# Referring to exes by name **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 5, 2012, 12:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/referring-to-exes-by-name/611854 "2012-02-05T12:51:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 5\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![BoBettie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4af34b/32.png) [@BoBettie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BoBettie)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2012, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/referring-to-exes-by-name/611854/21 "2012-02-08T23:13:05Z")
I think of it the way Rysto does- when I’m around people that know my ex, I never say “my Ex”, I say “Name” and frankly if you don’t know me well enough to know who he is, I probably won’t be talking about him anyway. Hey, strange question related to the “ex once removed” stuff. My first husband had our marriage annuled through his church (catholic, if it matters). I didn’t pay much attention to it all at the time, but that doesn’t mean it was legally annulled, right? I would love to think so but I don’t think they are the same. (NY if it matters) I always wondered that but not enough to really check into it. ---
**Author:** ![EvilTOJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee59a6/32.png) [@EvilTOJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EvilTOJ)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2012, 6:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/referring-to-exes-by-name/611854/22 "2012-02-09T06:29:00Z")
I used to call her Bitchface, until the kids found it programmed like that in my phone. Nowadays I call her The Kids’ Mom, and leave it at that. I refuse to acknowledge she has a name, that humanizes her. I’m not as bitter as I used to be about it though. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2012, 7:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/referring-to-exes-by-name/611854/23 "2012-02-09T07:35:33Z")
> [@pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](#): > > It just occured to me that this may be a way to gauge someone’s emotional availabiltiy, or suitability for dating: If she refers to her ex- as “my ex-” and you need to ask “BTW, what was his name?”, she’s ok to go out with, but if she refers to him by his name, then it’s trouble. > > I just went out with someone who’s divorced for two years, maybe, and it was all “Perry says” this, and “Perry does” that, while I noticed that I used to refer to my ex- by name but the past few years, if I refer to her at all, it’s just “my ex- did this or that.” Lately, in fact, she never comes up, unless my date asks me “Are you divorced, or a widowered, or what?” > > Interesting tell, I think. Did you forget the part of the story where you found out she has major emotional issues stemming from her previous relationship? Because I can’t really see how this is a “tell” if you never identified any negative character traits associated with how she refers to her ex. Personally, I tend to refer to my major exes by name, largely because we’re still part of the same social circles, and there’s a pretty good chance anyone I’m dating is going to meet one or more of them sooner or later. It helps that all of my breakups have been reasonably amicable. ---
**Author:** ![\_Olive](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/_/4af34b/32.png) [@\_Olive](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/_Olive)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2012, 8:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/referring-to-exes-by-name/611854/24 "2012-02-09T08:18:15Z")
I think mentioning exes by name or otherwise means the relationship is not over ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2012, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/referring-to-exes-by-name/611854/25 "2012-02-09T15:08:53Z")
> [@BoBettie](#): > > Hey, strange question related to the “ex once removed” stuff. My first husband had our marriage annuled through his church (catholic, if it matters). I didn’t pay much attention to it all at the time, but that doesn’t mean it was legally annulled, right? Right. There needs to be a parallel divorce or civil annulment (some jurisdictions have these as well as divorce), but it’s a separate process; after all, several of the things which make a marriage invalid in the eyes of the RCC are irrelevant to a civil government, or may be grounds for divorce but not for an annulment - at the same time, things which are grounds for divorce in a given country may be considered irrelevant by the RCC. Even if an RCC annulment triggered an automatic civil annulment, the civil paperwork would still have to be filed. Since you say “my first husband”, I assume you did divorce. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/referring-to-exes-by-name/611854.md?page=1)