# Recommendations for some good forums dealing with death and loss? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 16, 2010, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recommendations-for-some-good-forums-dealing-with-death-and-loss/546959 "2010-07-16T20:14:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2010, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recommendations-for-some-good-forums-dealing-with-death-and-loss/546959/1 "2010-07-16T20:14:42Z")
Especially loss of a parent… ---
**Author:** ![Nancarrow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c37758/32.png) [@Nancarrow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nancarrow)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2010, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recommendations-for-some-good-forums-dealing-with-death-and-loss/546959/2 "2010-07-18T00:51:10Z")
No one seems to want to touch this one… Well, how about trying this forum for a start? My gran died a year ago yesterday (or “today” w.r.t your OP time). ---
**Author:** ![norinew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/eb9ed0/32.png) [@norinew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/norinew)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2010, 1:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recommendations-for-some-good-forums-dealing-with-death-and-loss/546959/3 "2010-07-18T01:25:07Z")
I’ve found a whole lot of support for lots of difficult things right here on the SDMB. Sure, there are always a couple of people willing to duck in and say “Seriously? You’re bitching about _that_?” or whatever. But there are also always gallant Dopers willing to drag _them_ into the Pit for saying so. . . Outside my closest friends and family, this is where I come for support. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2010, 2:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recommendations-for-some-good-forums-dealing-with-death-and-loss/546959/4 "2010-07-18T02:48:43Z")
I’m not really ready to talk about it here. Perhaps in the future. But thank you both. ---
**Author:** ![Markxxx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5daacb/32.png) [@Markxxx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Markxxx)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2010, 2:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recommendations-for-some-good-forums-dealing-with-death-and-loss/546959/5 "2010-07-18T02:59:54Z")
A lot depends on your attitude of death in general. I was always raised death is part of life. I don’t see it quite like that, know that I’m 46 but it did help me cope with my parents death. My mum died when I was 16 and my father died when I was 11. I know when you lose one parent it’s bad enough but when you lose your second one, well I don’t care if you’re 16 or 60 you feel like an orphan AND it pushes YOU right to the front of the line. Then you feel like you’re walking without a net The thing is eventually given time, the feelings go away. My parents death is so far away from me now it almost doesn’t seem real. All that’s left are the memories, the feelings go away. ---
**Author:** ![kopek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kopek/32/337_2.png) [@kopek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kopek)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2010, 3:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recommendations-for-some-good-forums-dealing-with-death-and-loss/546959/6 "2010-07-18T03:21:36Z")
TCF - The Compassionate Friends - is mostly about parents who have lost children but there is a lot of good stuff there on healing in general. Be sure to check the State and regional websites in addition to the National one. ---
**Author:** ![lindsaybluth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/90db22/32.png) [@lindsaybluth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lindsaybluth)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2010, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recommendations-for-some-good-forums-dealing-with-death-and-loss/546959/7 "2010-07-18T17:47:28Z")
I know you’ve talked about your family before on this board, so I know it’s hard. I don’t have any recommendations, but I wish you well; I hope eventually you find peace with it. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2010, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recommendations-for-some-good-forums-dealing-with-death-and-loss/546959/8 "2010-07-18T17:56:51Z")
You can also PM those of us you trust. It doesn’t need to be on the Board in general. ---
**Author:** ![NinetyWt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/cc9497/32.png) [@NinetyWt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NinetyWt)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2010, 10:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recommendations-for-some-good-forums-dealing-with-death-and-loss/546959/9 "2010-07-18T22:29:36Z")
**silenus** is right, 'mika. I think any one of us would be glad to listen. I’m sorry you’re going through such a hard time. ---
**Author:** ![Brynda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e79b87/32.png) [@Brynda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brynda)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2010, 6:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recommendations-for-some-good-forums-dealing-with-death-and-loss/546959/10 "2010-07-19T06:04:39Z")
> **[DailyStrength: Online Support Groups and Forums](https://www.dailystrength.org/)** > > Join the support groups and forums in DailyStrength's free, anonymous online community to talk to friendly people facing the same challenges. I highly recommend this site. Lots of nice people going through hard times. ---
**Author:** ![Cazzle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cazzle/32/75_2.png) [@Cazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cazzle)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2010, 7:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recommendations-for-some-good-forums-dealing-with-death-and-loss/546959/11 "2010-07-19T07:59:25Z")
I don’t have any links for you, but I wanted to express my condolences and let you know I’m thinking of you. ---
**Author:** ![Perciful](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/b38774/32.png) [@Perciful](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Perciful)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2010, 1:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recommendations-for-some-good-forums-dealing-with-death-and-loss/546959/12 "2010-07-19T13:47:00Z")
I’m sorry for your loss. I’m going to a funeral today for a former woman I took care of. I am happy she is finally free. She was an incredible lady and squeezed every ounce out of life. With a parent it’s different. You never stop loving them or missing them. I try and keep them alive by remembering them. ---
**Author:** ![gumpy3885](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/d9b06d/32.png) [@gumpy3885](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gumpy3885)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2010, 1:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recommendations-for-some-good-forums-dealing-with-death-and-loss/546959/13 "2010-07-19T13:51:04Z")
When I lost my wife, I found GROWW ([www.groww.org](http://www.groww.org)) to be helpful. There are both message boards as well as live chat, moderated and hosted, to make sure topics stay on track. You can be as anonymous as you want to be. [ETA] There are different forums and chats depending on your circumstances. I used the Spouse sections a lot but there were areas for suicides, parents losing children, losing parents, etc. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2010, 1:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recommendations-for-some-good-forums-dealing-with-death-and-loss/546959/14 "2010-07-19T13:57:01Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > I’m not really ready to talk about it here. Perhaps in the future. But thank you both. Sounds bad. Wishing you strength and peace. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2010, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recommendations-for-some-good-forums-dealing-with-death-and-loss/546959/15 "2010-07-19T14:35:36Z")
I’m sorry. I didn’t seek out anything like that when my dad died, so I don’t have any recommendations, but hopefully someone else’s suggestion here will be of comfort to you. ---
**Author:** ![Omega\_Glory](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/7c8e57/32.png) [@Omega\_Glory](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omega_Glory)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2010, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recommendations-for-some-good-forums-dealing-with-death-and-loss/546959/16 "2010-07-20T14:50:05Z")
I can’t help you out either (I used domebo, and if you’re not comfortable here, you probably wouldn’t be there, either), but I’m sorry for your loss. ---
**Author:** ![Lucky\_13](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lucky_13/32/13209_2.png) [@Lucky\_13](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lucky_13)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2010, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recommendations-for-some-good-forums-dealing-with-death-and-loss/546959/17 "2010-07-20T14:52:37Z")
((((((( **Anaamika** ))))))) ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2010, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recommendations-for-some-good-forums-dealing-with-death-and-loss/546959/18 "2010-07-20T14:55:50Z")
Thank you all. My mom and I had a very difficult time and we never got along well when she was alive, and now that she is dead, I find all kinds of issues popping up. She was heavily toxic and I am trying to deal with the ensuing fallout. Guilt, loss, relief, heartbreak, longing, sadness we never got close, are all warring at once for attention. I have checked out a whole bunch of books from the library to try and deal with the varying levels of emotions I feel, and a lot of them help, but one thing is unfortunately lacking from all of them - the Asian mindset and the Asian ideal of “saving face”. All of them are written from a Western perspective. However, that aside, they are remarkably helpful. ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2010, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recommendations-for-some-good-forums-dealing-with-death-and-loss/546959/19 "2010-07-20T15:30:35Z")
Mine’s still alive but yours sounded a lot like mine, so here goes: My utterly uneducated but honest guess is that you’re not only grieving the death of your mom - her actual death - but also the death of the possibility that your relationship might improve. That’s a lot to take on at once. I dunno, I could be wrong. At any rate, take good care of yourself, don’t take shit from anyone else (that goes double for anyone who tries to pull the “bad daughter” crap on you) and I hope you can find a safe space so you can work through your complex feelings. Googling “grief support” brought up a bunch of forums and groups - maybe one will feel right for you. Also, Googling “grief support asian culture” brought up some reading material and food for thought. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2010, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recommendations-for-some-good-forums-dealing-with-death-and-loss/546959/20 "2010-07-20T15:35:22Z")
Pretty much. To compound it all my dad has come back into my life heavily, at a point where I had pretty much given up on him, and I just don’t feel that much for him. He was extremely passive my whole life, letting my mom run roughshod over both of us, and I feel about him almost like a stranger. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/recommendations-for-some-good-forums-dealing-with-death-and-loss/546959.md?page=2)