# Redneck Haiku **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 9, 2000, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/redneck-haiku/15014 "2000-03-09T19:58:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![GOD](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/34f0e0/32.png) [@GOD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GOD)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2000, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/redneck-haiku/15014/1 "2000-03-09T19:58:00Z")
I’m driving drunk, so? What’s your fucking point, asshole? 'Twas just a 'possum. ---
**Author:** ![GOD](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/34f0e0/32.png) [@GOD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GOD)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2000, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/redneck-haiku/15014/2 "2000-03-09T20:01:00Z")
Bad pork barbecue. I vomit profusely now. Please let me die soon. ---
**Author:** ![mouthbreather](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a698b9/32.png) [@mouthbreather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mouthbreather)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2000, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/redneck-haiku/15014/3 "2000-03-09T20:03:00Z")
Great category! I wanna play! After a long night of whiskey and shotgun fun my sis looks DAMN guud. * * * “My Accountz Reeceevable Posse don’t call me Tha Troubleshoota for nothin’. Suckas think I be chillin’, but I gots to represent at all times, 'cuz ain’t nobody else reeceeve accountz right but ME.” --Herbert Kornfeld ---
**Author:** ![GOD](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/34f0e0/32.png) [@GOD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GOD)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2000, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/redneck-haiku/15014/4 "2000-03-09T20:04:00Z")
Burning sensation. Pissing ain’t no fun no more. What _was_ that gal’s name? ---
**Author:** ![mouthbreather](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a698b9/32.png) [@mouthbreather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mouthbreather)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2000, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/redneck-haiku/15014/5 "2000-03-09T20:05:00Z")
uh, GOD, I hate to pick nits, but when was the last time you heard a redneck uyse the word “profusely” ? * * * “My Accountz Reeceevable Posse don’t call me Tha Troubleshoota for nothin’. Suckas think I be chillin’, but I gots to represent at all times, 'cuz ain’t nobody else reeceeve accountz right but ME.” --Herbert Kornfeld ---
**Author:** ![Beauxeau\_IX](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/71c47a/32.png) [@Beauxeau\_IX](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beauxeau_IX)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2000, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/redneck-haiku/15014/6 "2000-03-09T20:07:00Z")
Some folks would never Eat a skunk, but the again Some folk’ll, like Cletus the slack-jawed yokel Yeah, I know, the last line is more than 5 syllables. I just _love_ that jingle * * * Mmm, sure…listen… Do you think I could interest you in a pair of zircon-encrusted tweezers? ---
**Author:** ![GOD](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/34f0e0/32.png) [@GOD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GOD)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2000, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/redneck-haiku/15014/7 "2000-03-09T20:08:00Z")
Families unite. Quit lookin’ at my sister. She’s all mine, buddy. ---
**Author:** ![GOD](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/34f0e0/32.png) [@GOD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GOD)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2000, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/redneck-haiku/15014/8 "2000-03-09T20:13:00Z")
I realize that the following poem does not fit the Haiku criteria, but it’s damn good advice, nevertheless: Whiskey to beer, never fear. Beer to whiskey is mighty risky. Prestone and gin? _Think again!_ ---
**Author:** ![Mojo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/85f322/32.png) [@Mojo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mojo)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2000, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/redneck-haiku/15014/9 "2000-03-09T20:15:00Z")
Are you there GOD? It’s me, Marg…Mojo. Her purty mouth and mine meet and I taste her Skoal Out late hunting gas station too far must use Bumper Dumper™ ---
**Author:** ![Dirty\_Devil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Dirty\_Devil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dirty_Devil)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2000, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/redneck-haiku/15014/10 "2000-03-09T20:24:00Z")
Three cars up on blocks “Old Blue” sleeps under the porch This is home sweet home ---
**Author:** ![GOD](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/34f0e0/32.png) [@GOD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GOD)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2000, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/redneck-haiku/15014/11 "2000-03-09T20:24:00Z")
to **mouthbreather** : Makin’ fun of me? I’ll kick your ass, Yankee-boy! Ooops…swallowed my Skoal. ---
**Author:** ![Rysdad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/7cd45c/32.png) [@Rysdad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rysdad)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2000, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/redneck-haiku/15014/12 "2000-03-09T20:28:00Z")
The saloon hoots and hollers, Gangbang going on! Maw, is that you? ---
**Author:** ![GOD](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/34f0e0/32.png) [@GOD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GOD)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2000, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/redneck-haiku/15014/13 "2000-03-09T20:28:00Z")
Up high in my truck With its big huge wheels, by God! Makes my pecker hard. ---
**Author:** ![GOD](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/34f0e0/32.png) [@GOD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GOD)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2000, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/redneck-haiku/15014/14 "2000-03-09T20:32:00Z")
Who are you, darlin’ ? Your kiss is sweet, kinda sour With last night’s vomit. ---
**Author:** ![GOD](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/34f0e0/32.png) [@GOD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GOD)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2000, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/redneck-haiku/15014/15 "2000-03-09T20:36:00Z")
Young’un actin’ up In the Wal-Mart: slap him hard. I’ll teach you to cry. ---
**Author:** ![GOD](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/34f0e0/32.png) [@GOD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GOD)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2000, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/redneck-haiku/15014/16 "2000-03-09T20:40:00Z")
Doc says moonshine blinds, But I’m-a gonna drank it Till I need glasses. ---
**Author:** ![Trout\_Mask\_Replica](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a88e57/32.png) [@Trout\_Mask\_Replica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trout_Mask_Replica)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2000, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/redneck-haiku/15014/17 "2000-03-09T20:41:00Z")
A graveyard out back Faded memories on blocks The Trans Am sleeps on. * * * TMR The fact that somewhere a camera is secretly pointed right up the business end of a toilet and somewhere else someone is hacking a password so we can see it for free is all the thanks we need. – From [http://www.oldmanmurray.com](http://www.oldmanmurray.com) ---
**Author:** ![Padeye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a9a28c/32.png) [@Padeye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Padeye)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2000, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/redneck-haiku/15014/18 "2000-03-09T20:43:00Z")
I load my 12 gauge In my mama’s mobile home Oops, ventilation ---
**Author:** ![GOD](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/34f0e0/32.png) [@GOD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GOD)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2000, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/redneck-haiku/15014/19 "2000-03-09T20:44:00Z")
The boy’s kinda small, But he coughs blood and kills birds. He is a real man. ---
**Author:** ![GOD](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/34f0e0/32.png) [@GOD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GOD)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2000, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/redneck-haiku/15014/20 "2000-03-09T20:51:00Z")
“You feel like Daddy,” My sister says when we hump. “That’s what Momma says.” [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/redneck-haiku/15014.md?page=2)