# Recommend an Online Dating Site **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 3, 2008, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recommend-an-online-dating-site/451563 "2008-06-03T00:36:21Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Gadarene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e47c2d/32.png) [@Gadarene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gadarene)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2008, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recommend-an-online-dating-site/451563/1 "2008-06-03T00:36:21Z")
What’s a good dating site for literate, witty professionals in their mid-20s to early 30s? I was in a year-long relationship that ended a couple of months ago, and now I’m ready to meet some people and start dating again. Most of the more conventional avenues aren’t very practical, I’m finding, when you work 60 hours a week and all of your friends (and your friends’ friends) are in relationships or married. I’ve had experience with online dating, but not for awhile, and I’m having some trouble so far finding any kind of mutual interest at the site I’ve been frequenting. So I figured I’d expand my scope. Here are the ones I’m familiar with: I’m on the Onion/Salon/Nerve network at the moment, which seems right up my alley (I’d had good luck there in the past), but isn’t working out at all so far. [Match.com](http://Match.com), in my experience, tends to be populated with people who dont punctuate (no offense to anyone who’s on there; it just doesn’t seem to be my cohort ). E-Harmony is labor-intensive and way too costly. Craigslist is iffy at best. And at 32, I think I might be a bit old for OKCupid and similar social networking places. Anyone have any additional ideas? Or know a nice girl in the D.C. metro area? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2008, 2:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recommend-an-online-dating-site/451563/2 "2008-06-03T02:47:51Z")
There are people of all ages at OKC – including those (like myself) in their 50s. ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2008, 2:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recommend-an-online-dating-site/451563/3 "2008-06-03T02:58:13Z")
If you’re willing to put the time and effort into an international relationship, there’s [www.mylanguageexchange.com](http://www.mylanguageexchange.com). I made a girlfriend off it once. ---
**Author:** ![Gadarene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e47c2d/32.png) [@Gadarene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gadarene)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2008, 1:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recommend-an-online-dating-site/451563/4 "2008-06-03T13:43:25Z")
Hmm. I’ll have to take another look at OK Cupid. How would you describe the vibe there, **twicks**? And **Auto** , I appreciate the thought, but I don’t think a long-distance relationship of any stripe, let alone international, is in the cards for me at this point in my life. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2008, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recommend-an-online-dating-site/451563/5 "2008-06-03T14:09:29Z")
[QUOTE=twickster] There are people of all ages at OKC – including those (like myself) in their 50s. [/QUOTE] Personally, I hate that site. Didn’t do a thing for me. HurryDate, while a pay site, worked out great for me. I went on a lot of dates with a lot of attractive women from that. I’d say try MatchDoctor, but I already met the woman who signed up for it. She was really nice, but it didn’t work out. ---
**Author:** ![Maeglin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8baadc/32.png) [@Maeglin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maeglin)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2008, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recommend-an-online-dating-site/451563/6 "2008-06-03T14:17:28Z")
I could make a recommendation, but perhaps I am a bit biased. I might have had some luck in the past. I am sure I mentioned it to you years ago, but it took me almost a year to stop getting spam from the one site I did try, despite the outcome. “Maeglin, we want you back!” My wife might have objected a little. ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2008, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recommend-an-online-dating-site/451563/7 "2008-06-03T14:23:38Z")
[QUOTE=Gadarene] Hmm. I’ll have to take another look at OK Cupid. How would you describe the vibe there, **twicks**? [/QUOTE] Rather similar to here, actually. People have journals associated with their accounts, and others can comment on journal posts (if the person so allows). They’ve also recently started a message board, which I haven’t been reading, since I already participate in the best message board on the planet. There are IRL gatherings and outings amongst members, etc. Also, due to the rating system (based on your answers to various hypothetical and not-so-hypothetical questions), you mostly see info on people who are at least living on the same planet as you, which I consider an advantage. Plenty of Fish – another free site – seemed filled with illiterates, in comparison. I’ve had a few dates with guys from there, none of which have actually gone anywhere, and have also gotten into pen-pal things with a couple of people. I’ve also made a new IM pal, a guy up in Boston who, it turns out, is a once and future Doper (he’ll be back when they get rid of PTP). I like the site and stop by there daily. ---
**Author:** ![Illuminatiprimus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/illuminatiprimus/32/11520_2.png) [@Illuminatiprimus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Illuminatiprimus)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2008, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recommend-an-online-dating-site/451563/8 "2008-06-03T15:10:23Z")
Well speaking from across the pond I guess my experience of dating sites may not be so useful, but I agree that in the time I’ve been on [match.com](http://match.com) I’ve not found it to be very successful so if you can find an alternative, do (which is a shame as the site itself is functionally very good, just doesn’t seem to be populated with people who are worth the effort). I don’t know what its international reach is like but I’ve used the [guardian.co.uk](http://guardian.co.uk) soulmates site and found it excellent, both functionally and in the number/quality of people I met. ---
**Author:** ![Telperien](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Telperien](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telperien)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2008, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recommend-an-online-dating-site/451563/9 "2008-06-03T15:26:29Z")
The message board at OKCupid is not useful except for the forum concerning technical questions about the site. Venturing out of that part of it is not advised. That said, OKCupid can be tremendously useful if you live in a location with a lot of users. It’s not so useful for me, since I live in the boonies, but it can be fun. It can also be a waste of time–just like meeting people elsewhere can be. ---
**Author:** ![Misnomer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misnomer/32/14897_2.png) [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2008, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recommend-an-online-dating-site/451563/10 "2008-06-03T16:48:44Z")
[QUOTE=Gadarene] [Match.com](http://Match.com), in my experience, tends to be populated with people who **dont** punctuate [/QUOTE] (emphasis mine) 😃 > [@](#): > > And at 32, I think I might be a bit old for OKCupid and similar social networking places. I just moved in with my boyfriend of 1.5 years: when we met on OKCupid I was 35 and he was 33. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2008, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recommend-an-online-dating-site/451563/11 "2008-06-03T16:56:27Z")
I was on LavaLife for quite a while; it seems to have a wide variety of ages. [QUOTE=Misnomer] I just moved in with my boyfriend of 1.5 years… [/QUOTE] Congratulations! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Bosstone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/22d042/32.png) [@Bosstone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosstone)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2008, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recommend-an-online-dating-site/451563/12 "2008-06-03T16:57:10Z")
OKCupid’s rating system is fun, and based on the questions it asks you it can weed out people you’re never going to get along with. Because of this thread, I was goofing off on OKC some more, and it asked me, “‘Your a bitch.’ What bothers you more about the previous sentence?” - The profanity - The grammar - Both - Neither I answered grammar, and set it so that a good match _must_ answer grammar too. I’m now reasonably certain anyone it recommends as a good match will not have a problem with mixing your and you’re, and also doesn’t mind a bit of swearing. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2008, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recommend-an-online-dating-site/451563/13 "2008-06-03T16:59:19Z")
[QUOTE=Bosstone] OKCupid’s rating system is fun, and based on the questions it asks you it can weed out people you’re never going to get along with. Because of this thread, I was goofing off on OKC some more, and it asked me, “‘Your a bitch.’ What bothers you more about the previous sentence?” - The profanity - The grammar - Both - Neither I answered grammar… [/QUOTE] I may have to have another look at OKCupid, then. Us comma-herders\* can live with swearing, but bad grammar…? [sub]\*Technical writers.[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Bosstone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/22d042/32.png) [@Bosstone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosstone)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2008, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recommend-an-online-dating-site/451563/14 "2008-06-03T17:05:46Z")
Of course, I fail at editing. “Will not have a problem” should be “will have a problem.” Oh well. ---
**Author:** ![pbbth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f9ae1b/32.png) [@pbbth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pbbth)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2008, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recommend-an-online-dating-site/451563/15 "2008-06-03T17:13:59Z")
Okay, I know this is going to sound crazy but hear me out on this one. Go to craigslist. I know you are laughing right now, but I had 3 dates last week with men I met there and one of them was with a guy I really liked. We are going out again this weekend. I have discovered the brilliance that is being intelligent and on CL. Most of the ads are, “Cum over and lik my pu$$y!” or “Do you swalow?” so when really intelligent, well educated individuals are looking through the ads and they find your witty, descriptive ad it is like finding a vintage Chanel dress in a yard sale. You just can’t believe you found something so incredible amidst all the crap! (And there are plenty of well educated people there…the guy I am seeing is an engineer and the last guy I met there was a web developer going to school for his masters degree.) I put out an ad, got 15-25 responses, ignored all but 5, set dates, ended up going out with 3 of them and found 1 I liked enough to see again. Dating is a numbers game so get out there and start counting! ---
**Author:** ![Gadarene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e47c2d/32.png) [@Gadarene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gadarene)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2008, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recommend-an-online-dating-site/451563/16 "2008-06-03T17:35:26Z")
The trouble is that craigslist, in my experience, is very heavily weighted in favor of literate women, and not so much in favor of literate men. That is, my witty and descriptive ads have in the past yielded four or five responses rather than fifteen to twenty-five, one of which is inevitably spam, two of which are inevitably neither witty nor descriptive themselves (we’re talking grade-school level sentences here), another of which is inevitably some girl that I actually (and extremely unsuccessfully) corresponded with/briefy dated sometime in the past, and the last of which is someone who sounds interesting but who never writes back after I respond to them. So yes, a potential grab-bag of wonders, but very few female equivalents of that vintage Chanel dress…and those that there are reputedly have their pick of dozens of guys. Craigslist is a fun place to try varying approaches, but I have almost no hope of success. I’ll respond to everyone else later. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![sunacres](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4491bb/32.png) [@sunacres](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sunacres)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2008, 10:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recommend-an-online-dating-site/451563/17 "2008-06-03T22:40:05Z")
[QUOTE=Gadarene] E-Harmony is labor-intensive and way too costly. [/QUOTE] I’m not shilling for eHarmony, but the labor-intensive bit is the key, especially when it comes to men seeking women. To use broad brush strokes, women will fill out surveys for hour after hour, most men won’t. The few that do discover a cornucopia of available, interested, literate, nice women. I found that the time invested in working my way through the eHarmony “process” was repaid many times over in an abundance of contacts that I found to be very well matched. That said, the dynamic **pbbth** describes about CL is just about right. I met my current SO that way and we’re both pretty astonished. ---
**Author:** ![Gadarene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e47c2d/32.png) [@Gadarene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gadarene)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2008, 10:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recommend-an-online-dating-site/451563/18 "2008-06-03T22:58:03Z")
Regarding eHarmony: To be blunt, I’m not going to pay their exorbitant monthly fee (something like $120 for a single month, IIRC) just to be able to see the photos of the women it suggests as matches. If I had some assurance that I’d be interested in at least a couple of the people on there, I might pony up the money, but I don’t, so I won’t. Plus I’m not crazy about the site’s discrimination against same-sex couples. ---
**Author:** ![Don\_t\_fight\_the\_hypothetical](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/59ef9b/32.png) [@Don\_t\_fight\_the\_hypothetical](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_t_fight_the_hypothetical)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2008, 12:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recommend-an-online-dating-site/451563/19 "2008-06-04T00:01:25Z")
[Plenty of fish.](http://www.plentyoffish.com/) Free. ---
**Author:** ![Gadarene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e47c2d/32.png) [@Gadarene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gadarene)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2008, 12:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recommend-an-online-dating-site/451563/20 "2008-06-04T00:31:00Z")
[QUOTE=Don’t fight the hypothetical] [Plenty of fish.](http://www.plentyoffish.com/) Free. [/QUOTE] Hmm. Fourteen women in my desired age range and geographical proximity. I wouldn’t exactly call that _plenty_ of fish. 😛