# "Red vs. Blue" or, "I can't believe I died for this war!" **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [May 14, 2004, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/red-vs-blue-or-i-cant-believe-i-died-for-this-war/245143 "2004-05-14T17:50:09Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Shade](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2bfe46/32.png) [@Shade](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shade)\ **Post date:** [May 16, 2004, 11:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/red-vs-blue-or-i-cant-believe-i-died-for-this-war/245143/21 "2004-05-16T23:59:01Z")
> [@Teelo](#): > > “And then, he beat him to death with his own skull.” > “How is that physically possible?” > “That’s what he said!” > > _cut to scene of halo commando being beaten with own skull_ > > (screaming)- “HOW IS THIS PHYSICALLY POSSIBLE!?” Yes, this is the bit I was going to repeat. It is amazing! ---
**Author:** ![Shade](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2bfe46/32.png) [@Shade](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shade)\ **Post date:** [May 17, 2004, 1:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/red-vs-blue-or-i-cant-believe-i-died-for-this-war/245143/22 "2004-05-17T01:59:06Z")
One more: How’d you get the flag? I just asked for it. That WORKS? I guess. Is it not supposed to? I dunno. We never even thought to try it before. ---
**Author:** ![ElectricZ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/58f4c7/32.png) [@ElectricZ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElectricZ)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2004, 5:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/red-vs-blue-or-i-cant-believe-i-died-for-this-war/245143/23 "2004-05-18T05:07:14Z")
One of the things I really like about RvB is that they don’t just depend on one-liners. The conversations themselves are what really make me laugh. Church: Now get over to Caboose and help him hold that position! Doc: I don’t have a gun. I’m a PACIFIST. Church: Well then, just get over there and yell “bang, bang, bang!” Doc: Uhhhh, I don’t know. Even that sounds pretty aggressive. Tucker: Oh, come on! Doc: Besides, I’m not supposed to get involved unless someone gets hurt. Church: Huh. I see. (aims offscreen, shoots once.) Caboose: Aaaaahhhhhh!!! My foot! Church: Welllllll looks like Caboose has hurt himself. Maybe you should get over there and help him, Doc! Doc: You know, you could have just asked nicely. Simmons: Crap, I’m out. Gimmie some ammuniton, Grif! Grif: Me? I don’t have any extra. I’m down to one bullet! Simmons: Wha-- How can that be? You’re the one that carries the extra rounds into battle! Grif: Wait, since when? Simmons: Since the last staff meeting. Grif: We actually talk about stuff in those things? I usually just fall asleep inside my helmet. Simmons: Well, you missed your job assignment, and now we have no ammo. Grif: What’s your job? Simmons: Me? I’m the social chairman! Sarge: Grif! Me and Donut are empty! We need some clips! Simmons: Hey Grif, remember that one bullet you have left? I thought of the perfect way you can use it. ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2004, 6:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/red-vs-blue-or-i-cant-believe-i-died-for-this-war/245143/24 "2004-05-18T06:29:44Z")
Hey, I just thought of something I’ve been wondering about. The Doc’s name is “DuFrame,” right? Well, there’s a Mitch Hedburg standup bit where he’s talking about people who don’t respond when their name is called at a restaraunt, and the name he uses in the bit is also DuFrame. Anyone know if there’s a connection, or am I just way too enmeshed in pop culture these days? ---
**Author:** ![Cisco](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ccd318/32.png) [@Cisco](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cisco)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2004, 6:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/red-vs-blue-or-i-cant-believe-i-died-for-this-war/245143/25 "2004-05-18T06:47:24Z")
I thought I started a thread about this awhile back but I can’t seem to find it. Anyway, RvB is hilarious. I bought my brother the Season 1 DVD back in February for his birthday and went ahead and bought myself the Simmons shirt while I was at it (hey, it was RvB _and_ it has a big 42 on the back, how could I resist? :D.) The shirt was actually out of stock for a couple weeks before I bought it so I ended up emailing back in forth with the guys quite a bit. They are incredibly nice and funny. I’m not watching any of Season 2 yet because I plan to buy the DVD when it comes out and sit down and watch it all at once. By the time I sat down and watched the first DVD I had already seen each episode several times, especially the early ones, so it was a little dry. ---
**Author:** ![Cisco](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ccd318/32.png) [@Cisco](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cisco)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2004, 6:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/red-vs-blue-or-i-cant-believe-i-died-for-this-war/245143/26 "2004-05-18T06:48:44Z")
Oh, I forgot to mention my favorite line: “Alright, here’s the plan!” [Warthog blows up] 😃 ---
**Author:** ![emarkp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/3be4f8/32.png) [@emarkp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/emarkp)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2004, 9:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/red-vs-blue-or-i-cant-believe-i-died-for-this-war/245143/27 "2004-05-18T21:56:36Z")
> [@Cisco](#): > > “Alright, here’s the plan!” > [Warthog blows up] You mean the Puma? ---
**Author:** ![BraheSilver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecccb3/32.png) [@BraheSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BraheSilver)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2004, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/red-vs-blue-or-i-cant-believe-i-died-for-this-war/245143/28 "2004-05-18T22:12:25Z")
> [@emarkp](#): > > You mean the Puma? Stop making up animals. ---
**Author:** ![emekthian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ecae2f/32.png) [@emekthian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/emekthian)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2004, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/red-vs-blue-or-i-cant-believe-i-died-for-this-war/245143/29 "2004-05-18T22:46:59Z")
Church: OK, OK, look. They’re just standing there and talking. OK? That’s all they’re doing. That’s all they EVER do, is just stand there and talk. That’s what they were doing last week, that’s what they were doing when you asked me five minutes ago. So five minutes from NOW, when you ask me, “What are they doing?”, my answer’s gonna be, “They’re still just talking, and they’re still just standing there.” Tucker: [after a long pause] What are they talking about? Church: You know what? I fucking hate you. ---
**Author:** ![ElectricZ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/58f4c7/32.png) [@ElectricZ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElectricZ)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2004, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/red-vs-blue-or-i-cant-believe-i-died-for-this-war/245143/30 "2004-05-19T02:05:19Z")
> [@emarkp](#): > > You mean the Puma? What’s the name of that Mexican lizard that eats all the goats? That would be the Chupakabra, sir. What do you say, Grif? Chupra-thingie. ---
**Author:** ![gyt\_fx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/74df32/32.png) [@gyt\_fx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gyt_fx)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2004, 6:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/red-vs-blue-or-i-cant-believe-i-died-for-this-war/245143/31 "2004-05-24T06:55:51Z")
Redvsblue is Awesome. I watched every episode and PSA last night… it was so funny. I like In the PSA about tattoos You know, screw you Seriously, what do i care Get a tattoo of an m16 in the middle of your forehead; thatd give sarge a boner And how caboose always says the dummest things… ahh… so great ---
**Author:** ![Duderdude2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/cdc98d/32.png) [@Duderdude2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duderdude2)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2004, 7:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/red-vs-blue-or-i-cant-believe-i-died-for-this-war/245143/32 "2004-05-24T07:49:58Z")
> [@emekthian](#): > > Church: OK, OK, look. They’re just standing there and talking. OK? That’s all they’re doing. That’s all they EVER do, is just stand there and talk. That’s what they were doing last week, that’s what they were doing when you asked me five minutes ago. So five minutes from NOW, when you ask me, “What are they doing?”, my answer’s gonna be, “They’re still just talking, and they’re still just standing there.” Haha, that was great…too bad it was entirely precognitive of the Red VS Blue series. I was fast-forwarding through the DVD and watched as two or three guys stood around with their heads bobbing. That’s all that ever happens; it’s essentially radio. The novelty of seeing a game engine used to a cinematic extend has long worn off for me. While I’ll concede the show has had several brilliant moments, they’re far too spread out to maintain my intrest. ---
**Author:** ![Teelo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8491ac/32.png) [@Teelo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Teelo)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2004, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/red-vs-blue-or-i-cant-believe-i-died-for-this-war/245143/33 "2004-05-24T20:34:10Z")
Soldier: We need more men! Air ship Pilot: …how long have you guys been down there? :eek: ---
**Author:** ![xvxdarkknightxvx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/34f0e0/32.png) [@xvxdarkknightxvx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xvxdarkknightxvx)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2004, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/red-vs-blue-or-i-cant-believe-i-died-for-this-war/245143/34 "2004-05-24T22:36:10Z")
> [@ElectricZ](#): > > Simmons: Crap, I’m out. Gimmie some ammuniton, Grif! > Grif: Me? I don’t have any extra. I’m down to one bullet! > Simmons: Wha-- How can that be? You’re the one that carries the extra rounds into battle! > Grif: Wait, since when? > Simmons: Since the last staff meeting. > Grif: We actually talk about stuff in those things? I usually just fall asleep inside my helmet. > Simmons: Well, you missed your job assignment, and now we have no ammo. > Grif: What’s your job? > Simmons: Me? I’m the social chairman! > Sarge: Grif! Me and Donut are empty! We need some clips! > Simmons: Hey Grif, remember that one bullet you have left? I thought of the perfect way you can use it. Which episode is this from? I don’t remember ever having heard that… ---
**Author:** ![Darkhold](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/90db22/32.png) [@Darkhold](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darkhold)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2004, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/red-vs-blue-or-i-cant-believe-i-died-for-this-war/245143/35 "2004-05-24T22:56:02Z")
> [@xvxdarkknightxvx](#): > > Which episode is this from? I don’t remember ever having heard that… “I’d just like everyone to know that I suck. And that I’m a girl, and I like ribbons in my hair and I want to kiss all the boys.” Sarge: This maybe the best surrender of all times. EP 22. ---
**Author:** ![Asylum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/53a042/32.png) [@Asylum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asylum)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2004, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/red-vs-blue-or-i-cant-believe-i-died-for-this-war/245143/36 "2004-05-25T02:50:00Z")
Church: Okay! We’re going to send over our medic. Now what do we get? Simmons: You? You’re surrendering! You don’t get anything except humiliation and ridicule! Tucker: We’ve already got that, what else do you have? **Electric Z** , thank you for starting this thread, otherwise I might not have had the joy of experiencing RvB. ---
**Author:** ![Legolamb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/4491bb/32.png) [@Legolamb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Legolamb)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2004, 12:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/red-vs-blue-or-i-cant-believe-i-died-for-this-war/245143/37 "2004-05-25T12:58:25Z")
The first I knew about RvB was seeing the two skits that they made for Barenaked Ladies when **Grace** and I saw them back in March. I’ve been meaning to watch the episodes since then, but only got down to it since this thread started, so thanks **ElectricZ**! Favourite line(s) so far: Sarge: What a way to go. Killed by my own mechanical creations. I’m sure there’s a philosophical lesson to be learned from all this. Simmons: Something about the dangers of technology and the unwavering pride of mankind? Sarge: No… something about hiring better help that doesn’t just _stand around watching you die!_ ---
**Author:** ![ElectricZ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/58f4c7/32.png) [@ElectricZ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElectricZ)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2004, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/red-vs-blue-or-i-cant-believe-i-died-for-this-war/245143/38 "2004-05-27T16:31:27Z")
> [@Asylum](#): > > **Electric Z** , thank you for starting this thread, otherwise I might not have had the joy of experiencing RvB. I’ve been spreading the word of RvB wherever I can – mainly to thank the folks who put it together. They’re giving away something that’s way more entertaining than 90% of the stuff out there. It’s the least I can do! EZ Caboose to the Medic: “I can’t believe Church shot me!” Church (in the distance) “OH DON’T EVEN START, CABOOSE!” ---
**Author:** ![ElectricZ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/58f4c7/32.png) [@ElectricZ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElectricZ)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2004, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/red-vs-blue-or-i-cant-believe-i-died-for-this-war/245143/39 "2004-05-31T17:39:10Z")
For those of you still tuning in, Episode 34 is now up… [http://www.redvsblue.com](http://www.redvsblue.com) This seems a little like a “filler” episode… Not much plot, just a bunch of guys standing around talking. You know, like they were doing two weeks ago. Like they were doing five minutes ago. Like they will be doing five minutes from now… Church: “What about Tex? Any sign of her.” Tucker: “Nope. No Tex. Is it unusual for her to disappear like that?” Church: "When we were dating, she’d sneak off all the time. But it was usually to sleep with other guys or to spend money that she’d taken out of my wallet. And since now I don’t have any money, and, well… No offense to you, Tucker, but…’ EZ ---
**Author:** ![Mithgard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Mithgard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mithgard)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2004, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/red-vs-blue-or-i-cant-believe-i-died-for-this-war/245143/40 "2004-05-31T20:20:02Z")
Ahahaha …finally a threat about RvB. I have to admit, my cousin told me for months to check it out, but I didnt until school finished. And now…im hooked. I think I almost hurt myself I laughed so hard in the episode where they are out of ammo and they both start negotiating, and they agree to the most ridiculous things…Ahhh…Im still laughing now =) -Mith [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/red-vs-blue-or-i-cant-believe-i-died-for-this-war/245143.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/red-vs-blue-or-i-cant-believe-i-died-for-this-war/245143.md?page=3)