# Reddit Thread: What's the most intellectual joke you know? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 4, 2016, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/reddit-thread-whats-the-most-intellectual-joke-you-know/761776 "2016-08-04T21:23:30Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2016, 12:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/reddit-thread-whats-the-most-intellectual-joke-you-know/761776/21 "2016-08-05T12:45:52Z")
Name the leader of the Pedant’s Revolt.Which Tyler. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2016, 12:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/reddit-thread-whats-the-most-intellectual-joke-you-know/761776/22 "2016-08-05T12:51:01Z")
I am somewhat disappointed to find that it was not General Sir Charles Napier who announced his conquest of the Indian province of Sindh by sending a dispatch saying only “Peccavi”, but rather a joker in _Punch_ magazine, but I still think it counts. Regards, Shodan PS - Peccavi means “I have sinned”. Real wags, those British hegemonists. ---
**Author:** ![iceiso](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/3be4f8/32.png) [@iceiso](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iceiso)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2016, 1:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/reddit-thread-whats-the-most-intellectual-joke-you-know/761776/23 "2016-08-05T13:27:39Z")
Q. What does a puppy and a near-sighted gynecologist have in common? A: A wet nose ---
**Author:** ![chappachula](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/d2c977/32.png) [@chappachula](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chappachula)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2016, 1:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/reddit-thread-whats-the-most-intellectual-joke-you-know/761776/24 "2016-08-05T13:48:08Z")
> [@iceiso](#): > > Q. What does a puppy and a near-sighted gynecologist have in common? > > A: A wet nose ummmm…I ain’t no moderator,…but…isn’t this thread supposed to be about _intellectual_ jokes? ---
**Author:** ![Waltzes\_with\_Cacti](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/90ced4/32.png) [@Waltzes\_with\_Cacti](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Waltzes_with_Cacti)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2016, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/reddit-thread-whats-the-most-intellectual-joke-you-know/761776/25 "2016-08-05T16:16:52Z")
A classics professor takes a pair of torn trousers to a Greek tailor. Tailor: Euripides? Prof: Eumenides. ---
**Author:** ![scr4](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/59ef9b/32.png) [@scr4](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scr4)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2016, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/reddit-thread-whats-the-most-intellectual-joke-you-know/761776/26 "2016-08-05T16:36:39Z")
An airliner heading for Europe encounters severe turbulence, and everyone onboard is convinced they are about to crash. One of the passengers is an engineer; he shouts, “If you have a Polish passport, get to the left side of the aisle!” Several people get up and move, and suddenly the shaking stops. Why? He achieved stability by moving all the poles to the left half-plane. ---
**Author:** ![scr4](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/59ef9b/32.png) [@scr4](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scr4)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2016, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/reddit-thread-whats-the-most-intellectual-joke-you-know/761776/27 "2016-08-05T16:39:52Z")
Two electrons walk into a bar. The first one says, “I’ll have a martini.” The second one says, “Darn it, I wanted a martini!” ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2016, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/reddit-thread-whats-the-most-intellectual-joke-you-know/761776/28 "2016-08-05T16:42:40Z")
> [@scr4](#): > > Two electrons walk into a bar. The first one says, “I’ll have a martini.” The second one says, “Darn it, I wanted a martini!” Too deep for me - a hint? Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![scr4](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/59ef9b/32.png) [@scr4](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scr4)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2016, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/reddit-thread-whats-the-most-intellectual-joke-you-know/761776/29 "2016-08-05T16:46:35Z")
> [@Shodan](#): > > Too deep for me - a hint? > > Regards, > Shodan The Pauli Exclusion Principle applies to electrons (and other fermions) - it says two electrons cannot be in the same state. ---
**Author:** ![somepumpkin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7feea3/32.png) [@somepumpkin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/somepumpkin)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2016, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/reddit-thread-whats-the-most-intellectual-joke-you-know/761776/30 "2016-08-05T16:49:22Z")
> [@chappachula](#): > > ummmm…I ain’t no moderator,…but…isn’t this thread supposed to be about _intellectual_ jokes? Isn’t a gynecologist an intellectual? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2016, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/reddit-thread-whats-the-most-intellectual-joke-you-know/761776/31 "2016-08-05T17:14:08Z")
One atom says to the other atom: “Oh no, I think I lost an electron.” The second atom says, “Are you sure?” “Yes, I’m positive!” ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2016, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/reddit-thread-whats-the-most-intellectual-joke-you-know/761776/32 "2016-08-05T17:19:29Z")
> [@scr4](#): > > The Pauli Exclusion Principle applies to electrons (and other fermions) - it says two electrons cannot be in the same state. Thanks. If you were a neutron I would buy you a drink - no charge. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![Mtgman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5a626/32.png) [@Mtgman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mtgman)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2016, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/reddit-thread-whats-the-most-intellectual-joke-you-know/761776/33 "2016-08-05T17:27:25Z")
I think the one which won a previous SDMB thread about intellectual jokes was this one. Knock Knock. Who’s There? [spoiler] Knock Knock. Who’s There? [spoiler] Knock Knock. Who’s There? [spoiler] Knock Knock. Who’s There? [spoiler] Knock Knock. Who’s There? [spoiler] Knock Knock. Who’s There? [spoiler] Knock Knock. Who’s There? [spoiler] Knock Knock. Who’s There? [spoiler] Knock Knock. Who’s There? [spoiler] Knock Knock. Who’s There? [spoiler] Knock Knock. Who’s There? Phillip Glass[/spoiler][/spoiler][/spoiler][/spoiler][/spoiler][/spoiler][/spoiler][/spoiler][/spoiler][/spoiler]Enjoy, Steven ---
**Author:** ![Amateur\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/59ef9b/32.png) [@Amateur\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amateur_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2016, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/reddit-thread-whats-the-most-intellectual-joke-you-know/761776/34 "2016-08-05T17:28:35Z")
> [@somepumpkin](#): > > Isn’t a gynecologist an intellectual? 🙂 Someone once asked me if gynecology was a good field to go into. I replied that I’d heard it was looking up. ---
**Author:** ![Grey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b782af/32.png) [@Grey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grey)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2016, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/reddit-thread-whats-the-most-intellectual-joke-you-know/761776/35 "2016-08-05T17:35:16Z")
Noah goes and throws open the doors to the Ark telling all the animals to go forth and multiply. As he moves around the empty hold he finds two snakes in the back. He asks why are they still here and they reply “We can’t multiply we’re adders!” Quickly Noah gathers up some loose timber, hammers out a crude table and turns back to the snakes. “You’ll be fine now, adders can multiply on a log table!” ---
**Author:** ![Enola\_Straight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dec6dc/32.png) [@Enola\_Straight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enola_Straight)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2016, 3:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/reddit-thread-whats-the-most-intellectual-joke-you-know/761776/36 "2016-08-06T03:25:30Z")
I Reversed the Polarity of my reading lamp by pulling out the plug and re-inserting it in the outlet upside down. Now the lightbulb emits anti-photons!. ---
**Author:** ![Bumbershoot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bumbershoot/32/3428_2.png) [@Bumbershoot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bumbershoot)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2016, 4:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/reddit-thread-whats-the-most-intellectual-joke-you-know/761776/37 "2016-08-06T04:33:45Z")
The bartender says, “We don’t serve time travelers in here.” A time traveler walks into a bar. ---
**Author:** ![grammarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c5a1d2/32.png) [@grammarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/grammarian)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2016, 4:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/reddit-thread-whats-the-most-intellectual-joke-you-know/761776/38 "2016-08-06T04:40:57Z")
Knock knock ---
**Author:** ![mixdenny](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mixdenny/32/2962_2.png) [@mixdenny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mixdenny)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2016, 6:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/reddit-thread-whats-the-most-intellectual-joke-you-know/761776/39 "2016-08-06T06:00:05Z")
A physicist, engineer and a statistician are out hunting. Suddenly, a deer appears 50 yards away. The physicist does some basic ballistic calculations, assuming a vacuum, lifts his rifle to a specific angle, and shoots. The bullet lands 5 yards short. The engineer adds a fudge factor for air resistance, lifts his rifle slightly higher, and shoots. The bullet lands 5 yards long. The statistician yells “We got him!” Dennis ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2016, 10:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/reddit-thread-whats-the-most-intellectual-joke-you-know/761776/40 "2016-08-06T10:03:05Z")
Binary code is how people with 1 finger count. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/reddit-thread-whats-the-most-intellectual-joke-you-know/761776.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/reddit-thread-whats-the-most-intellectual-joke-you-know/761776.md?page=3)