# Rediscovered my first love **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 29, 2013, 3:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rediscovered-my-first-love/648686 "2013-01-29T03:20:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![harmonicamoon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/65b543/32.png) [@harmonicamoon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/harmonicamoon)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2013, 3:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rediscovered-my-first-love/648686/1 "2013-01-29T03:20:39Z")
With the help of the internet I was able to find her. It happened 45 years ago. We were both 16. She has kept photos, and all sorts of memorabilia of our years together. She is married with 8 children. She told me her husband had prostrate surgery and his unit no longer functions. Plus he has dementia. She can’t masturbate. Her religion forbids it. Her husband will ask her if she wants an orgasm. If she says yes, he gets out the toys. She says his method is very clinical. Yuk! She likes to travel the world and she does it alone. Her husband has no interest. She mentioned they took an eight hour drive and he never spoke a word. She and I would like to get together, but we can’t fool around. Her religion forbids it. Am I wrong in thinking her god is a piece of shit? Why do people choose a god like that? ---
**Author:** ![Bear\_Nenno](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bear_nenno/32/3358_2.png) [@Bear\_Nenno](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bear_Nenno)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2013, 3:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rediscovered-my-first-love/648686/2 "2013-01-29T03:24:19Z")
Her god is a piece of shit because you’re not getting laid? ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2013, 3:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rediscovered-my-first-love/648686/3 "2013-01-29T03:32:16Z")
So god nixes masturbation but is okay with dildos? Are we talking Mormons by any chance? ---
**Author:** ![harmonicamoon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/65b543/32.png) [@harmonicamoon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/harmonicamoon)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2013, 3:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rediscovered-my-first-love/648686/4 "2013-01-29T03:35:06Z")
More precisely he is a piece of shit because he created something as beautiful as a woman, gave her pleasure senses, then put her in a situation where she can’t enjoy what he has created. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2013, 3:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rediscovered-my-first-love/648686/5 "2013-01-29T03:41:07Z")
> [@Siam\_Sam](#): > > So god nixes masturbation but is okay with dildos? Are we talking Mormons by any chance? …polymertheism? ---
**Author:** ![harmonicamoon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/65b543/32.png) [@harmonicamoon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/harmonicamoon)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2013, 3:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rediscovered-my-first-love/648686/6 "2013-01-29T03:49:36Z")
> [@Siam\_Sam](#): > > So god nixes masturbation but is okay with dildos? Are we talking Mormons by any chance? You guessed correctly. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2013, 3:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rediscovered-my-first-love/648686/7 "2013-01-29T03:53:41Z")
> [@harmonicamoon](#): > > With the help of the internet I was able to find her. It happened 45 years ago. \<_snip_\> She told me her husband had prostrate surgery and his unit no longer functions. \<_snip_\> Her husband will ask her if she wants an orgasm. If she says yes, he gets out the toys. She says his method is very clinical. Yuk! \<_snip_\> > She likes to travel the world and she does it alone. Her husband has no interest. \<_snip_\> > She and I would like to get together You two haven’t spoke in 45 years and once you do, among the first things she brings up is her husband’s lack of sexual ability? And her solo travels? As well as her interest in “getting together” with you? Hmm…Religion-shmeeligion. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2013, 3:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rediscovered-my-first-love/648686/8 "2013-01-29T03:55:34Z")
> [@harmonicamoon](#): > > More precisely he is a piece of shit because he created something as beautiful as a woman, gave her pleasure senses, then put her in a situation where she can’t enjoy what he has created. :dubious: She’s the one who married a jerk; I’m pretty sure God didn’t do anything about that. > [@Ambivalid](#): > > You two haven’t spoke in 45 years and once you do, among the first things she brings up is her husband’s lack of sexual ability? And her solo travels? As well as her interest in “getting together” with you? Hmm…Religion-shmeeligion. 😉 Which just means more **awesome** drama if the two do have sex and she gets all guilty and in denial about how she really had been planning that and runs back to her religion and husband, and then yo-yos back and forth. ---
**Author:** ![Bullitt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bullitt/32/5725_2.png) [@Bullitt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bullitt)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2013, 3:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rediscovered-my-first-love/648686/9 "2013-01-29T03:59:07Z")
She chose to marry. You are choosing to lust after her. You’re the one who needs to spank the monkey. Or find another woman, an eligible one. ---
**Author:** ![Blackberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecd19e/32.png) [@Blackberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackberry)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2013, 4:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rediscovered-my-first-love/648686/10 "2013-01-29T04:45:46Z")
Don’t worry, you probably will end up fooling around. ---
**Author:** ![Bullitt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bullitt/32/5725_2.png) [@Bullitt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bullitt)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2013, 6:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rediscovered-my-first-love/648686/11 "2013-01-29T06:22:41Z")
> [@Blackberry](#): > > Don’t worry, you probably will end up fooling around. Sure sounds like it. **Ambivalid** as much as said so too. ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2013, 6:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rediscovered-my-first-love/648686/12 "2013-01-29T06:30:00Z")
> [@Blackberry](#): > > Don’t worry, you probably will end up fooling around. But we don’t have to hear about it, do we? God isn’t that big a shit… ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2013, 7:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rediscovered-my-first-love/648686/13 "2013-01-29T07:34:02Z")
> [@digs](#): > > But we don’t have to hear about it, do we? > > God isn’t that big a shit… Not only do I want to hear about it, I want pictures. I want video! ---
**Author:** ![Tom\_Tildrum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e95f7d/32.png) [@Tom\_Tildrum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Tildrum)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2013, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rediscovered-my-first-love/648686/14 "2013-01-29T14:48:19Z")
> [@harmonicamoon](#): > > She can’t masturbate. Her religion forbids it. Her husband will ask her if she wants an orgasm. If she says yes, he gets out the toys. She says his method is very clinical. Yuk! > She likes to travel the world and she does it alone. So she can travel the world alone, as long as she doesn’t go south of the equator by herself? ---
**Author:** ![Bad\_News\_Baboon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5fc32e/32.png) [@Bad\_News\_Baboon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bad_News_Baboon)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2013, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rediscovered-my-first-love/648686/15 "2013-01-29T15:04:11Z")
I’m curious to know what her wedding vows were. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2013, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rediscovered-my-first-love/648686/16 "2013-01-29T15:20:31Z")
> [@Siam\_Sam](#): > > So god nixes masturbation but is okay with dildos? Are we talking Mormons by any chance? > [@harmonicamoon](#): > > You guessed correctly. And just so we’re clear, I was NOT calling Mitt Romney a dildo. ---
**Author:** ![Ace309](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ace309/32/1050_2.png) [@Ace309](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ace309)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2013, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rediscovered-my-first-love/648686/17 "2013-01-29T15:33:43Z")
I predict this ends well. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2013, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rediscovered-my-first-love/648686/18 "2013-01-29T15:37:03Z")
> [@Tom\_Tildrum](#): > > … south of the equator by herself? This is the place. ---
**Author:** ![Yorikke](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yorikke/32/4335_2.png) [@Yorikke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yorikke)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2013, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rediscovered-my-first-love/648686/19 "2013-01-29T15:37:21Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > You two haven’t spoke in 45 years and once you do, among the first things she brings up is her husband’s lack of sexual ability? And her solo travels? As well as her interest in “getting together” with you? Hmm…Religion-shmeeligion. 😉 Haha, seriously, this chick is hot to trot… ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2013, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rediscovered-my-first-love/648686/20 "2013-01-29T15:41:13Z")
I’m sure I’ve heard this premise before, except I think it involved a farmer’s daughter and a traveling salesman. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/rediscovered-my-first-love/648686.md?page=2)