# Recommend Me Some Bad Poetry (Need Answer Fast) **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Tags:** poetry\ **Created:** [December 21, 2025, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recommend-me-some-bad-poetry-need-answer-fast/1025923 "2025-12-21T20:23:09Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2025, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recommend-me-some-bad-poetry-need-answer-fast/1025923/1 "2025-12-21T20:23:09Z")
Should have started this sooner. Anyway, tomorrow I’m hosting a holiday party for my writers group. Unfortunately, one of our members passed away on Thanksgiving Day, and it’s our first time meeting without him. He always had a running joke about hating poetry (since most of it is so bad), so I figured I would read some terrible poetry in his honor. Give me your worst! Bonus points if it’s about grief. ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2025, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recommend-me-some-bad-poetry-need-answer-fast/1025923/2 "2025-12-21T20:26:33Z")
Have you considered Vogon poetry? One example is the poem _Ode to a Small Lump of Green Putty I Found in My Armpit One Midsummer Morning_. [Vogon Poetry](https://hitchhikers.fandom.com/wiki/Vogon_poetry) ETA: whoops, sorry that’s Azgoths of Kria poetry, not Vogon. Though both types are pretty bad [Azgoths of Kria](https://hitchhikers.fandom.com/wiki/Azgoths_of_Kria) ---
**Author:** ![Filbert](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/filbert/32/3433_2.png) [@Filbert](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Filbert)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2025, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recommend-me-some-bad-poetry-need-answer-fast/1025923/3 "2025-12-21T20:37:16Z")
I assume you’re familiar with the great [William McGonagall](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/William_McGonagall)? Who will be remembered for a very long time. ---
**Author:** ![Kimstu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecd19e/32.png) [@Kimstu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimstu)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2025, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recommend-me-some-bad-poetry-need-answer-fast/1025923/4 "2025-12-21T20:39:48Z")
[Victorian Scottish poet William McGonagall’s “Tay Bridge Disaster”](https://www.scottishpoetrylibrary.org.uk/poem/tay-bridge-disaster/) is renowned as one of the worst published poetic works in history. (Drat, ninja’d!) ---
**Author:** ![Dropo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ce7236/32.png) [@Dropo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dropo)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2025, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recommend-me-some-bad-poetry-need-answer-fast/1025923/5 "2025-12-21T20:52:31Z")
Although very dated, this may not fit some definitions of “bad”: [![](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/bVOXxDV5BdI/hqdefault.jpg "I Feel Like Saying A Beatnik Poem 1950's B Movie Style") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bVOXxDV5BdI&t=20) Full poem in this article \> [https://phillipafallon.blogspot.com/](https://phillipafallon.blogspot.com/) ---
**Author:** ![Icerigger](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/icerigger/32/432_2.png) [@Icerigger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Icerigger)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2025, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recommend-me-some-bad-poetry-need-answer-fast/1025923/6 "2025-12-21T20:53:26Z")
How about Data’s poem for his pet cat in TNG. “_Felis catus_ is your taxonomic nomenclature, An endothermic quadruped, carnivorous by nature; Your visual, olfactory, and auditory senses Contribute to your hunting skills and natural defenses. I find myself intrigued by your subvocal oscillations, A singular development of cat communications That obviates your basic hedonistic predilection For a rhythmic stroking of your fur to demonstrate affection. A tail is quite essential for your acrobatic talents; You would not be so agile if you lacked its counterbalance. And when not being utilised to aid in locomotion, It often serves to illustrate the state of your emotion. O Spot, the complex levels of behavior you display Connote a fairly well-developed cognitive array. And though you are not sentient, Spot, and do not comprehend, I nonetheless consider you a true and valued friend.” ---
**Author:** ![Kimstu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecd19e/32.png) [@Kimstu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimstu)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2025, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recommend-me-some-bad-poetry-need-answer-fast/1025923/7 "2025-12-21T20:55:33Z")
That’s pretty damn good, if you ask me. Nowhere near qualified for a bad-poetry reading. But it’s the OP’s call, of course. ---
**Author:** ![Aspenglow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aspenglow/32/76_2.png) [@Aspenglow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aspenglow)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2025, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recommend-me-some-bad-poetry-need-answer-fast/1025923/8 "2025-12-21T21:08:25Z")
I’ve got a great one, but I’m just checking on our fair use rules before posting it. I can’t find a link to the poem, so I’ll either be able to post it here (attributed, of course!) or send it to you in a PM. Hope to have an answer shortly. ---
**Author:** ![Aspenglow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aspenglow/32/76_2.png) [@Aspenglow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aspenglow)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2025, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recommend-me-some-bad-poetry-need-answer-fast/1025923/9 "2025-12-21T21:32:14Z")
Ok, with @engineer_comp_geek’s kind guidance, I’ve learned I can’t republish the poem here without violating fair use. So I’ll send it to you via PM. A shame, IMHO, because it still makes me laugh after all these years! ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2025, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recommend-me-some-bad-poetry-need-answer-fast/1025923/10 "2025-12-21T21:32:55Z")
How about “Lines on the Antiquity of Microbes”, by Strickland Gillian? ---
**Author:** ![Q.Q.Switcheroo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/q.q.switcheroo/32/5713_2.png) [@Q.Q.Switcheroo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Q.Q.Switcheroo)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2025, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recommend-me-some-bad-poetry-need-answer-fast/1025923/11 "2025-12-21T21:38:57Z")
> **[Sarah Binks, Sweet Songstress of Saskatchewan](http://dangermuffy.blogspot.com/2007/04/sarah-binks-sweet-songstress-of.html?m=1)** > > Since we're talking about poetry -- and also about the unforgiving wilds of Canada -- I can't help mentioning Sarah Binks , the "sweet songs... ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2025, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recommend-me-some-bad-poetry-need-answer-fast/1025923/12 "2025-12-21T21:40:26Z")
> [@Aspenglow](#): > > . A shame, IMHO, because it still makes me laugh after all these years! Oof, we might have a winner. ---
**Author:** ![Aspenglow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aspenglow/32/76_2.png) [@Aspenglow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aspenglow)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2025, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recommend-me-some-bad-poetry-need-answer-fast/1025923/13 "2025-12-21T22:59:43Z")
Glad you like it. 🙂 It’s the funniest bad poem I’ve ever run across. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2025, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recommend-me-some-bad-poetry-need-answer-fast/1025923/14 "2025-12-21T23:00:21Z")
Thank you. I will be taking all of these under consideration. ---
**Author:** ![Johanna](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johanna/32/8318_2.png) [@Johanna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johanna)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2025, 11:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recommend-me-some-bad-poetry-need-answer-fast/1025923/15 "2025-12-21T23:03:28Z")
Title? Author? ---
**Author:** ![Aspenglow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aspenglow/32/76_2.png) [@Aspenglow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aspenglow)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2025, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recommend-me-some-bad-poetry-need-answer-fast/1025923/16 "2025-12-21T23:05:16Z")
Eternal Love, by Vince Devlin. If you find a link, I’d be grateful if you post it. I looked and found nothing. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2025, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recommend-me-some-bad-poetry-need-answer-fast/1025923/17 "2025-12-22T00:48:32Z")
I think I’m going to have to include some lines here. He loved horror, so the dead rising imagery connects. And he loved dogs. ---
**Author:** ![Q.Q.Switcheroo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/q.q.switcheroo/32/5713_2.png) [@Q.Q.Switcheroo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Q.Q.Switcheroo)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2025, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recommend-me-some-bad-poetry-need-answer-fast/1025923/18 "2025-12-22T00:52:05Z")
More info here: > **[Sarah Binks](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sarah_Binks)** > > Sarah Binks is a novel published in 1947 by University of Manitoba professor Paul Hiebert. The novel is a faux biography of the titular Sarah Binks, the "Sweet Songstress of Saskatchewan." It satirizes literary pretensions—both of the critic and of the poet—by presenting a poet and critic (the author) whose productions are awash with misreadings and sentimental clap-trap. > In the novel, which is presented as part biography, part literary study, the author traces Sarah Binks' brief life and trag... ---
**Author:** ![glee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b5a626/32.png) [@glee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/glee)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2025, 7:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recommend-me-some-bad-poetry-need-answer-fast/1025923/19 "2025-12-22T07:32:14Z")
A small effort by myself (though of course William McGonagall is the master!) The boy stood on the burning deck, Whence all but he had fled, His Mum had told him what to do, But he’d forgotten what she’d said. Thank you. 🧐 ---
**Author:** ![glee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b5a626/32.png) [@glee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/glee)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2025, 7:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recommend-me-some-bad-poetry-need-answer-fast/1025923/20 "2025-12-22T07:38:09Z")
Whilst reading this fine thread, a poetry extract about snow popped into my head … where is it from? (I assume McGonagall…) inches three, to inches three foot four [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recommend-me-some-bad-poetry-need-answer-fast/1025923.md?page=2)