can be sure that every avenue of separating the mark from his money will be explored. Simple “membership” might keep the money flowing, but the chance of taking someone for all they have with an extended set of scamming is going to be there as well. A bite here can bring in big time money. All the difficulties in getting a person from any of these countries adds to the set of excuses for the scam. Getting a visa is a perfect set of excuses for asking for ever more money. No doubt there will be government officials to bribe, special fees, delays, set-backs needing ever more money to clear. You can be sure the excuses will go on forever. Actually visiting yourself can be deadly. It isn’t unknown that the mark is simply kidnapped and all available funds extracted in a much less pleasant manner. Other times the pantomime is extended, some marks even think they have gotten married, but you can be sure they leave alone, and now have what they think is even more incentive to pay out for all those visa difficulties, and whatever other crisis that might develop (desperately ill mother etc.) You don’t have to be exactly smart to run an operation like this. Just understand human nature and have the stomach to destroy the lives of the gullible. ---
**Author:** ![HoneyBadgerDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honeybadgerdc/32/1033_2.png) [@HoneyBadgerDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HoneyBadgerDC)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2017, 12:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recently-divorced-friend-being-scammed/794651/44 "2017-08-26T12:36:24Z")
> [@guizot](#): > > **HoneyBadgerDC** , what exactly is your friend’s plan with all of this? Does he think these women are just going to hop on a plane one day and come to visit him? Because it’s not like most people in Central or South American can just do that. You can’t just buy a tourist visa if you live in Latin America. > > Or is he planning on going to visit them? Is he ready to do that? Are they all in the same place? Where does he see this going? > > Even if all these supermodels really were in love with him, he would still have to have some kind of plan (delusional or not) for meeting them. What is that plan? They are from Columbia, Peru, Costa Rica and a couple more I can’t think of. His plan is to take a tour and meet several of them in a few week period. ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2017, 12:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recently-divorced-friend-being-scammed/794651/45 "2017-08-26T12:56:51Z")
> [@HoneyBadgerDC](#): > > They are from Columbia, Peru, Costa Rica and a couple more I can’t think of. His plan is to take a tour and meet several of them in a few week period. Hope we don’t next hear “Hey, my friend’s buying me plane tickets to go to South America with him!” You might end up as his not-skilled-enough bodyguard. Tell your friend that a dozen internet strangers say “Don’t go!” ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Knig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/cdc98d/32.png) [@Typo\_Knig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Knig)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2017, 1:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recently-divorced-friend-being-scammed/794651/46 "2017-08-26T13:35:45Z")
I personally know a Professor who was scammed into being a drug mule. He was arrested and did time in a rough prison in Argentina. Also lost his job. In a way he’s lucky he got arrested - most of these involuntary drug mules are killed on arrival in the US. He wrote a book about his experience [Amazon.com](https://www.amazon.com/Tricked-story-internet-Paul-Frampton-ebook/dp/B00RBVDAD0/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1503754151&sr=8-1&keywords=paul+frampton) Unfortunately, I agree that the OP’s friend is just going to keep falling for it. If the friend does travel abroad for his lady “friend”, about all you can do it remind him not to take packages or luggage from anyone. Advice which the friend is probably not going to follow :smack: :headdesk: ---
**Author:** ![JWT\_Kottekoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/3ec8ea/32.png) [@JWT\_Kottekoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JWT_Kottekoe)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2017, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recently-divorced-friend-being-scammed/794651/47 "2017-08-26T14:25:36Z")
I heard a fascinating story on “This American Life” about a similar scam that took place via paper mail in the days before social networking and public use of the Internet. Men corresponded with these “women” for decades and lived for the next message from their remote lovers. When the scammer was ultimately brought to trial, some of the men who were duped testified for the defense. [The Heart Wants what it Wants: Act One: Jesse’s Girl](https://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/571/the-heart-wants-what-it-wants?act=1#play) ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2017, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recently-divorced-friend-being-scammed/794651/48 "2017-08-26T15:34:33Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > > [@spifflog](#): > > > > … > > I met my wife on a legitimate dating site here in the US. Why don’t you send him in that direction? > > You’re not suggesting the OP’s friend hook up with your wife, are you?:eek: Sure. It’s a legit way for **spifflog** ’s wife to make some pin money as a pen pal. Just like the online Latinos she’s not really gonna put out. > [@beowulff](#): > > Maybe you should post a fake profile and make some money off of him. Too late; **spifflog** ’s wife beat you to it. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2017, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recently-divorced-friend-being-scammed/794651/49 "2017-08-26T18:24:04Z")
> [@LSLGuy](#): > > Sure. It’s a legit way for **spifflog** ’s wife to make some pin money… She did say she was sending emails to a “pin pal”… ---
**Author:** ![Tim\_T-Bonham.net](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/46a35a/32.png) [@Tim\_T-Bonham.net](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tim_T-Bonham.net)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2017, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recently-divorced-friend-being-scammed/794651/50 "2017-08-26T20:28:02Z")
> [@Enola\_Gay](#): > > He doesn’t _want_ to hear a word you are saying. IMO there is nothing you can say that will pull his head out of his ass. Absolutely right. You should cut all ties with this guy immediately. Otherwise, he will come to you looking for help after these ‘girls’ take all his money. And in the meantime, you will be distressed by hearing about this constantly. Dump this guy. Some people are just too dumb or deluded to have as friends. ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2017, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recently-divorced-friend-being-scammed/794651/51 "2017-08-26T21:12:06Z")
> [@HoneyBadgerDC](#): > > He tells me that he has one line in his profile that is just melting these girls hearts and they are falling in love with him. And that line is the one containing the word “American”. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2017, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recently-divorced-friend-being-scammed/794651/52 "2017-08-26T21:46:43Z")
> [@nearwildheaven](#): > > And that line is the one containing the word “American”. :rolleyes: Works for a friend of mine, who vacations in small island nations in the Pacific. The minute he steps off the boat, he gets inundated with “girlfriends”. Every winter, he’s been sending us pics of cute girls half his age, and finally admitted that they want to be the girlfriend of an American because the unwritten rule is that then they get their apartment and meals paid for while “this month’s American Boyfriend” is in town. And he’s fine with that. He’s even counseled fellow travelers not to fall in love with their girlfriend. “Don’t even take it personally. The girls certainly don’t.” His next line ( **HoneyBadger** , tell your friend this): “The minute you start caring for one of these girls, you’re giving them a clear invitation to clean you out financially.” ---
**Author:** ![Senegoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/senegoid/32/6606_2.png) [@Senegoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Senegoid)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2017, 3:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recently-divorced-friend-being-scammed/794651/53 "2017-08-27T03:02:08Z")
Once again (for the second or third time now?) I can’t resist linking to [this 8-year old thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=498879) in which **choie** watches helplessly, and blogs the blow-by-blow, as her neighbor gets “plucked like a chicken” over a period of at least 9 months by his Nigerian “girlfriend”. ---
**Author:** ![Senegoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/senegoid/32/6606_2.png) [@Senegoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Senegoid)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2017, 3:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recently-divorced-friend-being-scammed/794651/54 "2017-08-27T03:05:10Z")
> [@digs](#): > > Works for a friend of mine, who vacations in small island nations in the Pacific. > > The minute he steps off the boat, he gets inundated with “girlfriends”. Every winter, he’s been sending us pics of cute girls half his age, and finally admitted that they want to be the girlfriend of an American because the unwritten rule is that then they get their apartment and meals paid for while “this month’s American Boyfriend” is in town. > > And he’s fine with that. He’s even counseled fellow travelers not to fall in love with their girlfriend. “Don’t even take it personally. The girls certainly don’t.” But but but… Do these insta-girlfriends, getting their room and meals paid by the American Boyfriend-of-the-month, actually “put out”? Or just string him along? ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2017, 3:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recently-divorced-friend-being-scammed/794651/55 "2017-08-27T03:43:42Z")
> [@Senegoid](#): > > But but but… Do these insta-girlfriends, getting their room and meals paid by the American Boyfriend-of-the-month, actually “put out”? Or just string him along? Oh, speaking for my friend, he’s certainly getting his money’s worth… ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2017, 12:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recently-divorced-friend-being-scammed/794651/56 "2017-08-27T12:24:54Z")
And that’s the difference between prostitutes and con-women. If you can (safely) travel to get your money’s worth some folks will consider it a good enough deal to “pay to play”. Nobody gets their money’s worth out of being conned. ---
**Author:** ![Lucas\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lucas_jackson/32/303_2.png) [@Lucas\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lucas_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2017, 1:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recently-divorced-friend-being-scammed/794651/57 "2017-08-27T13:01:40Z")
Tell your friend to have the women send him photos of themselves holding signs with his name written on them. ---
**Author:** ![lisiate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f05b48/32.png) [@lisiate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lisiate)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2017, 1:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recently-divorced-friend-being-scammed/794651/58 "2017-08-28T01:19:53Z")
> [@Typo\_Knig](#): > > I personally know a Professor who was scammed into being a drug mule. He was arrested and did time in a rough prison in Argentina. Also lost his job. In a way he’s lucky he got arrested - most of these involuntary drug mules are killed on arrival in the US. He wrote a book about his experience [https://www.amazon.com/Tricked-story-internet-Paul-Frampton-ebook/dp/B00RBVDAD0/ref=sr\_1\_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1503754151&sr=8-1&keywords=paul+frampton](https://www.amazon.com/Tricked-story-internet-Paul-Frampton-ebook/dp/B00RBVDAD0/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1503754151&sr=8-1&keywords=paul+frampton) > > Unfortunately, I agree that the OP’s friend is just going to keep falling for it. If the friend does travel abroad for his lady “friend”, about all you can do it remind him not to take packages or luggage from anyone. Advice which the friend is probably not going to follow :smack: :headdesk: This being the 21st century I’m sure you’re all glad to learn that the Argentinian drug lords are [equal opportunity scammers.](http://www.stuff.co.nz/national/90946018/romance-scam-victim-sharon-armstrong-shares-experiences-to-raise-awareness-for-scam-victims) ---
**Author:** ![md2000](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/73ab20/32.png) [@md2000](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/md2000)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2017, 3:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recently-divorced-friend-being-scammed/794651/59 "2017-08-28T03:46:08Z")
> [@HoneyBadgerDC](#): > > The girls that he attracts are not pretty enough for him, he is about 5’7" with a 52" waistline. The general rule of thumb is that if you don’t look like Brad Pitt, you probably don’t attract the ones that look like Scarlett Johanssen… Unless you have great personality or are a multi-billionaire, or a very powerful government official (or two of those three…) I assume the trick he is using in his profile that attracted the women was not posting his (recent) photo. But seriously - yes, it is a scam. If it were not, he’d have an actual address, phone number etc. plus details like where she works, among other things. (trouble is, those can be actually traced. What are the odds these women are even in the alleged country of origin? Odds they are real?) tell him to ask for Skype video call, see what excuses they come up with. Absolute best case is they are looking for a green card. What’s the current process for that? BTW, once a foreigner with limited means, assuming they even ever get a visa (unlikely) as soon as they tell the CBP they are coming into the USA to meet their fiancée, they risk being deported on the theory they are planning to marry without a green card and then not leave. I’ve read several sites where people suggest that even telling the customs people you have a boyfriend, fiancée (or husband) means they’ll never get a tourist admission to the USA until the green card comes through, a timeline measured in years or longer… Best case. Worst case, yes, they’ll scam someone for all their money, there is no Maria or Louisa or whoever, it’s some clever scammer anywhere in the world of indeterminate gender, with a friend/contact in South America to handle the money end of things. How do you fix this? You don’t. My favorite saying is - “You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it think.” You can’t even beat sense into it with a 2x4. At the very least, tell him that there’s no point in paying for a plane ticket until they have a visa. There’s no way a bribe is necessary or accepted in any consulate or embassy of the USA (if he says there is - call the State Department) and local officials who take bribes have nothing to do with the USA visa, so his financial contribution should be limited to the visa fee (what, $100 or something) until it is approved. Get her to send a picture of the visa and he can probably ask his local border control to check if it is real. But then, if he’s that far gone he’ll fall for the sick mother routine anyway and send medical funds… (Tell him to ask for a photo of her and her sick mother… I bet not many modelling sites have that. It will be photoshopped…) ---
**Author:** ![guizot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guizot/32/3636_2.png) [@guizot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/guizot)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2017, 6:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recently-divorced-friend-being-scammed/794651/60 "2017-08-28T06:19:08Z")
> [@md2000](#): > > The general rule of thumb is that if you don’t look like Brad Pitt, you probably don’t attract the ones that look like Scarlett Johanssen… Unless you have great personality or are a multi-billionaire, or a very powerful government official (or two of those three…) > > I assume the trick he is using in his profile that attracted the women was not posting his (recent) photo. > > But seriously - yes, it is a scam. If it were not, he’d have an actual address, phone number etc. plus details like where she works, among other things. (trouble is, those can be actually traced. What are the odds these women are even in the alleged country of origin? Odds they are real?) tell him to ask for Skype video call, see what excuses they come up with. > > Absolute best case is they are looking for a green card. What’s the current process for that? BTW, once a foreigner with limited means, assuming they even ever get a visa (unlikely) as soon as they tell the CBP they are coming into the USA to meet their fiancée, they risk being deported on the theory they are planning to marry without a green card and then not leave. I’ve read several sites where people suggest that even telling the customs people you have a boyfriend, fiancée (or husband) means they’ll never get a tourist admission to the USA until the green card comes through, a timeline measured in years or longer… > > Best case. > > Worst case, yes, they’ll scam someone for all their money, there is no Maria or Louisa or whoever, it’s some clever scammer anywhere in the world of indeterminate gender, with a friend/contact in South America to handle the money end of things. > > How do you fix this? You don’t. My favorite saying is - “You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it think.” You can’t even beat sense into it with a 2x4. > > At the very least, tell him that there’s no point in paying for a plane ticket until they have a visa. There’s no way a bribe is necessary or accepted in any consulate or embassy of the USA (if he says there is - call the State Department) and local officials who take bribes have nothing to do with the USA visa, so his financial contribution should be limited to the visa fee (what, $100 or something) until it is approved. Get her to send a picture of the visa and he can probably ask his local border control to check if it is real. > > But then, if he’s that far gone he’ll fall for the sick mother routine anyway and send medical funds… (Tell him to ask for a photo of her and her sick mother… I bet not many modelling sites have that. It will be photoshopped…) If entering the country on a tourist visa, someone whose goal is to get a green card is not going to really benefit from starting a fake online romance with an American, unless it’s just to get someone to pay for the plane flight. A tourist visa has nothing to do with knowing an American, and usually Latin Americans who are able to get tourist visas are only those who have property or some other interests in their country to convince the U.S. immigration officer that they have more reasons to return than to overstay the visa. And, yes, when applying one shouldn’t mention a finance or anything like that in the States. But more importantly, adjustment of status (towards residency) for a tourist visa holder isn’t going to be any easier because of some previous online romance. It would make more sense to just come to the country and find someone that you actually want to marry—during the application it probably will be easier to convince the officer if it’s a true romance. And if they’re the super models they claim to be, that shouldn’t be hard at all. For someone whose goal is ultimately to get a green card, but can’t get a tourist visa, the fake online romance could be a ploy to get a K-1. But it’s not like she can just use this fake online romance to get a green card while in her country, fly to the States, and then run off. The sponsor and the applicant have to prove (with photos and receipt from meals, the sponsor’s plane flights, and other activities) that they have met in the applicant’s country and spent time together in that country. They might have to show emails or proof of phone communications. Then, the applicant just gets a one-time permit to enter the country, and stay for three months, and if they don’t marry in that time she or he is supposed to leave the country. If they marry, the visa-holder can apply for adjustment of status (to temporary residency–a two-year provisional “green card”), but it’s not guaranteed; they still have to convince a DHS officer that the marriage is legitimate. Even after he or she gets the temporary residency, if they divorce within the first two years, then it’s revoked. So unless these super models are real and willing to go through this process, the scam is probably just to gain his confidence and eventually get him to wire money for whatever reasons they can make him believe. Or actually, even more likely, they’re probably just agents of the website, getting him to pay more and more for the service. The notion that this is some kind of complicated plan to get a foreigner to travel somewhere to ambush him, or turn him into a blind drug mule, and then kill him after transport—while technically possible, I suppose—strikes me as dramatic hyperbole. As someone who has lived and worked in Colombia, and goes there frequently, I find the exaggeration of risk that some people perceive in South America to be a little silly. Things like that are not much more frequent there than they are in the States, and would only happen to an extremely foolish and careless person. Perhaps the OP’s friend is one of those rare cases, but real criminals have much more efficient ways of achieving their ends. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recently-divorced-friend-being-scammed/794651.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recently-divorced-friend-being-scammed/794651.md?page=4)