# Reddit Thread: What's the most intellectual joke you know? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 4, 2016, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/reddit-thread-whats-the-most-intellectual-joke-you-know/761776 "2016-08-04T21:23:30Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![brujaja](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4af34b/32.png) [@brujaja](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brujaja)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2016, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/reddit-thread-whats-the-most-intellectual-joke-you-know/761776/1 "2016-08-04T21:23:30Z")
Great thread! [Here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/4w3n71/whats_the_most_intellectual_joke_you_know/) ---
**Author:** ![Amateur\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/59ef9b/32.png) [@Amateur\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amateur_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2016, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/reddit-thread-whats-the-most-intellectual-joke-you-know/761776/2 "2016-08-04T21:25:19Z")
Not sure cross-posting social media streams here is… right. But… Note on refrigerator: “Ernst, what did you do to the cat? It looks half-dead!” ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2016, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/reddit-thread-whats-the-most-intellectual-joke-you-know/761776/3 "2016-08-04T21:45:36Z")
Three logicians walk into a bar. The bartender asks, “Do all three of you want drinks?” The first logician thinks for a moment, and says, “I don’t know.” The second logician thinks for a moment, and says, “I don’t know.” The third logician then says, “Yes.” ---
**Author:** ![brujaja](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4af34b/32.png) [@brujaja](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brujaja)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2016, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/reddit-thread-whats-the-most-intellectual-joke-you-know/761776/4 "2016-08-04T21:55:15Z")
Whoops, sorry, I didn’t know. Maybe you guys can explain this one to me: Two old men, one French and one Spanish were sitting on a park bench when a beautiful young girl in a miniskirt walks by. Just as she passes them a breeze comes along and lifts the girl’s skirt up revealing she’s not wearing panties. The French man looks at the Spanish man and says “C’est la vie” and the Spanish man exclaims back “Yo tambien.” I understand that the Frenchman is saying, “That’s life,” and the Spaniard is saying, “Me too,” but I still don’t get it. ---
**Author:** ![x-ray\_vision](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/x-ray_vision/32/351_2.png) [@x-ray\_vision](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/x-ray_vision)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2016, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/reddit-thread-whats-the-most-intellectual-joke-you-know/761776/5 "2016-08-04T22:12:01Z")
> [@brujaja](#): > > Whoops, sorry, I didn’t know. > > Maybe you guys can explain this one to me: > > Two old men, one French and one Spanish were sitting on a park bench when a beautiful young girl in a miniskirt walks by. Just as she passes them a breeze comes along and lifts the girl’s skirt up revealing she’s not wearing panties. The French man looks at the Spanish man and says “C’est la vie” and the Spanish man exclaims back “Yo tambien.” > > I understand that the Frenchman is saying, “That’s life,” and the Spaniard is saying, “Me too,” but I still don’t get it. C’est la vie sounds like Spanish for “I saw it.” ---
**Author:** ![brujaja](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4af34b/32.png) [@brujaja](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brujaja)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2016, 10:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/reddit-thread-whats-the-most-intellectual-joke-you-know/761776/6 "2016-08-04T22:33:53Z")
Oh, okay. LOL. Thanks. ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Borgia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/larry_borgia/32/156_2.png) [@Larry\_Borgia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Borgia)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2016, 10:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/reddit-thread-whats-the-most-intellectual-joke-you-know/761776/7 "2016-08-04T22:40:41Z")
Heisenberg and Schrodinger are out for a drive H: Erwin, slow down! you are going too fast S: I am going precisely the speed limit. H: That’s just great. Now we’re completely lost! ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2016, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/reddit-thread-whats-the-most-intellectual-joke-you-know/761776/8 "2016-08-04T22:42:14Z")
Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a mountain climber? A: You can’t cross a mountain climber, it’s a scalar. ---
**Author:** ![x-ray\_vision](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/x-ray_vision/32/351_2.png) [@x-ray\_vision](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/x-ray_vision)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2016, 10:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/reddit-thread-whats-the-most-intellectual-joke-you-know/761776/9 "2016-08-04T22:48:53Z")
> [@Larry\_Borgia](#): > > Heisenberg and Schrodinger are out for a drive > > H: Erwin, slow down! you are going too fast > > S: I am going precisely the speed limit. > > H: That’s just great. Now we’re completely lost! H: Hey, did you know we have a dead cat back here? S: We do now, jerk!" ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2016, 10:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/reddit-thread-whats-the-most-intellectual-joke-you-know/761776/10 "2016-08-04T22:54:09Z")
Two chemists walk into a restaurant. The first chemist says, “I’d like some H2O, please.” The second chemist says, “I’d like some H2O, too.” The first chemist enjoys his drink. The second chemist dies. ---
**Author:** ![Amateur\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/59ef9b/32.png) [@Amateur\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amateur_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2016, 10:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/reddit-thread-whats-the-most-intellectual-joke-you-know/761776/11 "2016-08-04T22:58:42Z")
> [@x-ray\_vision](#): > > H: Hey, did you know we have a dead cat back here? > > S: We do now, jerk!" Ohm climbs out of the trunk, too, and fights with the cop over the dead cat, thus being arrested for resisting. ---
**Author:** ![x-ray\_vision](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/x-ray_vision/32/351_2.png) [@x-ray\_vision](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/x-ray_vision)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2016, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/reddit-thread-whats-the-most-intellectual-joke-you-know/761776/12 "2016-08-04T23:05:11Z")
> [@Amateur\_Barbarian](#): > > Ohm climbs out of the trunk, too, and fights with the cop over the dead cat, thus being arrested for resisting. Out of the Volts-wagon? ---
**Author:** ![Karen\_Lingel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/karen_lingel/32/18649_2.png) [@Karen\_Lingel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Karen_Lingel)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2016, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/reddit-thread-whats-the-most-intellectual-joke-you-know/761776/13 "2016-08-04T23:13:21Z")
Conserve energy: Commute with a Hamiltonian (This bumper sticker saying was invented by Enid Sichel for an [American Physical Society contest](https://www.aps.org/publications/apsnews/199810/zero-gravity.cfm).) ---
**Author:** ![Enginerd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/bcef8e/32.png) [@Enginerd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enginerd)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2016, 11:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/reddit-thread-whats-the-most-intellectual-joke-you-know/761776/14 "2016-08-04T23:14:32Z")
> [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a mountain climber? > A: You can’t cross a mountain climber, it’s a scalar. This is similar to the one I came to post, but I always tell it in two parts. Q1: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a grape? A1: Elephant grape sin theta. Q2: OK, so what do you get when cross a mountain climber with a mosquito? A2: What are you trying to pull? You can’t cross a scalar with a vector! ---
**Author:** ![Memnon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f1d935/32.png) [@Memnon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Memnon)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2016, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/reddit-thread-whats-the-most-intellectual-joke-you-know/761776/15 "2016-08-04T23:21:54Z")
Sixteen sodium atoms and the caped crusader walk into a bar. And the bartender _saaaays…_ ---
**Author:** ![Mahaloth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mahaloth/32/1079_2.png) [@Mahaloth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mahaloth)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2016, 12:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/reddit-thread-whats-the-most-intellectual-joke-you-know/761776/16 "2016-08-05T00:37:15Z")
[This isn’t that intellectual or science related, but I would not have thought of it, so I give them mad credit.](https://i.redditmedia.com/wx4IVl289yIempAAj7kJVQgUPjp4OmcSfop8y5jD5VA.jpg?) ---
**Author:** ![rowrrbazzle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rowrrbazzle/32/414_2.png) [@rowrrbazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rowrrbazzle)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2016, 3:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/reddit-thread-whats-the-most-intellectual-joke-you-know/761776/17 "2016-08-05T03:27:37Z")
> [@Mahaloth](#): > > [This isn’t that intellectual or science related, but I would not have thought of it, so I give them mad credit.](https://i.redditmedia.com/wx4IVl289yIempAAj7kJVQgUPjp4OmcSfop8y5jD5VA.jpg?) I got “The image … cannot be displayed because it contains errors.” ---
**Author:** ![rowrrbazzle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rowrrbazzle/32/414_2.png) [@rowrrbazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rowrrbazzle)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2016, 3:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/reddit-thread-whats-the-most-intellectual-joke-you-know/761776/18 "2016-08-05T03:35:35Z")
Two funny passages in Bertrand Russell’s writings. From the essay “Philosophy’s Ulterior Motives”: > [@](#): > > The apparent world goes through developments which are the same as those the logician goes through if he starts from Pure Being and travels on to the Absolute Idea… Why the world should go through this logical evolution is not clear; one is tempted to suppose that the Absolute Idea did not quite understand itself at first, and made mistakes when it tried to embody itself in events. But this, of course, was not what Hegel would have said. From the chapter about Karl Marx in _A History of Western Philosophy_ (a similar joke): > [@](#): > > Hegel believed in a mystical entity called “Spirit”, which causes human history to develop according to the stages of the dialectic as set forth in Hegel’s Logic. Why Spirit has to go through these stages is not clear. One is tempted to suppose that Spirit is trying to understand Hegel, and at each stage rashly objectifies what it has been reading. ---
**Author:** ![kk\_fusion](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kk_fusion/32/15276_2.png) [@kk\_fusion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kk_fusion)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2016, 4:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/reddit-thread-whats-the-most-intellectual-joke-you-know/761776/19 "2016-08-05T04:50:48Z")
> [@Enginerd](#): > > Q1: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a grape? > A1: Elephant grape sin theta. [Jokes with Einstein](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r651684kxKg) ---
**Author:** ![BrotherCadfael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@BrotherCadfael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrotherCadfael)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2016, 11:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/reddit-thread-whats-the-most-intellectual-joke-you-know/761776/20 "2016-08-05T11:57:31Z")
Thirty-five years ago, I came up with my “literary elephant joke”. In all that time, only one person (a classics major) was able to correctly answer it: > [@](#): > > Who was big and grey and the father of Alexander the Great? Phillip of Mastodon! [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/reddit-thread-whats-the-most-intellectual-joke-you-know/761776.md?page=2)