# Recently divorced friend being scammed **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [August 25, 2017, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recently-divorced-friend-being-scammed/794651 "2017-08-25T14:33:10Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 8\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![md2000](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/73ab20/32.png) [@md2000](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/md2000)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2017, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recently-divorced-friend-being-scammed/794651/61 "2017-08-28T15:28:30Z")
> [@guizot](#): > > If entering the country on a tourist visa, someone whose goal is to get a green card is not going to really benefit from starting a fake online romance with an American, unless it’s just to get someone to pay for the plane flight. A tourist visa has nothing to do with knowing an American, and usually Latin Americans who are able to get tourist visas are only those who have property or some other interests in their country to convince the U.S. immigration officer that they have more reasons to return than to overstay the visa. And, yes, when applying one shouldn’t mention a finance or anything like that in the States. But more importantly, adjustment of status (towards residency) for a tourist visa holder isn’t going to be any easier because of some previous online romance. It would make more sense to just come to the country and find someone that you actually want to marry—during the application it probably will be easier to convince the officer if it’s a true romance. And if they’re the super models they claim to be, that shouldn’t be hard at all. > > For someone whose goal is ultimately to get a green card, but can’t get a tourist visa, the fake online romance could be a ploy to get a K-1. But it’s not like she can just use this fake online romance to get a green card while in her country, fly to the States, and then run off. The sponsor and the applicant have to prove (with photos and receipt from meals, the sponsor’s plane flights, and other activities) that they have met in the applicant’s country and spent time together in that country. They might have to show emails or proof of phone communications. Then, the applicant just gets a one-time permit to enter the country, and stay for three months, and if they don’t marry in that time she or he is supposed to leave the country. If they marry, the visa-holder can apply for adjustment of status (to temporary residency–a two-year provisional “green card”), but it’s not guaranteed; they still have to convince a DHS officer that the marriage is legitimate. Even after he or she gets the temporary residency, if they divorce within the first two years, then it’s revoked. > > So unless these super models are real and willing to go through this process, the scam is probably just to gain his confidence and eventually get him to wire money for whatever reasons they can make him believe. Or actually, even more likely, they’re probably just agents of the website, getting him to pay more and more for the service. > > The notion that this is some kind of complicated plan to get a foreigner to travel somewhere to ambush him, or turn him into a blind drug mule, and then kill him after transport—while technically possible, I suppose—strikes me as dramatic hyperbole. As someone who has lived and worked in Colombia, and goes there frequently, I find the exaggeration of risk that some people perceive in South America to be a little silly. Things like that are not much more frequent there than they are in the States, and would only happen to an extremely foolish and careless person. Perhaps the OP’s friend is one of those rare cases, but real criminals have much more efficient ways of achieving their ends. I entirely agree with you - as someone who has been a tourist in Egypt, Jordan, Dubai, and Turkey (and Israel) in the last five years, the questions about “aren’t you worried about being shot/blown up/hijacked”? is a little too much. I was not suggesting so much that the person is trying to get a green card (best case, very least likely). However, if they say “I’m going to come visit you for a little while” and then start asking for money for visa, paperwork, bribes, etc. - yes, (a) a poor person with limited means and no fixed ties in a non-first-world country will have a helluva time even qualifying for a visa. (b) even if (long shot) they are legit and actually manage to get a visa, then they risk being sent home again the moment they arrive… So anyone who knows anything about USA border and visa procedures will automatically say “don’t bother” and don’t send any money to get any such process rolling, it’s more scam. But this assumes rational behavior. One of our guides in Egypt was also guiding an American family in Egypt when Mubarak got the boot in 2011; they had some interesting adventures, including hiding out in his house for a day because of mobs in the town. Not that they were trying to attack Americans, they mob was mad at their own government - but you don’t want to be anywhere near a volatile, unpredictable, and uncontrolled crowd. Worst case some thieves see an opportunity with all the police gone. So anyway, they invited him to come see them in America. He looked into it - what would get him a visa would be a steady job (in tourism? hah!), a bank account (something average working Egyptians didn’t have) family and a house (recent university graduate with no money - not likely). These all indicate stable life and the likelihood of returning on schedule. He had none of these. Even if he did, it could have taken a year or more to get the visa approved. So unless these “eligible maidens” are part of a huge extended family and worked for several years at the same good job - say, top-level legal secretary for Hernandez and Lopez, attorneys at law - and had saved up a tidy sum and bought her own house - a poor single woman from South America just ain’t a-gonna get a visa, and requests for money for same are just more of the same scam to bleed him dry. But if the requests for help with visa arrive, you know - if you didn’t already - it’s an all-out scam. You can point out these details to him, but he will likely ignore these details too. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2017, 5:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recently-divorced-friend-being-scammed/794651/62 "2017-08-29T05:13:41Z")
> [@Lucas\_Jackson](#): > > Tell your friend to have the women send him photos of themselves holding signs with his name written on them. _Without_ looking badly photophopped. ---
**Author:** ![HoneyBadgerDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honeybadgerdc/32/1033_2.png) [@HoneyBadgerDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HoneyBadgerDC)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2017, 1:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recently-divorced-friend-being-scammed/794651/63 "2017-08-29T13:31:10Z")
> [@Lucas\_Jackson](#): > > Tell your friend to have the women send him photos of themselves holding signs with his name written on them. I told him this last night. I also told him there is a 100% chance he is not even talking to these women and most likely talking to men. I told him to do a google image search on the photos. He simply doesn’t want the truth. When you watch him gazing over these photos as he sends texts to them it is obvious there is some kind of addiction going on. Complete denial. I say fuck him, let him learn the hardway. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2017, 1:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recently-divorced-friend-being-scammed/794651/64 "2017-08-29T13:37:47Z")
Does this guy know that unlimited online free porn exists? If not, you might want to clue him in. Then he can spend all day every day looking at whatever flavor of woman and activity makes him happy for a lot less money and heartache. But as you say, after that one last act of mercy, abandon him to his fate. He’s too far gone for you to influence, much less save. ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2017, 1:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recently-divorced-friend-being-scammed/794651/65 "2017-08-29T13:59:19Z")
> [@HoneyBadgerDC](#): > > I say fuck him, let him learn the hardway. I’m glad for your sake you’ve gotten to this point. ---
**Author:** ![Max\_Torque](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Max\_Torque](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_Torque)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2017, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recently-divorced-friend-being-scammed/794651/66 "2017-08-29T14:54:20Z")
That thing I posted earlier, the Moth performance about scamming? That woman wrote a short (69 page) book on the subject after doing months of research. [**You’re Just Too Good To Be True**](http://a.co/8suAIAj). It’s only $3 on Kindle. Some scammers will lead a person on for a year before they ask for money. One woman she talked to, when she told her that she was actually a woman, was willing to “try it with you” to keep her on the hook. Get the book and show him some of the conversations. Hell, some of them might be taken from the same script and be exactly the same. ---
**Author:** ![TPWombat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbce88/32.png) [@TPWombat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TPWombat)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2017, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recently-divorced-friend-being-scammed/794651/67 "2017-08-30T17:24:11Z")
> [@Max\_Torque](#): > > Play this for him: [The Scammer Who Loved Me (Not)](https://themoth.org/stories/the-scammer-who-loved-me-not). Thank you for that. ---
**Author:** ![TPWombat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbce88/32.png) [@TPWombat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TPWombat)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2017, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recently-divorced-friend-being-scammed/794651/68 "2017-08-30T17:51:05Z")
> [@Max\_Torque](#): > > That thing I posted earlier, the Moth performance about scamming? That woman wrote a short (69 page) book on the subject after doing months of research. [**You’re Just Too Good To Be True**](http://a.co/8suAIAj). It’s only $3 on Kindle. Thanks again, just bought that. FTR I’ve no direct or indirect stake in this area but it (the earlier moth link) was a fascinating and heartbreaking listen - I recommend it to anyone who’s got 13 mins available and has ever wondered how people fall for these things. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recently-divorced-friend-being-scammed/794651.md?page=3)