Everyone should be ambidexterous.
And I want eyes that don’t fade and fail - sorry, LensCrafters, I want to put you and your ilk out of business. Stoopit glasses…
They strengthen our immune system by constantly fighting off infections and they increase our tolerance to pain.
Add a third arm right in the middle of the chest, with less strength but better fine motor control and sensitivity.
All humans should have both male & female organs, so we can mate with anyone else, not just half of the population.
I want to know why my cats can sleep 18 hours a day and still have the muscle strength to jump several times their height. I want that!
Also, eyelids thick enough to go completely dark in the sunlight.
C’mon people, think outside the box.
I want my penis about where my nose is, because I want a better view of the action.
Or, I want my eyes on long flexible extendable antennas, so I can look in all kinds of interesting tight spaces.
Rework ligament and tendon positioning to increase effective strength. Darn chimps get great leverage with that dodge and we could use it.
More control over metabolism. Easier weight loss. Or no weight gain in the first place.
Get rid of the appendix.
Redesign the plumbing around the prostate and testes so that they don’t create a weakness in the intestinal wall, a hernia waiting to happen.
There is some problem with the vagus nerve that leads to hiccups. Fix it.
When I was nearing five and my mother was carrying my brother, I thought that birth took place through the navel. Make it so, rather than through an opening in the major support bone of the body.
Make it possible to regrow limbs and teeth. Not to mention ligaments and tendons.
Have the optic nerves exit the back of the retina, not the front, the way octopuses do it.
Eyes in the back of my head would be useful.
Make it possible for the spinal cord to repair breaks. And do something about the sciatic nerve.
I’m sure I could find some more if I put my mind to it. Oh yes, give me earlids.
No male nipples. Those should be for ladies only.
Seriously: Male nipples really, really creep me out, sometimes to distraction.
Also, get rid of facial hair. I’ve been developing some noticeable pogonophobia lately. In fact, lose most body hair altogether. You can keep the hair on your head, but I don’t much care for any of the rest.
Make us all omnisexual, double-jointed hermaphrodites. Not only could we have sex with anyone, but we could literally f**k ourselves. And anyone can get pregnant.
Delay puberty until our brains are fully developed, if ever.
Fully-functional wings.
Blood that pumps continuously, rather than beating.
Anuses that don’t need toilet paper.
Better ability to control pain.
Additional senses.
Re-route the left and right recurrent laryngeal nerves. They split off from the vagus nerve and then the left loops down under the aorta and the right under the subclavian artery before going back up the neck to innervate the larynx. Not efficient use of wiring.
Eliminate all “pain syndrome diseases,” that is, diseases where pain is the actual disease, such as fibromyalgia, migraines, any types of autoimmune chronic pain. Pain is supposed to be a signal that something is wrong, so if nothing is wrong, pain has to go.
Also, cancer- OUT.
Better yet: pain should be under conscious control. Okay, I got the message; now shut up already.
Here’s your campaign slogan: Nipples for ladies, not for laddies!
Oh, man, it sounds tempting, but I could so not be trusted with this option. As it is, I can’t even use over-the-counter painkillers responsibly. My preferred method for dealing with problems is to pretend that they don’t exist. I would switch off the pain, and then go right back to walking on the broken foot until it snapped off. Or, at least, switch off the toothache, ignore the problem, and have my teeth fall out.
Redesign the DNA replication system. Every time a cell replicates, our chromosome gets slightly shorter. Eventually we’ll lose the telomeres (the “junk” DNA cap at the end of each chromosome) and start losing the “important” stuff (senescence). Worse, some of that important stuff is the very machinery that prevents cancer! Ironically, shortened telomeres can cause cancer, and cancer cells don’t suffer from senescence. Even worse, senescent cells “poison” nearby cells, so only a few cells have to get that “old” before nearby cells start “acting old”.
Allow rejuvenation of neurons to prevent brain disorders, as part of a regeneration package. If you lose a limb, you should be able to grow it back, subject to the usual limits of caloric intake, cell replication or recruitment, etc.
Another vote for doing something about the whole vagus nerve system. Too much unrelated stuff connecting to it or passing near it. That it’s also called the wandering nerve tells you that even its layout is funky.
Something wrong with a nerve somewhere can mess things up somewhere else unrelated. A bidirectional, overly interconnected, nerve bundle will do weird stuff.
Fur so we don’t have to bother with the hassle that is clothing (vanity sizing, cheap materials, etc).
Redesign fingers/nose so they aren’t so easily broken.
More protection for the squishy bits in the middle (abdominal contents).
Testicles INSIDE the body.
Laying eggs instead of hauling around a fetus for 9 months.
Think how much easier it would be to navigate the buffet!